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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Aug 24, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2023Hindi
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How should a person loving children, but having no children of his own be, spouse doesn't like adoption. I see every child (nephew/niece) as my own kids, but it hurts when they don't correspond until me as they do with their parents. Feeling very depressed, but cannot show it out

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A great way to be part of a child's/childrens lives is to support them. Playing games, teaching them a skill, even creating content as life lessons. A favourite uncle is a great position to have.
support in arranging picnics, birthday party help as a game event manager for neices and nephews also is another way.
writing stories for children or volunteering at local libraries will get lots of children to hear you.
Supporting children in NGO's is another way.

A suggestion to kindly consider is that parents are comfortable with 'trusted adults' who maintain 'personal bubble space' and follow 'safe and unsafe rules'. Go ahead and think of great fun games, children of all ages can and will connect if you have a playground near your home.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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I'm an orphan and somehow I'm financially stable. After Covid my wife also lost almost all her family members. So kind of both are orphans now. We want at least 10 children now and this is well thought decision. My wife is over 35 still recovering with post Caeserian trauma after our 1st child naturally our target is impossible now however best sex or ways we try. She too is ready for anything any relationship which can give us minimum 10 children (genetically ours) and adoption we'll consider only out of love and not this or other needs, to add family beyond 10 children, if possible. With nasty bad luck, we have no other choice except this well thought decision. Kindly help us know how we can achieve. We're ready for any sort of extra marital or any other relationships or surrogacy etc. Please help Anu ma'am.
Ans: Dear D, It is indeed a tough phase that you have been through.

Losing loved ones is very draining emotionally and I can only imagine the pain that you both feel.

Having said this, I am not about to question or judge why you want 10 children or the methods you want to achieve that number. That's your personal decision.

But my job as a Mind Coach is to point out that extra marital affairs and a pregnancy from that can lead to complicated relationship arrangements.

Who will care for the baby? Will three people co-parent?

How do you propose to deal with the emotional and developmental effects on the baby who has to understand who is are his/her parents?

Surrogacy is an option that you might want to look at considering that your wife is also over 35 years.

Adoption is worth considering if you look a giving another child a home and also you have a child within your family.

Whatever your decision, also consider the financial responsibilities of raising 10 children.

I am only giving you various perspectives and also suggest: Please speak to someone neutral; it could be a counsellor or a close friend where you can release your grief of losing your loved ones.

Sit with them and weigh this entire proposition and hear their objective thought process.

Whatever you decide, bring a child into your home and hearts knowing that you can give them a loving home, support and care.

If you are convinced after all deliberations, make a wise decision with your wife and raise that huge family that you are dreaming of.

Be a happy family.

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |642 Answers  |Ask -

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Milind Vadjikar  |642 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2024

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I am seeking guidance on my current financial situation. I am 50 years old, with a net take-home income of 1.42 lacs per month, while my wife earns approximately 75k monthly. We have two daughters pursuing higher education, with annual fees totalling 6.10 lacs. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced a significant setback when I was unable to pay my home loan EMI, leading me to opt for a moratorium. Despite having already paid approximately 43.85 lakhs towards my home loan of 58.50 lakhs taken in 2017, the principal outstanding has astonishingly increased to 59.45 lakhs. I now find myself committed to an EMI of 65,000 monthly, further straining our financial resources. To cover both my daughters first-year college fees, I took out a gold loan of 5.5 lakhs, for which I currently pay 50,000 a month. I had invested in a family health insurance policy with Star Health, covering 10 lakhs, but due to poor service I stopped paying my premium, which had an accrued value of 17.50 lakhs. I hold a provident fund account with a balance of 2.5 lakhs. I am concerned about planning for my elder daughter's wedding in the next 2 to 3 years and my retirement. I would appreciate any advice or strategies you could provide to help me navigate this situation effectively.
Ans: Hello;

Try and understand from the home loan lender as to how 59.45 L principal is overdue despite paying a sum of 43.85 L, despite factoring 80% of this as interest payment, the overdue principal should be below 50 L.

Double check if this is as per the terms of moratorium.

If you are not satisfied with replies from the lender escalate the matter to the highest authority at lender or RBI.

Lender can't behave irrationally just because you availed moratorium during COVID.

In my view you should have just sold the gold rather then taking loan against it.

That way you could have lessened EMI burden on your finances and ensured investments for retirement and other goals.

Unfortunately we have a tradition of attaching emotional value to precious metals and real estate.

The best "jewellery" you can offer to your kids is good education, which you have already done.

In matters of health insurance never discontinue a policy due to dissatisfaction with the insurer, port it to another insurer, 1.5/2 months before the renewal date so that your benefits remain intact. Now you may be need to find another health care insurance.

You may begin a monthly sip of 25-30 K in diversified large cap oriented mutual fund for 5 years.

Also give a thought to NPS, you can contribute till 70 age, for retirement pension.

Best wishes;

...Read more

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Milind Vadjikar  |642 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old male currently working as a software engineer in a private company and drawing 1.1 lakhs per month. I have 2 school going kids. My monthly expenses are around 80K per month including rent. I don't have any personal property in my name. I have invested 50L in postal term deposit(yearly payout), 20L in Shriram transport finance FD(monthly payout), 11 lakh in HDFC balanced fund dividend(monthly payout), 6L in bank FD(monthly payout) all in my wife's name. I have invested 28L in my HUF account against Shriram Transport Finance FD (monthly payout). I have around 20L in EPF and Gratuity. I have around 8 lakhs in miscellaneous Mutual funds with a monthly sip of around 36K. Most of my investments pay me monthly return except this SIP. I have done so as software job is very fragile which can go any time. However I have maxed out on the return I can take per year on my wife's head (7L) and HUF(2.5L) without tax liability. Please advise how I can invest further to get returns so that I can quickly withstand any job loss.
Ans: Hello;

You have already made sufficient provisions to survive a job loss because your passive monthly income is now almost covering your monthly expenses.

But if you need added back-up you may keep expenses worth 6 months(@ 5 L) in a liquid type mutual fund.

Focus on 3 goals;
1. Children's education
2. Retirement
3. House

If you again keep investing in fixed income bearing instruments then you may not be able to grow a corpus to fund these goals.

A mutual fund sip(36 K) is a step in the right direction. I believe these are scheme with Growth option.

Hope you have EPF/NPS/PPF investments as well.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

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