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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Aug 10, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Shaurya Question by Shaurya on Aug 09, 2023Hindi
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Hi...I feel totally stuck in life...I am helpless. I don’t know what to do in such situation. The problem is I have a son who is 17 yrs old and studding in +2(Non-med) and preparing for JEE Mains. He doesn’t want to study; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for +2 class studies. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for studies whether to school or for tuition. We have given mobile and laptop for or online courses for Jee Main exams, but every time he is misusing these Gadgets He doesn’t study for a single minute at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He’s not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive when we say any thing to him or we take away his mobile or Laptop. Please guide me what I can do to motivate him to study. Thank you.

Ans: Kindly connect with a developmental paediatrician to rule out 'technology addiction'.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hi...I feel totally stuck in life...not only me my husband too feel helpless. We both don’t know what to do in such situation. The problem is we have a son who is 22 yrs old, doesn’t want to work; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for any exam. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for work whether at his own shop or for a job. We have given him enough time to stay at home for studies but every year there is different exam for which he wants to prepare. He doesn’t study sincerely at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He’s not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive. Please guide us what we can do to motivate him to work. Thank you.
Ans: Dear KG, why would you keep indulging his whims?

The message to him from you as parents is loud and clear: Keep procrastinating by enrolling for new courses and then be in the comfort of home while you do this, and we will be absolutely okay with it.

When nothing else works, at times you need to take some drastic steps. Rewind to the time that you were raised by your parents… how much of leeway did you have? Did you get the long rope everytime?

There were rules, there were expectations to be fulfilled, there were needs to be met by you and the consequences of not adhering was not very pleasing.

Parents in this day raise entitled children who simply think that ‘anything goes’ with their parents.

It’s time you took the reins back from him; be stern and loving at the same time. He better realize that this time you mean business! No more entitlements…

You are helpless today because of what you were afraid to set down as rules…

Nothing is lost; so lean in and be the parents that he needs the most now to set his mind rolling in the right direction for him. Enable him to be responsible for his own actions and also evolve his own set of goals and achieve them.

A good Peak Performance Coach can absolutely do wonders for your son in terms of direction, goal setting and stepping up. Kindly look this up soon.

And as far as what you can do as parents is, help him build himself and if he falls, let him…pick him up lovingly BUT never step in to solve issues for him. Enable him…

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hii.. i feel totally stucked in life...not only me my husband too feel helpless. We both don't know what to do in such situation. The problem is we have a son who is 22 yrs old, doesn't want to work; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for any exam. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for work whether at his own shop or for a job. We have given him enough time to stay at home for studies but every year there is different exam for which he wants to prepare. He doesn't study sincerely at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He's not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive. Please guide us what we can do to motivate him to work. Thank you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your son has gotten used to all the comforts at home. What is the necessity to do anything?
Also, I suspect that writing one exam or the other is a way of escaping from what he truly wants to do in life. He is unclear and afraid to face what he might want and afraid that he might fail. This fear of failure will simply make him write one exam after the other in the hope that he does not have to decide what he needs to do.
Kindly take him to a Career Counselor who can evaluate his strength areas and suggest an academic course that is suitable for him. After which seek an appointment with a professional who can streamline his thinking and put him on a goal-focused path. This might help him.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Hello sir, my son is 18 year old after 10th i took his admission to electrical engineering 1st year of his engineering he is regularly going for college in 2nd semester got 5 subject ATKT due to government bless rule he got admission to 2nd year also but my son started avoiding to going to college hole day just watching mobile not studying for his ATKT subject also saying i dont want to study i want to become a youtuber but doing nothing hole day just watching mobile if i scold him and stop his wifi he is saying i will leave the house he is not bother about food nor about his health nor his Carrier just required WIFI for mobile i am very tense for his carrier and future he dont have friends also please advise how can i make him understand how study is important and how can i complete his engineering to get job to earn money thank you pravin k
Ans: Pravin Sir,

Addition to electronic gadgets is one of the problems, some parents face nowadays.

First of all, approach a good Professional / Qualified Student Counsellor along with your son in your locality. Make sure, the Counsellor has Psychology Background also. There might be some changes. If needed, you can approach a Psychologist, having specialised knowledge in Counselling the children of your son's age.

Follow-up counselling sessions with the counsellors are also important until he changes his attitude.

If possible, visit his college and request for couselling your son. Almost all colleges have counsellors who can help.

Some other tips:

1) Tell him, he also can become YouTuber. But ask him what plans he has to become a YouTuber?
2) Switching off WiFi & being authoritarian will not work.
3) Communicate or interact with him politely whenever possible.
4) Tell him he can use his mobile but, at the same time should focus on his studies as well.
5) Make sure, atmosophere at home is good. Such as, parents also should avoid spending too much time on Electronic Gadgets. Most of the children imitate only their parents.
6) If possible, tell him to participate in physical activities as well.

All the BEST for Your Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / Follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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What happens when a Mutual Fund company shuts down / gets sold off?
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |450 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello, my wife is Ugandan and I’m of English national, 30 years old and she’s 26, we met nearly a year ago and got married in uk with some of her friends and small family. We haven’t done kuchala (not sure if that’s correct spelling) yet and I’m feeling anxious for when the time comes. She said her family will kneel when they greet me and being white this is already stinging my moral (due to history). I also talked about moving in together before the meet the parents happen however she says she’s rather move in after? Currently this could take two years before going to Uganda, how should I proceed without overstepping her cultural beliefs as after all we are married and by my culture we should already be living together
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very nice of you to be so considerate and sensitive while handling these cultural nuances. Let's discuss the kneeling tradition. It's a sign of respect and it's deeply rooted in Ugandan culture. While I understand your point of view, you also have to remember that it can have significant meaning to her and her family. I suggest you politely express your feelings and let her know why it is uncomfortable for you to see her family kneel. When you explain, mention how much her culture means to you as well. I am sure both of you can communicate and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Just in case, they persist in following the ritual, just look at it as a gesture of love and respect and not submission.

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