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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi

Child and Parenting Counsellor 

19 Answers | 5 Followers

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults. She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more

Answered on Feb 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023
Hello, I am Arvind aged 55, I have 2 kids, elder one is son ( age 26 yrs ) and is already in good job at IT sector in south India, Myself and my wife are raising our daughter who is 8 yrs younger to my son in North India. Our problem/Expectations: My son will not call any of us at his own, He hardly wants to share any part of his routine life, whats going on, untill we will ask him specifics. However, he prefers to just respond only when we initiate the call, txt etc. he would talk as much we asked in limited sentences, bare min txt like OK/Yes. Sometimes, many days would pass even without exchanging any call/txt/msgs- but it does not make him bother to know-hope everything is fine from his side. I mean we are not finding the warmth of son-parent relationship despite the fact that we are not keeping any expectation in terms of money, responsibilities etc. I have tried once/twice to explain that such behaviour hurts all of us. Do not know how to change such behaviour of ignorance, carelessness/avoidance. Pls advice.
Ans: Dear Arvind,
the most fantastic thing of having grown-up children is the world that they can show. Their world is the same as yours, just a different lens. Young adults when guilty shy away/keep to themselves/ or talk in few words. to bridge the conversations my suggestion is talking on neutral grounds. Both you and your child are viewing the world with different perspectives. A few questions that may start a conversation, on your next call, could be:
1.What is that fun app that I don’t have on my phone?
2. What music bands are you listening to these days?
3.Can you send me the link/ play me one of their best songs?
4.Who is your best friend right now? Which activity do you enjoy doing together?
5.Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation? Let me know your next break.
6.Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother)?
Being a loving parent takes sacrifice, but he is an individual. sometimes inspite of being an adult he may not know how to bridge the gap. Do revert, I wish you and your family laughter and conversations.

Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023
Hello Doctor, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Pre-frontal cortex is part of the brain which helps us make responsible decision making. It gets fully developed by 25 years of age. Yours is developed and functioning and your boy's is in the process. Have faith, you have brought him up and he will mirror your actions, your words, the tone of voice soon. Adolescence stage a teen is looking to showcase his self-esteem and identity. Dressing up, looking a certain way is part of the routine and they love adventure. My suggestions: 1. Listen and then respond. Talk of things he does at college, ask him his dreams, help him set one goal at a time and help him to achieve them if he needs help. 2. Make visiting the native place an adventure: let him plan the journey, the time, the food to carry the presents to give everyone there. Even cajole him that he would be able to make some reels there and share with all. 3. Ask for help: be a human who has emotional needs, gets tired, needs help to finish house work. Your child would be seeing you as an established adult, who manages everything, and then imagine you are asking for help from him to do things at home. 4. Career counselling and meeting people from different professions will clear his mind to choose what he loves. 5. Attending college: Ask him about his favourite subjects, what he finds easy and difficult. Peer support and sitting with friends to revise helps to attend college. do encourage that.
Show your boy you love him but also demand from your son that he is responsible for his world. He is an adult in the eyes of law and his actions has a consequences. Money matters can be solved by giving him a fixed amount to run his week. There is a balance between discipline and respect, treat him like a young adult and not a child. You are a good parent, be kind to yourself and meet your friends too. Do revert with the progress!

Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Hi Dr Aarti. For past past three months we've noticed our 2 year old son has developed a habit of screaming (glass shattering magnitude) in the middle of the night. The bouts last from a few mins to 45 mins and it gets incredibly difficult to pacify him. We have noticed most of the time it is correlated to TV Time alloted to him in the evening so we've stopped that practice altogether but sometimes the screaming can occur despite that. We also thought it was a response to bad dreams triggered by a general feeling of abandonment cause we both work and one parent has to go to work twice a week. He usually does use it as a technique now and then during the day to blackmail us to give into his demands but we've stopped giving in. He is incredibly social, talkative and quick to pick up knowledge however doesn't get the opportunity to interact much with other children (cause our work timings collide with his play time) so we are thinking of enrolling him in a pre nursery school so that he gets that time and space to express himself with other children. We are hoping this would also have a positive impact on his sleep pattern. Do you think the screaming is a normal phase and he'll grow out of it or do you think it's part of a deeper problem and needs to be addressed with a child psychologist in person? Would appreciate any inputs
Ans: Hi Gautam,
Seperation anxiety strikes at night too. Scare of darkness plays havoc with the thinking. When your toddler wakes to find they're all alone, they may react by crying or screaming uncontrollably. I can empathise with your disruptive sleep, this is a phase your child will grow out of with time.
A few suggestions:
1. Monitor (cctv/baby monitors/hidden) too the time that you are not with the child and find out details when child is spending time during the day without parents. Who's incharge of hima and his activities? A clear picture of scares, build up of seperation anxiety could help you with the trigger.
2. Boundaries matter: It is commendable that you have found about the temper tantrum bargains and have held yourself from giving in. Do continue that and behavior boundaries will fit in.
3. Peer support: Enrolling for play school is lovely. He will build friendships and be physically tired to sleep through the night.
Hug him tons, cuddle him, read bedtie stories, create memories of running after him, dancing on music whatever the hours you are together. Do let me know the progress!

Answered on Jan 19, 2023


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