Dr Kaur, I have been married for 3 years. Ours was a love marriage. We dated for 5 years during college. My boyfriend, who is now my husband used to be a harmless flirt. He had many girlfriends before me. When he proposed to me, he promised that I was the only soulmate in his life. Now, when we go out, I have noticed that he ogles at other women. I agree that he is charming and girls find him attractive. Sometimes he casually flirts with my friends as well. No one has a problem or complaint. But I am feeling threatened. When I mentioned, he said I am jealous and there is no harm in staring at other women or flirting harmlessly. He said marriage should not feel like a jail sentence. I don't know how to handle this.

Dear SR,

Straight and upfront; how much do you want to make this marriage work?

Do you feel he wants to be in this marriage as well?

Are you being a convenient façade for him to be the loving married husband with a child and then go behind your back to another woman?

Are you allowing yourself to be blackmailed into suppressing your doubts about him so that he will still be in the marriage?

What you can do further is bring in a neutral person to bring his ‘floating on the sky party’ to the ground.

His immaturity at not being able to be a father to his child at the time when his wife needs his emotional support needs to be addressed.

Ask an elder member to step in and bring some much needed sense into him so that there is an effort put into bringing you and him on the talk table for a much needed conversation to set things right.

You can do this, remember, you are a woman and now a mother who is strong and knows what she wants.

Step in and take charge and never allow yourself to be cowed down by anyone.

Be YOU and all the best!

Dear SR,

He’s just in the playing field, trying out new things and experimenting.

You are possibly looking at a commitment which I am unsure of whether he is ready for it!

When you say that you are in a relationship, are you a couple or have you been simply hanging out together for the sake of being in each other’s company?

Relationship has a different meaning for each person. For some it’s being together and hanging out, for some till they are asked out, they don’t consider it a relationship.

So, please have a chat with him as to whether he wishes to be serious or not, is he looking for a long-term commitment or not.

When he digs deep for answers, he will also understand his mind space better, and it will give you a clear indication as to where this is all headed.

Till then all you will be doing is fixing and repairing his playing field.

All the best!

No, your marriage is not in trouble, but it will be if you overthink everything to this extent!

Don’t keep second-guessing yourself so much; confidence is a great quality in a woman and men find it attractive.

Your husband compliments you and thinks you’re beautiful. What else matters?

And as an aside, let me tell you, all men notice women other than their wives. You should be glad your husband is honest about it.

Don’t you notice other good-looking men? It’s human nature!

So stop worrying so much and start enjoying your marriage.