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Dr Upneet Kaur |73 Answers |Ask -Follow

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2025Hindi

I am (35) married for 4 years (wife 31) and it was an arranged marriage. During our conversations before the marriage that she told me she had a boyfriend and she broke up with her ex bf as he cheated on her. I was never in a relationship all my life till I started talking to my current wife in the year 2020. We only met in person after speaking to each other for more than 9 months via video and audio calls as both of us were living in different countries. After our marriage in 2021 we now have a 2 year old kid. A year ago, I found out that I was her 6th or 7th relationship. She also had physical relationships with several guys during her university days in Udupi, Manipal. She was also in a live in relationship in Udupi for almost a year with her boyfriend during her final year. After her graduation she moved to another country where she was again in an emotional and physical relationship with a different guy. After knowing all this I feel traumatized. I don't have any feelings for her as of now. I just do not care about her existence anymore. I am only worried about the future of my child. The most horrible part is that we still live together under the same roof. Our parents are in India and we reside in US. I really do not know how to proceed. The only good value that I see in her is that she is a good mom to our child. She has a good rapport with my parents and they like her a lot. My parents often suggests my younger sister to consider her as a model. These reasons prevent me from filing for a divorce. My wife does not have an income and if I proceed with a divorce she will have no means to stay here and will have to relocate to India. Most probably Custody of child will be with her and I will not be able to survive a day without my child beside me. I am just trapped in this traumatic, unproductive marriage of mine and it prevents me from accomplishing my goals. I work late hours and try not to be at home just to avoid seeing her. Trying to avoid physical relationship as well. I feel it disgusting these days. Is there a way out?

Ans: Hello sir. Well, this is actually a very complex situation. Knowing all this about your partner and still living with her could feel frustrated and trapped. Filing divorce could make this relationship even more complex. For your daughter, as you told that she is a good mother and daughter in law. You should take a pause and rethink about it. Take some time with yourself and try to forgive your wife. You ll feel more peace and eventually you ll be good.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur
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Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Question by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2022Hindi

Dear Love Guru, My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations. I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months. After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it. However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter. Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour. She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour. Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier. I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped. I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives. I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations. Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required. We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days. These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship. My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family. I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life. She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely. I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me. I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible. However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative. How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier? I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter? Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.

Ans:

You’ve been sweeping the same issues your marriage has faced from the very beginning under the carpet for 15 years. Why?

And instead of addressing the issues, you decided to go ahead and have a second child?

Having a child is a joy in itself, but it is never the solution to marital woes; in fact, in most cases it only exacerbates the problem.

From everything you’ve told me, you seem to come across as an insecure husband.

I’m not saying that what you’ve told me is untrue, but you keep suspecting your wife of flirting with random men and have no proof of it.

Both sides of the family support her and let me tell you, unless she is a master of deception, no one can conceal their true nature so well from everyone else for the better part of two decades.

Maybe what you construe as flirting is simply her being friendly? Maybe you’re just not comfortable with the manner in which she interacts with other men?

Have you ever managed to prove her inappropriate relations? And when you accuse her, she blows up at you... a guilty party would not react in so volatile a manner.

I do think marital counselling is in order. And yes, maybe separately at first and then together.

Contact a good therapist and do it sooner rather than later... 15 years has been long enough!

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