My husband deletes our couple pics before posting on Instagram. He is okay with posting pictures of his friends. He says he wants to keep his family life private. I find it very odd. Is this secrecy a red flag? He doesn't smile in our pictures.

Ans:

Dear RT,

He’s playing the cool guy who wants it all and when doesn’t get it wants to act all hurt and instead of taking responsibility of his emotions finds it convenient to blame you and make you feel guilty for not fulfilling his emotional and physical needs.

How do you solve something like this? Kindly ask him to speak to someone who can make him see sense else all you will do is clean up the mess caused by his baseless emotions.

This will be the constant pattern until he realises that his self-esteem and self-worth are not something that others can create for him.

If he refuses external help, do ask a person close to him to drive some sense into his thoughts where he sees an alternate perspective.

To keep your sanity intact, dissociate from his emotions and start behaving like they don’t impact you; over time you will realise that he is just trying to be a child asking for your attention in an inappropriate way.

Take time our for yourself to indulge in a lot of self-care and self-love that will go a long way in managing your emotions and self-worth as well.

Depending on him for your sanity at this point in time is like hitting your head against the wall.

So, be right to yourself from this moment on and make sure that you spend a lot of time nurturing the children as much as you nurture yourself.

All the best!

Ans: There is not enough background/context here - sorry, cannot share how would I respond to the shared situation.

Ans: Dear Oldie86,
If it is bothering you so much, I would suggest discussing the matter with your husband. It being out in the open will give you peace of mind. I understand your concern, but there is no point in overthinking. Just remember that all of that is in your past, and you were in a committed relationship. It wasn’t your fault. Focus on your present and future.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are absolutely right; it is in fact a breach of trust and privacy. Sometimes when we like someone, we try to overlook their red flags, but I highly suggest that you don’t do the same. It is extremely rude and a problematic trait in your partner. It needs to be called out. You can have a direct conversation with him and explain how it makes you feel. No matter what you say, you won’t come off as insecure or controlling. If anything, not saying anything makes it seem like you can’t stand up for yourself or don’t care about your self-respect. Please talk to him directly.

Yes, people sometimes share chats with friends, but not to joke about their partner; rather it is to understand how their partner feels or for an outsider’s opinion. What you partner is doing is extremely hurtful. Please speak to him. You don’t deserve this kind of love; no one does.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Hello mam. I hope you are in good health. Mam, marriage is all about trust and good communication. If these two things are there in marriage then things do work out. I understand that you are having anxiety and you feel insecure in this situation but if your husband ia saying that it was a casual talk and you have not confronted him before this then I think you should give him another fair chance with trust and you should not feel it a cheating. Try to spend some more quality time with him. You will see changes soon.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur