I have developed feelings for a colleague but the problem is that both are married . I am unable to concentrate. The only option left is to leave the job altogether which is impossible at this juncture.My wife suspects something fishy as I have been absent minded . Kindly guide.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Emotions are unruly sometimes. The thing is that life, especially a long, happy married life, can start to feel too routine and mundane. Maybe that's why you are developing these feelings. Nevertheless, this is not ethical nor acceptable in a marriage that is exclusive. If you indeed love your wife, you should either make sure to keep your feelings for this other woman in check and never act on it, or you have to come clean to your wife about how you have been feeling lately. I suppose you are merely looking for some excitement, and you can easily get that with your long-term partner if you put in some effort.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.