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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi

Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me

Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Relationship

Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am a 29 year old married women with a 1yr old baby girl. I am married to a lovable family. I live with my husband, MIL, FIL & SIL(youngwr to me and she is unmarried). I dont have any major issues with my inlaws. Mine is a arrange marriage. But Gods grace i got a good loving husband and inlaw fly. I was born in a middle class family buy highly pampered by parents but waa made grown to adjust, love, and respect everyone. I was very independent before marriage. I used to do what all i want But i an very sensitive. After marriage everything was going good. I was working and all household chores was done by MIL and she never asks or expects me to do even if i ask. Btw i dont know cooking except basic items. I was comitted to work later resigned my job after conceving. And baby born...etc everything was good. My mil was working initially when i got married and now she took vrs and is at home. Me also looking after baby and at home. Till now she doesnt allow me to do any work. If i ask also she says me to take rest and look after baby.whole day i have to look baby and ther is no work for me to do. She herself cooks, cleans vessels put laundry even our laundry. I feel like i want to cook do work she will immediately come and she will do it. That too she will say very sweetly. The thing is she doesnt want to hurt me as she sufferen a lot with her MIL. But this also make me worse without doing any work. It tiring to ask her everytine shall i cook today shall i do this that but she says i will do you take rest which make to think oh we dont have right itseems. Its her kitchen. I feel like sometimes i want to prepare anything for my husband or myself but can. Whenever i step inside kitchen my mil comes and looks and asks what i am doing. Like i feel that i am not independant. Also my FIL only buys groceries even that also she will only arrange. Very rarely i will say i wanted to do. But each and everytimr i cant keep asking. Its very tough only to look after my kid and not to have any work at home. Like this made me to long for having my own kitchen my own way of bying arranging this doing my household wok etc... also privacyyy plays. Even thou we had no issues directly....there is some gap within in laws ans me .. where they dont treat me as one of their fly. My mil keeps a distance. She doesnt want to dependant on me. Whenever i ask something to her like to help her she says she wants no help but later asks her daughter which make me sad. But i treat her like my mom but she keeps a distance which eventually made me to make distance with her. I could not be myself with her. We talk communicate be in safe roof no issues so far but i feel insecured. Like being in a cage. Now i feel like moving out ans starting ny owb fly. But this was not my intention. But stituation making me to think. Everything mil wants to take control. I could not even cook anything for my husband. Rather that this nothing hurts me. My mil is not bad she is overprotecting me. How to let know that i also need some me time from looking after baby so that i can do what i like like cooking, cleaning, vessel washing etc.

Ans: The key here is communication, but in a gentle and understanding way. You can express your gratitude for all the care and support your mother-in-law has provided while also sharing how important it is for you to feel more involved. Let her know that you want to be an active part of the household, whether it's cooking, cleaning, or managing some of the family responsibilities. You can explain that having that involvement helps you feel fulfilled and independent, and it's also part of what makes you happy as a wife and mother.

Rather than framing it as something she's doing wrong, approach the conversation from a place of mutual respect. It's clear that she wants what's best for you, so if you express how this would benefit you emotionally, she might be more open to giving you the space to do what you enjoy. Be patient, as it may take time for her to adjust, but creating a balance where you have some ownership over your daily life will likely help you feel more secure and at ease.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024

Is it possible to have love, affection and liking for someone without romance, specifically when the one claiming the absence of spark has experienced it with someone else in the past. Won't it affect the future of a relationship ? If someone says to me that he/she feels love, affection and respect..and feels that we are compatible in every other aspect except the romance thing.. should I proceed with this ?

Ans: It's absolutely possible to have love, affection, and deep emotional connection with someone without the element of romance, and many people have successful, meaningful relationships based on these qualities. However, if romance is important to you and the person you’re with has experienced it before but doesn't feel it with you, that can be a complex issue to navigate.

In relationships, love can take many forms, but if one partner feels a lack of romantic "spark" while the other values it, that difference could eventually become a source of dissatisfaction or frustration. Romance often plays a key role in fostering emotional intimacy, passion, and physical connection, and without it, the relationship might start to feel more like a friendship or partnership over time.

If your partner has explicitly said that they don’t feel romantic attraction, it's important to reflect on your own needs. Are you okay with having a relationship based more on affection, compatibility, and respect, even if romance and passion are missing? Will this be enough for you in the long term?

While love and compatibility are essential, romance is also a key ingredient for many couples. If it's something you value, you might eventually feel unfulfilled without it. It's worth having an honest conversation about how both of you envision the relationship in the future. Ask yourself: Can I be happy and satisfied without a romantic connection, or is this a fundamental need for me?

If the absence of romance already feels like a compromise, it might affect the future of the relationship. But if you’re both able to communicate openly and align on what you need from each other, it's possible to move forward in a way that honors both of your feelings.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2024Hindi

Hi.. im 33 year old and married(9 years) with 2 kids(7 year old boy n 3 year old girl). We leaving away with my in laws. But my husband spent all his pf money on his family. Now started business. Still spending on his mother n brother family. We are planning to build home for us. So my parents give site. To build house my husband want me to ask money from my parents. He is not ready to ask his parents. What to do. How can i ask money to my parents, my parents give lot to us. My husband telling he was building house in my place, so he ll not ask his parents. But my parents didn't ask for house. They favoured us by gifting site.

Ans: You might need to have an open, honest conversation with your husband about how you're feeling. Let him know that you appreciate the effort to build a home, but it's not fair to ask your parents for more when they’ve already done so much. Explain that financial responsibility in a marriage should be shared, and that asking only one side of the family to contribute creates an imbalance. If his reasoning is that the house is being built on your family's land, remind him that the land itself is a significant contribution and doesn’t justify asking for more financial help.

You could suggest a more balanced approach where both of you share the responsibility of financing the house through your own efforts, rather than relying too heavily on either set of parents. This might also be a time to address the broader issue of financial boundaries with his family, especially if it’s impacting your ability to plan for your future together.

Ultimately, you deserve to feel respected and supported, and it’s important that your husband understands the strain that his approach is placing on you and your family. Building a home should be a shared dream, and it’s okay to set limits on how much you ask from your parents, especially when they’ve already given so generously.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024

I have a boyfriend, but I'm in love with someone else. What should I do?

Ans: Ask yourself: What are you getting from each relationship? Are you still emotionally invested in your current relationship, or has it run its course? Are your feelings for the other person based on something deeper, or could they be influenced by temporary excitement or attraction? These questions can help you get a clearer sense of where your heart really lies.

If you find that your feelings for the person you're in love with are strong and genuine, it might be a sign that your current relationship isn't fulfilling you in the way you need. In that case, it’s important to be honest with your boyfriend. Continuing the relationship without being fully present or committed isn’t fair to either of you. It may be painful, but having an open and honest conversation about your feelings can help both of you find clarity.

At the same time, give yourself permission to explore why you're drawn to this other person before making any big decisions. Sometimes, feelings for someone else are a sign that something is missing in your current relationship, and understanding what that is can provide insight.

No matter what, honesty with yourself and your boyfriend is key. It’s natural to feel conflicted, but clarity will come with time and self-reflection.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi

I love a person, was in relationship with him for 4 years but decided to part ways because of the family but now after 4 years of breakup, I still love him it hurts because he is perfect for me. Reasons my family and his family are not ready to get us married 1. My family is well off financially and he is middle class. 2 We both are of different caste. 3 our living standards are somewhat different. 4 we are a very liberal and modern family but his family is traditional and conservative 5. He has started earning but it's not enough for my dad. 6 he is 10 months younger than me. I am suffering right now and I do not know what should I do I am just lost If we were not destined to be together then why did god let us meet in the first place Its killing me inside and I can not even talk to any body

Ans: I want to acknowledge that what you're feeling—this mix of love, pain, and frustration—is deeply valid. Love doesn't follow logic, and it doesn't just disappear because of practical obstacles. Your question, "If we weren't meant to be together, why did we meet?" speaks to the depth of your emotions and the spiritual confusion you're experiencing. Sometimes, life brings people together to teach us something, or to show us what true love feels like, even if the path ahead is challenging.

The real struggle you're facing is about what you want moving forward. If you still believe that he’s the right person for you, it may be worth having an honest conversation with him about whether he feels the same way. Together, you could explore whether it’s possible to work through these obstacles. You could also talk to your family again, sharing your feelings more openly about why this relationship matters so much to you, and perhaps even addressing some of their concerns directly.

But if you feel like the barriers are insurmountable, and that your families will never accept the relationship, it's also okay to grieve that loss and give yourself permission to move forward. Either way, this decision is deeply personal, and you should honor your feelings.

You deserve love, happiness, and the freedom to make decisions that feel right for your heart. Don’t be afraid to seek support, whether from a close friend, a therapist, or someone you trust, because keeping all of this inside will only intensify your pain.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi

Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister.

Ans: Marriage and parenthood are partnerships, and it sounds like your husband is completely absent from that role, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, especially when you didn’t feel ready to have a baby so soon.

Considering divorce is a significant decision, but your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been left to handle everything on your own, and it's natural to want to protect your peace, well-being, and that of your child. If you're leaning toward divorce, it’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the next steps, especially regarding custody and financial support.

However, if there’s any hope for reconciliation or change, counseling might be an option if your husband is willing. But given the situation you've described, where there is emotional abuse and a complete lack of responsibility, you have every right to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve a partner who contributes, cares, and respects you. If your current situation continues, taking steps to ensure a better future for yourself and your child is not just an option—it's a necessity.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024

Hi...i am 28 year old...i got an arranged marriage 2 years ago while i am doing my postgraduation.I had to stay away for my studies and still i am staying away as this is my final year. I have no interest in this marriage and i feel no attraction towards my husband. To be honest, this marriage is a mistake as my parents rushed me into it and didnt listen to me when i said i needed some time with him. I dont even look at his face properly when i go home for vacation. I get scared to stay with him alone in a room, as he just makes sexual advances all the time and doesnt want to talk. Wat should i do ? I dont like him at all

Ans: In any relationship, especially a marriage, emotional connection and communication are just as important as physical intimacy. It's completely valid to feel uncomfortable if those aspects aren't being nurtured.

The first step would be to acknowledge your feelings as real and valid. It's important to honor what you're feeling, rather than trying to push those emotions aside. If you're not interested in the marriage and feel no attraction to him, it's okay to express that.

If you feel safe doing so, you might want to have a conversation with your husband about how you feel. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, but explaining that you need emotional connection and communication, not just physical intimacy, could open a path for more understanding. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that alone, consider seeking counseling, either individually or together, to help navigate this delicate situation.

Ultimately, your well-being, emotional comfort, and sense of security should be the top priority. If this marriage doesn’t feel right for you, it's okay to take steps to reevaluate what you want for your future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, understood, and comfortable.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Question by VINAY - Oct 02, 2024Hindi

I having relationship with married women now we want to start new life by marrying this would be lead any legal issues

Ans: Dear Vinay,
If neither of you are currently married to anyone else, then there shouldn't be any legal issues. But if you or your partner is still legally married, or haven't opted for divorce yet, or are in the process of divorcing, then it isn't possible to get married right now. Please seek the help of a legal expert to get better clarity on the matter.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Question by Ganguluri - Oct 02, 2024Hindi

My girl is not mingling she always say busy what must be the reason

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is it possible that she is telling the truth and she is actually busy with something? If you think that is a possibility, I would suggest understanding her. If you wholely believe "busy" is just an excuse to create some space, it would be ideal to figure out why she does not want to mingle with you. In case, you cannot figure it out yourself, have an open and clear conversation with her about the same. Let her know what's bothering you and give her a chance to clarify things before you jump to any discouraging conclusions.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi

Hello. I just started engineering about 3 weeks ago (1st year). Till 12th, I studied in a boys school. But now as I am in college, I found a girl with whom I am in deep crush. But I feel very shy to talk with girls. Sometimes, I feel that the feeling which I have for her, she might not have the same for me. I don't understand how to approach her. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand it can be challenging to shift from an all-boys setup to a coed suddenly. And I am glad that you found someone you like, but first, it is important to understand whether she feels the same about you, or else approaching her might not be taken in the right way. The best thing to do here is to let her know that you have a crush on her and if she would be interested in going out for a cup of coffee or something with you. Make sure to communicate that it wouldn't be as "just friends," but rather as two people open to exploring if there are possibilities of becoming more than friends. If she says yes, there you go. If she seems uninterested, it's best to leave her be. After all a No is a No; it does not mean "convince me some more."

Directly going up to her and expressing your desire to take her out on a date might show her that you are mature and do not like to beat around the bush; also, you prioritize consent because you are asking her instead of assuming. Hope things work out for you.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi

Dear mam. Im in relationship about 6 years .my caste is charys bc nd his caste sc. This is major role in my story . Full of tears in my eyes now present searching person for my marriage in my caste. I recently told my parents about love but they said to me forget him. But I can't I want to marry him with my parents nd his parents acceptance only....what can I do. Now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry to see you standing in such a difficult position. All I can suggest is to try and convince your parents to overlook the caste part and focus on the positives of your relationship like how happy he makes you, how you two are so committed to each other for so long, and other positive aspects of your partner- preferably a strong career and such. That is the only way to change their minds.

Going against a family's wishes can be very difficult. I hope things work out in the end.

Best Wishes.

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Shalini Singh |132 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024

I am 23 year old. One of my ex who is married now told me about a job opportunity in his company where I applied and got selected he became my boss. He was recently married and was staying alone in Bangalore. He made alot of things easier for me, even arranged flight tickets, hotels for me from company's expenses. From first day I reached Mumbai he kept on saying me he loves me and has no intimacy with his wife it was a forced marriage and he can't live without me he came to check me at my hotel and he tried kissing me and when I resisted he said he has never touched his wife, it was his dream to loose his virginity with me only once he wants to have sex with me it was his dream I am his first love he can never be happy with that lady but this one moment will be enough to keep him happy and healthy convinced me to the level I gave up and we had sex that day. Later that day I got to know that he had clicked pictures of whatever happened. When I confronted him he said whenever he will miss me he will see this. I was like u did dis without my knowledge it's wrong without my permission. I left that company and Mumbai immediately in few days. I feel really bad, how I got into his words although I was single but I have a guilty of helping him in cheating his wife. Now he is having 2 children and a very happy mai life and I still keep blaming myself for having a thing with a married man and immense guilty for helping him cheating his wife. I have lost my mental peace. Is it all my fault??? It been 5 years since this things happened. I am happily married now and have no contact with that man but is it correct myself for it. Was it completely my fault. Have i cheated his wife or i myself got cheated by a liar?

Ans: 1. Was it your fault - 23 you are an adult, and someone who can take decisions, you decided to give in, allow him to take photographs - not about fault, but you gave consent
2. Have you got cheated by a liar - yes you did
3. Did you cheat his wife - he cheated his wife and you cheated yourself

Please make sure you BLOCK him from all social media handles, your phone number - surprised that you are still tracking him. And get out of your guilt and focus on your life.

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I am a 53 years male, widowed since last 3 years having grown up children pursuing higher studies, have been feeling very lonely since the demise of my wife and am unable to forget it, sometimes feel like having a female friend/ partner with whom i can share my thoughts, there is nobody to talk to since 3 years. My wife's sister who also got widowed since 4 years is also at the same stage i believe. Many a times I think of having her as my partner, though we both have never talked about it and we are mostly not in touch. Is this thinking of mine correct or is there something wrong with me. If it is ok then how to move ahead as she is a very conservative lady with 2 grown up children who have started their jobs recently. Please advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry for your loss...
There can be a huge void and there will surely be thoughts on in what way you can fill that void. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a life partner at this stage and having grown up children, there is a necessity to run it by them...
Initially, they may feel that you are trying to replace their mother and in this case, you need to provide them that reassurance to them that you are always going to keep their mother's memories alive. You maybe surprised that they may also willing be on your side...talk to them...
Now, in the context of your wife's sister...this becomes family and there are complications that may arise out of it as we are conditioned to only accept and live relationships that society has defined for us. But having said that, you and your wife's sister are adults...
Also, you have no clue on how she perceives all of this...so, before placing too much of hopes on this, do try and figure out where her mind is...if you even get a slight feel that she might be offended, DO NOT broach the topic at all...Within the family, these kind of talks can ruin relationships...so be very careful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Question by Work - Sep 25, 2024Hindi

Hello mam I'm Ankur , CSE(1 yr), 20 yr old boy and Every new day is new hope, but when it ends ,I'm still same & now I have lost the belief in me & everything else also. But still I get voices/images in my head of being good, doing work, making money, changing lives and things which i want to do, but fear/hesitate to do them. And that's why I try to find solutions of it by reading(self help, comedy)books, yoga(sometimes),.. but after 3-4 days I get defeated. And the vicious life starts again..(quiet, distracted, alone,..). I use mobile a lot( Yt, Po*n, reading material(self- help), speech(motivation), ..) but I use this as a way by which I can forget the stress/life condition/problems.. clearly "NO CONTROL". I'M writing so maybe i can get some relief & solution..

Ans: Dear Work,
Well if motivational gyaan helped all of us, there would be no sadness or anger or anxiety in any of us, right? All this material available in plenty, and it helps to make us aware of what can be done to improve oneself. But what is also required is to find the root cause of the stress and looping into things that add more stress.
See an expert who can work on core issues that you carry within you. Without knowing details, I will be generalizing and what you require now is for someone to guide you not just through motivation but also touching through the root cause of what is not working for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Question by Mukesh - Sep 25, 2024

Hi Anu, I, 33 years old guy, working in corporate recently entered into an arranged marriage with a simple cultured girl who is also 33 years aold working in corporate, following a previous two-year relationship with another girl who was way hotter than my wife. Although my relationship with ex involved quite a bit of passion and physical chemistry, we had often found ourselves at odds when it came to other aspects of life, such as finances, careers, and family matters. Due to these differences, I chose to get into arranged marriage with the girl of my parents choice through the traditional arrangement process. After ex and I parted ways, she moved abroad to pursue her master's degree. Despite all this, ex and I have managed to maintain a friendship and remain in contact. It has been over seven months since my wife and I tied the knot, and we have been working on developing our sexual connection. To provide some context, here are a few reasons why this aspect of our relationship has been challenging: As my wife has never been in a sexual relationship before, she is not very experienced when it comes to expressing romance or fostering intimacy. Also, we are quite opposite to each other be it movie choices, eating habots, dressing sense, spiritual beliefs etc. I frequently find my thoughts drifting back to my past experiences with ex, which have led me to believe that I may never be able to recreate the same level of passion and excitement in my current relationship. While I used to be instantly aroused by ex, I hardly feel any sexual attraction for my wife. In last 7 months, we got physical only 7-8 times. However, the experience was not so great, and I am left feeling unsure about the future of our intimate relationship and navigating my feelings about my past relationship with ex. It's important to mention that, without a doubt, my wife surpasses ex in all other aspects of life, except for romance.

Ans: Dear Mukesh,
You have not moved past your the relationship with your girlfriend. Till that time, this constant comparison without your knowledge is going to lead you to only more inadequacies within your marriage.
It's looks, it's intimacy, it's likes and dislikes...you will compare just about anything to prove your case that your ex was and is better than your wife. So, it's a dead end. What do you want in life and out of your marriage? It's also not fair on your wife that you are still stuck up on your ex and she is having to share a piece of you with your ex, even if it's just thoughts.
If it's your marriage that you want, then please work on healing from your past relationship and only then you will give yourself and your wife a chance to establish a connection. It is never going to work when you try and live in two places/relationships at the same time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi

I lost my wife in Mid age. I'm 50 yrs. I dont know what to do. I'm healthy and feel like - can live for next 3/4 decades. Who will offer their trust, care, affection, love at this age. Raaj

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...you may register in one of the sites where people are looking for a partner the second or third time. Also, join classes, courses that will enable you to meet like-minded people...travel, that also can help you connect with every interesting people.
Love and affection follows if there is trust and an intention to make a relationship work at any age.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am in a relationship and have been trying to convince my parents for the past two years. We belong to different castes, and our families live far apart, which makes it difficult for us to meet in person. I am a 29-year-old woman, and my parents have finally been convinced. However, the issue is now with the boy's family. They are delaying making a firm decision. This is the second time they haven’t confirmed whether they are ready. The boy's father is elderly and unwell, but I can't tell this to my parents, as they might think his family is using it as another excuse to delay. The boy is under a lot of stress because his family blames him for his father's illness. Meanwhile, my parents are losing interest, as this is the second time they’ve been convinced, only for the boy’s family to delay. Both families have met twice, but there has never been a discussion about how to proceed with the marriage. We have a mediator known to both families, but since the boy’s parents haven’t given a clear answer, the mediator got frustrated and said something to my parents, making them suspicious. Now, the mediator wants to clear things up, but the situation on the boy's side is so sensitive that he cannot talk to his parents directly. The delays are making my parents even more frustrated. I do not want to leave him. My parents believe that because this is the second time things have fallen through, it's a bad omen. While the boy's mother and brother have no issues with the marriage, his father is still not fully convinced, and they are not taking any initiative. I’m unsure what to do. My parents are pressuring me to leave him and make a final decision. It's been 10 days since this situation escalated, and I keep fighting with them. They believe there’s no solution to this problem, but I am not ready to leave him, and neither is he. For my parents, two years feels like a long time to wait, and they think it’s time to move on.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents seem to be right from their point of view. Two years is a lot of wait time. I think you need to step in and bring in this perspective to your boyfriend that you cannot wait forever. It's time that he took charge and understands that by postponing, the problem does not go away!
So, let him deal with his side of the family as only he can get through to them. Stay away from worrying about his family as he needs to take responsibility for it. Talk to him and clearly state to him that waiting forever is not what you can or wish to do. Sometimes, an ultimatum can bring closure to situations that are hanging in balance.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Question by Nivedita - Sep 30, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am a doctor by profession and boyfriend is an engineer. My father doesn't want us to marry as he thinks that doctors marry doctors and he is earning less so you will not go along together in life. Both my parents are professors and they don't want me to marry in a business family as he doesn't like it. My boyfriend is a nice person, how to convince my father about this as he thinks how he will face people if he marry me there.

Ans: Dear Nivedita,
As adults, I am sure you and your partner must be in a position to take a decision about your lives. Now whether your father is ever going to agree or not is a wild guess...
If the only concern for him is that he earns lesser, then how do you propose to convince him? Make your decision and also appeal to the 'father' in him and hope that someday he will see your partner for who he is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024

Hi mam please help me. My ex boyfriend nd i were in a long distance relationship. He lives in canada nd we used to vc but one day that vc turned out something else as you can understand he told me that he'll not take any screenshot or screen record anything but he still did that and now after breakup he's sending me those screenshots nd screen recording ???? nd telling me that he'll not share with anyone but i still don't trust him now ???? what should i do .. due to this pressure I'm simply going down day by day

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that it is a difficult situation for you. I would suggest a few ways you can protect yourself-
If you think he will not share the pictures unless provoked, do not engage with him any further. Avoid responding and try not to give him control over the situation.

Keep screenshots of his messages where he discusses the pictures. In case he starts threatening you, you can let him know that you are not afraid to approach the authorities with valid proof against him. This way, you will have control over the situation.

Let him know that in both India and Canada, distributing images without consent is illegal.

Speak to your trusted friends and family members. Remember, as scared as you might be, you can always share things with your parents. They would be more worried about your mental health and safety than be disappointed over the matter. Understand that you can always reach out to them, especially when you have your back against the wall.

After you have gathered all the evidence you need to prove that he has been harassing you with non-consented pictures, block him. Engaging with him will allow this person to manipulate you or make him believe he has the upper hand.

Lastly, don't be afraid. He might think he is doing this out of love, but he is, essentially, a bully. Do not give him the power to play with your mental peace.

Hope everything works out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Question by Sunita - Sep 23, 2024Hindi

Ma'am I love one boy and I am having strong feelings for him but as he is from different caste my parents are not agree for marriage and my brother is also tracked my phone . I am suffering here a lot . Ma'am pls advice me what can I do for that? Am I bad girl or characterless for doing so ? My parents are torchering me that if I talk to him then they will commite suicide. So aam pls suggest me what should I do . My relationship with him is 3 years now..

Ans: Dear Sunita,
No, you are not a bad girl or characterless for having feelings for a boy.
Now, why your parents don't agree to this could only be because of the caste thing or financial position...parents of a girl so worry about how their girl will adjust to a new culture and money worries can only make their worry get larger.
Do find out what their concerns are...they are only trying to make you see their point of view by using emotional blackmail like suicide etc. Instead of running away from it or being scared, face the issue at hand and talk to them in a manner that you understand what their worries are.
Then you and your partner together find a way to address these concerns...at least it's one step towards action.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024

Hello Anu ji. I am 27 years old, I like a married man for past 2 years who is my colleague. He is has a 6-7 years son and a new born daughter. I never planned to tell him about my feelings not knowing he too has same feelings for me one day after getting drunk we kind of confessed and slowly came in relationship. We both love each other a lot but the thing is we can never be together. I am unable to bear this pain and I keep arguing over this with again and again and decided to break it off. He is too emotional and unable to bear this pain. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to express all of our feelings and situation here. Please advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This relationship is a complex one and will become complicated very soon as it progresses...He will never want to leave his family and why should he? That will hurt you and make things very stressful on you...
Kindly talk about this when you are sane and not in a 'drunken' state. Nothing said in a state of inebriation matter much as when the intoxication wears off, people act all ignorant. So don not give it the importance that you are currently.
So, have a conversation knowing very well that there is a family that he is in and is responsible for and for him that will always be a priority and over a period of time will anger and hurt you.
So, get down to realism away from this fantasy world that you both are in and discuss it practically as adults in a sober state. A lot of revelations will leave you both with a good perspective on what the future can and will be.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024

MY AGE IS 71 MY WIFE AGE IS 65. DUE TO REMOTOLOGY AND ARHTIRITIES SHE HAS BEEN HOSPITALISED 15DAYS AT THETIMEOF GOVID.AFTER THAT SHE IS TAKING MEDICINE AND DOCTORS VISIT ONCE IN 6MONTHS. FROM THE PAST 3YEARS SHE IS NOT INTERED IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. NOWADAYS I MUCH INTERESTED IN SEX WHEREAS MY WIFE IS DEAD AGAINST MY FEELINGS. KINDLY GIVE ME YOUR SUGGESTIONS

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Some medications do have side effects that can affect sex lives. This is something that you and your wife can discuss with a doctor who possibly may look at what can be done.
Also hormonal changes after during and after menopause shows a decline in sexual activity in many women. There are other forms of sexual intimacy that you and your wife can share. Discuss with her without sounding rigid only about sex being the important topic and make her the center of the discussion. It might help her to know that you still care and love her and she maybe more open to actually see what the challenges are.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 19, 2024Hindi

I am 41 and new to online dating and dating apps. How do I impress someone I haven't met? How to start a conversation -- be polite, mysterious or flirty? Please share some tips

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Welcome to the online dating world. Being polite always works; polite with a hint of flirty and mystery is the best combo. You can start with a genuine message- Introduce yourself; take a good look at their profile and mention something that attracted you to them; avoid generic openers; be respectful at all times; add a bit of humor to show off your goofy side; try asking open-ended questions that will push them to reply; lastly, be yourself.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi

I was in a relationship for 10 years with my boyfriend since after my 12th standard. And when we asked at our homes for marriage, my parents didn't agree although theirs did agree. I have tried convincing for few months but they were so adamant because this relation is not in my best interest. And as I did not expect the situations to escalate this much, now I don't want to stress my parents and make them more sad than they are. So, I have asked for break-up with my boyfriend but he's very sad and is asking continuously for convincing my parents. I feel guilty but I don't think staying in the relationship still is a wrong choice when even I did not want to anymore.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it is to let go of a long-term relationship because your parents are not agreeing to it. If we look at this situation from your partner's perspective, his feelings are valid. But, you choosing your parents over him can also not be challenged. After all, it's your life. The decision should be ultimately yours.

Your feelings matter too. You mentioned your unwillingness to continue the relationship. This is important because your happiness matters and it should come first to you. If you have started feeling that you have outgrown the relationship, it is okay to walk away. I know it hurts, both of you, but sometimes, it's better to leave than force yourself to stay together in a relationship that has no future.

Your partner feeling sad is natural and so is your guilt feeling. But that does not mean you must stay in this relationship. Ending a relationship that you are not fully committed to is much better than dragging it to its eventual and more bitter end. Let him know that you are sorry and that his feelings are valid. Your decision is hurting him and that's the least and the most you can do in this situation.

Remember guilt can cloud your judgment. While it is a necessary emotion, don't let it decide for you. The breakup doesn't have to be right or wrong at all times. Whether it aligns with your future is also important.

Your parents' opinions weigh heavily on you and it might be a good thing to consider why they are convinced that he isn't a good match for you. Do what makes you happy but do with while being kind to all the parties involved.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024

My girlfriend cheat on me with other men

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am assuming you want to know what you must do next. If this is a regular thing, judging from the "men" in your question, then reconsider the relationship. Cheating, in most cases, is unacceptable and if it happens multiple times, it's even worse. Speak to her about your worries; let her know that this is unacceptable. And remember that it is okay to pick yourself. You don't deserve to be cheated on.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024Hindi

I met a guy on hinge almost a year ago, we had a really nice time and since then we have been chatting on and off. He has been a red flag like so many times he has replied after weeks etc. But I really like him should I tell him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think this person has been showing warning signs, then the best course of action would be to take things slow to speculate that it's just a misunderstanding or you are reading him right and he is a red flag. If he is one, do you think you deserve to be with someone who would disappear on you time and again? It might be adding to the thrill right now, but in a long-term relationship, consistency is everything. Pick the right time and address your concern- if his reasons don't satisfy you, reconsider the relationship. There are plenty of people out there who would not make you wait for weeks for a single reply; you can consider finding someone a little more sorted on that front.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi

Madam i am married for almost 7 years as of now and last year i have been blessed with a daughter. I have had a job which was sufficient to fulfill my expenses and i use to save a bit too and therefore can claim I wasn’t dependent on my husband. After the birth of my child , my work has been affected which has also put an impact on my earnings. My husband doesn’t support me and my daughter financial needs and i am now feeling the burnout of raising me and my child and managing our day to day expenses single handedly. I have communicated this to my husband but he pays no heed to it. Please advice.

Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi

Hi mam I'm 25F I was forced to marry a uncle who's age is 36 it has been only two weeks since the marriage over I don't want this relationship to continue is it possible to divorce him and I don't want to anything bad happen to my family what should I do

Ans: In many places, divorce is a legal option, even if the marriage is recent. The first step would be to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law in your area. They can provide you with information on the legal process for divorce and what you need to do to protect yourself. It’s important to understand your rights and the implications of a divorce, especially in terms of any potential impact on your family.

Communicating your feelings to your family can also be crucial, but it’s important to approach this sensitively. Express your emotions honestly, letting them know how you feel about the marriage and your concerns about your happiness and future. They may not fully understand your perspective at first, but try to convey that this is about your well-being and not just a rejection of their choices.

If you feel safe doing so, consider having a conversation with your husband about your feelings. It may be challenging, but if he is understanding, it could lead to a mutual decision to part ways amicably.

Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. If you feel anxious or scared, reaching out to friends or a counselor can help you navigate these feelings and find support. You deserve a life where you feel empowered and in control of your choices, and taking these steps can help you move towards that goal.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi

Hello Mam, My concern is about my love marriage. My parents are not ok with my inter caste marraige but I love the person since 9yrs. My partner is living near our house so all my family knows him well. Though he was not so rich at that time and he was working in his uncle's shop so my parents have a negative perspective regarding that. But now he is settled down he owe his house too. But still my parents are not ok with him. While asking to my parents there answer is he is not your type. My mother has a concern about my future that I will not be able to live happily with him. My mother use to tell me that he is having affairs with other gurls in past and if he does the same in future and torture or harass you then there will be nobody standing beside you as you have done love marriage. I am pretty much sure that he is not having any drastic past that my mother perhaps heard from anyone. But I don't understand how to convince and make her realise that. Simultaneously my partner has a worst habit of anger which is a big sign of disrespectful for which I am in a dilemma what to do. Kindly help me out that how can I make my partner understand and simultaneously my parents.

Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge your parents' fears, as they often stem from a place of love and concern for your well-being. When discussing your relationship with them, try to have an open and honest conversation. Share your feelings and the strong bond you have with your partner. Highlight the positive changes he has made in his life and how committed he is to your future together. If you can, invite them to see your partner in a different light by arranging casual meetings or family gatherings. This may help alleviate some of their worries, as they can see firsthand the person you love.

However, you also need to reflect on the concerns your mother has raised regarding your partner’s past and anger issues. These are serious points that shouldn't be overlooked. It’s crucial to have a candid discussion with your partner about his temper. Express your feelings about how his anger affects you and your relationship. Ask him to be open about his past and to reassure you about his commitment to a healthy, respectful relationship moving forward. If he truly values your relationship, he should be willing to address this aspect of himself and work on it.

Consider suggesting couples counseling or anger management if he struggles to manage his emotions. This shows that you care about the relationship and want to build a future together. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship, especially when facing external pressures.

Balancing your parents’ concerns and your love for your partner can be challenging, but clear communication with both parties is key. Be honest with your parents about your feelings and be proactive in addressing their concerns with your partner. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects you and your family while being committed to your happiness. If you can find a way to navigate these conversations, it will help you build a stronger foundation for your future together.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi

Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??

Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi

I am working in a corporate for last 14 years now, I always face problem dealing with people. Specially with those who you know does not have good intentions and can push you down by any means to show their worth. I usually keep my bare minimum interaction with them however they manipulation my teammates and instigate against me Irony is that whom I have a rift are in good books of the management. I simply cannot understand how management can be so bias, just with alcohol, non veg and gossips people can grow It' been 15 years I always struggle dealing with manipulative and toxic coworkers.

Ans: It’s common in corporate settings for certain people to thrive through social politics, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair or that you have to put up with it indefinitely. While keeping a minimum interaction with these individuals is a healthy boundary, it might also be time to think about how you can navigate these situations more strategically, without letting them affect your mental peace.

One approach could be to shift your focus from trying to understand why management might be biased to figuring out how you can position yourself better within the organization. Sometimes, it’s not about playing the same game as those toxic coworkers but about creating your own narrative. Instead of engaging with the drama, focus on building strong alliances with people who appreciate your work and values. Even if management seems biased, finding key people who recognize your worth can help you stay grounded and give you a sense of support.

At the same time, it’s crucial to recognize that you cannot control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. If you feel manipulated or undermined, documenting these situations can be helpful, especially if it ever escalates to a point where you need to defend yourself to HR or management.

Ultimately, it might also be worth reflecting on whether this work environment is the right fit for you long-term. Toxic environments can be exhausting, and if the culture consistently rewards those who engage in gossip and manipulation, it might not align with your values. Considering whether there are other opportunities within or outside the company where you feel more supported and respected could be an important step.

If staying in this environment is what you choose, focusing on your strengths, maintaining your professionalism, and seeking support from trusted colleagues can help you manage these challenges more effectively. You deserve to work in a place where your skills and contributions are recognized without needing to engage in toxic dynamics.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024

I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..

Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi

hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am

Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024

I am 45 male married with a cute 4 year old son.Arranged marriage and wife is a teacher.Recently in the absence of my wife and son her younger sister aged 30 and married was sleeping in my bedroom wearing my wife's clothes.After returning from office i mistook her in the dark bedroom to be my wife and lip kissed her.She didn't resist which tempted me for intercourse.Now she is saying I ruined her life.I have lost sleep fearing legal action and what if she tells everyone in the family.Please help.

Ans: This is a complex and delicate situation, and the first step is to take responsibility for what happened. It seems that what started as a misunderstanding led to a situation that has spiraled out of control, and now both of you are facing the emotional and moral consequences.

Your sister-in-law's reaction, feeling that her life has been ruined, indicates deep distress, and it’s important to approach this with empathy. Apologize sincerely to her, acknowledging the mistake and the harm caused. Let her express her feelings, and be prepared to listen without defending yourself. You should make it clear that you are willing to do whatever it takes to correct the situation, even if that means keeping the matter private and ensuring that it never happens again.

As for the fear of legal action, it's understandable that you're anxious, but it’s essential to remain calm. It may help to have an open and respectful conversation with your sister-in-law to understand what she wants moving forward. If she feels betrayed or wronged, consider suggesting mediation or counseling, where a neutral third party can help resolve the situation.

Whatever happens next, it’s crucial to maintain honesty and integrity in your marriage. This experience may bring up feelings of guilt and anxiety, but how you handle it from here will shape the future. Seek legal advice if you're genuinely concerned about legal consequences, but focus on rebuilding trust and ensuring such a situation never happens again.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Question by Ranjan - Sep 30, 2024Hindi

I am my cousin sister are in serious relationship with each other for 7 years. My and her mother are cousins. We both want to marry with each other but we know our parents never agree for this at any cost. I am a government employee. We want to marry against our family how can we approach it? Plz tell.

Ans: Given your long relationship of seven years, your bond seems strong, which is a good foundation for moving forward. However, it’s also important to be realistic about the potential fallout from family disapproval. You may want to try having a calm, private discussion with your parents, explaining that this relationship has developed over time and is not a rash decision. Focus on expressing your genuine commitment to each other and the values that you share, rather than just defending the relationship itself. They may still oppose, but at least you've shown maturity in your approach.

If family opposition remains intense, and you both are determined to move forward, you might have to proceed independently and elope or register the marriage without their blessing. Understand that this could create a rift for some time, so you’ll need to rely heavily on each other for emotional support. Over time, many families soften when they see their children are happy and stable, but that’s not always guaranteed. It’s important to make sure you're both fully prepared for the consequences, both emotionally and socially.

Also, considering professional counseling might help you both navigate this difficult situation, especially in balancing your relationship and family dynamics. Ultimately, staying strong and united as a couple will be key to overcoming whatever challenges lie ahead.

Asked on - Oct 01, 2024 | Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Mam, we also thinks so, but we want to know if our marriage will be legal in court. Can we marry in court and obtain marriage certificate?

Ans: you have to consult some one expert in this field specially legal expert

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Shalini Singh |132 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024

I was in a 3 year rls with my ex boyfriend. During the rls, he cheated on me with another girl and then after some time, came back to me. He's so toxic and I don't want to live with him anymore but he threatens me so much, calls me everyday and blackmails me. I cry everyday because of him and I can't even tell my dad about it coz there is some family situation which isn't stable rn. Please help me and tell me a solution to get rid of this mess once and for all.

Ans: Block him from your life across social media - please get a grip of your life and let your family know so you feel safe and let them know after you block him. If he still bothers you let him know you will take the matter to legal authorities. If need be change your number - delete your current social handles and create a new one.

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Shalini Singh |132 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024

I already have a boyfriend but now I'm falling in love with another guy from my office. Now I am not sure who is right for me. I feel secure with one but more intimate with the other. I don't want to throw it all away but I don't know how to tell this to my boyfriend. What should I do?

Ans: Get your must-have in place - not more than 5-7 items - I talk a lot about the frame-work you can find it on my linkedin, reddit - once you have then take a call. all the best.

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Shalini Singh |132 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi

Hi ma'am, I met one guy through arrange marriage setup . I had strong instincts since I saw his bio that he is the one. Never felt like this before for anyone. After that, I didn't receive any clear answer from him or his family. I tried to connect with him on LinkedIn. He accepted my connection invite, which was really unexpected from him. Its been 15 days , I want to message him also but families were involved so I am afraid that if either his or my family got to know about this then what if they will misjudge me for directly contacting him. What should I do?

Ans: 1) Identify your instincts - what you read means the person meets your must-haves and nothing more
2) It is ok you contacting him - ask him directly if he is meeting others and if he and his family wishes to engage with you and your family, given this came from your family - if he does not respond ignore and block him after a few weeks and if he says a no block him asap
3) Having said this he accepted your Linkedin but he may have no clue who you are and how you know him - so you may be overthinking
4) Dont waste time obsessing about someone you do not know at all except on paper.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Question by ramesh - Sep 26, 2024Hindi

Hey!! Recently married, on 1st night she accepted she had already had physical relationship with her ex but she got cheated now she don't like him at all but they had 4 years of toxic relationship. I am not able to digest that she is not virgin.she always shared different stories and lied me about her relationship she have different stories for the same partner age broke my trust by lying to me.should I trust her ?

Ans: Dear Ramesh,

I understand your concerns. While your feelings are valid, that doesn't necessarily make her the villain here. Virginity was important to you and she should've told you about her past, but you cannot push someone to open up if they are not ready. A lot of people are not comfortable sharing such sensitive details, even with their spouses. And the different stories can just be a way to cover it up because you were asking and she wasn't comfortable revealing the truth; maybe she thought she would be judged. I suggest you have an open discussion with her where you let your wife know that you are not judging her, but you felt bad that she didn't tell you the trust.

From your question, I assume that your partner's physical intimacy history matters to you, but let me give you one quick advice- the past is in the past. Your beliefs and preferences are yours, and no judgments on that, but right now you are married and the best course of action would be to have a discussion and then try to keep the past where it belongs and focus on building a better future. The past can hurt your relationship only if you let it.

Best Wishes.

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Shalini Singh |132 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024

Hi Love Guru, greetings for the day, I am a 30 years old man . How to find Soulmate. I have never been in a relationship and don't have any past experience in even talking to Girls . I want to have love interest or want to have love marriage kindly request you to please advise. Thank you.

Ans: 1. create a 5-7 items Must-Have list

2. Let your friends and family know you are looking out, ask them to introduce you to them

3. Sign up on online services

4. Consult a matchmaker who will share suggestions on how to confidently approach a potential match.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 25, 2024

Question by The - Sep 25, 2024

hello I'm 62 yo, married, and I'm attracted to my young 21 yo maid. I think she is attracted to me too. I don't want to cause problems for anyone. what can I do?

Ans: Dear The,

The age isn't the biggest concern here; you are married. Ideally, that should've been the only big concern but your bold assumption that she is also attracted to you is equally concerning. If you don't want to cause any problems, keeping your feelings in check and focusing on your marriage to find out why you are seeking romance outside of your marriage would be the best course of action. You can also try seeing a professional counselor to help you get to the root cause of these feelings.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

Hi sir, I am 26 Female widow with no children and I am working. My husband passed away recently due to illness. I am not able to move on in my life. Each and everyday I feel like can’t start my day without him. Living, but it feels like I am dead. What should I do now?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Losing your spouse can be very harsh. I understand how difficult it must be to keep going. But that's just it, you have to keep going. I wish I had some quick fix or remedy to help you soothe the pain, but the only way out is through. I can ask you to hang out with loved ones, focus on yourself, pick up a hobby, or a myriad of other advice, but I am sure you have tried them all. But here's what you might not have tried yet and should definitely try- please see a professional counselor. It can help you lift some weight off your chest. They can guide you in navigating your emotions in a structured manner and every day, little by little, things will get better. Please do it for yourself. You are still alive and you have a big, wonderful life ahead of you.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi

I am a 52-year-old man. 6 months back I lost my wife accidentally. I have one son and one daughter. My daughter is in 10th and my son is in 3rd year of engineering. In the absence of my wife, my entire house has been collapsed. Most of our relatives make decisions on my behalf. My kids don't listen to me, especially my son. For them, i am just supposed to take care of their needs and continue till the children get settled. Thereafter i should think about my life. It was a quite selfish decision by my children. My wife was a housewife. I am working very hard to give them a better life. But all my efforts are in vain. At present my mom is with me. She is old and trying to help us out but still, my kids don't like her. I have tried hard to ensure that they do not feel the absence of my wife. Everything has been cared for, but at the end of the day, I am alone. I don't know what will be the future. I want to go for a second marriage but my kids have threatened me that they will leave the house immediately even if I give it a thought. My journey has been quite stressful. I have loans which have to be paid by me. I need a partner with whom I can share my feelings, one who cares for me and takes care of me and my children. But in recent situations i am totally stressed and don't know how to handle it. need advise

Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.

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Kanchan Rai |358 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me

Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024Hindi

Sir I have been in a relationship of 2 yr now it's been a three yr she's gone now,she said our caste is not same so we don't have future together when his father found out about our relationship,we already known our caste already when we started our relationship now I wonder why did she said that.later,she said I moved on I don't want to be with you and don't contact me ever.. it's been 3 years now can't stop my self from thinking her everyday there is lots of thoughts coms into my mind what could be reason that she left me I'm dying thinking of her but don't care what I suffered from this.. sometimes I think ,is she found someone we living in a different cities know I think I should get hai government job which I promised to her and then go to meet her and talk about our marriage...is it right to do now.. please help me I ..... what could I do now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Breakups are rough. I understand how painful it is, and all your feelings are valid. But hoping that a government job can sort everything out, is that the right thing to think? She did not break up with you for your job, she did so because of your caste. And wondering why she said all the harsh things will get you nowhere; it will not give you any closure. She could have meant it all or might have said it just to make sure you don't come back again. Whatever the reason, you should respect her wishes and find a way to move forward. I know it hurts to think that she has found someone else, but if you allow yourself to move on, soon you will find someone too- someone who loves you for who you are and someone who loves you completely. I can't force you to move on; the decision is yours. But don't rush- take a little time to think your plan through. If you get a government job, it's great; not because you will get her back but because you will have achieved something substantial. I strongly suggest focusing on yourself, because no one else will.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024

I had one massage at spa parlor. It was body to body from female massues. I am married and now I am feeling guilty and depressed about that. I kissed the massue this is making me feel guilty. I don't know what to do . Do i tell my wife , then it will lead to diffulty in relationship. I am very depressed actually it is kind of cheating which is crime in my opinion. Don't know what to do how to do paschatap. Anyone pls help with. It has become a dark secret which will be kept in inside me till I die. As nobody know it.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is not 'kind of cheating', it is cheating. If you are married and not in an open marriage, kissing anyone other than your partner is cheating. Now that we have established that, let's discuss the next step. I cannot force you to come clean to your wife. It has to be your decision. It is clear that you regret your actions. Firstly, that means that your sense of loyalty and morality are intact and that's a good thing. Tap into that you figure out your next step. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and think- would you like to know if she cheated on you or would you like to be blissfully ignorant? Next, before you speak to your wife, reflect on your intentions- are you planning on telling her because you feel guilty and that would ease your pain, or because you believe your wife deserves to know and decide whether or not she wants you despite your mistake? This part is very important. This will set the tone of your relationship and of your life in general.

Regardless of what you decide and what the outcome of that decision is, you have to work on self-forgiveness. While brushing it off as "to err is Human" wouldn't be the right emotion here, it is still important to understand that it was a mistake and you cannot define your whole life based on it. If you are struggling with the feeling of guilt, there is no shame in seeing a professional therapist to help you through it.

I hope you make the right choice and everything works out well.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Question by Eswar - Sep 23, 2024Hindi

I am 39 years old. Married for 10 years. My wife had an extramarital affair with one boy when I was working away from her since we were both 10 years old. I found her red-handedly. She is asking for sorry. She made a mistake she will not do in the future like that she is telling me. I accepted her because of my son, but the problem is, I still can't forget because I blindly trusted her a lot and she betrayed me. I am unable to work despite living with her. Sometimes I feel depressed. Kindly guide me on what should I do.

Ans: Dear Eswar,

Your feelings are completely valid. Dealing with infidelity in a relationship is very difficult. Simply because you have forgiven your partner does not necessarily mean you have forgotten about it or have mentally dealt with it well. I suggest having an open conversation about your feelings with your wife. It is true that one mistake should not be the deciding factor, still, cheating is a pretty big mistake to forgive. If it is taking you some time to get over it, your wife has to help you get through it. When you do it together, it also helps the marriage grow. The best course of action would be to see a marriage counselor to get more structured guidance out of this.

Remember you do not have to rush yourself to feel all better. Infidelity is a traumatic experience for the one on the receiving end. Take all the time you need to get through it. And don't hold back from sharing with your wife how you are feeling. Open communication helps more than you know.

Best Wishes.

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