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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1807 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2025Hindi
Relationship

My wife and I had an arranged marriage six years ago. She is kind and caring, but we haven't been intimate in over a year. She avoids all conversations around it. Whenever I try to get close or suggest something, she cuts me off, saying she's tired or uninterested. But she is normal with her friends. I suspect that she is seeing someone else. I've even suggested family counselling, but she says it's not necessary. I have told her that I have urges and I am managing on my own. I am feeling lonely, frustrated, and emotionally disconnected from her. I casually discussed this with an old married friend and realised that her husband is as unresponsive as my wife. Now we comfort each other and sometimes flirt harmlessly. Am I emotionally cheating? Should I seek counseling or is this marriage already over?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, it is emotional cheating.
Instead of relying on someone external to fulfill your emotional needs which can very easily slip into a physical connection, why don't you two actually take the time to rekindle your connection. Obviously, there's been an emotional break in the marriage that needs a bit of ego to be set aside and with a lot of care, love and support, things can get better. So, yes...do see a Marriage Therapist; it will help...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1807 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man. My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues. Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically. The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested. I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway. Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness. We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating. I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1807 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm a 39 year old man, married and having a daughter. It was an arranged marriage. We started off okay, with some good level of romance initially but plateaued later. First the emotional connect dipped, then her trust dipped and eventually physical intimacy dipped. After childbirth, our sex life hit a low and in past 5 years it has been almost a sexless marriage. I had not been a perfect partner but very much willing to fix my mistakes (I haven't cheated on her, ever). But my wife has been aloof with near zero communication. I never interfered in her independence of any form. I always trusted her but I never felt trusted/wanted/loved. She refuses to have meaningful deep conversations. We do have a lot of financial stress. We considered divorce about 5 years ago but didn't because of our daughter. Last year, I met a colleague and I connected emotionally well with her. I do consider her a good friend but my family (I stay with my parents) think I'm in an affair. This new friend also considers me her friend. Now my wife seems a little jealous of my friend, which is a good sign that there is still some hope to salvage this marriage. People have advised me both ways - to divorce and not to. I really want a happy life for myself and my daughter. I am confused - what should I do?
Ans: Dear JK, I can only imagine the stresses of the situation that you and your wife are in. But it takes two people to make a marriage.

And it would be worthwhile for both of you to understand that childbirth is a very transformative experience for entire family especially the new mother and the baby.

It is of utmost relevance here for them to have the support of the father and the family.

The emotional and physical needs of the man maybe ignored here but do know that your wife/ mother doesn’t do this as a well-thought idea but because her hormones dictate her mind and body.

But of course, if this has been something that has been going on for a while now even after a year of childbirth, it would be wise to have an open communication channel where the two of you understand each other’s needs and see how best as a couple you can fulfil them.

It is normal for a human to seek validation and attention from the external when his needs are not fulfilled at home. But the complications that can arise from that are something that you are well aware of.

You are an adult and you know what’s best for you and your family.

Having said this, if the choice is to make the marriage work, please don’t engage in finger pointing and instead think of ways to spice up your relationship.

Find someone to care for your child while you and your wife take a holiday.

If this also doesn’t work, I would suggest couples marital therapy where a professional may guide you to rebuilding your marriage.

Happy rebuilding and it’s worth working at it!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11371 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 09, 2026

Money
Sir I have nearly 35 MF scheme. I have 4 Manu facturing fund. Axis mau facturing fund.. Canara Robecco Manu. fund G(SIP2000) Invesco Manufacturing fund G(SIP 2000 PM ). ICICI Manufacturing fund G Advise how to cut down or exit and invest in other fund continuing only one preferably ICICI. Then I have following non performing Funds Axis consumption fund G regular Hdfc Multcap Fund G regular Hdfc Multcap 50/25/25Index fund Direct Hdfc Tech. Fund D Growth Hsbc India Export Indis export Opp. D Growth ICICI opp. Fund D Growth SUNDARAM mutiasst allocation fund R . G SIP TATA NIFTY AUTO INDEX FUNDNIFTY G DIR. TATA NIFTY IND. TOURISM INDEX FUND G DIR. Above mentioned funds not performing. Your advise whether to and reinvest in an alternative fund. Overlaping funds ICICI prudential energy opportunities fund D SIP GROWTH SBI ENERGY OPP. FUND D. GROWTH 2) FRANKLIN IND. FLEXI CAP FUND R G. 20 UNIT HDFC FLEXICAP FUND R. G. 25 UNIT ICICI PRUDENTIAL FLEXI CAP R. G 3000 Unit TATA mid cap fund R. G. 175 unit UTI MID CAP FUND R. G. 200 Unit HDFC MID CAP FUND R G 250 UNIT Request detailed scrutiny and how to minimise. Besides l have following funds performing well Aditya Birla Sun Life focused fund HDFC Defence fund HDFC PHARMA FUND HDFC TRANSPORTATION FUND HSBC VALUE FUND HSBC ELSS FUND ICICI PRU.PHRMA & HEALTHCARE FUND UTI NIFTY 500 VALUE INDEX FUND I am 82 years old. No liability . Other investments like PPF BANK FD GOLD ANCESTRAL LAND PM ANNUITY PLAN RENT 15 LAKH health insurance. Equities of 5 lakhs Expenses very basic. Would like to re invest. for better returns. Waiting for your early reply. Your 's sincerely ..... ... V. G. Nadig
Ans: You have built substantial financial assets and, importantly, you have no liabilities. At age 82, the priority should now be simplicity, safety, liquidity and reasonable growth. Having nearly 35 mutual fund schemes is unnecessarily high.

» First Priority

– Reduce the MF portfolio substantially.
– Avoid managing many sector and thematic funds.
– Avoid keeping funds only because they performed well recently.
– Keep a smaller number of diversified funds.
– Keep sufficient money in safer assets for your regular needs.

At your age, chasing maximum returns is not necessary.

» Manufacturing Funds

You currently have four manufacturing funds:

– Axis Manufacturing
– Canara Robeco Manufacturing
– Invesco Manufacturing
– ICICI Prudential Manufacturing

There is considerable overlap in this allocation.

I would not keep four manufacturing funds.

If you have a strong preference for the ICICI Prudential Manufacturing Fund, keeping one manufacturing fund can be considered.

The other three can be reviewed for exit and consolidation.

However, do not switch all four on one day blindly. Check capital gains and exit loads first.

» Funds You Mentioned As Non-Performing

You mentioned:

– Axis Consumption
– HDFC Multicap
– HDFC Multicap 50/25/25 Index
– HDFC Technology
– HSBC India Export Opportunities
– ICICI Prudential Opportunities
– Sundaram Multi Asset Allocation
– Tata Nifty Auto Index
– Tata Nifty India Tourism Index

I would not judge these funds only by recent returns.

Some are sector, thematic or index-oriented funds.

They can have long periods of underperformance.

For an 82-year-old investor, I would reduce such complexity.

The index-oriented funds especially do not need to be retained simply for diversification.

» Energy Fund Overlap

You have exposure to:

– ICICI Prudential Energy Opportunities
– SBI Energy Opportunities

There is no strong need to hold two funds in the same sector.

Keep only one if you want sector exposure.

But given your age, even this allocation should remain limited.

» Flexi Cap Overlap

You currently have:

– Franklin India Flexi Cap
– HDFC Flexi Cap
– ICICI Prudential Flexi Cap

This is another clear area for consolidation.

Three flexi-cap funds are unnecessary.

You can retain one suitable flexi-cap fund.

The remaining two can gradually be consolidated after checking taxation and exit loads.

» Mid Cap Overlap

You have:

– Tata Mid Cap
– UTI Mid Cap
– HDFC Mid Cap

Again, three funds are not required.

Keep one suitable mid-cap fund if your overall portfolio needs this exposure.

However, at age 82, I would not maintain a large mid-cap allocation.

This money can be more useful in diversified and relatively stable investments.

» Funds Performing Well

You mentioned:

– Aditya Birla Sun Life Focused
– HDFC Defence
– HDFC Pharma
– HDFC Transportation
– HSBC Value
– HSBC ELSS
– ICICI Prudential Pharma & Healthcare
– UTI Nifty 500 Value Index

Good past performance alone should not decide whether you retain them.

You have multiple sector and thematic exposures here too.

For example, you already have two healthcare-oriented funds.

Defence and transportation are also thematic exposures.

I would reduce the number of such specialised funds.

» A Better Portfolio Structure

Your portfolio can be simplified into a few clear roles:

– Core diversified equity allocation
– Limited mid-cap allocation
– Limited thematic allocation, if required
– Suitable conservative allocation
– Adequate cash and fixed-income allocation

You do not need 35 schemes to achieve diversification.

Around 5 to 7 carefully selected funds can be more than sufficient.

» Very Important At Age 82

Your investment objective should now be different from that of a 40-year-old investor.

Capital preservation is important.

Liquidity is also very important.

You should have enough safe money for several years of expenses.

Equity should mainly serve the purpose of long-term inflation protection.

Do not put money required for near-term expenses into equity.

» About Reinvesting After Exit

I would not immediately reinvest every redemption into another equity fund.

First identify how much money you need for:

– Regular expenses
– Medical requirements
– Family support
– Emergency needs
– Future personal requirements

The remaining long-term surplus can then be invested.

This approach will make your portfolio much safer and easier to manage.

» Your Other Assets

Your FD, PPF, gold, ancestral land, annuity income and rental income provide additional diversification.

Your basic expenses are also low.

This is a positive position.

Therefore, there is no need to take excessive equity risk for higher returns.

» How I Would Approach The 35 Funds

Do it in three stages.

First, identify sector and thematic duplication.

Second, identify overlapping diversified categories.

Third, consolidate the portfolio gradually.

Do not sell everything together.

Review taxation and exit loads before each redemption.

The money released should then be allocated according to your income and liquidity requirements.

» Final Insights

You have done well in building a large and diversified investment base.

The main issue now is not lack of diversification.

It is excessive diversification.

35 schemes can make monitoring difficult and may create hidden overlap.

I would aim for a much simpler portfolio.

Your manufacturing, energy, flexi-cap and mid-cap holdings are the first areas I would consolidate.

I would also reduce excessive thematic exposure.

At 82, stability and peace of mind should come before chasing the highest possible return.

A detailed scheme-wise review would be useful before redeeming anything. It should consider current value, purchase value, gains, taxation, SIP status and exit load for every scheme.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11371 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2026

Money
Dear Sir, I am 52 retired and worked in gulf for 20 years . Current financial status is as follows 1. FD in bank 1 Cr. 2. I own 2 flats . One I use for self and other one want to sell approx value 55 lakhs 3. Own a plot approx 75 lakhs 4. I have ULIP policy of 75 lakhs( 15 lakhs per year premium , 3 years paid, 30 lakhs to be paid, maturing in 2033) 5.10 lakh ULIP policy maturing in 2031 6. LIC policy 6 lakhs maturing in 2029 7. Term policy 1.5 cr ( premium all paid) 8. Heakth policy 60 lakhs for family 9. My child in 12th grade 10. No emi no loan 11 Emergency fund around 15 lakhs in bank My current monthly expense 50 to 60k per month. Could you please analyse my financial status and advice Regards,
Ans: You have built a strong financial base, especially with no loans and good liquidity. At age 52, the main focus should now be capital protection, regular income and your childs education.

» Overall Financial Position

– Your Rs.1 crore FD provides a strong safety base.
– You have around Rs.15 lakh separately for emergencies.
– Your second flat can provide additional capital if sold.
– The plot is another existing asset, but need not be increased.
– Your term insurance is already fully paid.
– Family health insurance provides important protection.
– Most importantly, you have no EMI or outstanding loan.

Overall, your financial position looks comfortable.

» Your Retirement Requirement

Your present expenses are around Rs.50,000 to Rs.60,000 monthly.

Since you are already retired, your investments should now generate stable income.

I would not put the entire Rs.1 crore FD into equity.

Instead, create a proper mix of:

– Safe fixed-income investments for near-term expenses.
– High-quality mutual funds for long-term growth.
– Adequate bank liquidity for emergencies.
– A separate education corpus for your child.

This can give you both stability and growth.

» Childs Education

Your child is already in 12th grade.

Therefore, this is your immediate financial priority.

Do not take high equity risk with money needed soon.

Keep the education requirement separately identified.

If a large amount is required for higher education, plan this before investing for long-term growth.

» ULIP Policies

This is the area I would review carefully.

You have a large ULIP with Rs.15 lakh annual premium. Three years are already paid, with Rs.30 lakh still payable.

You also have another Rs.10 lakh ULIP and an LIC policy.

At your present stage, these policies should not automatically be continued.

Ask for the following details for each policy:

– Current surrender value
– Maturity value
– Remaining premium
– Guaranteed benefits
– Fund value
– Applicable surrender charges
– Tax implications
– Actual expected return

The large ULIP needs particular attention because substantial premiums are still pending.

After comparing the benefits and surrender value, exiting unsuitable policies and redirecting money towards suitable mutual funds may be better.

Do this only after reviewing the exact policy terms.

» FD Management

Rs.1 crore in FD is a strong safety cushion.

But keeping the entire retirement corpus in FDs may reduce long-term growth.

Interest income is also taxable as per applicable rules.

Therefore, gradually creating a diversified portfolio can be considered.

Do not move the entire FD amount into equity at one time.

A phased approach is more suitable for a retired investor.

» Second Flat

You are considering selling the second flat for around Rs.55 lakh.

If there is no personal use for it, selling it can simplify your finances.

The proceeds can be allocated towards:

– Child education
– Retirement income
– Emergency reserves
– Long-term growth investments

I would not recommend buying another property with the sale proceeds.

» Plot

The plot can remain as an existing asset.

But I would not depend on its future appreciation for retirement planning.

If it is eventually sold, the proceeds can strengthen your financial portfolio.

» Mutual Fund Strategy

You have not mentioned any existing mutual fund corpus.

This is one area where you can gradually add a growth component.

At age 52, some equity exposure is still useful.

It can help your portfolio beat inflation over the long term.

But equity allocation should match your retirement income needs.

Avoid taking aggressive risks simply to generate higher returns.

» Monthly Income Planning

Your present spending is manageable compared with your financial assets.

Still, inflation will increase your monthly requirement over time.

So your portfolio should have two parts:

– A stable income bucket for regular expenses.
– A growth bucket for expenses many years later.

This structure can reduce the need to sell equity during market corrections.

» Insurance Review

Your health insurance is a good protection layer.

Continue reviewing the cover as medical costs increase.

Your fully paid term insurance is also useful for family protection.

Since you are retired, review whether the insurance still serves a specific family need.

Do not buy additional investment-linked insurance without a clear need.

» Emergency Fund

Your Rs.15 lakh emergency fund is quite healthy.

Keep this amount easily accessible.

Do not invest emergency money aggressively.

This provides peace of mind during unexpected situations.

» Important Tax Point

Before selling the flat, plot or ULIP, check the applicable tax impact.

Property transactions can create capital gains.

ULIP surrender or withdrawal can also have tax implications depending on policy conditions.

So calculate the post-tax amount before taking decisions.

» 360-Degree Action Plan

– First secure your childs immediate education requirement.
– Review all three insurance-linked investment policies.
– Decide whether the large ULIP should continue.
– Maintain adequate FD and emergency liquidity.
– Consider selling the unused flat if financially suitable.
– Do not add more property investments.
– Gradually build a diversified mutual fund portfolio.
– Keep retirement income and long-term growth separately.
– Review the entire portfolio at least once every year.

» Final Insights

Your financial position is stronger than it may initially appear.

You have substantial assets, no debt and manageable monthly expenses.

The main issue is not creating wealth aggressively now.

The bigger objective is managing your existing wealth efficiently.

Your ULIP portfolio deserves the most detailed review.

With proper restructuring, you can aim for stable retirement income while still allowing part of your money to grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |8596 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2026

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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