Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |63 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2025Hindi
Relationship

Dr Kaur, we've been married for 10 years, and have two children. We barely talk, sleep in separate beds, and intimacy has completely died. There is no romance between us. I feel invisible, but I don't want to break up the family. Is this a phase, or are we slowly falling out of love? How to know if there is room for counselling?

Ans: Hello mam...there is a lot of room gor counselling. We will talk about it. This could be a phase also due to overburden. You may have started feeling more like parents more than a couple. Take some time out. May be just start with a cup of tea together or having breakfast together. Just ask him after coming from office that how was his day. If you can help him in some way. Talk about positive things more. Avoid complaints of children or anything else. This will work out and spark will come back.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man. My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues. Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically. The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested. I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway. Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness. We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating. I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |629 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
Relationship
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2025

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear guru. I recently watched the film Aap Jaisa Koi and I could relate so much with Kusum bhabhi's character. My condition is somewhat similar. I've been married for six years now. On the outside, everything looks perfect -- a good husband, a 3bhk two storied home in Lucknow, a stable life. But inside, I feel invisible. My husband is a good man, no doubt, but he barely notices me as a person anymore. Conversations revolve around chores, family obligations, and money. There's no affection, no curiosity about how I feel or what I want from life. Sometimes I wonder if he even sees me as a woman, or just as a role I'm expected to keep performing without complaint. Watching the film made me realise how quietly unhappy I've become. I'm not thinking of anything drastic like Kusum, but I do crave connection, validation, and a sense of being wanted, not just needed. I have often felt the urge to text my college crush just to talk or sign up on an app maybe to share my feelings. Is it normal to crave for love and sex outside your marriage? Will it help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Movies can wake you up, but also don't apply everything from it onto yourself. You will feel like a 'perfect' victim. It's good that you have become aware that you truly want more affection from your husband which is what you call as connection or validation.
Also, when you start to fill the void in your marriage from outside, it's not going to be a very pleasant experience.
Working on your marriage can help; some men unfortunately are raised in homes that don't teach them on how to care for a woman and her feelings. Usually, the male figure at home will dominate in a way that the mother/sister will be submissive or subservient and then the son picks this trait from his father.
So, even if you raise this point of affection, your husband is possibly not going to understand or will simply tell you that you are overthinking. He knows only that much...
Start by being excited about your marriage...
- appreciate him often; it might teach him to do the same with you
- express your wants very clearly without making it sound like a complaint; it may teach him to follow your expectations
- ask for help within your marriage; it may subtly teach him to show up more for you

It's a long journey perhaps, but start somewhere...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10071 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, My home loan is 24.5 LAC. And it's started from last year April 2024, my emi is 30,600 per month for 10 years, if i paid 10 LAC in Jan 2026 it will be beneficial for me or wait for sometime to pay pre closure amount
Ans: Your question is very timely and thoughtful.

You have already completed over one year of EMI payments.

You are also planning a Rs. 10 lakh prepayment in Jan 2026.

This shows strong discipline and intention to reduce debt early.

That is highly appreciated.

Let’s evaluate the benefit from all angles before making the decision.

Let’s assess your EMI schedule, tax benefits, interest savings, and liquidity needs.

We will also look at emotional peace, risk readiness, and overall financial health.

» EMI Tenure and Loan Progress

– Your loan began in April 2024. EMI is Rs. 30,600 for 10 years.

– By Jan 2026, you would have paid 21 EMIs. That is nearly 2 years of repayment.

– You would still have around 99 EMIs pending after Jan 2026.

– Most interest is paid in the first few years. That’s how home loan schedules work.

– So prepayment at this stage can save you substantial interest.

– But, the benefit must be compared with your other financial needs.

– This is not only about saving interest. It is about holistic financial planning.

» Interest Cost Evaluation and Savings Opportunity

– Your home loan interest rate is not mentioned. But let us assume a normal range.

– Most floating-rate loans now charge 8.5% to 9.5% annually.

– Prepaying Rs. 10 lakhs will reduce the outstanding principal sharply.

– As a result, the total interest over the loan period will reduce.

– You may save many lakhs over the long term by doing this early prepayment.

– You will also reduce your EMI period or future EMI amount.

– That helps you become debt-free faster.

– But, timing matters. January 2026 is still over 5 months away.

– You must consider where that Rs. 10 lakhs is now kept.

– Is it earning anything? If kept idle in savings, it gives low returns.

– In that case, prepayment gives better value.

– But if it is growing in mutual funds or long-term instruments, returns may be higher.

– Compare this interest cost versus what you earn from that Rs. 10 lakh.

– You must also think about safety, peace of mind, and future stability.

» Tax Benefits on Home Loan and Prepayment Impact

– Under Sec 24(b), you get deduction of up to Rs. 2 lakhs on home loan interest.

– This reduces your taxable income. Helps especially if you are in the 20% or 30% slab.

– Also, under Sec 80C, you get Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction for principal.

– But that Rs. 1.5 lakh 80C is usually covered by EPF, PPF, insurance, ELSS, etc.

– If you prepay Rs. 10 lakh, your interest in future years may fall.

– Then, the Rs. 2 lakh interest deduction under Sec 24(b) may not be fully used.

– But remember, you are spending Rs. 10 lakhs to save Rs. 2-3 lakhs of tax.

– That alone should not decide the choice.

– Interest saved is usually more than tax benefit lost in the long run.

– Prepayment still makes sense. But only if you are not compromising other goals.

– Always assess tax benefit as a secondary aspect, not the main reason.

» Your Liquidity and Emergency Readiness

– The biggest question is: Will you have enough money left after prepayment?

– Will you still have emergency funds of 6 to 12 months of expenses?

– Will you have cash for job loss, health issues, or family needs?

– Rs. 10 lakh is a big amount. Once paid, you cannot get it back easily.

– Banks do not refund prepayments. So you must be ready for cash crunch.

– If you have other liquid savings of at least Rs. 3 to 5 lakhs, then it is safe.

– But if this Rs. 10 lakh is your full backup, wait before prepaying.

– You must not become asset-rich but cash-poor.

– Also, do not disturb investments set for your long-term goals.

– Check how your mutual funds, PF, PPF, child goals, and retirement are aligned.

– Your financial safety net should never be at risk due to a home loan prepayment.

» Emotional Peace and Debt Reduction Mindset

– Paying off loans early gives peace of mind.

– Mentally, it feels lighter to reduce your EMI burden.

– For many families, freedom from loans matters more than returns from investment.

– If this Rs. 10 lakh is not required for your next 5 years, then prepaying is peaceful.

– But if the same money is helping you sleep better by keeping it in hand, wait.

– Your comfort and security are more important than any math.

– Financial planning is not only numbers. It is also emotional readiness.

– A good Certified Financial Planner balances both head and heart.

– If you feel better seeing lesser EMIs or faster closure, then go ahead with prepayment.

– If you fear losing liquidity or missing opportunities, then wait.

– In either case, the aim is to stay financially strong, not just interest-efficient.

» Other Choices to Use That Rs. 10 Lakh

– If you are not fully prepared for long-term goals, this Rs. 10 lakh may help.

– Retirement corpus, child education, spouse goals — all need investment.

– If those are underfunded, invest this Rs. 10 lakh in mutual funds.

– But not in index funds or direct funds.

– Index funds may look cheap, but they follow the market blindly.

– They underperform in volatile or sideways markets.

– Actively managed mutual funds by experienced managers adapt better.

– Direct funds also seem cheaper on surface.

– But there is no support, guidance, or review.

– Regular plans through a qualified MFD with CFP guidance add long-term value.

– The extra 0.5% cost gives better selection, periodic review, and mistake-avoidance.

– That brings better return than direct, unmanaged investing.

– So if you delay prepayment, don’t keep that Rs. 10 lakh idle.

– Put it to work through a long-term, diversified, tax-aware mutual fund portfolio.

– Match it to your goals, age, and risk appetite.

– Use only debt funds for less than 3 years. Use equity for more than 5 years.

– Also follow the updated capital gains tax rules now in force.

– These will apply when you exit mutual funds later.

– If this Rs. 10 lakh is not required in near future, investing may grow your wealth.

– If this feels unsafe, then home loan prepayment is still a good call.

» Ideal Approach Based on Situation

– If you have no major upcoming expense, then early prepayment is useful.

– If your emergency fund is untouched, then this move is secure.

– If your long-term goals are already funded, prepayment clears debt faster.

– If interest rate is above 9%, prepayment becomes even more beneficial.

– If job is stable and no income interruption is foreseen, go ahead.

– But if any of these are weak or uncertain, do not hurry.

– Wait for 6-12 months. Observe how rates, income, and expenses move.

– Meanwhile, invest that Rs. 10 lakh in a short-term fund with liquidity.

– Let that money earn better than savings account.

– If situation remains strong by Jan 2026, you may prepay with full confidence.

– Else, you can decide again at that point based on comfort and readiness.

– Either way, you are still progressing.

– Both options — prepayment or investing — are productive, if handled with thought.

» Finally

– You are thinking in the right direction. That’s the best start already.

– You are not ignoring the EMI burden. You want to plan ahead.

– That is very encouraging.

– Do not feel forced to prepay or delay.

– The right answer depends on your comfort, liquidity, and goals.

– Early prepayment is good if your financial base is ready.

– But there is no harm in waiting a few more months and reassessing.

– Peace and clarity are more important than urgency.

– You can also take part prepayment route. Pay Rs. 5 lakh in Jan 2026.

– Keep another Rs. 5 lakh for emergency or mutual fund.

– That brings the best of both.

– Stay debt-free, but also stay liquid and goal-focused.

– A Certified Financial Planner can help you model both paths and take balanced action.

– The right move is one that fits your full financial picture — not just the EMI part.

– Keep going strong.

– You are already ahead of many by asking this question today.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10071 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 35yrs old and my monthly salary is 75k. I am married and I have family health insurance of 10 lakhs, I have a daughter and a son and we are expecting the third child in the month of December. I have started with SIP of 1k 3 months back. I am taking mortgage loan of 30 lakhs on the house for 13 % interest from IIFL kindly suggest me to utilise the loan amount properly in various ways possible to invest. I am planning to utilise for the coaching centre development and 10 lakhs is taken for my brothers kidney transplant treatment expenditure.
Ans: – You are managing family, career, and investments together.
– Starting SIP early is a very positive step.
– Taking responsibility for your brother’s treatment shows great strength.
– Planning coaching centre development is a wise idea.
– Having family health cover is also a good base already.

» Analysing the Loan and Its High Interest Rate

– Rs. 30 lakhs loan at 13% interest is quite costly.
– This means high EMI and high total interest outgo.
– Every rupee must be used carefully to avoid wastage.
– Unused funds from the loan must not sit idle.
– Interest burden will continue regardless of usage.

» Immediate Medical Emergency for Brother

– Rs. 10 lakhs for kidney transplant is necessary and unavoidable.
– Keep this amount fully liquid and easily accessible.
– Use savings account or short-term ultra-safe debt fund.
– Avoid locking this amount in business or market-linked funds.
– Medical treatment should be done on priority basis.

» Business Development – Coaching Centre Use

– This is an opportunity for future income growth.
– Plan expansion only after checking location demand.
– Avoid spending large amount at once.
– Phase out business investments over 6 to 12 months.
– Start with essentials like rent, furniture, and staff salary.
– Don’t overspend on branding or decoration initially.
– Use part of loan in setting up technology and marketing.
– Focus on breakeven as early as possible.

» Avoid Spending Full Loan Immediately

– You are not forced to use all Rs. 30 lakhs now.
– Keep a part of loan in low-risk parking place.
– Use short-term debt fund or liquid fund with no exit load.
– Withdraw when business or medical needs arise.
– Don’t allow funds to lie in savings account earning low interest.

» Do Not Use Any Amount for Consumption

– Don’t use loan money for personal luxury or lifestyle.
– No electronics, jewellery, or vehicles from this loan.
– You are paying 13% interest, use it only for value creation.
– Avoid giving any part of the loan to others as casual support.

» Managing EMI Alongside Household Budget

– EMI on Rs. 30 lakhs at 13% will be heavy.
– Your Rs. 75k salary will face pressure from EMI, SIP, and family.
– Keep fixed monthly expenses under tight control.
– Review all regular spends and cut non-essentials.
– Prioritise needs over wants for the next 2–3 years.
– Increase SIP only once your EMI is manageable.

» Continue SIP with Discipline

– Though amount is small, your SIP builds wealth habit.
– Don’t stop SIP even if budget becomes tight.
– Increase SIP slowly as income rises.
– Choose actively managed funds, not index funds.
– Index funds don’t protect during market fall.
– Active funds adjust to changes and give better protection.

» Direct Funds Are Not Ideal for You

– Avoid investing in direct mutual funds.
– You get no personalised support or guidance there.
– Wrong decisions can damage long-term wealth.
– Invest via regular plans with an MFD and CFP.
– Get full-time advice, updates, and goal tracking help.

» Emergency Fund is Missing

– You must keep Rs. 1–2 lakhs aside for emergencies.
– This should not come from loan amount.
– Build this over next few months from salary savings.
– Use high-liquidity options like liquid mutual funds or sweep FD.

» Child-Related Future Expenses

– You are expecting third child soon.
– Future expenses like education and health will increase.
– Avoid touching SIP or business funds for school fees.
– Plan separate SIPs for kids’ education goal later.
– Maintain health insurance with maternity cover wherever possible.

» Keep Personal and Business Accounts Separate

– Don’t mix business and personal funds.
– Create a separate bank account for coaching centre.
– Record all income and expense in simple format.
– Use business income to slowly repay loan too.

» Loan Repayment Should Be a Priority

– Try to repay part of loan early if possible.
– Business profit can be used to prepay some part.
– Even Rs. 2–3 lakhs paid early will reduce interest burden.
– Don’t wait for full term of loan.
– Avoid taking another loan till this one is cleared.

» Don’t Invest Remaining Loan in Risky Options

– Don’t try to grow loan money via equity investments.
– You are paying 13% interest.
– Most equity returns are not guaranteed and are market linked.
– If returns go down, you still pay full interest.
– Use loan only for fixed needs like business or treatment.

» Avoid Insurance-Cum-Investment Products

– Don’t use loan money for buying ULIPs or endowment plans.
– They give poor returns and lock your money.
– They mix insurance with investment, which is harmful.
– If you already hold such plans, review and consider surrender.
– Use that money in good mutual funds for better results.

» Long-Term Financial Strategy After Loan Use

– Once business is running, start surplus-based SIPs.
– Create specific SIPs for child education and retirement.
– Review insurance needs again after third child is born.
– Don’t over-rely on health cover from employer.
– Take term insurance separately for family safety.

» Monitoring and Support

– Review all goals every 6 months.
– Track loan balance, business income, SIP growth.
– A CFP can support you across all financial areas.
– Work with MFD for implementation and fund advice.

» Finally

– You are taking bold and smart steps under pressure.
– Rs. 10 lakhs for brother’s health is unavoidable.
– Use it only for that and keep it liquid.
– Use balance money gradually for coaching centre.
– Don’t spend full Rs. 30 lakhs in one go.
– Avoid luxury or emotional spending with loan money.
– Keep EMI low by avoiding misuse of loan.
– Continue SIP without fail.
– Avoid index funds and direct funds.
– Use only actively managed mutual funds through MFD.
– Repay loan as early as possible.
– Start new SIPs once income improves.
– Maintain strong financial habits and discipline.
– Your future will surely improve with right planning.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x