Hello mam. I am 31, and married for three years. My husband and I both work and split expenses. Last month, I found out that he had booked a house with his mother without informing me. He excluded me completely and told me after the registration and stamp duty was paid. When I confronted him, he said it was for his mother's security. But what about mine? I cook, clean, work full-time, and yet, I wasn't considered in a major life decision. What kind of partnership is this? I am upset and he knows it. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's nothing wrong in you wanting transparency when it comes to the family's finances. But the way it has been right from the beginning of your marriage, is that you did not ask and you were not told.
So, suddenly when you have expressed an interest in knowing and participating, your husband has not understood this. Be clear when you discuss with him that you wish to talk about it not to deter him from anything but to actually support him in whatever he does. He also is perhaps used to taking financial decisions all by himself and continues to do so...So, if something has changed within you, express it and allow him the time to change as well...

In your words: But i think that a couple should spend time having a healthy talk about their own commitments and investments.

Yes, but if it was this way right from the time when you two married, it would not be an issue. Your want now is not wrong, but has changed from what it sued to be...so, express, let him reflect on it and then have a healthy debate/discussion on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: You’re absolutely right to voice your concerns; it’s a major transition, and feeling micromanaged can take a toll on anyone. But it’s also clear that your husband feels a sense of duty towards his mother and believes that, over time, things may settle naturally as you get to know each other better. While his optimism might feel dismissive, it’s likely coming from his hope that time will help ease things for both of you.

Taking a step back, it might be helpful to consider his perspective. For him, there’s likely a deep-rooted loyalty and sense of care for his mother, perhaps much like what you might feel if it were your own mother. He might hope that the three of you can coexist peacefully and that, with patience, you and his mother will reach an understanding. It’s possible he’s trying to avoid confrontation, believing it will make things harder for everyone.

Perhaps, try to find a balance that respects both your needs and his family obligations. You could approach him with empathy by acknowledging, “I understand that you want us to grow closer and that it’s important for you to support your mother. I’d feel the same if it were my own mother.” But you can gently express that, despite your efforts, the situation is taking a toll on your mental health and that a temporary solution, like living separately, could actually help everyone in the long run. Let him know that you want to build a strong relationship with his mother, but to do so, a bit of breathing room may help you approach her with more patience and understanding.

Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.

Ans: It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings. Express your concerns not just about the financial contribution but also about the long-term implications of this decision. Let him know that while you are willing to support him in helping his family, you are also thinking about your future, especially the role that you and your husband will play in the household later in life. It’s crucial to discuss how this decision will affect both of you and your relationship in the long run.

It may also be helpful to have a clear understanding of the financial expectations and responsibilities involved. If your husband feels strongly about supporting his family, it’s essential that both of you are on the same page regarding the amount of support you are comfortable with and the timeline for contributions. You might want to consider alternatives, such as setting a specific budget or finding ways to help without overextending yourselves financially.

Another important aspect is acknowledging the role his younger brother plays in this equation. It sounds like he may not be as responsible as you would like him to be, which is an understandable source of frustration. You might want to express your concerns about his reliance on your husband for financial support, and consider whether there might be ways to encourage his brother to take more responsibility for his own future.

Ultimately, you and your husband need to come to an agreement that respects both your desires and concerns. It’s important that the decision feels like a shared one, and that both of you feel heard and respected in the process. If you continue to feel uneasy about contributing, it’s okay to set boundaries and negotiate a more balanced solution. This is about ensuring that you both maintain a healthy financial and emotional balance in your relationship. By being honest and compassionate with each other, you can find a way forward that works for both of you, without compromising your own well-being.

Ans: Understand the Current Family and Financial Setup

You live in a house owned by your brother-in-law.

Your husband is not a nominee or owner of that house.

Your husband has been spending on repairs and maintenance there.

Your in-laws emotionally control him and influence his choices.

You are married with an 8-year-old son.

You bought a flat from your savings in your name.

Your husband didn’t support that financially.

You feel emotionally isolated and unsupported.

You Have Taken a Bold Financial Step

Buying a house with your own money is a powerful step.

You did this without expecting support from your husband.

This gives you future stability and freedom.

You should feel strong and proud about this decision.

Analyse the Risks of Staying in Someone Else’s Property

The house belongs to your brother-in-law.

Your husband has no ownership or legal right there.

Any money spent on that house gives no return to your family.

Your brother-in-law can legally ask you to vacate anytime.

It offers no protection to you or your son.

Emotional Attachment is Not a Financial Asset

Your husband is emotionally tied to his parents.

He may feel responsible to stay and take care of them.

That emotional decision is costing your family financially.

You and your son deserve security and future clarity.

You Need to Prioritise Financial Independence Over Family Pressure

Financial security should come before emotional pleasing.

You are already handling your finances more wisely.

Your flat will build equity over the years.

This ownership gives you power and voice in the long term.

Identify Why Your Husband Acts This Way

He may feel trapped by guilt, duty, or family manipulation.

He may not realise that he’s risking your family’s future.

In many Indian homes, emotional loyalty replaces logic.

He may avoid confrontation and live under family control.

Your Financial Role Deserves Recognition

You funded a home alone.

You manage finances without help.

You think long term and want stability.

This mindset will help you plan your son’s future.

Now Focus on the Next Steps Carefully

Step 1: Secure Your Property Legally

Make sure your flat is fully registered in your name.

Keep loan EMIs and receipts well documented.

Add nomination details in case of emergency.

You must have legal control over this asset.

Step 2: Start Building a Financial Portfolio

Now you must plan beyond the flat.

Create an emergency fund for 6 months of expenses.

Take term insurance for yourself and your son’s security.

Buy a family floater health policy if not already done.

Step 3: Start SIPs for Long-Term Wealth

Begin SIPs in actively managed mutual funds.

Don’t invest in direct plans.

Use a CFP and trusted MFD to guide.

Avoid index funds. They don’t protect in down markets.

You need professional-managed funds for peace of mind.

Avoid These Investment Mistakes

Don’t buy insurance policies that mix investment.

Don’t fall for traditional plans with low returns.

Don’t take real estate as your only investment.

Don’t keep too much idle cash in savings account.

Don’t follow online tips blindly without full planning.

Take Action Based on Your Role as a Mother

Your son must have a stable emotional and financial future.

For that, you need clarity and courage today.

Don’t let family manipulation ruin your planning.

Start a child education SIP right now.

Think about your own retirement plan also.

Create a Boundary with Your Husband’s Financial Choices

Don’t fund or support any expenses on your in-law’s house.

Don’t allow your savings to go for their property.

Keep your investments separate and in your control.

Discuss shared responsibilities only when mutual respect is there.

Family Counselling May Help if You Are Open

A trained counsellor can break old emotional patterns.

Your husband may realise the cost of his choices.

A third-party view often brings clarity in such issues.

Consider this if communication is currently blocked.

Make a Will for Your Property

Even if you’re young, make a simple will now.

Nominate your son as the legal heir.

This prevents any future dispute or interference.

Your savings and house should stay safe for your child.

You Are Already Ahead Financially

Most women delay property purchase or savings.

You acted independently and planned ahead.

Continue with SIPs, insurance, and low-risk debt options.

Don’t panic during market ups and downs.

Your Future is in Your Hands, Not Your Husband’s

You can’t change your husband’s past choices.

You can change how you move forward.

Emotional freedom comes from financial clarity.

Build your life around what you control.

Don’t wait for others to approve or support.

Finally

You are financially stronger than you think.

Avoid joint investments with your husband now.

Focus on protecting your house, savings, and child.

Cut emotional losses and strengthen legal rights.

Stay calm and focus on step-by-step action.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment