Hi I am a lady aged 37 and I have been married for more than 17 years now...my husband has never allowed me to work,go out alone or give me money not that he can't afford...he takes care of his children when needed...now i started doing

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds stressful and you have every right to be worried. Here are a few ways to sort this out:

The first and the most obvious one- communication. I am sure that you have communicated your concerns to your husband but let's give it another try and this time, make sure it's non-confrontational. For instance, just casually mention the financial burden that is on you without assigning any blame to him. Try "I" statements instead of "You." He might come to a realization that he needs to put in more effort to relieve you of your burdens. Try mentioning some shared goals that you won't achieve if you don't join your finances and share the responsibilities. Next, tell him that you both should start tracking your expenditures and set a budget at the beginning of every month. Try a more practical approach. Set up monthly deposit schemes that would automatically deduct the money from your accounts. Last but not least, seek support from a trusted family member or close friend. While they might not be able to give you any concrete solution, sharing your woes can make you feel lighter.

Best Wishes.

Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

Ans: Hello mam, Since you qre married since 9 months only, you both need some time to understand each other and each other's need. He needs to understand that you have some basic needs for which you need money. And you also need to understand his financial condition.
Take some time out when he is in a good mood, and calmly talk to him regarding finances. And if you want to do job just tell him the advantages you both will have after your job. I think this will solve your problem.
Take care

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how stressed you must be; financial problems are indeed very difficult to deal with. First of all, let me remind you that you are not just a housewife- you are a homemaker. You raise your kids, and manage the entire household. It is not an easy task, so do not sell yourself short. And is separating with your husband going to change anything? Your children will suffer and if it isn’t an unhappy marriage, your husband will suffer greatly too. So I want to ask, did you ever consider applying for jobs? Not trying to pressurize you, but it might make you feel more helpful. Think about that- it can be any job; you can start small and slowly climb the ladder. Moreover, please speak to your spouse. If anyways he has made you feel like a burden, I want you to keep reminding yourself that your job as a homemaker is no less than his job as the breadwinner.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Just once mention about how much you do at home and how he does nothing; watch his reaction.
Playing power games through money is not cool and can erode the marriage in various ways. Now, what makes him do that is anybody's guess...he's possibly just worried about the fact that suddenly the financial responsibility is all on him.

Remind him that you are a stay at home mom so that your kids would have a safe environment to grow emotionally and physically. I am sure he just needs a nudge at this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/