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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2025
Relationship
Dear Mr Ravi, before signing up on a dating app my friend told me something about the 3-6-9 rule. I'm not sure what it means. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
That's great advice from your friend. Basically the 3-6-9 rule is an informal but very popular guideline among daters– it is used to set expectations and pace. Basically it says that the first 3 months is the honeymoon period. You feel the butterflies, everything feels new and romantic, you have all your firsts, and even conflict feels like something that brings you closer. You find out new quirks, perfections and flaws in your partner in these months. It is one of the major compatibility checkpoints. Though people rarely see things clearly in the honeymoon phase, still, there’s a lot to learn.

Then comes the 6-month milestone– you have been together or chatting long enough to know quite a bit about each other; you know what’s compatible and what’s not. By now you will have a fair idea whether things will work out or it’s best to let this one go.

9-months is the real commitment checkpoint– this is where you start thinking about a future. In online dating, you start wondering if this connection is worth investing in. You ask the important questions- are we exclusive? Will this work IRL? What about our goals? By the 9th month, if things are still going strong, daters decide to take things from casual to serious.

While it is not necessary to stick to this timeline, rushing in love is not recommended, especially when it comes to online dating. This method can help set realistic expectations and will constantly push daters to check in with themselves whether they are in it for love or for the lack of love elsewhere.

Hope this helps.
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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |156 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2025
Relationship
Hi Shalini ji I was in a serious relationship for 6 years with a boy whom I met on the 1st day of my college. He was from a different caste. Hence when my parents got to know they disapproved of it very strictly so I knew it wasnt going to work that easily. After sometime they started asking to get married. It was an ultimate pressure while we both were preparing for some government exams. I went through utter confusion and I got stuck between trying to study and at the same time thinking about my future with him. I was pressurised by my family including my brother and parents to leave him. Meanwhile I decided to not to carry it forward because I couldn't leave my parents for whole life to be with him because it was either him or my family. I lost all the focus towards my studies due to this decision and also started talking to some other boy (he was from my own caste accidently) whom I met accidentally at an exam centre for comfort. I got a brief moments of happiness with him. I confide my pain in him. Suddenly something happened in my family ,between my parents. And my mother started acting like you can choose your own partner for life because somehow she lost trust on my father. She even was comfortable with my brother's marriage with the one whom he loves. Now I feel completely betrayed because for them I left love of my life and got into another relationship with the boy I met at an exam center ( which now I feel was a hasty decision as I felt alone and depressed). Now no one talks about my real love and what i think about it for the future. I am in a complete state of repentance. I feel like I betrayed him. Now when i think of getting back to him I hesitate a lot because I think that I took a wrong decision due to the pressure and under stress. The person I am with now, I feel is not what I wanted as a partner and I feel that he is not mentally supportive. I wnat to leave him as well. What should I do now to be happy?
Ans: 1. Happiness is in your hand
2. You sound like an adult, over 21 and someone who knows what is right and what is not - so take action
3. If you are not happy in your current relationship, come out of it.
4. If you wish to reconnect with your earlier partner do so, but keep in mind he may not be single and if he is he will not be how you knew him, as in he will come with his own experience of life.

all the best.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2025

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 08, 2025

Relationship
Hello Gurus, i am M 30 I called a girl in an AM setup. Parents are involved and they talk to each other as well. After 2-3 months of continuous talking to her over phn i am convince their family is good and even she is a very good person. So we decided to meet her in person and also parents are meeting. Even though everything seems to be positive i want to check with you since its my first meeting in person is there any advice or suggestion that can help me navigate myself ? What things are imp to discuss even though we have discuss things over phn like emotional intelligence, kids, where to live etc. Your advice would be helpful for sure.
Ans: Dear Shan,
That’s a really good question. Before going to her place, try to build a mindset of understanding her, without any preconceived notion or pressure to get married. In terms of discussion, to understand emotional compatibility you can observe her behaviour- how she deals with stress, or how she might deal with conflict. Discuss daily life expectations, like what you like to do on weekends, do you enjoy occasional drinking or partying, do you enjoy spending time with friends, family gatherings, disciplined lifestyle, etc. Discuss about each other’s work life balance, expectations from in-laws and any non-negotiables. You should also discuss kids- if they want them, if you want them, and also when. Get clarity on expected living arrangements to avoid any future conflicts. These should be more than enough for a first-time meeting.
Hope these help
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.
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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2025
Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl since 2 years, we have a lot of differences like, she is more than 3 years older than me, our castes are different and she is marathi and I am non marathi. But apart from all this she has just got divorced from court legally, till now she was living separately from his ex husband. She had a affair for about 10 years with her ex but they started living separately just after 8 months of marriage. When I met this girl, we both fell in love, but there were 2-3 mistakes from my side during the first year of our relationship. I lied on small things thinking she will get hurt if she knows that. I haven't cheated, not even talked personal things with any other girl. And for the last one year i have been as honest as anyone can be. But I feel she is not like she used to be. I don't know if I can even call this a relationship anymore. Since we are colleagues we talk in office, we go out for dinner, we still talk lot of personal things too, but that spark is not there. I wanted to marry this girl once. What should I do now?
Ans: Hello sir. Sir, since relationships are very sensitive and the decision to marry someone is an important decision which should be taken with lot of patience so that you don't regret it later. And the thing which you said that she has changed, she may have changed due to your lies. I appreciate that now you are honest with her. Spark needs to be created. It will not remain without effort. If she is sincere with you and you are loyal with her and you both feel that you can spend life together, you should go ahead. Nobody remains the same through out the life. Changes always come. Sit patiently with your friend and discuss the options and see work out if you both want to get married. Then take a decision. I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025English
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Relationship
एक लड़के ने मुझे मित्रवत बना लिया और फिर धन्यवाद दिया, जिसके बाद मैं उलझन में हूं: क्या मुझे जवाब देना चाहिए?
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
किसी के मन में क्या चल रहा है या अचानक से भावनाएँ कैसे बदल जाती हैं, यह बताना बहुत मुश्किल है; यह अनुचित है लेकिन यह बहुत आम है। अगर उसने साफ-साफ बता दिया है कि वह आपके साथ कोई रोमांटिक रिश्ता नहीं चाहता है, तो बेहतर है कि आप आगे न बढ़ें। मैं समझता हूँ कि इससे आपको दुख पहुँचा है और शायद कहीं न कहीं, इससे आपके अहंकार को भी ठेस पहुँची है, लेकिन उसकी सीमाओं का सम्मान करना सबसे अच्छा है। उसके संदेश का जवाब देने की बात करें- चूँकि उसने आपकी मदद के लिए आपको धन्यवाद दिया है, इसलिए जवाब देना उचित होगा; आप इसे एक साधारण "आपका स्वागत है" कहकर कर सकते हैं। लेकिन मैं आपको ऐसा करने के लिए मजबूर नहीं करूँगा; अगर आपको लगता है कि वह इसके लायक नहीं है, तो आप इसे टाल सकते हैं। लेकिन अगर आप सोच रहे हैं कि क्या वह आपको वापस चाहता है, तो एक दर्शक के रूप में, मुझे इसका कोई संकेत नहीं मिला। फिर से, जैसा कि मैंने उल्लेख किया है, यह बताना मुश्किल है कि किसी के मन में क्या चल रहा है। यदि आप स्पष्टता चाहते हैं, तो आपको एक खुली चर्चा करनी चाहिए और उससे इस बारे में पूछना चाहिए। इतना स्पष्टीकरण तो उसे आपको देना ही चाहिए।

उम्मीद है कि इससे मदद मिलेगी
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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025English
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अंतर्धार्मिक विवाह की परेशानियां: नई जीवनशैली और ससुराल वालों की अपेक्षाओं के साथ तालमेल बिठाना
Ans: नमस्ते मैम।

मैं समझती हूँ कि जब कोई अचानक इतना बदल जाता है तो अजीब लगता है, जैसा कि आपने कहा कि लड़के की माँ का रवैया बदल गया है और अब वह आपको स्वीकार करने के लिए तैयार है। शादी एक बड़ा फैसला है और यह सिर्फ़ प्यार से नहीं होता। इसके लिए कई और व्यावहारिक चीज़ों की ज़रूरत होती है। जैसे कि दोनों तरफ़ से कई समझौते, वित्त, स्वीकृति, विश्वास और सम्मान। शादी से पहले जितना सोचना है, सोचिए और एक अच्छा फैसला लीजिए, लेकिन शादी के बाद आप चीज़ों को इतनी आसानी से नहीं बदल सकते।

थोड़ा और समय लीजिए और उनके व्यवसाय, उनके परिवार की प्रतिष्ठा, उनके रिश्तेदारों और पड़ोसियों के बारे में जानकारी लीजिए। उसके बाद ही कोई फैसला लीजिए। और चीज़ें अपने माता-पिता पर छोड़ दीजिए। वे बहुत ज़्यादा अनुभवी हैं और आपको खुश देखना चाहते हैं।

अपना ख्याल रखना!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025English
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मदद करें! मैंने अपने साथी को अपने पूर्व के नाम से पुकारा - दो बार!
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
चाहे यह कोई वास्तविक गलती थी या कोई लंबित मुद्दे थे जिसके कारण यह गलती हुई, आपके वर्तमान साथी के लिए यह सुनना स्वाभाविक है कि आप बार-बार अपने पूर्व साथी को याद कर रहे हैं, यह असहज और दुखी भी महसूस कर सकता है। मुझे उम्मीद है कि आप इस बात को स्वीकार करेंगे। अब हम इस बात पर आते हैं कि हम इसे कैसे ठीक कर सकते हैं- सबसे पहले, माफ़ी मांगें; गलती हो या न हो, आप फिर भी माफ़ी मांग सकते हैं। इसके बाद, अपने साथी के साथ स्पष्ट चर्चा करें- उससे पूछें कि उसे कैसा महसूस हुआ और आप इसे बेहतर बनाने के लिए क्या कर सकते हैं। इस तरह वह देख सकती है कि आप ज़िम्मेदारी ले रहे हैं और पहल कर रहे हैं। फिर, मैं चाहता हूँ कि आप सोचें- ऐसा क्यों हो रहा है? क्या आप इस रिश्ते में पूरी तरह से आगे बढ़ने से पहले ही आ गए थे? या आप अपने पूर्व साथी के बारे में सोच रहे हैं? यदि हाँ, तो क्यों और क्या यह आपके वर्तमान साथी के लिए उचित है? मुझे उम्मीद है कि यदि आप अपने उत्तरों के साथ ईमानदार हैं, तो अंत तक आपको कुछ स्पष्टता मिल जाएगी।

उम्मीद है कि यह मददगार होगा
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2025
Relationship
I have a crush on my colleague recently. We started as a friend but one day we get drunk on one of colleague house. We talk about life and love. I asked about his ex. He told his past relationship story how they break up. I also shared some of my past situationship. We live in a same colony. So we came back home together getting drunk I told him you can lean ur head on my shoulder. And he suddenly lean his head on my shoulder and he was sleeping and I wake him up when we reached our destination. He takes me to my house and I suddenly hold his wrist. I don't why did I hold him and next morning he yes hi (call my name)how are you I didn't respond properly I'm just like yeah good after that he seems to avoid me a lot he didn't talk to me much I caught him looking at me sometimes but it might be coincidence. I think he doesn't like me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand it must all be very confusing but I would suggest not jumping to conclusions. You think he doesn’t like you, but he might be thinking the same since you did not respond to him properly the next day. That could have triggered his current behavior. If you have feelings for him or if you even miss him as a friend, I would recommend you to clear the air with him. Just talk it out- you can explain how things got a little heavy the other day and that’s why you didn’t speak to him nicely and apologize if that made him feel bad. If even after that he continues to avoid you, then you will have better clarity.

Hope this helps.
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Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025English
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ब्रेकअप के बाद मुस्लिम गर्लफ्रेंड ने दी आत्महत्या की धमकी: क्या मुझे जिम्मेदार ठहराया जा सकता है?
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
मुझे खेद है कि आप इस मुश्किल स्थिति में हैं; यह भावनात्मक रूप से बहुत थका देने वाला लगता है। अब आपके प्रश्न पर आते हैं, मैं आपको कानूनी दृष्टिकोण से सलाह नहीं दे सकता, लेकिन मैं आपको मानवीय दृष्टिकोण से सलाह दे सकता हूँ।- भले ही आप किसी के मानसिक स्वास्थ्य के लिए ज़िम्मेदार न हों, फिर भी आप तब दयालु और मददगार हो सकते हैं जब कोई अपने जीवन के सबसे बुरे दौर से गुज़र रहा हो। आप उसे यह बताकर शुरुआत कर सकते हैं कि आप उसकी परवाह करते हैं, लेकिन रोमांटिक रिश्ता खत्म हो चुका है। और भले ही आप दोनों एक कपल न हों, फिर भी आप उसे इससे बाहर निकलने में मदद करेंगे। उसे बताएं कि वह इससे बेहतर की हकदार है और उसका जीवन बहुत मूल्यवान है- अगर वह कुछ करती है, तो यह निश्चित रूप से उन लोगों को प्रभावित करेगा जो उसकी बहुत परवाह करते हैं। उसे किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति से बात करने के लिए प्रोत्साहित करें जो उसके करीब हो। आप अपने सर्कल में किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति को सचेत करने पर भी विचार कर सकते हैं जो आप दोनों को जानता हो और इस स्थिति में मदद कर सके।

मैं समझता हूँ कि भावनात्मक रूप से बंधक बनाए जाने पर कितना थकावट होती होगी, लेकिन चूँकि मुद्दा खुद को नुकसान पहुँचाने का है, इसलिए चीजों को गंभीरता से लेना सबसे अच्छा है। हो सकता है कि आप उसके लिए इसे ठीक न कर पाएं, लेकिन आप दयालु हो सकते हैं। अगर वह लगातार ऐसा करती है, तो कृपया उसके परिवार को सचेत करने पर विचार करें। और अगर आप परेशान हैं, तो कृपया अपनी चिंताओं को किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति के साथ साझा करें जिस पर आप भरोसा करते हों। अकेले सारा बोझ उठाना मुश्किल होगा।

उम्मीद है कि इससे मदद मिलेगी।
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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025English
Relationship
41 साल की उम्र में घर न बसा पाने का अफसोस: क्या मुझे अब भी कोई साथी मिल सकता है?
Ans: यह पूरी तरह से ठीक है कि आपने जीवन में क्या चाहा, यह समझने में समय लगाया। कभी-कभी हम सिर्फ़ इसलिए आगे नहीं बढ़ पाते क्योंकि हम तैयार नहीं थे, या हमें उस समय ज़रूरी स्पष्टता या भावनात्मक समर्थन की कमी थी। लेकिन इसका मतलब यह नहीं है कि आप पीछे रह गए हैं। हर किसी की समय-सीमा अलग होती है, और आपकी समय-सीमा अभी भी बहुत आगे बढ़ रही है।

अब जब आप एक गंभीर रिश्ते के लिए तैयार महसूस कर रहे हैं, तो यहाँ कुछ कदम दिए गए हैं जिन्हें आप आत्मविश्वास और आत्म-जागरूकता के साथ इस नए अध्याय की ओर ले जा सकते हैं।

स्पष्टता के साथ शुरुआत करें। इस बात पर विचार करें कि आप किस तरह के साथी की तलाश कर रहे हैं - सिर्फ़ उम्र या पृष्ठभूमि के मामले में नहीं, बल्कि भावनात्मक और मानसिक रूप से भी। आपके लिए कौन से मूल्य मायने रखते हैं? आप किस तरह के संबंध की तलाश कर रहे हैं? क्या आप किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति के लिए खुले हैं जो पहले शादीशुदा रहा हो? बच्चे? जब आप स्पष्ट होते हैं, तो सही व्यक्ति को पहचानना आसान हो जाता है।

साथ ही, अपने अंदर झाँकें। भावनात्मक रूप से कुछ काम करें। खुद से पूछें: मैं किस तरह का साथी बनना चाहता हूँ? क्या मैं भावनात्मक रूप से उपलब्ध हूँ? क्या मैं अभी भी शादी के लिए "देरी" होने का पछतावा, डर या दबाव महसूस कर रहा हूँ? क्योंकि अपराधबोध या जल्दबाजी के कारण किसी रिश्ते में प्रवेश करने से अक्सर समझौता हो जाता है। लेकिन आत्म-सम्मान और सच्ची इच्छा के साथ इसमें प्रवेश करने से कुछ सार्थक बनता है।

चूँकि आप सक्रिय रूप से खोज कर रहे हैं, इसलिए आपके पास उपलब्ध सभी साधनों का उपयोग करना ठीक है - वैवाहिक साइट, पारिवारिक नेटवर्क, मित्र, या सांस्कृतिक रूप से उपयुक्त होने पर एक अच्छा मैचमेकर भी। लेकिन धैर्य रखें और यथार्थवादी बनें। किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति को ढूँढ़ना जो आपके लिए तैयार हो, आपके मूल्यों के साथ संरेखित हो, और भावनात्मक रूप से संगत हो, इसमें समय लग सकता है।

साथ ही, दबाव - आंतरिक या बाहरी - को अपने ऊपर हावी न होने दें। आपको "परफेक्ट" साथी की ज़रूरत नहीं है; आपको किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति की ज़रूरत है जो आपको देखे, आपका सम्मान करे, और आपके साथ आगे बढ़ने के लिए तैयार हो।

और यहां एक बात याद रखने लायक है: कई लोग 40, 50 या उससे भी अधिक उम्र में प्यार पाते हैं - और ये रिश्ते अक्सर अधिक सचेत, परिपक्व और संतुष्टिदायक होते हैं, क्योंकि वे वास्तविक जीवन के अनुभव और भावनात्मक ज्ञान पर आधारित होते हैं, न कि केवल युवावस्था के आवेग पर।
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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025English
Relationship
सख्त माता-पिता मुझे मेरे बॉयफ्रेंड से अलग होने के लिए मजबूर कर रहे हैं: मैं संतुलन कैसे पा सकती हूँ?
Ans: आपने जो साझा किया है, उससे यह सिर्फ़ एक बार का संघर्ष नहीं है। यह एक ऐसा पैटर्न है जिसमें आपकी इच्छाएँ और भावनात्मक संबंध लगातार माता-पिता के नियंत्रण से प्रभावित होते हैं। यह सिर्फ़ आपके रिश्तों को ही प्रभावित नहीं करता है - यह आपकी स्वायत्तता, जीवन के निर्णय लेने में आपके आत्मविश्वास और अंततः, आपकी आत्म-भावना को कम करता है।

आइए एक कदम पीछे हटें। ऐसा लगता है कि आपके माता-पिता डर, नियंत्रण या शायद सांस्कृतिक कंडीशनिंग के माहौल से काम करते हैं - यह मानते हुए कि वे जानते हैं कि आपके लिए "सबसे अच्छा" क्या है, भले ही इसका मतलब आपकी भावनाओं की अनदेखी करना हो। लेकिन यहाँ सच्चाई यह है: आपको ही अपने जीवन में किए गए विकल्पों के साथ जीना है। उन्हें नहीं। आप किसी से प्यार करके कुछ गलत नहीं कर रहे हैं। आप "अवज्ञाकारी" नहीं हैं क्योंकि आप अपने भविष्य में अपनी बात रखना चाहते हैं।

ऐसा कहा जाता है कि जब आप एक सख्त घर में पले-बढ़े होते हैं, खासकर जहाँ आज्ञाकारिता को प्यार से जोड़ दिया जाता है, तो बिना किसी अपराधबोध या डर के अपनी स्वतंत्रता का दावा करना अविश्वसनीय रूप से कठिन हो सकता है। लेकिन आपको खुद से पूछने की ज़रूरत है: अगर मैं दूसरों को खुश करने के लिए अपने दिल को चुप कराता रहूँ तो मेरा जीवन कैसा होगा?

इसका मतलब यह नहीं है कि आपको तुरंत कोई कठोर निर्णय लेने की ज़रूरत है। लेकिन आपको धीरे-धीरे अपनी भावनात्मक शक्ति को पुनः प्राप्त करना शुरू करना होगा। यह पूछकर शुरू करें: क्या मैं ऐसे तरीके से जीना चाहता हूँ जिससे दूसरों को आराम मिले लेकिन मैं भावनात्मक रूप से अधूरा रहूँ? या क्या मैं अपनी शर्तों पर जीवन जीने का साहस बनाना चाहता हूँ, भले ही इसका मतलब लोगों को निराश करना हो?

आपकी शिक्षा महत्वपूर्ण है, हाँ—लेकिन प्यार और शिक्षा परस्पर अनन्य नहीं हैं। स्वस्थ रिश्ते वास्तव में आपके विकास का समर्थन कर सकते हैं, आपको तनाव से निपटने में मदद कर सकते हैं और आपकी भावनात्मक लचीलापन बढ़ा सकते हैं। अगर आपका बॉयफ्रेंड दयालु, सहायक है और वास्तव में आपको आगे बढ़ते देखना चाहता है, तो यह एक आशीर्वाद है, बोझ नहीं।

एक रास्ता जिस पर आप विचार कर सकते हैं वह है धीरे-धीरे अपने माता-पिता के साथ भावनात्मक सीमाएँ बनाना—विद्रोह से नहीं, बल्कि आत्म-सम्मान की जगह से। यह उनके साथ हर व्यक्तिगत विवरण साझा न करने का विकल्प चुनने जैसा लग सकता है, या धीरे-धीरे लेकिन दृढ़ता से यह दावा करना कि आपका रिश्ता आपकी निजी पसंद है। इसका मतलब वित्तीय या भावनात्मक स्वतंत्रता की तलाश करना हो सकता है ताकि आपकी पसंद इस डर से नियंत्रित न हो कि वे क्या करेंगे या क्या कहेंगे।

यह आसान नहीं होगा—लेकिन यहाँ सच्चाई है: खुद को चुनने का मतलब यह नहीं है कि आप अपने माता-पिता से प्यार नहीं करते। इसका मतलब है कि आप खुद से भी प्यार करते हैं।
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
Relationship
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. There is no love or attraction between us. It was an arranged marriage. We have a 6 year old son but he never plays with my son or takes interest in his affairs. Yes, he pays his school fees, buys him clothes during festivals but that's about it. He expects me to be a dutiful wife and daughter-in-law, cook and clean up, take care of his parents etc. But there is no appreciation or romance. I used to be depressed all the time. A year ago, I decided to start taking care of myself and joined a gym. There, I met a guy, who is divorced and has a 9 year old daughter. We instantly got along and started talking about our boring lives. We have a few things in common and I feel happy in his company. He once invited me and introduced me to his parents as well. My son is fond of him as well and his daughter adores me as we have spent a lot of good times together. He has now expressed his desire to marry me. What should I do? I am not happy in my current marriage and this seems like a perfect way out.
Ans: The answer isn’t as simple as leaving one life and stepping into another. It’s about honoring your truth while being mindful of the emotional ripple effect, especially on your child. But you also must ask: Can I keep living this way, feeling disconnected and emotionally starved, simply because it’s what’s expected of me? More importantly, what kind of life do I want my son to see me living?

Children are incredibly perceptive. They learn what love looks like not just by how they are treated, but by observing how love is modeled around them. Growing up in a house where emotional distance is the norm can quietly shape their beliefs about relationships. On the flip side, seeing you pursue emotional fulfillment and healthy love can show him that joy, mutual respect, and connection matter—and that it’s okay to change paths when something isn’t working.

Before making any life-altering decisions, it’s crucial to explore your options with clarity. Counseling can be immensely helpful—not necessarily couples counseling, but individual therapy to work through the emotional layers of guilt, confusion, and pressure. It can also prepare you emotionally if you decide to move forward with ending your marriage.

It’s also essential to understand the potential legal, familial, and cultural implications if you choose separation or divorce. Seek guidance not just from an emotional well-being perspective, but also from a legal standpoint. Surround yourself with people who support your healing and growth, whether that’s friends, a therapist, or a coach.

Ultimately, you deserve a life where you feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe. You deserve to model happiness, not sacrifice, for your child. And you deserve to make choices not out of fear, but out of love—for yourself, and for the life you wish to create.
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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025English
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53 वर्षीय विवाहित व्यक्ति वैवाहिक विवादों और संपत्ति विवादों पर सलाह चाहता है
Ans: नमस्ते सर। मैंने आपका संदेश पढ़ा है और मैं सबसे पहले अपनी राय व्यक्त करना चाहूँगा कि एक साथी हमेशा सेक्स के लिए नहीं होता। अपने साथी की देखभाल करने के और भी कई तरीके हैं। आप अपनी पत्नी को डिनर पर ले जा सकते हैं, पिकनिक पर जा सकते हैं, उसके साथ उसके माता-पिता के घर जा सकते हैं। लेकिन जब हम ये सब नहीं करते हैं और सिर्फ़ साथी से सेक्स चाहते हैं। तो यह काम नहीं करता। इस उम्र में वह कुछ हार्मोनल बदलावों से भी गुज़र रही होगी। मेरा सुझाव है कि आप अपनी पत्नी के साथ अच्छा व्यवहार करना शुरू करें और उसकी देखभाल करना शुरू करें। धीरे-धीरे आपके बीच भी चीज़ें सुधर जाएँगी।
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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025English
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अतीत के आघात से बचना संभव नहीं: नए रिश्ते में अत्यधिक सोचना और संदेह करना
Ans: नमस्ते मैम, मैं समझती हूँ कि आप अपने अतीत की वजह से अपने वर्तमान रिश्ते के बारे में बहुत ज़्यादा सोच रही हैं। लेकिन हमें अतीत को भूल जाना सीखना होगा, अन्यथा हमारा वर्तमान बहुत ज़्यादा सोचने और असुरक्षा की वजह से बर्बाद हो जाएगा। सकारात्मक सोचें और खुद को कुछ सकारात्मक गतिविधियों जैसे कि किताब पढ़ना, योग, ध्यान आदि में व्यस्त रखने की कोशिश करें। आप काउंसलर से कुछ सत्र भी ले सकती हैं। माइंडफुलनेस का अभ्यास करें। मुझे उम्मीद है कि इससे आपकी समस्या हल हो जाएगी।
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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2025English
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ब्रेकअप के बाद उलझन: असुरक्षा से भरे रिश्ते के बाद सबसे अच्छे दोस्त के साथ फिर से जुड़ना - मुझे क्या करना चाहिए?
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
मैं समझता हूँ कि एक दीर्घकालिक संबंध को खोना मुश्किल होता है। साथ ही, जब आप रिबाउंड पर थे, तो आप भावनात्मक रूप से कमज़ोर स्थिति में थे। आपका मित्र विनम्रतापूर्वक किसी भी प्रस्ताव को अस्वीकार कर सकता था क्योंकि आप सोचने के लिए सही मानसिक स्थिति में नहीं थे- फिर भी, मैं निष्कर्ष पर नहीं पहुँचना चाहता और किसी पर दोष नहीं डालना चाहता। अब, आपके भ्रम के बारे में- अगर आपको लगता है कि अपने सबसे अच्छे दोस्त के साथ ऐसा करना आपकी दोस्ती को बर्बाद कर सकता है, तो आपको इस पर फिर से विचार करना चाहिए। अगर आपको लगता है कि इसमें भावनाएँ शामिल हैं, तो आपको इसके बारे में स्पष्ट रूप से बात करनी चाहिए और यह उल्लेख करके शुरू करना चाहिए कि वे आपके बारे में ऐसा ही महसूस करते हैं या नहीं, इससे आपकी दोस्ती प्रभावित नहीं होगी। एक बार जब आपको यह स्पष्ट हो जाता है कि आप दोनों किस पृष्ठ पर हैं, तो आप यह सोचना शुरू कर सकते हैं कि अगला कदम क्या है।

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025English
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क्या मुझे अपना वित्तीय बोझ कम करने के लिए अपने पति से अलग हो जाना चाहिए?
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
मैं समझता हूँ कि आप कितने तनाव में होंगे; वित्तीय समस्याओं से निपटना वाकई बहुत मुश्किल है। सबसे पहले, मैं आपको याद दिलाना चाहता हूँ कि आप सिर्फ़ गृहिणी नहीं हैं- आप एक गृहिणी हैं। आप अपने बच्चों की परवरिश करती हैं, और पूरे घर का प्रबंधन करती हैं। यह कोई आसान काम नहीं है, इसलिए खुद को कमतर न आँकें। और क्या अपने पति से अलग होने से कुछ बदलने वाला है? आपके बच्चे पीड़ित होंगे और अगर यह एक दुखी विवाह नहीं है, तो आपके पति को भी बहुत तकलीफ होगी। इसलिए मैं पूछना चाहता हूँ, क्या आपने कभी नौकरी के लिए आवेदन करने के बारे में सोचा? आप पर दबाव डालने की कोशिश नहीं कर रहा हूँ, लेकिन इससे आपको ज़्यादा मददगार महसूस हो सकता है। इस बारे में सोचें- यह कोई भी नौकरी हो सकती है; आप छोटी शुरुआत कर सकती हैं और धीरे-धीरे आगे बढ़ सकती हैं। इसके अलावा, कृपया अपने जीवनसाथी से बात करें। अगर किसी भी तरह से उसने आपको बोझ की तरह महसूस कराया है, तो मैं चाहता हूँ कि आप खुद को याद दिलाते रहें कि गृहिणी के रूप में आपका काम कमाने वाले के रूप में उसके काम से कम नहीं है।

उम्मीद है कि यह मददगार होगा।
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