I have had an arranged marriage two years ago. My wife was chosen by my mother but now they just don’t like each other. They have nothing in common and are different in every way. I lost my father when I was a child and my mother has brought me up alone. I have no siblings. I love my wife and I love my mother. I want us to stay together as a happy family but I cannot bear the constant arguments and angry words in our home. What should I do?

Dear C,

It’s a small crowd that you are all living in.

Too many people in one home can have its highs and lows. Privacy can be invaded and too many interferences from family members can cause a crack in the marriage.

Having said this, I do empathize with the fact that affordability of another home is an issue here.

So, have you tried getting back to the drawing board, bringing in all the members together and literally asking them to throw all that they have for and against one another.

If not, please initiate this. Simply explaining to your wife isn’t going to solve the problem.

If so many of you live under one roof, then it becomes everyone’s responsibility to pool in physically, financially and emotionally.

Your 2nd sister cannot cite reasons that she doesn’t want to live at her husband’s home. If she lives with you, how is she contributing to the home?

These are things that must be ironed out sooner than later. So, what are you waiting for?

Plunge in, bring everyone into the ring, talk, delegate responsibilities and ask them how they would like to contribute and share.

This will also allow your wife a feeling that you care, but that she needs to know your financial situation as well.

All the best!

Dear S,

Time this one out! Which means, drop a deadline by having a conversation with your husband as to when your family will finally have a chance to function independently from in-laws or any other external circumstances.

Dropping deadlines means, both of you will be under the pump to put down a plan as to what needs to be done to clear out the existing muck and how beautifully you will create a loving environment for your baby to grow.

Not taking care of the baby or you, is not an option for him; but I guess it has become a convenient arrangement for him as you live with your parents and he does not need to take care of the fights and expenses as well.

This could only mean he is escaping reality and finding peace in avoiding it. Put him in the face of reality and that goes for you as well.

Being too accommodative can also become a habit where you rely on the comfort of what it brings to you; in this case the comfort at your parents' home.

For the sake of the baby, work together as a team and create a beautiful relationship; which will help the baby grow healthy, physically and emotionally.

All the best!

Dear PS,

After a few years of marriage, reality can hit hard and then you realize that there are no commonalities between the two of you.

But isn’t that something to celebrate?

We would not be very happy with someone who is just like us. The differences bring in newness and a fresh outlook every moment. So, instead of focusing on the fact that you have nothing in common, why don’t both of you fix your eyes on what is good in the marriage and what each of you bring into each other’s lives?

A marriage therapist can guide you as this is something that they do day in and day out; by bringing awareness to what is beautiful in each other…

And kindly focus on your marriage. Your mother-in-law is simply reacting to the environment in the house and does what she knows.

Sometimes elders do not know the right way to deal with things that they never experienced.

When she sees her son stressed, she might feel it’s because of you and hurl abuses at you.

Each one is dealing with the situation in their own way. I suggest you focus on your marriage that is obviously important to you.

Do remember, storms may lash, but the ones who truly believe in the power of the Sun to relieve them, not only survive but thrive.

So believe that you have the strength to grow out of this and create a beautiful life. And you have mentioned that your husband and you stand together in rough times, so he is anyway going to be with you in this as well. Simply confide in him and grow together.

All the best!