I’m 39 male, married for last 10 years and have 2 kids.
We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot.
We live in a joint family with my two elder sisters. One of my sisters got married in 2012 and got divorced.
She lives with me and my other sister got married 4 years ago. She lives with her husband in the same house.
We have a big bungalow. My 2nd sister’s husband’s house is very small and my sister doesn't want to live there that's why she lives in the same house with me. The problem is my wife doesn't want to live there with my sister. She always asks why your sister is not going to her husband’s house? Why is she living here? They don't like each other. They talk to each other for the sake of formality.
I told my sister to go and live with her husband's house but she says 'I don't want to live there with their family; I will live here. This is my parents’ house.'
Because of this I don't talk to her too much. My wife says I don't want to live here with them, let us stay in another house. But I cannot afford another home.
I tell my wife that stay here because we cannot afford another home. This is our home.
But she does not understand and we fight every week about this.
I am stuck and cannot focus on my work because of this. Pls suggest what should I do?
Ans: Dear C,
It’s a small crowd that you are all living in.
Too many people in one home can have its highs and lows. Privacy can be invaded and too many interferences from family members can cause a crack in the marriage.
Having said this, I do empathize with the fact that affordability of another home is an issue here.
So, have you tried getting back to the drawing board, bringing in all the members together and literally asking them to throw all that they have for and against one another.
If not, please initiate this. Simply explaining to your wife isn’t going to solve the problem.
If so many of you live under one roof, then it becomes everyone’s responsibility to pool in physically, financially and emotionally.
Your 2nd sister cannot cite reasons that she doesn’t want to live at her husband’s home. If she lives with you, how is she contributing to the home?
These are things that must be ironed out sooner than later. So, what are you waiting for?
Plunge in, bring everyone into the ring, talk, delegate responsibilities and ask them how they would like to contribute and share.
This will also allow your wife a feeling that you care, but that she needs to know your financial situation as well.
All the best!
