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Anu Krishna  |732 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 25, 2024Translate
I am 45 years old and my wife is 33 years old. we have been married for 5 years. my wife is sexually very active and wanting and though I want I am unable to perform and make her happy. She is very friendly with a colleague of hers who may be in his late 30s and my wife knows he is trying to advance sexually to her. many times she shows his messages where he praises her physical appearance explicitly. She doesn't positively respond to those messages and leaves with a smile. she often goes with him for lunch or a coffee. She introduced him to me once and I joined them for dinner outside. During that dinner, she asked my permission to sit with him and I sat opposite them. They sat as if they were a couple. Daily evening she usually shares some episodes like today he came to my floor and was standing in a corner with his friend but stealing glances at me etc. There is another colleague of hers who is a little older or maybe of my age. She regularly goes with him for tea inside her office cafeteria and spends 30 minutes daily. There was a little gossip about them also by colleagues but she used to say how she ignores them to meet that colleague daily. One another colleague of hers is a little younger than her. He flirts with her openly. He messaged her once let's see how can we progress romantically. He also messages her often about her physical attributes which she passes with smileys. She never stops them nor encourages them. She shows all the messages and seemingly doesn't delete any portion of it. The stories the messages the timelines everything matches and she doesn't hide anything from me is what I believe. All the above colleagues are from different departments and she has no direct official business with them. This being the scenario, I proposed to her an open marriage option. since I know very well that she is so emotionally attached to me as ours is a love marriage and our marriage will remain intact. I only wanted her physical desires to be met. I know she shares a very good, or we can say romantic equation with the first guy I asked her to get along with his advances and I am more than happy with being intimate with him or any one of her choice. She says to me that she doesn't want to do that. I believe that she thinks I may get hurt or she is afraid that should not lead her into a complicated relationship or even worse a debauchery. Not due to principles. At the same time, she enjoys continuing with them over coffee and messages. She neither stops them nor encourages them. My question is what exactly is in her mind? What should I do? I just don't want her to suffer a life without sex and at the same time I love her the most and I want my family to be intact.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want to play a Savior here in your situation. Your wife is simply enjoying all the attention from men and sticking to messages and coffee meets. Of course, that is causing you to feel insecure about your role in her life. (This is just a perspective for you to ponder over and NOT in support of her actions)

When she isn't interested, why are you suggesting an Open Marriage? Do you think that that's going to be an easy thing on the mind and your marriage? Too many people get involved, insecurities, jealousies...the investment in terms of time, energy and emotions will be HEAVY and then there will invariably be a pile up of emotions in terms of new romances...it ceases to be only physical and emotions get underway. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides before it settles into a calm understanding is a journey that you and your wife must be willing to travel. Are you both ready for this?

Do not use Open Marriage to ever escape the situation at hand. Contrary to what people think, it's not all pink and charming roses!
What if you actually spend the same time to woo your wife back? Bring the spark back. Sex is not the only way to bond; in many cases sex is used more as a way to fill an emotional void. So, maybe it's possible that with the effort that the two of you put in emotional bonding might actually help the two of you to spice things up in the bedroom and then the number of times won't be the issue...the spotlight will more be strengthening the emotional bond that you already share.

It's a suggestion here that you work only bringing back the spark. You never know how things can change...

All the best!

Anu Krishna  |732 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2024Translate
Hi, My sister was married in 2020. her relationship with her husband was good. He used to come late at home and talk to someone for long hours but was very loving to my sister all the time. My sister became pregnant and during that time she came to our home. She was here for almost 10months during which her husband would visit occassionally. Post delivery, my sister was finding it difficult to manage since this was her first child. this her husband never understood and started flirting with another girl and when confronted, he would just say that he had no intention to get involved with that woman, that woman was like her sister. Later when my sister confronted him he refused to answer anything and would just leave the room. Later this matter was informed to his father who disapproved of his behaviour initially and later started supporting him for his behaviour. my sister tried everything that was possible to reconcile. She even told him to forget everything and start new but she just doesnt understand and still behaves in the same way. Now my sister has come to my home again but still he doesnt realise his mistake and doesnt even take any step to reconcile. Please guide what to do? She has a 1 year old girl. please share your opinion. i have tried everything possible even spoke to his father but he is also adamant that its not his fault.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can be done if the father also supports his son in an act of this nature?
It is time to involve the elders in your family to subtly put pressure on your sister's in-laws. Anyone in their sane sense will care for their reputation and if your sister's husband has an ounce of it left, he will do something to change paths.
If he doesn't and is still supported by his father and continues to be involved with women, then maybe you need to think of drastic steps to secure your sister and her little child's future. It will be a battle if you send her back home now and to manage all that with a little child is not easy.
So, before asking her to go back to her husband, cover all the loose ends which will make it safe and secure for your sister and her baby. If you see anything that will trouble her, then solve that part first...
If the in-laws are adamant, get your side of the elders to push back gently and then watch what happens.
Through all this, let your job be to strengthen your sister in terms of her mind; her baby is dependent on her well-being, so guide her to become self-reliant and mentally strong. It will be a big gift that you give her as a sister...

All the best!

Moneywize   |64 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 29, 2024Translate
I am 18 and I want to invest Rs 2,500 as SIP every month and plan to redeem at 55. What kind of mutual funds should I invest in? What kind of return can I expect in 37 years?
Ans: As an 18-year-old looking to invest Rs 2,500 per month through SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) and aiming to redeem the investment at age 55, you have a long investment horizon ahead of you, which is great for investing in equity mutual funds. Equity mutual funds have historically provided higher returns over the long term compared to other asset classes like debt or fixed deposits.

Here are the steps you should consider:

• Risk Profile Assessment: Understand your risk tolerance. Since you're young and have a long investment horizon, you can afford to take higher risks. Equity mutual funds are more volatile in the short term but tend to offer better returns over the long run.
• Asset Allocation: Consider a diversified portfolio of equity funds to spread out the risk. You may also allocate a smaller portion to debt funds or other conservative options for stability.

Types of Mutual Funds:

• Large-cap funds: These invest in large, well-established companies with a proven track record. They are relatively less risky compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.
• Mid-cap and small-cap funds: These invest in mid-sized and small-sized companies, respectively. They have the potential to offer higher returns but are riskier.
• Multi-cap funds: These invest across market capitalisations and offer diversification.
• Index funds: These mimic a particular market index, such as the Nifty or Sensex. They have lower expense ratios but may offer slightly lower returns compared to actively managed funds.
• Sector funds: These invest in specific sectors like technology, healthcare, etc. They can be riskier as they are heavily dependent on the performance of a particular sector.
• Historical Returns: It's important to note that past performance is not indicative of future results. However, historically, equity mutual funds in India have delivered annualised returns of around 12-15% over the long term. Your actual returns may vary based on market conditions.

Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio and make changes as needed based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Professional Advice: If you're unsure about selecting mutual funds, consider seeking advice from a financial advisor who can help you choose funds aligned with your goals and risk profile.

Given your investment horizon of 37 years and historical market performance, you could expect substantial growth in your investment over time. However, it's essential to remain disciplined and continue investing regularly, regardless of short-term market fluctuations.

It is impossible to predict the exact return you can expect over 37 years. The stock market is volatile, and past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results. However, historically, the Indian stock market has provided an average annual return of around 12-14%. This is just a historical average, and your actual returns may be higher or lower.

Roopashree Sharma  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Naturopathy Expert - Answered on Feb 29, 2024

My name is Sooriya, and I am writing to seek your guidance on a multifaceted set of goals I am committed to achieving in the coming years. I am currently 31 years old, standing at a height of 175 cm and weighing 89 kg. Over the past few years, I have actively engaged in a daily fitness routine, incorporating brisk walking and other exercises to address my weight management goals. Despite a successful reduction from 110 to 82 kg in the past, recent circumstances led to a weight gain, and I am determined to attain a weight of 70 kg or below. While personal constraints prevent me from joining a gym, I have dedicated an additional hour to my daily exercise routine. However, one of my challenges lies in frequent consumption of meals outside, even though I practice moderation. I would greatly appreciate any insights or recommendations you may have to help me effectively address this issue and achieve my weight loss objective. Additionally, I face the challenge of managing ADHD. Although I am currently on medication, progress has been limited. My goal is to overcome ADHD without medication, and any guidance or strategies you could provide in this regard would be invaluable. On the professional front, I am committed to excelling in my job, considering the responsibility of taking care of aging parents with a limited salary. I aim to become proficient in Carnatic music, having dedicated 20 years to the art and completed a diploma in first class. Simultaneously, I am learning German with the goal of clearing the A1 level. In the broader scope, my aspirations include becoming a pro in my job, achieving proficiency in German, excelling in Carnatic music concerts, and obtaining an additional PG degree. Furthermore, I am resolute in settling down, reducing my weight to 70 kg, and ensuring overall fitness by the age of 33. I acknowledge struggles with focus, procrastination, and a lack of proactiveness in my work, and I am actively seeking guidance to overcome these challenges. Your insights and recommendations would be highly valued as I embark on this journey towards personal and professional development. I appreciate your time and consideration.
Ans: It is good that you know yourself - both positives and your limitations. Everything is possible if you keep a balanced mind, along with your zeal - this way you can focus your energies in the right place. Therefore, to control the mind - meditation is key. I suggest you explore some of the Vipasana kendras near your residence. Be careful of misleading online videos and search for a good yoga/ vipasana teacher.

Ashwini Dasgupta  |52 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Feb 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 28, 2024Translate
Hello, I am a supply chain professional having 8 years of logistics experience in the core operations domain working as Associate manager.For quite a long time I have been looking for a job change as in the current organisation I am not getting anything fascinating to move further.in the current organisation I have been working for 5 years and promoted 2 times. Not getting of any better opportunity to boost my career thereby to enhance my skills has become the reason for a poor mental health now a days. Pls suggest me something that can lead to postive approach for a better way out. Thanks.
Ans: Hi Sir/ Madam,

Always changing a job may not be the solution.
Firstly have a conversation with your manager and voice out your aspiration and what will keep you motivate.
List out the kind of courses or trainings you may want to pursue to enhance your professional experience. And see if these trainings are done internally or if yes take up those trainings and if it externally you can decide accordingly. This will help you learn a new skills and drift your thought of been dis motivated. Mostly importantly learning a new will only do good for your career opportunity.
If incase there are no roles within the team then you may look for within organizational roles to meet your ask.
Do some research how the industry is trending this will help you more equipped when you those conversations with your manager.

Hope this helps. All the best

Ashwini Dasgupta
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a Skill or Attitude?

Anu Krishna  |732 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 29, 2024

Hi My name is sai prasad aged 53 years and recently i attempted suicide and gracefully survieved. As my spouse is having suspection that I have illegal connection with other ladies, which I explained so many times that i do not have any illegal contacts. But recently she behaved in different manner and we both went to urology doctor to remove my genetic organs. But doctor has denied and told that it is illegal and it is not possible. From that instance she is behaving strangely and she forcefully made me to pour hot water on my genetic organ and in this instance my genetic organs has burnt little bit. Before that she has damaged my right hand with her bangle which I undergone for 5 stitches and it took more than 2 months to cure. Still my right hand is not in good condition. On 7th of this month i have consumed alprozalam 50 tables and later on i was there in ICU for 3 days and survived. But I am not happy with her. She morning to bed time she use to abuse me that you have illegal contacts and in this instance i am diverting my income to other women. Need suggestion on my case. Thanks. Sai Prasad
Ans: Dear Sai,
It is really unfortunate what you have been going through. What you are facing is abuse at home...
Please don not experiment with destroying your reproductive organs; the damage can be irreversible and worse you will be fighting a long infection caused by injuries.
If your wife suspects you; either she has her reasons OR she just is a person who cannot trust.
1. Firstly, move out of the house for a few weeks at least so that you can heal mentally and physically
2. If you feel that this marriage might work after all this drama, then kindly go for couples therapy and individual therapy as well
3. If you feel that things are over, proceed 'gracefully' through legal means

BUT do not allow this abuse to continue; the reason I suggested that you move out and not ask your wife to move out is, so that she does not turn the situation around and claim cruelty by you.
Take charge of yourself and NOW; your life is important and it counts. So, live and live 'gracefully'...I am sure your loved ones would want that!

All the best!

Moneywize   |64 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 28, 2024Translate
My spouse and I are in our early 30s, earning Rs 7 lakhs monthly. Our aim is to create a substantial wealth reserve for our retirement and our children's future. How can we effectively manage our finances and investments to reach our financial goals?
Ans: Here are some steps you and your spouse can take to effectively manage your finances and investments towards your retirement and children's future:

1. Set SMART financial goals:

• Specific: Clearly define your goals. Instead of ‘substantial wealth’, aim for a specific target corpus (total amount) needed for retirement and children's education.
• Measurable: Track your progress by setting milestones with timelines, like saving a particular amount by a certain year.
• Attainable: Be realistic about your income and risk tolerance when setting targets.
• Relevant: Ensure your goals align with your family's needs and priorities.
• Time-bound: Set deadlines for achieving each goal, keeping short, medium, and long-term timelines in mind.

2. Create a budget and track expenses:

• List your monthly income (Rs 7 lakh) and all expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, transportation, entertainment, etc.).
• Categorise expenses as essential, discretionary, and debt.
• Utilise budgeting apps or spreadsheets to track your income and expenses.
• Identify areas where you can cut back on discretionary spending.

3. Build an emergency fund:

• Aim for 3-6 months of your living expenses saved in a high-interest savings account for unexpected emergencies.

4. Prioritise debt repayment:

• Focus on paying off high-interest debt like credit cards before aggressively investing.
• Consider debt consolidation to lower your interest rate and simplify repayment.

5. Invest for the future:

• Employer-sponsored retirement plans: Contribute the maximum allowed to your company's retirement plan (like Provident Fund or National Pension System) to benefit from employer matching and tax advantages.
• Mutual funds: Invest in diversified mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Consider seeking professional guidance for choosing suitable funds.
• Public Provident Fund (PPF): This government scheme offers tax-free returns and long-term investment benefits.
• Real estate (optional): Consider real estate as a long-term investment, but be aware of associated responsibilities and market fluctuations.

6. Seek professional financial advice:

• Consulting a certified financial planner can help you create a personalised financial plan considering your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Additional tips:

• Automate your finances: Set up automatic transfers for savings and investments to ensure consistent saving and reaching your goals faster.
• Review your financial plan regularly: Adjust your plan as your income, expenses, and life goals evolve.
• Stay informed: Educate yourselves about personal finance and investment options through reliable sources.

Remember, building wealth takes discipline, consistency, and patience. By following these steps and adapting them to your specific circumstances, you and your spouse can effectively manage your finances and work towards a secure future for yourselves and your children.

Krishna Kumar  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Feb 28, 2024


Krishna Kumar  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Feb 28, 2024

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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