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Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2023
I'm 27 year old female eldest in family, I was brought up by my grandparents and parents who always told me I need to be good at studies get a job earn well. I did whatever was asked I taught myself to be 'good girl'. But my siblings rebelled and they don't do anything listen to elders and still get away with everything, but they get treated the same way, they get same affection, all their demands are met, while I was their age I was made to earn whatever I wished for and even constantly told no. Now my whole life feels pointless, since all the principles I was taught made my life miserable and I feel like loser. I am not able to appreciate life. Nothing makes me happy, I don't feel like doing anything, whatever I do feels like a chore that I am doing for others. I just wish I die so that I don't have to keep living like this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but it's important to remember that you're not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many people go through similar struggles, and it can be helpful to talk about your emotions and seek support. Here are some steps you can consider:

Talk to a Therapist or Counselor: Speaking to a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you explore your feelings, provide guidance on coping strategies, and assist you in finding a sense of purpose and happiness.
Express Your Feelings: Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Share your concerns and frustrations with trusted friends or family members who may be understanding and supportive.
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own desires and what truly makes you happy. It's essential to prioritize your own needs and goals, rather than solely conforming to the expectations of others.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that everyone's path in life is different. Comparing yourself to your siblings or anyone else can lead to unnecessary stress and unhappiness. Focus on your own journey.
Seek New Experiences: Sometimes trying new things and stepping outside your comfort zone can help you discover what brings you joy and fulfillment. This could involve pursuing new hobbies, interests, or career opportunities.
Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities that bring you peace and relaxation, such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.
Find Your Passion: Discover what truly excites you and gives you a sense of purpose. It might involve exploring different career paths or pursuing further education in a field you're passionate about.
Set Small Goals: Break down your long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps. Achieving these smaller milestones can give you a sense of accomplishment and motivation.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Challenge and reframe negative thoughts. Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help you change your perspective on life and your own worth.
Seek Support Groups: Consider joining support groups or communities where you can connect with others who may be going through similar experiences. Sharing your journey with others can be empowering.
Remember that it's okay to seek help and take the time you need to find your path to happiness. Your life is not defined solely by the expectations placed on you in the past, and you have the power to shape your own future.
Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |404 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Oct 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2023

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2023

Hi currently sometimes I feel very low as couldn't cracking a competative exam like neet can you suggest how to get out of the phase and start afresh and achieve things and stop self critisscm
Ans: It's entirely normal to feel this way after a setback, but it's important to remember that setbacks are a part of life, and they can provide valuable learning experiences. Here are some steps you can take to get out of this phase, start afresh, and work towards your goals while reducing self-criticism:

Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, or low after not achieving your desired outcome. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Don't be too hard on yourself. Understand that not achieving a specific goal does not define your worth as a person.
Reflect and Learn: Take some time to reflect on what went wrong and what you could have done differently. This reflection can help you identify areas for improvement in your study habits, strategies, or approach to exams.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable and realistic goals for yourself. Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. This can make your goals feel more attainable and less overwhelming.
Create a Study Plan: If you're planning to retake the NEET exam or pursue another academic path, create a structured study plan. Make sure it's realistic, includes regular breaks, and allows time for revision.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family members, or a counselor about your feelings and aspirations. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can provide emotional support and fresh perspectives.
Positive Self-Talk: Replace self-criticism with positive self-talk. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with constructive and encouraging ones. Remember that setbacks do not define your future success.
Focus on Well-being: Pay attention to your physical and mental well-being. Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and practice relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing to reduce stress.
Stay Motivated: Find sources of motivation and inspiration. This could be reading success stories, attending motivational talks, or connecting with people who have achieved similar goals.
Stay Persistent: Success often involves facing setbacks and obstacles. Keep in mind that perseverance is key to achieving your goals. Stay committed to your studies and your personal growth.
Consider Alternatives: If you find that pursuing a competitive exam isn't the right path for you or that it's causing you too much stress, it's okay to explore alternative career options that align with your interests and strengths.
Remember that success is a journey, and setbacks are a natural part of that journey. Use this time as an opportunity to learn, grow, and come back stronger. You have the potential to achieve your goals with determination, self-compassion, and a well-structured plan.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

Dear Sir My daughter is currently in 2nd year of BCA . She wants to pursue her Masters from Germany public university I need to ask two questions Requirement of any English language Test Cost of living in Germany as I had seen no tution fee or very nominal fees is of that course
Ans: Hello Rakhi,

First and foremost, thank you for contacting us. I am extremely excited to hear that your daughter intends to pursue her Master's from Germany after the completion of her Bachelor’s degree in Computer Application. As as answer to both your queries, consider the following:

1. Prerequisites for English Language Test: Considering your query pertaining to any English language test requirement, I would like to inform you that Master's degree courses are offered in English by the majority of German universities. To secure admission to these programs, students are required to prove their English language competency. The Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) and International English Language Testing System (IELTS) are the English language tests that are commonly accepted. Remember that each university and program has its unique score criteria. The particular programs and universities of your daughter’s choosing may have varying prerequisites for language proficiency, and thus, I recommend that you visit each university’s official website and look into the admission criteria.

2. Living Expenses in Germany: With regards to your second question pertaining to the cost of living in Germany, I would like to tell you that although international students are offered either tuition-free or very low cost of education by a number of German universities, it’s crucial to take into account the living expenses. Based on your daughter's way of life and the city she lives in, the living costs can differ. Some estimated monthly expenditures, however, are mentioned as under:

Cost of meals: Your daughter can expect to pay between €150 to €300 as the monthly expenses for groceries and meals.

Cost of Textbooks and Study Resources: I recommend that your daughter would need to keep aside €30 - €50 each month for the same.

Housing Costs: On deciding to study abroad, I feel that accommodation costs can be one of the most expensive charges. Based on the city, the rent per month for a shared flat or student dormitory can cost roughly between €300 to €600 on average.

Travel Costs: The cost of public transport can differ from city to city. Your daughter may need to pay monthly charges ranging from €30 to €80 for the same.

Medical Insurance: To study in Germany, obtaining a medical insurance is a necessity. Although the cost can differ, the typical monthly charges for students ranges from €80 to €100.

Other Expenditures: Other expenditures that your daughter may need to spend for include purchasing personal belongings, recreational activities, and any other unexpected costs. For the same, I recommend that she keep aside an extra €50 to €100 per month.

Based on the student’s lifestyle and the city he/she resides in, the total cost of living in Germany per month can typically range from €600 - €1,200. Please remember that these are just estimated values, the actual costs however, may differ. To help alleviate the high costs of studying in Germany, I recommend that you daughter looks into the available scholarship possibilities or part-time employment prospects. Since the costs of living can greatly differ between different German cities, I suggest that your daughter conducts an extensive study on the costs of studying in the city of her choosing.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

I am a student in 3rd year of my B.Tech in Computer Science. I want to pursue Masters in either Data Science or in Artificial Intelligence. I like both of the fields. But I don't know if I can get a combined course or are those individually done. I need guidance to which one is better if I'm planning to do it from Germany.
Ans: Hello Aditya,

To begin with, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am glad to hear about your plans on pursuing a Master’s degree after the completion of your Bachelor’s. To answer your question first, I would like to inform you that your professional objectives and interests will play a key role in deciding whether to pursue a Master's in Data Science or Master’s in Artificial Intelligence (AI) in Germany. I suggest that you follow the points mentioned below in order to make an informed choice:

1. Get to know your interests: As you have previously mentioned that you have an affinity for both, the field of Data Science as well as the field of Artificial Intelligence (AI), I would suggest that you spare some time to dive deeper and acquire a deeper understanding of both the fields. Familiarize yourself with the particular subjects, course of study, as well as the employment opportunities offered within both the fields as these can prove beneficial in assisting you in deciding which among the two resonates with both, your interests as well as your future ambitions.

2. Research University Standing: As the second step in the process, I would suggest that you conduct an extensive study on both, the universities’ repute as well as the standing of the universities in Germany that provide a Master's in Data Science or Master's in Artificial Intelligence (AI). Remember, your professional possibilities can be greatly boosted through studying at a university with high repute in your preferred field of study.

3. Examine the availability of courses: Next, I would suggest that you check the availability of courses. Keep in mind that although specialized Master's degrees in the fields of Artificial Intelligence or Data Science are offered at certain universities, students’ on the other hand, may be offered courses by other universities that include both disciplines or enable them to specialize within their Engineering or Computer Science programs. I recommend that you conduct a study on German universities offering these programs to decide which programs best match your hobbies and interests.

4. Investigate the Program’s Curriculum: Be sure to look into your preferred programs’ curriculum or content. Machine Learning, Data Analysis, and Statistics are emphasized on in Data Science courses. On the other hand, programs in Artificial Intelligence (AI) cover topics like Computer Vision, Robotics, and Natural Language Processing. I would suggest that you investigate courses that align with your professional objectives.

5. Fulfill Language Prerequisites: For the programs you intend pursuing, I would suggest that you look into the language prerequisites for each. Master's degrees are offered in English at the majority of universities in German. Nevertheless, some universities may require students’ to be fluent in the German language.

6. Build Networks and Engage in Internship Possibilities: The technology sector in Germany is expanding. Acquiring hands-on experience can prove beneficial when embarking on your professional journey, and for this reason, I would suggest that you investigate programs offering both, chances to network with business experts, as well as internship placements.

7. Look for Scholarship Possibilities: Studying overseas can be costly. Nevertheless, scholarships help alleviate the cost of studying. I recommend that you look for scholarship possibilities offered by the universities.

8. Take into account your Professional Ambitions: I recommend that you pay heed to your professional objectives. Enrolling in a program in Data Science would be appropriate if you intend pursuing a career in the data engineering, predictive analytics, or business intelligence fields. On the contrary, pursuing a program in Artificial Intelligence (AI) deems fit if you enjoy working on state-of-the-art AI research, wish to enter the field of autonomous systems, or enjoy creating AI algorithms.

9. Consider the Long-Term Benefits Associated with both fields: Take into account the labor market in the long-term. Both the fields of Artificial Intelligence and Data Science are highly sought-after worldwide, but I would recommend that you conduct a comprehensive study on both the fields, and determine if one field offers greater chances in Germany or better suits the industrial demands of the country.

10. Lastly, I recommend that you get in touch with professors, academic counselors, or field experts to acquire guidance as they will offer useful information and aid you in making an educated choice.

Remember that exciting job opportunities are offered by both, the Artificial Intelligence and Data Science fields. Deciding which field to choose should depend upon your professional objectives and passion, as well as the availability of programs at German universities. To make the most appealing decision for your future, I would recommend that you carry out meticulous research and take into account the aforementioned aspects.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2023
Madam, Myself and my wife are old (79 and 73 years of age). We have only child (son) aged 50 years. My son was academically very brilliant in his school and college days. But after chicken box disease in young age he developed cardiac problem.Doctor diagnosed it as Cardiomyopathy and he is still undergoing treatment. Due to this shock, my son became too depressed and totally is disabled. He also became a psychiatric patient, diagnosis being Schizophrenia. He is not able to self manage. He is not settled in life - No job and No marriage! The concern is: After we parents leave the world there are no relatives or friends volunteer to take care of him. How to get a solution for this? Shall be very grateful to receive your advice. Regards.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

**JAY*JAGANNATH**, Wishing You For **HAPPY*ANANT-CHATURDASHI**, I'm based in Mumbai, but lives in Puri, Odisha, because of **LORD*JAGANNATHA**, Since, I'm a Business Analyst,, not yet Started my Practice,, i had a arrange marriage in my own caste with rest was OK, after reading some of Your advises and type of case,, i became enthusiast to know YOUR UNPARALELED PRECIOUS OPINION about my personal disturbances in my family.,for which We live Separate with my Only 18+Son, Studying & Preparing for his Entrance Test via Online.., she is in Guwahati,, working under at a Private Retail Management co., ME & MY FAMILY Severally attempted & requested her and her family too, to Come back & Join to my family for living together,, but when failed,, i encourage her OK live there,, as because after failing an attempt of school transfer due to language issue for a subject like Marathi in Upper classes,, Thus, i stopped disturbing her as well as my son's study. During initial level of Separation,, their family (ELDERS) requested me will handover my family (wife & Son),, if i Pay them(wife& Son) their expenses for a Full Year., that was happened when i reached for an attempt to Convince My Wife and their family to adjoin with me & with my family activity, that was Probably in 2010-11 somewhere in between,, i was Hr. Manager in a Cement Co. in Meghalaya. I agreed too & and Provide as per for a Year. But, while passing a year they became Silent.., not hardcovered my family. till as on date,, i am alone..! She & Elder Sister & the brother-in-law Says they won't divorce nor will allow to handover,, i said why..! The Starting of a Quarrel was with a Issue of Changing my Mental Perception,, while they tried to Implement me with Saying a FALSE PLAN,, but, i Caught their Such Attempt,, MY Mrs. later She admitted that, they tried it because of if I get my Changes in me & to take my decision well for my Next career. Since, i born & brought up in Guwahati, i had a Soft corner for North-East always,, which was happened after 15yrs of long Struggle in Mumbai,, i Stand on my own feet with My Own Struggle & a house for my Stability etc. After Marriage of a Assam Lady only it was a Scope again to Reach Assam.. So, i thought, if i can Start Something a great Project with in & around of North-East. But, that became a bad experience for me as on till. I arrived Recently too, to Convince her,, Come & Join me,, Rest all Hurdle i will Handle,, Now, No more My father also expired, a Retired. Rly Officer,, Parents too visited Severally Assam to Convince them but failed,, I always feel i am alone,, what to do with,, I am a family Oriented Person,, love to keep Relation Well with either Side Well. But, not happening. What to Do Now,, But, I LOVER HER & MY SON VERY MUCH,, BY ANY MEANS AS ON.., I HAVE NO PLAN TO LEAVE THEM ALONE & THEIR STRUGGLE TO..! BUT, I STILL, A HELPLESS, WHOM TO GO & CRY FOR THEM..!?! Kindly tell Your PRECIOUS Opinion on this,, I am Ready to Take Your Nobly too, Recently, I took little advise from a Legal Family Court Councillor at Guwahati, & their one of Next Door Reputed Lady Neighbour(Who Co-ordinated & Represent too for the Local area of their & for their Constituency during Elections & their any function of their Locality,, a well known in their Locality for a Good behaviour too),, I meet & Spoke to her Severally,, She herself Visited too & found My Wife Not behaving Normally & Cool,, a Raugh behaved Lady, She found & She Said, a disrespected Lady means not Gentle,, i Personally Visited Mumbai at her elder Sister's home too,, during yr.2015,, while in entrance,, the brother-in-law resisted me NOT to Enter,, from the door only i came back. Not meet even & had NO Talk,, while after little a distance i covered from their residence,, i found they again recalling me to Come & Visit. But, I found myself very off mooded, & not visited till as on & till date,, because. they only Created the False Nuisances' with their Plan,, which not became A Success.. they Caught. But, they were Proposer of Our both Relation. But, I want a Justice with this,, Since, I am a Simple & Honest,, Very Straight forwarded with Cut to throat Person..in my Nature,, Soft & Spiritual. Since, Many Years Now Connected to Krishna Consciousness too,, that is why for love & affection i am here at PURI. Kindly, Let me Know Your Precious Opinion by which I can Come out with my Loneliness. **HARE*KRISHNA** Thanking you, With Regards, Surajit Bhattacharjee, In Case if You have a Plan to Visit Puri, Odisha,, Kindly, Let me Know Your Date & Place to See **MAHABAHU**JAGANNATHA*,, You may Send by Your family & friends too with Prior Advance & info.
Ans: I understand that you are going through a very challenging and emotionally taxing situation. It's clear that you care deeply for your wife and son and want to find a resolution to the issues that have led to your separation. However, I am not a legal expert, and my responses are not a substitute for legal advice. It's essential to consult with an attorney who specializes in family law in your jurisdiction for guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

Here are some general steps you might consider taking:

Consult with a Family Law Attorney: Seek the advice of a qualified family law attorney in your area who can help you navigate the legal aspects of your situation. They can provide guidance on divorce, custody, and any other legal matters that may arise.
Mediation: Mediation is often a more amicable and less adversarial way to resolve conflicts related to divorce and separation. A trained mediator can help facilitate discussions between you and your wife to find mutually agreeable solutions.
Child Custody and Support: Given your son's involvement, it's crucial to ensure that his best interests are protected. Discuss child custody, visitation, and child support arrangements with your attorney and potentially through mediation.
Therapeutic Intervention: If communication and emotional issues are at the core of your problems, consider involving a family therapist or counselor. They can help facilitate productive discussions and address underlying emotional concerns.
Keep Records: Document any interactions or communication you have with your wife or her family. This can be useful in legal proceedings and may help support your case.
Stay Connected with Your Son: Continue to provide emotional support and be involved in your son's life as much as possible, even if you are physically separated.
Explore Community Resources: Look for local support groups or community resources that can provide emotional support and guidance during this challenging time.
Remember that every situation is unique, and the best course of action may vary depending on the specific details of your case. Seeking professional legal and therapeutic guidance is crucial in navigating complex family issues. Additionally, it's important to remain patient and persistent in your efforts to find a resolution while prioritizing the well-being of your son throughout the process.

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

i love my nebhour wife but my nebhour are my frz
Ans: It's important to recognize and address complex emotions like love, but it's also essential to respect boundaries and consider the consequences of your actions. Loving someone who is already in a committed relationship can lead to difficult situations and potentially harm the people involved.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have strong feelings for your neighbor's wife, it's important to prioritize ethical and respectful behavior. Here are some suggestions:

Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and understand why you have them. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor to gain insight into your emotions.
Respect boundaries: It's crucial to respect the boundaries of your neighbor's marriage. Pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with a married person is generally considered unethical and can cause significant harm.
Maintain distance: To avoid any potential complications or misunderstandings, maintain an appropriate distance from your neighbor's wife. Limit contact if necessary to ensure you don't act on your feelings.
Communicate with a trusted friend: Sharing your feelings and thoughts with a trusted friend or confidant can be helpful. They can offer support and guidance while keeping your emotions in check.
Focus on personal growth: Use this situation as an opportunity to work on personal growth and self-improvement. Invest your energy in hobbies, interests, and self-development rather than dwelling on unattainable romantic pursuits.
Consider the impact: Think about the potential consequences of your actions not only for yourself but also for your neighbor, their wife, and any other parties involved. It's important to act with empathy and compassion.
Seek professional help if needed: If you find that your feelings are causing significant distress or interfering with your daily life, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.
Remember that love can be complex, but it's essential to prioritize ethical behavior and respect the boundaries and commitments of others.

Dev Ashish  |30 Answers  |Ask -

MF Expert, Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2023
Hi..I have invested in in below given MF and my future target is 50 Lacs + in next 10 yrs. My investments are as below: 1. Tata Small Cap Fund Reg-G - Rs. 2000/- monthly 2. Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Reg-G - Rs. 1000/- monthly 3. ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund- Rs. 2000- monthly 4. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan - Growth - Rs. 2000- monthly Please suggest if I have selected right MF or I need to add/ switch to other best MF if any. Thank you.
Ans: To reach Rs 50 lakh in 10 years, you need to invest about Rs 21-23,000 per month assuming 11-12% average portfolio returns. Since no data about existing investments is provided, and given that you are doing a total of Rs 7000 per month in SIPs, there is first of all a need to increase your monthly investments to the required amount.

Having said that, you don't need so many schemes to invest Rs 20-25,000 per month. Just having a couple of schemes (like largecap index funds, and flexicap funds) would be sufficient.

Note (Disclaimer) - As a SEBI RIA, I cannot comment on specific schemes/funds that are provided or asked for in the questions in the platform. And the views expressed above should not be considered professional investment advice or advertisement or otherwise. No specific product/service recommendations have been made and the answers here are for general educational purposes only. The readers are requested to take into consideration all the risk factors including their financial condition, suitability to risk-return profile and the like and take professional investment advice before investing.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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