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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
PS Question by PS on Mar 17, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 Hi, Please guide me. I am into 10 years of married life with a son of 7 years, both are working...
It's an arranged marriage, but we got 6 months to know each other, initially as usual everything seems to be of roses but then comes with reality check..
We both are extremely incompatible.. our views, thoughts, interest, choices never match.
He has the habit of pin pointing on everything I do, it's hard to maintain my calm, as I have to manage school, my son, home everything. He helps in daily chores, we stand together in rough times but otherwise we can't discuss any situation with each other.
My mother in law also emotionally abuses me by hurling cheapest meanest nasty comments.
My parents never listen to me, they expect me to compromise... I'm tired, frustrated.. could you help?

Ans:

Dear PS,

After a few years of marriage, reality can hit hard and then you realize that there are no commonalities between the two of you.

But isn’t that something to celebrate?

We would not be very happy with someone who is just like us. The differences bring in newness and a fresh outlook every moment. So, instead of focusing on the fact that you have nothing in common, why don’t both of you fix your eyes on what is good in the marriage and what each of you bring into each other’s lives?

A marriage therapist can guide you as this is something that they do day in and day out; by bringing awareness to what is beautiful in each other…

And kindly focus on your marriage. Your mother-in-law is simply reacting to the environment in the house and does what she knows.

Sometimes elders do not know the right way to deal with things that they never experienced.

When she sees her son stressed, she might feel it’s because of you and hurl abuses at you.

Each one is dealing with the situation in their own way. I suggest you focus on your marriage that is obviously important to you.

Do remember, storms may lash, but the ones who truly believe in the power of the Sun to relieve them, not only survive but thrive.

So believe that you have the strength to grow out of this and create a beautiful life. And you have mentioned that your husband and you stand together in rough times, so he is anyway going to be with you in this as well. Simply confide in him and grow together.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I got married 1year back. It was an arrange marriage. But boy & his mother put so much efforts for convincing me for a year, though I was not comfortable by his mom’s behaviour of over controlling & dominating (she is on various anti psychotics medicine for 10-15 years), her husband is no more. I had my only parent my mom who got expired 3years back, no siblings. I am in good profession with job since 6 years. I kept myself busy in hobbies to get out of this loss. During that period, this family approached my relatives. I talked to them but couldn’t get convinced by their behaviour as his mom seemed to be very cunning. But finally got married to same person as my relatives were already convinced. They apologised & promised for their past misbehaviour. From first month, I got to know that I m married to a mama’s boy who made fake promises for protecting me. He becomes so unstable & had multiple outbursts. He puts all blames on me, he gaslights about me, whenever he is under his mom’s affect. My job is far away from their home. So I didn’t quit my job & living alone even after marriage. We both husband-wife meet on weekends. But as soon as he spends a day with his mom, he starts talking shit about me. His mom directly targets me in front of him, he never defends me. He just compensates with outings.. but later on, blames me that I asked him to take me out. I go home only for weekends.. but in that also his mom speaks something out of her own insecurities. I am clear now that her only intention is to make us fighting so he never visits me. And if I visit them, she does something blackmailing to threaten his son if he tries to ignore her. (For more info— she has all the authority & money though she was always the homemaker, no contact with her own in-laws, her own brothers & parents , even her own married daughter). I am totally helpless to save my marriage. I tried various therapists for couple counselling sessions but he does not show much if compliance & his mom just hate when u suggest couple counsellings. She wants everything in her hand, which I understood so early , so I kept continuing my work & living at my workplace. But my husband also never recognise the root cause. He gives me silent treatment for days till weekend. He just blames me everyday , very very sarcastic tone that I don’t want to talk to him even on a call. He does something for me & then everyday he blames me for asking for that which is totally false. Now I refuse to take any favour from my husband. I tried for baby but miscarriage. There was so much stress & immediately I moved to my workplace. Plz any suggestions?? For how long, me & my husband will be living like this ? Is there any similar case with some positive hope ?? I know he has some personality issues, one moment he is nice to me & within hours he backfires continues to talk without listening with full energy of blaming me for everything. He imagines something false to portrait about my image & doesn’t trust me at all. On other hand by their behaviour, I am constantly missing my beloved mom. And getting into that grief of losing her deeper. I am seeing my mom in my dreams regularly these days. I am feeling betrayed by trusting them & made a wrong decision on their fake promises.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You did ignore all the red flags that you already had spotted. You have married a man who is completely under his mother's spell. And from what you have shared counseling hasn't helped either. It would not have as until people think that they want things to change, nothing much will change.
I am unsure about how things can turn positive unless both spouses get deeply involved in working on the marriage. Also, how far are you willing to go to put that single-handed effort for you to see the change in him...It could be a heavy task on you!
It's about time that you evaluate where you stand in this marriage and how much longer you be the one to keep the marriage together? This should give you an indication on what your next steps can be...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |199 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

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Which overseas country MBBS will be better in-terms of quality education with reasonable fees (less than 50Lacs) for Indian students who may practice in india after FNG test?
Ans: Before the introduction of NEET, the scenario for admission to medical colleges was quite different. Many candidates aspiring to study medicine who did not achieve sufficient marks in their HSC (Higher Secondary Certificate) chose to pursue their education abroad. However, with NEET in place, numerous opportunities are now available in India.

The medical admission process in India has become more standardized, so there is no longer a need to seek alternatives overseas. In this context, I strongly suggest that pursuing an MBBS in India is preferable rather than from other countries. It is important to understand that candidates must clear NEET for both admission and graduation.

There are several challenges that young students—who are often minors—face when studying abroad. Our education system has not equipped them to handle various situations in foreign countries. Some of the major difficulties include:

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So, it might be wiser for candidates to complete their undergraduate education in India and consider pursuing postgraduate studies abroad later on. We should encourage our younger generation to take competitive exams, as this will help build their confidence and better prepare them for their future.
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How to overcome from past memories
Ans: Healing from painful past memories is an intimate and deeply emotional journey. It’s not just about forgetting what happened but learning to carry those experiences in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Start by honoring your feelings. These memories are a part of your story, and the emotions tied to them are valid. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, the sadness, or even the anger, without rushing to push it away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging the hurt can bring a sense of release.

Mindfulness can be a gentle companion in this process. When the past pulls you back, focus on the present moment. Notice the feel of your breath, the warmth of the sun, or the grounding sensation of your feet on the floor. These small acts remind you that you are here, now, safe and capable of healing.

Embrace self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have scars and that healing takes time. You don’t have to be perfect or have it all figured out. It’s enough to take one step at a time.

Sometimes, letting go means forgiving—not just others, but yourself too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and allowing space for peace and growth.

Surround yourself with warmth and support. Lean on those who uplift you, who remind you of your strength, and who offer you love without judgment. These connections can be a soothing balm for the soul.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have days when the past feels heavy again. Trust in your resilience and know that each day, you are growing stronger, finding new ways to hold your memories with tenderness rather than pain. You are worthy of peace, love, and joy in your present and future.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi
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Two years ago, I met someone, at a workplace inclusion workshop in Mumbai. He identified himself as a transgender man, We clicked instantly, and our friendship turned into a romantic relationship over time. He is incredibly supportive, kind, and ambitious. I admire him deeply because he has faced many struggles to be where he is today. My parents found out about him recently, and the backlash has been immense. They’ve threatened to disown me, saying I’m bringing shame to the family. They’re pushing me to break up with him and marry someone 'normal.' The societal pressure, whispers from neighbours, and even judgment from some colleagues are making things unbearable. I love him but I also feel torn between my family, cultural expectations, and my happiness. What should I do?
Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of being torn. This is a natural response to the competing demands of love, family loyalty, and cultural expectations. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment; they are valid and understandable.

Next, consider the core values and priorities in your life. What kind of life do you envision for yourself? What role do love, authenticity, and personal happiness play in that vision? Reflecting on these questions can help clarify your path forward.

Communication with your family is crucial, though it may be difficult. Express your feelings, the depth of your love for your partner, and the happiness he brings into your life. It might not change their perspective immediately, but it's important for them to hear your truth. Seek moments of calm and understanding, and try to create a space for dialogue rather than confrontation.

It’s also essential to build a support system beyond your family. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or support groups who understand and affirm your relationship. This community can provide emotional strength and perspective, reminding you that you are not alone in facing these challenges.

Lastly, prioritize your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it's spending time with supportive friends, pursuing hobbies, or even seeking professional counseling. A therapist or coach can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and help you develop strategies to navigate this complex situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, I am 44 years old man. I want to start SIP for my children, 6.5 years old daughter and 2.5 years old son. The objective is to secure their future and the funds can be used when they want to go for graduation/higher studies. I have shortlisted the following funds, please let me know if you recommend any changes. Thank you! 1-UTI Nifty50 Index Direct: Rs.2000 2-ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund: Rs.2000 3-Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund: Rs.2000 4-ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Rs.3000 5-Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs.2000 6-ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund: Rs.3000 7-Quant Active Find: Rs.3000 8-SBI Contra Fund: Rs.3000 9-Nippon India small cap fund: Rs.3000 10-Nippon India ETF Gold BeES: Rs.2000
Ans: Creating a portfolio for your children’s future is a thoughtful and responsible step. Ensuring the right mix of funds can maximise returns, manage risks, and help achieve your financial goals effectively. Below is an evaluation of your selected portfolio, along with recommendations to streamline and optimise it.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
1. Too Many Funds
You have selected 10 funds, which might lead to over-diversification.
Over-diversification can dilute returns and make tracking difficult.
2. Balanced Allocation Missing
There’s a heavy tilt towards equity with insufficient diversification across asset classes.
Adding a debt component can provide stability and reduce volatility.
3. Index Funds
UTI Nifty50 Index Fund and ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund:
Index funds lack flexibility and cannot outperform during bear markets.
Actively managed funds might be better for your long-term goals.
4. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Exposure
Nippon India Small Cap Fund:
High risk but high return potential.
Retain for diversification but limit exposure to 10%-15% of your total investments.
5. Thematic and Contra Funds
SBI Contra Fund and Quant Active Fund:
Thematic and contra funds have niche strategies, making them riskier.
Retain only one if aligned with your risk appetite.
6. Gold ETF
Nippon India ETF Gold BeES:
Adds diversification and inflation protection.
However, limit allocation to 5%-10% of your portfolio.
Recommended Portfolio for Your Goals
1. Core Equity Allocation (60%-70%)
Focus on funds that provide long-term stability and growth.

Large-Cap Funds: Replace index funds with actively managed large-cap funds for better returns.
Flexi-Cap Funds: Retain Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund for its global diversification and balanced approach.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Retain one small-cap fund (Nippon India Small Cap Fund) for growth potential.
2. Hybrid Funds (20%-25%)
Include hybrid funds to balance equity and debt.

Retain ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund for stability and moderate returns.
3. Gold (5%-10%)
Continue investing in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES for diversification.

Proposed Allocation
To streamline your portfolio, allocate investments more strategically:

Large-Cap Equity Fund: Invest Rs. 4,000 monthly in a strong actively managed large-cap fund like Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and consistent growth for long-term goals.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Continue investing Rs. 4,000 monthly in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund. This fund offers global diversification and a balanced approach to equity exposure.

Small-Cap Fund: Retain Nippon India Small Cap Fund and allocate Rs. 3,000 monthly. Small-cap funds add high-growth potential but keep the exposure minimal to manage risk.

Hybrid Fund: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund. This hybrid fund balances equity and debt exposure, providing stability with moderate growth.

Gold ETF: Continue Rs. 2,000 monthly in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES. Gold adds a hedge against inflation and enhances portfolio diversification.

Additional Recommendations
1. Debt Component for Stability
Consider short-term debt funds or liquid funds for low-risk capital appreciation.
These can be used for nearer-term educational needs like school fees.
2. Gradual SIP Increases
Increase SIPs by 10%-15% annually as your income grows.
This ensures your investments grow in tandem with inflation.
3. Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio annually to evaluate performance.
Rebalance if any fund consistently underperforms for over 2-3 years.
4. Tax Planning
Retain an ELSS tax-saving fund to maximise tax benefits under Section 80C.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to securing your children's education is commendable. This revised portfolio offers a balanced mix of growth and stability. It ensures you can meet future education milestones confidently. Stay consistent, increase contributions periodically, and monitor performance regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have 60 lakhs inr as retirement money.Where to invest to generate an income of 40000-50000 plus appreciate the capital and im what ratio to invest to save the capital in case of a rainy day?
Ans: To generate a monthly income of Rs. 40,000 to Rs. 50,000 while preserving and appreciating your retirement corpus of Rs. 60 lakhs, it is crucial to follow a balanced and diversified investment strategy. Here's a comprehensive plan that balances income generation, capital appreciation, and safety for rainy-day needs:

Investment Allocation for Income and Capital Growth
1. Fixed Income Instruments (30%-40%)
Objective: Stable monthly income and capital protection.

Options:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): If you are 60+, invest up to Rs. 30 lakhs for quarterly payouts.
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): Offers reliable monthly income with low risk.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FD): Choose deposits with monthly interest payouts for stable cash flow.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider high-quality short-term or dynamic bond funds for better tax efficiency and returns.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 20-25 lakhs.

2. Equity Mutual Funds (40%-50%)
Objective: Long-term capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Options:

Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs): Dynamically allocate between equity and debt for moderate risk.
Large Cap Funds: Focus on blue-chip companies for stability.
Multi-Cap Funds: Provide diversified exposure to large, mid, and small caps.
Approach: Start a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds after 3 years for tax-efficient income.

Approximate Allocation: Rs. 25-30 lakhs.

3. Emergency Fund (10%-15%)
Objective: Cover unforeseen expenses or emergencies.

Options:

Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Use short-term FDs or sweep accounts for easy access to funds.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 6-9 lakhs.

4. Alternative Investment (Optional - 5%-10%)
Objective: Enhance portfolio diversification.

Options:

Gold ETFs/Sovereign Gold Bonds: Hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.
Corporate Bonds or Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs): Ensure AAA-rated for safety.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 3-5 lakhs.

Monthly Income Strategy
Fixed Income Source: Use interest from SCSS, POMIS, and FDs for regular monthly cash flow.
Equity SWP: Start withdrawing Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly after 3 years. This ensures tax efficiency and steady income.
Rainy-Day Protection
Maintain a liquid fund with Rs. 6-9 lakhs for quick access during emergencies.

Avoid locking too much in illiquid instruments like long-term FDs or property.

Points to Remember
Rebalance Annually: Review and adjust allocation to align with market conditions.
Tax Efficiency: Debt instruments like SCSS and POMIS are taxable. Equity funds offer LTCG tax benefits.
Inflation Adjustment: Reinvest surplus income to ensure your corpus grows with inflation.
Final Insights
A balanced mix of fixed income and equity can provide regular income and capital growth. Prioritise liquidity for emergencies while optimising tax efficiency. This approach ensures financial independence throughout retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |833 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |39 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hi Namita ji! I am a 41 yr old Male. I have always have too much of gas and keep passing odourless gas a lot through out the day. I have recently being diagnosed with early stages of ankylosing spondylitis. Please guide me. Also, is there any home medicines that I can take to relive from the gas.
Ans: Excessive gas can be caused by multiple factors, such as diet, gut health, or lifestyle habits. Since you've been diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, inflammation might also be contributing to gut issues. Here are some tips to help manage gas and improve digestion:

Yoga Practices:
Pawanmuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose): This pose helps release trapped gas. Lie on your back, hug your knees to your chest one at a time, and gently press them down toward your abdomen.
Vajrasana (Thunderbolt Pose): Sit on your heels immediately after meals to aid digestion.
Cat-Cow Pose: This gentle movement improves spinal flexibility and stimulates digestive organs.
Home Remedies for Gas:
Ajwain (Carom Seeds) and Black Salt: Mix 1 tsp of ajwain with a pinch of black salt. Consume with warm water.
Fennel Tea: Boil fennel seeds in water, strain, and sip after meals.
Ginger and Lemon: Mix grated ginger with a few drops of lemon juice and chew before meals.
Important Notes:
Avoid gas-triggering foods like beans, carbonated drinks, and fried items.
Maintain a regular meal schedule and eat smaller portions.
Consult a healthcare provider for dietary guidance and a yoga coach for safe practice tailored to ankylosing spondylitis.

Warm Regards,
R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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