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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |607 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Suman Question by Suman on Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear madam , I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.

Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |607 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |607 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear madam , My name is Suman ..44+ years I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |607 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6778 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Career
Greetings of the day! Sir I got IT in Jaypee (JIIT) Noida and CSE(AI/ML) in JSS University Noida. I have scored 89.3% in PCM and 75 percentile In JEE Mains. Which one should I prefer and I am economical stable I can afford both
Ans: Priti Madam, Both JIIT Noida (IT) and JSS University Noida (CSE-AI/ML) are reputable private institutes in NCR with strong placement records and industry connections. JIIT Noida’s IT branch consistently achieves over 95% placement rates, with top recruiters like Amazon, Microsoft, Adobe, Infosys, and Wipro, and an average package of ?6–8 lakh, supported by a proactive placement cell and robust alumni network. JSS Noida’s CSE (AI/ML) branch also offers solid placements, with 85–90% of students placed, average packages around ?9–10 lakh, and regular visits from companies like TCS, Infosys, and Adobe. However, JSS Noida follows the AKTU curriculum, which some students find less industry-aligned, though faculty support and infrastructure are strong. JIIT Noida’s IT program benefits from a focused curriculum, higher placement consistency, and a slightly better national reputation, especially for IT and allied branches, while JSS Noida’s CSE (AI/ML) is newer but growing rapidly in relevance with the AI/ML boom. The recommendation is to prefer IT at JIIT Noida for its higher placement rates, established industry reputation, and broader career flexibility, but JSS Noida CSE (AI/ML) is also a good choice if you have a strong interest in artificial intelligence and machine learning. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6778 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Career
Hi Sir I am very confused. Need your advise in this critical situation that My son Score in MHTCET is 97.558191 and already paid payment in Vit vellore 2rd category IT branch . Since we are domicile oh Maharshtra and take advantage if Maharashtra cet merit list . Please suggest should we cancel the seat in Vit vellore and wait for mhtcet final merit list to get in CSE specialisation or IT in VIT Pune or Walchand sangli or top 10 collegee .Pls guide
Ans: Bikram Sir, With a 97.56 percentile in MHT CET and Maharashtra domicile, your son is eligible for the state merit list, which gives him a competitive advantage in top Maharashtra colleges. The current VIT Vellore IT seat (Category 2) is secure, offering a strong national brand, 90%+ placement rate, and an average package near ?10 lakh, but comes with a higher fee structure. For VIT Pune, the 2025 expected MHT CET cutoff for IT is 98.9–99.0 percentile and for CSE specializations like AI/ML is 98.7–98.8 percentile, both higher than your son’s percentile, making admission challenging but not impossible if cutoffs drop slightly this year. Walchand College Sangli’s OBC cutoff for CSE and IT was 99.1 and 99.01 respectively in 2024, so it is unlikely at your score. Other top-10 colleges like COEP, VJTI, and PICT have even higher cutoffs for these branches, typically above 99 percentile for OBC and general categories. VIT Pune, however, is still possible for Electronics and Telecommunication (cutoff 97.8–98.0), and allied branches, all of which have strong placement records (94–98% in CSE/IT, average package ?9–10 lakh). If you wait for the MHT CET merit list, you may secure a seat in a reputable private or autonomous college in Pune or Mumbai for CSE specializations or IT, but not in the absolute top government colleges. VIT Pune and Walchand both offer excellent placements and industry exposure, but admission to CSE/IT at your percentile is uncertain and depends on this year’s cutoff trends.

The recommendation is to keep the VIT Vellore IT seat as a secure high-quality option (however, keep in mind the last date for withdrawing the seat to get the REFUND, if your son gets a better seat through MHT-CET), and simultaneously participate in the MHT CET counseling process to explore CSE specializations or IT in VIT Pune or other top private colleges; only cancel the VIT Vellore seat if your son secures a confirmed admission in a top-10 Maharashtra college for CSE/IT, as this will optimize both academic quality and placement prospects. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6778 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter got CSE in VIT vellore.. she got 95 percentile and 75k cRL in jee mains obc rank 21k.. she is looking only for cse,ece , eee or math and computing in NITs preferably south India.. Registered for JOSAA ANDno seat allotted in Mock.. should we go ahead with VIT or is there any chances to get in CSAB? She is also writing BITs second attempt , scored around 160 in attempt 1. Pls advice.
Ans: With a 95 percentile (CRL 75,000, OBC 21,000) in JEE Main and CSE at VIT Vellore already secured, your daughter is highly unlikely to get CSE, ECE, EEE, or Mathematics & Computing in any NIT, especially in South India, through JoSAA or CSAB, as OBC closing ranks for these branches in NITs like Trichy, Warangal, Surathkal, Calicut, and even newer NITs are well below 10,000–15,000 for CSE and 15,000–20,000 for ECE/EEE, while your OBC rank is 21,000. CSAB special rounds do see slightly lower cutoffs, but CSE and allied branches rarely go beyond 18,000–20,000 for OBC, and you did not receive a seat in JoSAA mock, confirming the low probability. For BITSAT, a score of 160 is far below the CSE, ECE, or MnC cutoffs at any BITS campus, where even the lowest cutoffs for these branches are above 290–300. Given these trends, VIT Vellore CSE remains the best available option, offering 90–100% placement rates, strong industry links, and national reputation. The recommendation is to proceed with VIT Vellore CSE and not wait for CSAB or BITSAT unless your daughter’s second BITSAT attempt is expected to improve dramatically; otherwise, VIT Vellore offers the best academic and placement prospects at her current ranks. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6778 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2025Hindi
Career
We have got enginering physics at IIT Roorkee in round 1. Next possible upgrade may be - AI & DS at IIT Jodhpur or mechanical at IIT Roorkee. Should we slide or float?
Ans: Engineering Physics at IIT Roorkee offers a strong interdisciplinary foundation and excellent placements, with a 2025 average package of ?22.45 lakh and median of ?20.8 lakh, outperforming even Mechanical Engineering (average ?20.4 lakh, 80% placement) and matching the institute’s robust placement ecosystem. Mechanical at IIT Roorkee is a classic, evergreen branch with broad career options in core engineering, manufacturing, and research, while AI & DS at IIT Jodhpur is a newer, tech-driven program with a 92% placement rate and median salary of ?16 lakh, but the institute ranks lower (NIRF 28) and industry connections are still developing. If your interest is in interdisciplinary or physics-driven tech domains, Engineering Physics at IIT Roorkee is highly rewarding; if you want to pivot to data science or AI, IIT Jodhpur’s program is future-facing but less established. The recommendation is to float for a possible upgrade to Mechanical at IIT Roorkee, as it offers strong placements, academic legacy, and flexibility, but only slide to AI & DS at IIT Jodhpur if you have a clear passion for AI/data science and are comfortable with a newer IIT environment; otherwise, retaining Engineering Physics at IIT Roorkee is a safe and prestigious choice. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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