Hi Anu, I got married in Jan 2019 and it was an arranged marriage. Before marriage my husband loved me and we used to meet often and go out. But after marriage i got to know that his parents are extremely controlling and strict, they brainwashed him. A week into marriage we started fighting, and since then it's been a see-saw of love and hate. Soon we found out that he is impotent, but I helped him get over it, be it doctor's appointments or medicine, I took care of everything, it took us a year but we finally consummated our marriage. Then due to covid we moved to my in-laws’ house at his request. And then this marriage became hell to me, my in-laws started verbally abusing me every day though my husband tried to protect me but failed. I thought after the baby they would stop but it got worse so I took my 1-month-old baby and moved into my parents’ house. My husband came and begged me to not leave him, he said we'll move out to our own place. I agreed but then he called and told me that we'll go to another city after a year and I should stay with my mother till that time. BTW I am taking care of the baby all on my own financially, he won't do it unless I start living with him. I am financially independent. I don't know whether I should leave him or not, help?

Hi Anu, 10+yrs of marriage with 9yr child. I am working and all financial burden is on me. I shifted separately from in-laws' house due to financial constraints and expectations. Though elder-in-law, my in-laws didn't try to stop our decision to move separately despite knowing that my hubby doesn't earn a single penny. They expected and I had to share financial expenses with my marginal income 10 years ago. After 5 years, we moved nearby and purchased our own house very little help from in-laws. I took loan and managed the rest with help from my family and friends. In between a lot happened. My father-in-law expired and my mother-in-law is a cancer patient. My mother-in-law started expecting from my hubby and me, probably because her younger son shifted with her family. She didn't want to live with them due to differences with her wife. She complained to my husband that we are not good enough to take care of her. I already had a lot of burden from office so I told my husband to take care of our child as well for sometime. He was quite depressed and frustrated with his inability to earn. Already lot of my hard-earned money has been put in his work n wasted.Now, the real problem during these difficult times began when we started fighting. I had lot of office stress and after mother in law complained, she shifted with her other son. At times, I got frustrated with my child also due to the whole mess, financial burden. I felt like all my hard earned money was wasted due to office stress and my hubby's irresponsible behaviour. He did not even take care of my child’s studies. He started watching porn... I saw him twice and even warned him. My husband started cheating on me with our maid. He did it when he was stressed because I was not able to give him time. I confronted him and since then it has been an emotional trauma. I am yet to accept it. 9 months have been passed. We decided on certain things but I couldn’t accept it.. Due to our emotional bond, I gave him another chance... During that time he accepted and was ready to leave everything and wanted me to be happy. He said he committed a big mistake but recently I found he called that b**ch later. When I confronted him he said he’d advised not to come home in front of his family members. I decided it would be best for him to move out and work from another place. My MIL was living with me but then I felt it too much at times.. now somewhat even my child has emotionally detached from him. It’s the same with him as we've been staying separately from 7 months. He visited 3 times during puja and other needs. I feel emotionally detached and I can’t digest the family situation.Sometimes I feel it's difficult to find the courage to avoid all and live alone. What's the point in living in a marriage for sake of it without having any emotional, physical, financial dependency or security?I am 39 and earn a decent salary at this moment. But I am not sure of my future as I work in a private firm. I am worried about my child’s education, old age, financial insecurity and burden. I haven’t been able to save much because of our financial liabilities and husband’s investments in businesses that never materialised.Before this incident, my husband supported me in my career and also to bring up our child. But what happened is too much and unexpected. Any suggestions?

Dear mam, I am married for 14 yrs. Love marriage. I used to work earlier but quit because my husband was earning well and he said he will take care of me and my son. We used to be a happy couple but during the lockdown my mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to move in with us. Slowly they started creating issues between my husband and me often badmouthing my behaviour or complaining about me. I was unaware about it until recently when we had a big fight. That’s when I realised that they have been planning to drive me out of the house and get him married to someone else whom they can manipulate. It’s been over a year now that my husband is not even talking to me properly. I went and stayed with my parents for some time but even they feel I am a burden and should adjust and accommodate instead of giving them reasons to fight. They don’t understand that all this is politics. Now my husband is talking to some girl whom I don’t like. That is causing more problems and fights between us. Anything I say is used against me now. Please help me mam. What to do?

Hello, I am from a good educated family in Dehradun. I got married 3 years back in an arranged marriage setup through a mediator in Meerut. My husband has a small sportswear factory above his home only and mostly he is at home. I have a widowed MIL and SIL who is married just a year before me. There were problems in my marriage from the very beginning but my parents and me were too naive to see the red flags. They had demanded 20lakh cash and also my parents had given them lot of gold silver items which my MIL has withheld and says I have taken everything and my husband also supports her everytime. He is a mumma's and sister's boy and lies to me all the time. He does not value my opinions and expects me to obey him and his mother. He verbally abuses too much which he did not disclose before marriage. I left my job before marriage as my parents were finding a match for me from past 2 years but were fed up so there desperation got me married here in Meerut. They mentioned there income as 20-25lakh in biodata but I still don't know the real income of my husband. He says he has taken loan from his mother and is in her debt and says all the time that his, his mother and his sister's bond is unbreakable, without me asking. From beginning I was not treated like a family member but they just instructed me what were my responsibilities of cooking and handling house and bowing down to her sister and brother-in-law. My husband never stood up for me in beginning. One night he became so abusive that he twisted my hand and verbaly abused my family so much. I in fear called my mother and they took me back. I filed a case against him and we stayed separately for around 1.3 years. That was a horrific time for me and my parents, going to courts and they never appearing once. I started online MBA and small job side by side to bear my expenses as my husband was not supporting financially at all. He was not ready to give back our money or jewellery and just saying he wanted to stay with me, but I did not wanted to go back to that house. His mother created too much drama in front of him and foul language was normal in that house. After a counselling session I arranged, which he was not ready to attend but I convinced him, we decided to give it another chance as he apologised to me and my parents. and I also thought about my future which would impact my family and younger sister as well. So his family came to our house to take me back and welcomed me nicely this time with bouquet and my husband decorated our room with balloons. 3-4 months it was all well, they behaved nicely, I ignored small things his mother said or did. I tried to recreate the bond with them, but there rude behaviour returned. His mother's insecurity is impacting me and my husband's relation so much, that he ignores my needs for her and does not see I'm in pain even if I tell him. I am filled with anger and frustration now and when I share it with my husband, he blames me for overthinking and verbally abuse me sometimes for destroying his life. I am going in depression due to this and unable to focus on my studies or any work. Due to this stress I don't feel like staying in that house and frequently visit my parents house, but my husband does not let me live in peace here also, he keeps verbally abusing and taunting me for staying at my parents so much and tells me he cannot come every second month there in a very rude abusive tone. I am fed-up of his dual attitude, one day he showers so much love, next day he gets so out of control. With rest of the world he is so sweet and shows he loves me so much, which has brought me in a bad light to think so bad of him. My problems are everyday little problems for them which I should bear. Currently I am 7 month pregnant and at my parents home. He beared my meds and doctor expenses there, but keeps on reminding me this that he has done this, he brought an almira for me after so many months of me begging him because they did not had any basic amenities arranged for me beforehand. My parents gave automatic washing machine, and few more new items during marriage but no gratitude for anything, instead they keep telling me they got almira for me, put khanewali for me as if they are not eating that food. I had cooked full 3 time meals and serving them on there bed, still they say 'kuch ni karti, kamre mei rehti hai. mumyji ke sath ni baithti, iske lie ye kardia, ghuma ke late hain' or meri kamiya ginate rete hain. They do not tell full truth, what me and my parents have done for them. My husband does not know proper English also and thinks himself no less than a king. His mother and sister enables his bad behaviour and laugh it off. I am worried for my future now as now a kid is involved. I had left my job again to go back as everyone told me to focus on mending relations first. He does not seem to care much for the baby also. When I tell him I have a headache, he tells me he has more headaches and responsibilities than me. Never really understood my feelings or cared genuinely. Mostly worried about money. All financial assets are in his mother's control so he has to bow down to her tantrums, and expects me to do that as well. She keeps showing him how sick she is, but goes to kitty parties and my husband takes her mostly everywhere with us on vacations. If me and my husband go even on a 2-day trip, my husband keeps video calling her because he knows her insecurity. She also keeps saying things like, 'tere bina pal pal katna bhari hora' like a couple talks. But if my SIL goes on 6 day trip with her husband, then she is very happy and tells them to enjoy. This gives me chills and spoils my mood everytime. My husband knows it yet he does not say or do anything about it. But I cannot continue like this, I feel suffocated and stuck many times, not knowing if I even belong here or not. My husband feels spending money on counselling is a waste so he will not take it now. Pls guide what should I do next. Can this relation be saved or not?