My Husband had recently gone for a Business Trip to Thailand, along with his Colleagues. After he returned, accidentally, I found out some Reports of STD Tests (Thankfully, Negative). But when I interrogated his Colleagues (without my Husband's knowledge), I found out some shocking things. When in Thailand, my Husband & his Male Colleagues had Partied like Bachelors going to Beaches, Massage Parlours, Bars, Pubs & even Strip Clubs, indulging in many Sexual Encounters, to fulfill their kinky fantasies. I was crying when I confronted my Husband about this. He doesn't even seem to feel any Guilt & casually admitted that he was just 'enjoying' for some days. But he promised that he wouldn't do it again, if it is Hurting me. My Husband has a Huge Appetite for Sex & we both used to enjoy a blissful Sex Life for a couple of years after our Marriage, until my Pregnancy. I understand that he might have been Sexually Frustrated while my Body was not available to Sexually entertain him, during the course of Pregnancy & soon after Childbirth. But I never expected that he would resort to something so Dirty, just to satisfy his carnal urges. Should this be counted as 'Cheating' or not? He doesn't even feel that he'd 'Cheated' on me & he's also trying to convince me that this isn't really 'Cheating'. We are New Parents of a Toddler Boy & I'm completely dependent upon him for a while, this is the Main Reason, which is preventing me from Divorcing him, otherwise, I wouldn't tolerate something like this. Now I don't understand how to proceed with the Marriage, without Divorcing him. How can I prevent him from doing it again & again? Shall I expose his philanderous acts in front of both our Families & Humiliate him? Or shall I keep this to myself & use this as a Bargaining Chip, to emotionally blackmail & manipulate him, in the future, to make him do something for me, which he wouldn't have done, otherwise? Or, is there any other way ahead? At present, my Toddler Son is my Priority & I don't want him to suffer unnecessarily, due to no fault of his. Please advise me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's obvious that as a mother you are looking out for your own interests and that of you baby and rightly so...
Many couples face this distance with the arrival of a new born with the mother completely involved in raising the child and the father thinking that his part was over when he got the wife pregnant.
Immature men use that distance to pleasure themselves elsewhere rather than use the time to be of help to the wife and bond with the new born. Your husband is enjoying this distance between the two of you as new found freedom and hence he finds it convenient to declare that it's not cheating etc etc.
No matter how much you are going to appeal to him, he seems to have convinced himself that he is in the right. Now is the time to actually work on bringing him back (of course, if you wish that the marriage works). Find some time for the two of you, go on date nights, basically it's about dating and making him realize that you and the marriage are good for him. And this cannot be done through fights and accusations especially in your case, he's pretty immature and he will display his immaturity by making you feel guilt if he had to give up his freedom.
Hence, do something that he will not expect; bring back the spice in the marriage...you know what to do...so go for it! Let him be lured back into your arms and soon his reckless acts will vanish...You can give it a shot and see how things are moving...
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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