Hello ma'am, I am a 17 year old girl feeling vulnerable and angry at times to the point that i end up breaking things and this affects my relationship with my parents. I feel very lonely most of the time....especially when i see other people chilling with their friends. Please help.

You can choose to be sad and depressed and keep thinking of what hasn’t happened. Always do things that set you free, always think of things that set you free.

The more you choose to focus on what could have happened and what should happen, it leads you to a dark place.

Why think that you are dependent? Marriage is a space where both partners must have the comfort of growing together.

Let’s say someday if you have to step up and work instead of your husband, will you call your husband a dependent person then?

We all go through phases in life that challenge our mind and mental state. The sooner you accept this, the better you will sail through this.

After all, nothing is permanent. Instead of brooding over, if you gave yourself a fresh start and looked at opportunities in a different way, you may find something that is better than what you had initially been searching for.

And if ending your life, you think makes it easier, remember, it never has and it never will and DO think of your daughter who is solely dependent on you.

Please work with a Mental Health expert who will help put your priorities together and a good action plan as well to achieve simple goals in life.

Start first by being outdoors in Nature and please be in GRATITUDE for what you have in life. That will make you trust that LIFE IS GOOD! Surround yourself with people that nourish you.

Be in the best mind space. Best wishes.

Dear Anonymous,

Isn’t it about time you started to create your own life which is free from all the toxicity?

Sometimes as hard as it maybe, it is necessary to free yourself from the old and embrace the new; especially if the old is making you stuck and unhappy.

From what you have mentioned, your parents and brother seem to be in their own world of misery, and you surely are not the cause but you are no victim either.

You are 25 and you are earning and even if isn’t much, I wonder why you are still living under the same roof to put yourself through so much of pain.

Your job in life is not to ‘fix’ anyone even if it is family. But it is to wander on your path and create the life that you want.

Who knows once you are on your own, they might appreciate you for who you are. It is known that emotional neglect can show up as relationship challenges in children when they are ready for a partner or a relationship.

But does it help knowing all this?

Can you change the past? Can you change your parents?

If NO, then focus on changing the way you are responding to the situation.

Are you playing the victim who wants to dwell on the miseries, or do you want to play the enabler who disrupts the situation by taking charge?

Easier said than done; but once you decide to enable yourself, life takes a huge turn for the better. So, do it…

Let this be about YOU and no one else. Relationships can wait till you are on your own and making strong decisions.

For now, take that first step towards your freedom and that free life. You can do this!

Best wishes!

Dear SS,

Well, there is a neat pattern playing out in your family system.

The women in the house don’t stand up for themselves and the men act like they are entitled to the point of disrespecting and making the women submit to them.

You can see how this is playing out in you and your mother and in your father and your brother or even the way your mother treats you and your brother differently. Very neat gender-divide and gender inequality under the roof of a family system.

This is how emotional states in a growing child who is at the receiving end get eroded to a point that they grow up to make poor choices with regard to their life partner or that growing child who is entitled to act like they need to have it all.

Both are not healthy and when they co-exist in the same house, you can see for yourself what is happening.

It is most certain that your choice of men and to maintain boundaries with them does have a lot to do with the relationship between you and your father. But what’s happened, has; you can’t change the past and keep playing the victim.

Instead, lay out how your life could change for the better if you took charge of it and stepped up.

Call the shots beyond all the blaming and move on. It isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible too!

Work with a therapist who can not only empathise but also is someone who can take you off the victim mode and who enables you to TAKE CHARGE! Your choices create your life…

Best wishes!