Hello Dear Anu Ma'am,
I wish to remain anonymous as my family reads this page too.
I'm 25 years old and work for a multinational IT giant.
I don't earn much but I'm happy with my job. I'm a workaholic and I don't mind working for even 16-17 hours a day just to keep myself sane.
My parents are highly educated, have good jobs, are caring and do EVERYTHING for me physically. But, there is no such thing as 'love' or 'emotion' in my house.
I have never known the meaning of happiness and love.
Everything looks normal on the outside, but inside my dad does not treat my mom well, he always makes fun of her and disrespects her. He is cold and distant from me as well. I don't even remember the last time things were alright at home.
Sometimes he even abuses my mom physically and because of this, she left her reputable job and now stays at home. My brother and I have stopped talking to my dad fully.
I have been in a relationship with multiple men, including a married man, but was never actually interested in them.
They all got frustrated with my behaviour after a few months and the relationships ended.
I never understood why I keep on getting into relationships when I never like them. I never understood why I can't say no to someone. I am a people pleaser.
I cannot stand up for myself and I have zero self confidence. All my so-called ex-boyfriends manipulated me for sex and I kept thinking it was love.
I lose interest the moment they talk about sex.
I always used to wonder why I am not like other girls -- they are confident, they can say no to a guy they don't like, they make the right decisions, they have female friends but I don't have any. I used to think why only I am weird.
My mom also likes my brother more and does not treat me that nicely. Although she is nice to me most of the time, she keeps on mocking and belittling me like 'good girls like plants and nature.. I have never seen you in our garden. This shows what kind of a girl you are, you're useless, you're good for nothing. I feel like slapping you all the time, your face is like that, anyone would want to slap you and many more such things.
It confuses me. I still don't understand if my parents love me or not.
My brother is on my mom's side. He never treats me well or respects me. My mind is always in a state of confusion and fear.
I keep getting into embarrassing situations because of my low self confidence and inability to say NO.
I recently realised I am like this because of my father, after reading an article on 'absent father and how it affects daughters', I got to know that when a father doesn't love his daughter, she becomes promiscuous and has very low self confidence.
I cried for hours after reading it. I was shocked and even more traumatised because i thought parents were supposed to love their children.
But it gave me some relief that all this is not my fault.
Now, I have stopped blaming my parents for the way I am (even if they are the cause) and I've decided to improve my life by distancing myself from them.
I have made up my mind and I can see some changes in myself. But I still can't say no very loudly and clearly.
I say it in a low voice and hesitantly, so people take advantage of me. I strongly believe that I will learn to say no. I am determined.
That said, the main problem now is - there is immense grief, guilt and shame in my mind which I'm not able to get out.
I feel terrible about myself all the time, like I'm a cheap, characterless woman.
I know that is not actually my personality but I still have such thoughts. I even tried therapy but it has not helped much.
Can you please help me ma'am?

Ans: Hello dear.
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Ans: Dear Pursottam,
Are you are the same person who is in love with the girl who is behind the curtains? If yes, how and when did this girl become your girlfriend? Opening (drawing) the curtains can also mean that she's letting the sunlight in. You don't even know if this girl is interested in you and you are already thinking of what your mother and sister will say!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do but to understand that your daughter was okay being 'foolish' the second time around? She's old enough to marry, divorce, marry the same person again and divorce again, then she surely needs a lesson on how to grow up and make responsible decisions. Allow her to grow up without shielding her; as difficult and cruel as it may seem, she needs to take responsibility for her actions. As a parent, support and love her without telling her what to do and not to do. That will enable her to become rational about life and life's decisions.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. While I can't make a decision for you, I can help you by pointing out how this looks like from an outsider's perspective- your BF's interactions with this profile do not really support his claim of "just testing if it's a fake account." It seems like he was interested in chatting and continuing the flirty conversations. This does not mean he is in love with the person behind that online profile, but it surely looks like he can go behind your back for some thrill.

Trust and honesty are two very important things in a relationship, and if you are planning on getting married, this is not a good start. Moreover, his getting angry at you upon confrontation is a red flag- he tried to gaslight you.
It's your choice whether you want to leave or give him another chance but before you make a decision in haste, ask yourself-
1) If he loves you, would he flirt with someone or even chat with a stranger for entertainment?
2) Would you do the same to him?
3) Is he taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness?
4) Can you trust him completely after this or would you always keep wondering if he is cheating on you?
Once you answer these honestly, I think you will know what's the right thing to do.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you think it can impact her feelings for you, then you should definitely tell her, or else, it wouldn't be fair to either of you. I am sure she will love you regardless of your caste, subcaste, or any other factors.
Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear BITSMUN,
The only way to know for sure is to ask. Without verbal confirmation, there is never 100% surety. Other than that, there are signs if a person likes you romantically- it is more of a gut feeling. Did you ever feel she likes you more than a friend? When in doubt, use a hypothetical situation. Tell her to imagine that you two are dating and ask if she thinks you will make a good couple. See how she reacts. It should give you a rough idea. But the best method is still to be an adult and admit you have some feelings, but let her know that you won't pursue it if she doesn't feel the same way.
Hope this helps.

Ans: You earn Rs. 35 LPA, and your wife earns Rs. 15 LPA.

You support your parents financially and have Rs. 4L health insurance for them.

Your first house is worth Rs. 55L and is fully paid off.

Your second house is worth Rs. 1.2 crore with a Rs. 70L loan.

You own a plot worth Rs. 30L.

Your investments include Rs. 40L in mutual funds and stocks.

You invest Rs. 1L per month in SIPs.

You have Rs. 20L in gold and Rs. 10L in EPF.

Your term insurance is Rs. 1 crore.

You have investment-linked insurance policies.

Your goal is financial independence for yourself and your family. You want to ensure your son does not have financial burdens when he starts his career.

Strengths in Your Financial Planning
You have built wealth despite challenges.

Your high savings rate helps in wealth accumulation.

Your SIPs give long-term compounding benefits.

Your first home is debt-free, providing stability.

Your gold holdings offer liquidity in emergencies.

Your EPF provides retirement security.

Your term insurance gives financial protection.

Areas That Need Improvement
Your insurance-linked policies are not wealth creators.

Your home loan is a major liability.

Your gold holdings may not generate high returns.

Your current insurance cover may not be enough.

Your parents’ health cover might be inadequate.

Your son’s education and future needs require better planning.

Steps to Strengthen Financial Security
Increase Term Insurance Cover
A Rs. 1 crore cover is low given your income and liabilities.

You should have a cover of at least 15 times your annual income.

Increase your term insurance to Rs. 2.5 crore for full protection.

Ensure your wife has her own term cover as well.

Reassess Your Insurance-Linked Investments
Traditional insurance policies offer low returns.

They do not provide inflation-beating growth.

Surrendering them and shifting to mutual funds is a better option.

This will give higher returns and better flexibility.

Pay Off Your Home Loan Strategically
Your home loan balance of Rs. 70L is a major liability.

Focus on repaying it within the next 5-7 years.

Increasing EMI payments or making part prepayments can help.

Avoid extending the tenure to reduce interest burden.

Optimise Your Mutual Fund Investments
Your SIP of Rs. 1L per month is a strong wealth-building tool.

XIRR of 13% is still a good return for long-term investing.

Ensure your portfolio has a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds will help in capturing market opportunities.

Avoid index funds as they limit potential gains.

Strengthen Your Parents’ Health Insurance
Rs. 4L health cover for them may not be enough.

Increase their health insurance to Rs. 10L with a super top-up plan.

This will prevent financial stress in case of medical emergencies.

Plan for Your Son’s Education and Future
Higher education costs are rising rapidly.

Start a dedicated mutual fund portfolio for his education.

Avoid insurance-linked child plans as they offer poor returns.

SIPs in equity funds can provide high returns over 10-15 years.

Ensure flexibility in investments to support his career or business plans.

Secure Your Wife’s Financial Future
Your wife should have her own investments independent of you.

Ensure she has adequate insurance and retirement savings.

Consider joint ownership of assets for financial security.

Encourage her to invest in equity mutual funds for wealth creation.

Retirement Planning and Wealth Creation
You have 15 years left in your career.

Focus on accumulating at least Rs. 10-12 crore for retirement.

This will ensure financial independence and a secure future.

Continue SIPs and increase them whenever income grows.

Diversify into debt funds for stability in later years.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will help manage post-retirement cash flow.

Finally
Increase your term insurance for full protection.

Reallocate funds from low-return insurance policies to mutual funds.

Focus on clearing your home loan early.

Strengthen health insurance for your parents.

Create a dedicated fund for your son’s education.

Ensure your wife has financial security even in your absence.

Keep investing for long-term wealth creation and retirement security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ans: Hello;

I don't recollect having written any article on SWP however maybe you are referring to the replies given to investor queries.

First and foremost every source of retirement income has its pro's and con's.

If you re read my recommendation about SWP for retirement income, I have always advocated hybrid funds with lowest equity allocation such as conservative hybrid debt funds or equity savings type mutual funds.

Further I have always advocated for an SWP rate between 3-4%.

This is to ensure that you don't eat into your corpus during periods of negative or sub par returns but this risk exists and one needs to be aware of it.

Suppose a person has a 5 year FD for a sum of 10 L. After 1 year he has an emergency requirement of 3 L however he will to break entire 10 L FD for 3 L funds and bear penalty charges for the same.

Even if we keep the liquidity aspect of FDs aside and check the post-tax returns of FDs vis-a-vis the inflation, FDs provide a flat to negative return.

If you chase higher returns on your FD, the default risk increases.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes;

Ans: You have invested in a unit-linked pension plan since 2008.

The current fund value is Rs. 49 lakhs.

The plan matures in 2030.

As per the policy, you can withdraw 33% tax-free and the rest must be used for annuity.

Your relationship manager is suggesting surrender and reinvestment into a new pension plan.

The new plan allows 60% tax-free withdrawal instead of 33%.

You need to evaluate whether this switch is beneficial from a taxation and financial perspective.

Taxation on Surrender of Old Pension Plan
Pension plans under section 80CCC get tax benefits during investment.

If you surrender, the surrender value is taxable as per your income slab.

HDFC claims that no tax will apply as the amount is reinvested directly.

However, as per income tax laws, surrendering a pension plan leads to taxation.

Even if reinvested, the surrender value is added to taxable income.

Since you have claimed 80CCC benefits, surrendering can result in tax liability.

Misconception About Tax-Free Transfer
HDFC is not deducting TDS, but that does not mean no tax is due.

Income tax liability exists even if the amount is not received in hand.

If tax authorities later verify, you may face penalties or additional taxes.

You need written confirmation from HDFC and a tax expert’s opinion.

Evaluating the New Pension Plan Offer
The new plan allows 60% withdrawal instead of 33%.

The remaining 40% must still go into annuity.

Annuity income is fully taxable every year.

The new plan has additional charges, which can reduce returns.

The lock-in period of 5 years restricts flexibility.

If your goal is wealth creation, better options exist.

Should You Switch to the New Plan?
The tax-free withdrawal of 60% seems attractive, but consider the surrender tax.

If you are in the highest tax bracket, surrendering can be costly.

Locking funds in another pension plan reduces flexibility.

Instead, investing in mutual funds can give higher returns and better control.

You can withdraw systematically without annuity restrictions.

Reinvesting in a pension plan limits future financial choices.

Better Alternatives for Retirement Planning
Instead of shifting to another pension plan, consider equity mutual funds.

Mutual funds allow withdrawals with lower tax impact than annuities.

Debt mutual funds provide stability while maintaining flexibility.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) help manage retirement income efficiently.

Combining equity and debt investments gives better post-retirement security.

What Should Be Your Next Steps?
Consult a tax expert before surrendering your pension plan.

Get written confirmation from HDFC on taxation treatment.

Compare annuity income vs. mutual fund withdrawals for retirement.

Ensure flexibility in withdrawals rather than locking into another pension plan.

Build a diversified portfolio that balances risk and liquidity.

Finally
Surrendering your pension plan may trigger tax liability.

Reinvesting in another pension plan may not be the best financial decision.

You need flexibility and better returns for retirement.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient and high-growth alternatives.

Evaluate all options before making a final decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment