Hello Dear Anu Ma'am,
I wish to remain anonymous as my family reads this page too.
I'm 25 years old and work for a multinational IT giant.
I don't earn much but I'm happy with my job. I'm a workaholic and I don't mind working for even 16-17 hours a day just to keep myself sane.
My parents are highly educated, have good jobs, are caring and do EVERYTHING for me physically. But, there is no such thing as 'love' or 'emotion' in my house.
I have never known the meaning of happiness and love.
Everything looks normal on the outside, but inside my dad does not treat my mom well, he always makes fun of her and disrespects her. He is cold and distant from me as well. I don't even remember the last time things were alright at home.
Sometimes he even abuses my mom physically and because of this, she left her reputable job and now stays at home. My brother and I have stopped talking to my dad fully.
I have been in a relationship with multiple men, including a married man, but was never actually interested in them.
They all got frustrated with my behaviour after a few months and the relationships ended.
I never understood why I keep on getting into relationships when I never like them. I never understood why I can't say no to someone. I am a people pleaser.
I cannot stand up for myself and I have zero self confidence. All my so-called ex-boyfriends manipulated me for sex and I kept thinking it was love.
I lose interest the moment they talk about sex.
I always used to wonder why I am not like other girls -- they are confident, they can say no to a guy they don't like, they make the right decisions, they have female friends but I don't have any. I used to think why only I am weird.
My mom also likes my brother more and does not treat me that nicely. Although she is nice to me most of the time, she keeps on mocking and belittling me like 'good girls like plants and nature.. I have never seen you in our garden. This shows what kind of a girl you are, you're useless, you're good for nothing. I feel like slapping you all the time, your face is like that, anyone would want to slap you and many more such things.
It confuses me. I still don't understand if my parents love me or not.
My brother is on my mom's side. He never treats me well or respects me. My mind is always in a state of confusion and fear.
I keep getting into embarrassing situations because of my low self confidence and inability to say NO.
I recently realised I am like this because of my father, after reading an article on 'absent father and how it affects daughters', I got to know that when a father doesn't love his daughter, she becomes promiscuous and has very low self confidence.
I cried for hours after reading it. I was shocked and even more traumatised because i thought parents were supposed to love their children.
But it gave me some relief that all this is not my fault.
Now, I have stopped blaming my parents for the way I am (even if they are the cause) and I've decided to improve my life by distancing myself from them.
I have made up my mind and I can see some changes in myself. But I still can't say no very loudly and clearly.
I say it in a low voice and hesitantly, so people take advantage of me. I strongly believe that I will learn to say no. I am determined.
That said, the main problem now is - there is immense grief, guilt and shame in my mind which I'm not able to get out.
I feel terrible about myself all the time, like I'm a cheap, characterless woman.
I know that is not actually my personality but I still have such thoughts. I even tried therapy but it has not helped much.
Can you please help me ma'am?

Ans: Absolutely delighted to hear that you’ve landed a job. Your first step is a big one. Starting at Rs. 25,000 in hand, you’re not just earning—you’re building a future. Let’s break this down into clear action steps. My aim is to guide you like a Certified Financial Planner would, with a 360-degree plan for savings and smart investments.

I’ll help you understand what to do with your income, how to manage your spending, and how to multiply your savings over time.

Let’s begin with the most important areas.

Understand Your Cash Flow
First, track where every rupee goes.

Use a simple notebook or a mobile app.

Classify expenses: needs, wants, and savings.

Always aim to save before you spend.

Try to save 30% of your income each month.

That means at least Rs. 7,500 should be saved.

Build Your Emergency Fund
Start a separate bank savings account.

Keep Rs. 15,000 to Rs. 30,000 for emergencies.

This is not for shopping or vacation.

Only use it for medical or job-related problems.

Add a fixed amount monthly until you reach your goal.

Get Health Insurance Immediately
Your employer may offer one, but it is not enough.

Buy a personal health cover worth Rs. 3 lakh to Rs. 5 lakh.

Premiums are low for your age.

It protects your savings during illness.

Always disclose everything honestly while applying.

Term Insurance is Not Urgent Yet
You are single and just starting.

So, no need for term insurance now.

Take it only when you have dependents.

Focus instead on building assets and savings.

Automate Your Savings Process
Open a separate savings bank account for investments.

Set auto-transfer every month after salary credit.

This creates financial discipline automatically.

Don’t mix this with your spending account.

Treat savings as your monthly bill.

Start SIPs in Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Choose regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

They guide you with experience and research.

Don’t go for direct funds without guidance.

Direct funds need time, study, and ongoing monitoring.

Regular plans give you ongoing personalised support.

A CFP and MFD can help with fund switching also.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Fund managers take decisions after market study.

Better for new investors like you.

Helps avoid sudden losses due to inexperience.

Higher chances of outperformance in long term.

Active funds adapt to market changes quickly.

Stay Away From Index Funds
Index funds follow market, no fund manager involved.

In bad markets, they also fall badly.

No one to protect or shift to safer assets.

No flexibility in difficult times.

Active funds manage risk better than index funds.

Choose SIPs with Proper Goal-Setting
Don't invest just for returns.

Invest with a goal in mind.

Examples: buy laptop, travel, marriage, house fund.

Assign timelines for each goal.

Choose funds based on time horizon and risk level.

Ideal Portfolio Mix for You
Equity mutual funds: Long-term wealth creation.

Hybrid mutual funds: Balance between growth and safety.

Recurring deposit or FD: For short-term needs.

Keep 2 or 3 funds only. Not more.

Don’t invest in random funds from friends or apps.

Avoid These Investment Mistakes
Don’t buy insurance for investment.

Don’t invest in LIC endowment or ULIPs.

They give low return and high lock-in.

No flexibility, no transparency.

Avoid chit funds and schemes from unknown sources.

Regularly Review Your Progress
Every 6 months, check your investments.

See if your savings rate is increasing.

Track how much emergency fund you have built.

Check if goals are getting closer.

A CFP can help you monitor and correct your path.

Build Skills to Increase Income
Savings alone won’t create wealth fast.

Improve your career skills also.

Take affordable online courses.

Ask for projects at work, build a reputation.

Better pay will give you higher savings later.

Budgeting Tips That Actually Work
Follow 50-30-20 rule: 50% needs, 30% wants, 20% savings.

For now, you may need to reverse it: 50% savings.

Use UPI apps for expense control alerts.

Don’t keep too much cash in hand.

Withdraw once a week, not daily.

Social Media Influencers are Not Financial Planners
Don’t follow random advice online.

Their needs are not your needs.

Your plan should match your goals, not theirs.

Stick to your savings plan strictly.

Professional advice is always better.

Avoid Loan Traps at Early Stage
Don’t take EMI cards or credit cards yet.

Start with a debit card linked to your bank.

Avoid monthly subscriptions that you forget.

Keep zero debt as long as possible.

Loans reduce your ability to save and invest.

Benefits of Investing via MFD with CFP Support
You get advice suited to your income level.

Fund selection is personalised.

Help is given for SIP starting, changes, withdrawals.

They help with taxes and switching too.

Your long-term success becomes their priority.

Don’t Fall for High Returns Promises
If someone offers 20% return, it’s risky.

Stable 10–12% return over years is good.

Compound growth needs patience.

Shortcuts often lead to losses.

Stay steady and grow slowly but surely.

Think Long Term, Act Monthly
Rs. 2,000 monthly SIP grows big in few years.

You will learn patience through SIP investing.

Don’t stop SIPs if market falls.

Use market fall as chance to grow faster.

Keep SIPs running without panic.

Protect Yourself from Tax Shocks Later
Equity mutual funds give tax benefit on long term.

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your slab.

So plan redemption properly.

Financial Independence Should Be Your Goal
Try to reach a stage where money works for you.

That needs slow and steady investing.

Once you reach Rs. 5 lakh corpus, add more SIPs.

With every hike, increase SIP by Rs. 500 to Rs. 1,000.

Build wealth step by step.

Stay Consistent, Not Perfect
You may skip saving in one month. That’s okay.

Don’t stop. Resume next month.

Track your progress, not your mistakes.

Stay focused on long term.

Small savings add up to big money later.

Finally
You have made a wonderful beginning.

Saving at Rs. 25,000 salary shows maturity.

With consistency, Rs. 7,500 monthly savings will create big wealth.

Stick to professionally managed mutual funds.

Don’t try shortcuts or risky bets.

Get support from a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

Learn, earn, save, invest, and grow at your own pace.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment