Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Hi.

I don’t think any good organisation will put an employee on PIP if the employee has genuine medical issues. In your case, cataract and typhoid are verifiable medical issues.

There seems to be more issues than just these two instances.

Have a candid discussion with your manager. If she/he still insists on a PIP, then take it up as a challenge and successfully come out of the PIP.

Hi,

The issue that you are facing is not uncommon in the corporate world. Very few managers can actually inspire their team and keep them focussed and motivated.

I would suggest that the entire team has a candid discussion with the manager. If he does not take the feedback positively, then please take it up with the senior management.

Changing your job for this issue is certainly not the right approach; you may face a similar situation in your new organisation.

Hi,

Yes, digital marketing is a good career option provided your son is interested in taking it up.

Ideally, he should do an MBA in marketing.

Before that, he can do some online courses and join a company as an intern.

Hi,

To be frank, I really can't guide you with the limited information you have shared.

All I can advise you is to take up the career you enjoy the most and have the right skill sets for.

Today's trends show inclination to go on gluten free diet for a variety of reasons.

The main misconception is that it is a root cause of many health issues.

Gluten is not an issue for the majority of people except those who have celiac disease or wheat allergy.

If someone without celiac disease or a wheat allergy switches to a gluten-free diet, they actually may run into nutritional risks.

It will take your body some time to adjust to any major diet change.

If you reintroduce it again, it will have the same reactions of adjustments like headaches, bloating, abdominal pain or some gastric distress.

Eating healthy within the nutritional requirements is the need for a balanced diet.

You need to focus on complex carbohydrates and fibre-rich foods like whole wheat grains, vegetables, fruits, etc; high protein foods like low fat dairy products, pulses and legumes, nuts, soya, eggs and lean meat to increase your immunity and endurance; and low fat and low sugar foods.

Coupled with a regular regimen of cardio and weight training exercises, it will help increase your lean mass and lower body fat.

Consistency and regularity in following these guidelines will enable you to attain a healthy body.

Fruits are sources of essential nutrients like Vitamin A and Vitamin C which are excellent antioxidants, Vitamin B6, folate, fibre and other minerals like potassium which help increase immunity.

You can make fruits appealing by serving them in fancy shapes, serving a low-fat dip or yogurt with cut fruits, blending fruits into smoothies, using frozen fruits, serving them as a dessert, using fruits as toppings for breakfast cereals, establishing a first fruit rule, etc.

Grey hair at a young age is not uncommon.

Genes, stress, unhealthy food habits and certain health conditions can lead to premature grey hair.

Good nutrition can help preserve existing pigmentation and delaying overall greying of hair.

Protein is the most important nutrient as hair is almost entirely made up of protein. So consumption of good quality protein in our diet is mandatory.

Vitamins A, C and B12 are the most important nutrients for melanin production in your hair.

Include iron rich foods like spinach, beans, lentils, prunes, dates, eggs, lean meat, etc, in your diet.

Copper, needed for certain essential enzymes that are crucial for melanin production, is available in foods like walnuts, green leafy vegetables, lentils, mushrooms, etc.

Lentils are packed with Vitamin B9, which is an essential component in the production of DNA and RNA.

Black sesame seeds are high in antioxidants and stimulate production of melanin.

Following a balanced diet, increasing metabolism with a healthy exercise regime and sleeping well are contributing factors to prevent premature greying of hair.

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

My dear, I understand the stress but doctors, and particularly gynaecologists, have a duty to protect the privacy of their patients. So visit your own gynaec and undergo a thorough test to set your mind at ease.

Even if you are pregnant, there are pills/procedures that can terminate the pregnancy if you wish to do so.

You are legally an adult, so no doctor is going to break the code of ethics and inform your parents post your visit.

Next time, be more careful; don't end up sleeping with someone on a whim and particularly do not indulge in unprotected intercourse as there are consequences to bear. 

She seems rather detached.

Explain that you would like her to be more involved in the marriage and share more of an equation with you.

Ask if she is comfortable in your home. Listen to what she has to say; if there are any complaints, address them.

It sounds like you live with your parents, and at the onset let me tell you that is usually a mistake. Particularly in an arranged set-up, where she has to adjust to not one but three people with whom there is little emotional attachment from the start.

Your problem should not be her sharing her life with her own family; that is unfair. Why not, if she is expected to share her home with yours? Because you're a man?

But yes, you should actively try to establish a warmer relationship with your wife. Being kind, open and compromising will go a long way in having her open up to you.

It certainly sounds like a messy affair.

It's not your fault that you've fallen in love; people can't always help the way they feel about someone else.

But it's not fair to your husband that you don't love him and before things get worse, like maybe you becoming pregnant, I would suggest you end the marriage soon.

As for your relationship with the brother, that should not coincide with things in any way.

If, after you're divorced, you both decide to ease into being a couple over the course of time and see where it goes, that in itself will be a challenge for your respective families.

So take one step at a time, slowly and discreetly. Because leaving him for his brother will cause trauma anyway. Waiting it out will help the situation immensely.

She should do her best to get over him.

He is her senior, they share the same office space and he is committed to someone else. Her expressing her feelings is unlikely to cause anything but awkwardness at work.

If she wants to put both her personal life and her career on the line by expressing her feelings, then that is her choice. But like I said, in her place I'd avoid it.

Guilt is not reason enough to go back to an ex, especially one who dumped you for someone else.

If, on the other hand you love him, that's another situation altogether, but you haven't specified that you do.

It may just be that he wants you back because you have now committed to another man?

You need to figure out what you want and who you want. Do you want to give him another chance? How likely is he to break your heart again?

And, on a separate note, I think you're rushing into marriage by December. You haven't given yourself any time to breathe after a decade-long relationship. Why?

Don't marry on the rebound; that will be a terrible mistake, even if you're not going back to your previous boyfriend.

Figure out whether you want to make contact with him first and why. Then take things forward.

Tell him to back off. In no uncertain terms.

Let him know you are not interested in anything besides a professional relationship with him.

And if you feel like you're up against a wall, you have one of two options; inform the HR about his unwelcome advances, because they constitute sexual harassment in the workplace or just apply elsewhere and move to another company.

It's clear she doesn't want to work any more; at least for the moment.

Now, whether or not you would react in the same way if the two of you were married isn't the question here. Explain that you are feeling the strain of running the house alone and would like her to pitch in. That is the same that an overburdened husband would ask of his wife too, isn't it?

Taking a hiatus from work is one thing, but if she intends to stay at home permanently then you need to discuss it.

If you're okay with shouldering the financial responsibilities, maybe she can take over running the household and chores to ease your load.

Remember, stay in a relationship because you want the other person around, not because it's become a habit.

Hi.

You can take 2 immediate steps.

First, get your KPI and goals clearly defined in writing so that you have clarity as to what you need to do.

Secondly, since you have been in the job for 15 years, you will have good connections in the organisation. Speak to your seniors keeping your manager in the loop.

I am sure a solution will come out and your manager will need your expertise for the team's success.

Hi.

You will first need to evaluate which job is providing you better learning opportunities and what competencies you will develop in each role.

Also, your personal preference is very important along with the brand of the organisation.

Many of us have to sacrifice our personal life to build a strong career, so be prepared for that.

Hi.

You have achieved a lot at a young age so and it will be a challenge to you to maintain the momentum. Look at it at a challenge and keep going.

Have a clear discussion with the interns; it cannot be a coincidence that they are all falling sick on the same day.

See if it's a trend, it could be in the beginning of the week after a long weekend or at the end of the week if they want to take a long break.

Ask them to submit a medical certificate if they say the leave has been taken for medical reasons.

As you are a young manager, setting expectations is very important.

Hi.

If one is a full-time employee and has agreed to work in one organisation as per the letter of appointment, then moonlighting would be against the contract

Also, as per Indian law, dual employment is not permitted.

Dear Anonymous, 

How about that? A love marriage without love!

You sound fond of your husband. And yet you say you feel trapped in the marriage; what you are leaving unsaid, I think, is that you feel attraction toward someone else perhaps?

I understand your situation and I'm sorry that your parents pressured you into what was obviously a hasty decision that you have come to regret. Having said that, please know this: Even couples who fancy themselves in the throes of eternal love sometimes fall out of love and part ways. They stop getting along with each other.

Or then in other cases, the initial spark dies down, and people settle into companionship and caring. 

Don't get me wrong, it's always good to try and keep the romance alive in a marriage. But you seem to have what a lot of people are striving for -- a good relationship with someone who you get along with and do love, even if it's not the stuff of movies.

If you feel like you're unhappy, or destined to marry someone else, I say end it. If not, work on it. You can seek counselling too, to resolve your feelings about this situation.

Do remember, you could find someone else and then that new love may come with a different set of problems. You just need to figure it out, my dear. And you will, you just need to focus on what will make you happy. And if he makes you happy, don't walk away from the marriage.

Hi.

I would suggest that you focus on your job and enjoy the well-deserved promotion that you have got after a long time.

Office politics is there in many organisations, so don’t let that bother you.

If you ignore them, they will also stop bothering you.

Hi.

If you have evidence, then you must report it to the HR so that necessary action can be taken.

Hi.

Dual employment is illegal and you must not engage in that, especially without the knowledge of your current employer.

Instead, you can look for a job that pays you a better salary.

Hi.

PoSH (Prevention of Sexual Harassment at Workplace Act of India) or the Vishaka Committee is meant for both men and women.

However, you cannot complain on behalf of your colleague.

You can advise him that, if he is under any pressure, then he can complain to the internal complaints committee.

You've enjoyed a mainly online relationship; there's a lot more to things than that.

There is definitely a reason why she's not responding to your messages anymore and it could be anything -- maybe you came on too strong, maybe she's met someone else, maybe her new boyfriend is from the Stone Age and doesn't like her interacting with other male friends.

I would suggest writing her one last message to the effect that you miss your friend, you don't know why she has begun avoiding you and, at the very least, if she wants to discontinue contact she should have the courtesy of letting you know that, along with the reason why.

See if she responds.

If she doesn't, take that as a very strong and clear signal in itself that she wants nothing to do with you anymore and doesn't have manners either. In which case I would strongly suggest you cease all contact as well.

If she does show some courtesy and reply, see if what she has to say can be addressed.

And all things considered, don't be too heartbroken about this. There are many great girls out there for you to start anew with -- in person perhaps, this time around!

It is certainly more important that you are with a nice person rather than a fashion plate and I'm glad that you are not considering changing your look or appearance to impress boys.

Damn straight, you should be the one who decides how you dress, whether it's in a salwar kameez or miniskirt.

 I would strongly suggest that you don't give in to peer pressure.

Sooner or later the right kind of guy will come along, who likes you for who you are, not based on the clothes you wear.

Well, you could let her know about your feelings but if intuition is anything to go by, I'd say she's going to turn you down.

She came to see you because you invited her as a friend and paid for her travel.

Right away, she let you know she's seeing someone and endured heartache, which probably was a subtle way of letting you know that she's not interested in you.

Still, nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose so, if you like, go ahead and tell her anyway.

The worst that can happen is her saying no. But, beyond that, I wouldn't pursue it if I were you. If she doesn't feel for you in that way, that's that and you're better off as friends.

Why doubt yourself so much? He smiles at you, lunches with you...Maybe it's time to break the ice and at least start talking to him?

You'll see where the conversations lead and you'll soon know for sure whether he's genuinely interested or not.

And remember to be yourself. You don't have to overtly try and impress anyone, a person should like you for who you are.

I don't know why this was hidden from your parents for so long, but maybe you should let them know that you don't want to be pressured into marriage too soon.

And just because one man broke your heart doesn't mean all men will do the same. There are a lot of nice guys out there and meeting one may take your mind off your ex.

If he dumped you for no good reason, then that doesn't say much about him at all and you should be glad you didn't end up with a jerk like him, instead of crying. Good riddance, I'd say!

If you think you're feeling depressed and hopeless now, just because you haven't found someone at 27, wait till you're trapped in an unhappy marriage with someone because you were in such a silly rush to get hitched!

Unreasonable expectations from a wife I can understand, but age is just a number. So, if you're attracted to someone, don't consider age enough of a reason to turn him down unless he's some 60-year-old uncle that wears a toupee. It's as superficial as someone turning you down because you're so short.

I would suggest you get off this fast train you're on and just take things slowly.

People today think nothing of getting married at 35 and having kids at 40; you have a long way to go still!

I know more than a couple of women who rushed into marriage for the same reasons as you -- they thought they were aging, other friends were getting married, they wanted to settle down like everyone else, etc. They got divorced eventually and remarried. In their 30s!

Do you think that he's bored of you? You should be able to tell if that's the case.

The question is, why does he need more time?

If there's a practical angle to it, like finances, settling abroad or buying your own home, that's understandable. But if he's still not sure of settling down with you after a decade, then he'll never be.

Don't ever be that person who got married because you were together for so long. Marry because you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

You shouldn’t marry because the relationship has become a habit; so is smoking.

If he's not sure of you even now, it's time for you to seriously re-examine this relationship and why you're in it.

And you may want to read my previous answer above, about rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons. 

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away. 

You do sound like you're struggling with a bit of an addiction.

I agree that your wife's fears are unscientific and, to be honest, a discreet conversation with the gynaecologist would allay her feelings.

A lot of couples speak to the doctor before resuming sexual relations during pregnancy; it's a very common question to ask.

Most medical practitioners would warn you in case of a risk in individual cases and the fact that your doctor hasn't said anything to you both means you're likely in the clear to do so.

But the fact is, she just doesn't want to have sex at the moment, whatever be the reason, and you can't force her.

Pregnancy is a very challenging time for a woman. So either speak to the doctor or practice a little self control for a couple of months longer.

I think the more she's denying you, the more desperate you're becoming. You could see a therapist and explain your predicament if it is making you so miserable.

What did you do when she was expecting your daughter the first time around? 

Sounds like a plot line from The Bold And The Beautiful!

Deb and you are in a bit of a fix, I can see that... you're wondering if you should play along in a situation that you know will hurt one friend or rat out another?

The safest bet for you is to speak to Shashank and Rina. Let them know you're onto them and what they're doing is unethical.

Rina needs to pick who she wants to be with and Yadav deserves to know the truth. And a faithful girlfriend! But let them be the ones to tell him.

Once they find out that you both are aware, they probably will come clean for fear of someone spilling the beans.

In any case, I don't see Yadav and Shashank remaining friends after this; cheating on your bestie is an absolute no-no.

Hi.

You can broadly do two things.

First, upgrade your skills by joining an additional course on computer usage skills and some areas of accounting.

Secondly, have a candid discussion with your management to understand what specific skills they are looking at.

Age is not a factor in today's times; it's the competence to do the job that’s more important.

Hi.

In my opinion, you should not leave your job if you are enjoying your work and the culture.

Before you decide to leave, be very sure about the culture of the company you propose to join; money is not always important.

After considering all these factors, if you still decide to leave, be transparent with your current company. Leave after giving proper notice period and handover.

Dear Anonymous,

Isn’t it about time you started to create your own life which is free from all the toxicity?

Sometimes as hard as it maybe, it is necessary to free yourself from the old and embrace the new; especially if the old is making you stuck and unhappy.

From what you have mentioned, your parents and brother seem to be in their own world of misery, and you surely are not the cause but you are no victim either.

You are 25 and you are earning and even if isn’t much, I wonder why you are still living under the same roof to put yourself through so much of pain.

Your job in life is not to ‘fix’ anyone even if it is family. But it is to wander on your path and create the life that you want.

Who knows once you are on your own, they might appreciate you for who you are. It is known that emotional neglect can show up as relationship challenges in children when they are ready for a partner or a relationship.

But does it help knowing all this?

Can you change the past? Can you change your parents?

If NO, then focus on changing the way you are responding to the situation.

Are you playing the victim who wants to dwell on the miseries, or do you want to play the enabler who disrupts the situation by taking charge?

Easier said than done; but once you decide to enable yourself, life takes a huge turn for the better. So, do it…

Let this be about YOU and no one else. Relationships can wait till you are on your own and making strong decisions.

For now, take that first step towards your freedom and that free life. You can do this!

Best wishes!

I would suggest that you consult a gynaecologist, my dear!

I am not qualified to give you medical advice.

Many women get fitted with IUDs as an alternative to birth control pills, but like I said, you need to discuss these options with your doctor.

That is entirely up to you; if you are feeling uncomfortable or harassed, then you certainly should report it.

Since you're saying, however, that it was ‘nothing terribly bad’, you could just warn him off and make it clear that you're not interested and don't appreciate his making passes at you because you're married and he's a colleague.

If he gets the message, great; if not, then you can report him at a later instance.

Take a call.

Looks like this leopard isn't going to change her spots in a hurry, my friend!

She's full of lies and false promises and let me tell you, people rarely change. You have to accept them for who they are.

So, if I were you, I'd end this relationship. She doesn't sound like anyone worth wasting anymore time over.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, and you'll never be able to trust her.

She's driving you nuts already; it's just time to call it a day with this relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

You have a child together and it sounds like you both still want the marriage to work. So here's what you should do, at least for now -- compromise.

She absolutely must commit to seeing a marital counsellor with you and, in exchange, she can live in her hometown for the moment and you undertake the commute to see her and your child regularly.

There's no other man in the picture anymore and she's obviously been through a lot; you've been oblivious to her misery living with your mother all those years.

This seems to be a problem with most Indian men today; your wife doesn't need to live with your mother any more than you need to live with hers!

And, as a result, she went and had an emotional, if not physical, affair.

I understand your frustration but making that information public made everything worse. That's probably the main reason why she doesn't want to live there anymore and you need to understand that.

Your marriage needs a lot of work; make the effort, both of you, to save it. 

Hi.

To be frank, you need to love your job and that should be your motivation.

Having said that, have a candid discussion with your management and raise your concerns. They will surely support you.

I really hope that you're telling the truth here, because your story sounds very suspect. It's one thing to mistake a sleeping figure, but you surely can't have not seen that it was your sister-in-law when you tried to kiss her on the lips!

Anyway, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt; and it obviously can't be that bad because, nine months later, she's still living with you both.

If you haven't made a move in her direction since then, she probably realises that you made an honest mistake.

When you get a moment alone with her, please bring to her notice why you thought it was your wife and apologise for the inadvertent misbehaviour.

I'm sure she'll accept your apology and you can move on from this awkward episode.

And if you're really so worried that despite that she may tell on you, tell your wife the truth. She may get annoyed, but it'll be better than her hearing about it from her sister for sure.

You're confused? There's nothing confusing about the situation -- this woman wants nothing from you except an apartment and money.

She doesn't call you, she doesn't hang out with you, she doesn't like acknowledging you in public, she doesn't like having sex with you and she'll marry someone else if you don't fork over the moolah.

Stop considering how to ruin your life and find someone who's happy with you even minus the Rs 40 lakhs and the flat!

You handle this by not caving in to pressure and living life on your own terms.

I wouldn't go about pretending, but I certainly would stand my ground if I were you.

What's the big deal if you get married at 32 or 33 instead of 30? It's just a number at the end of the day.

Rather than deception, choose determination. And your parents really need to cool it with the forcing business! It's your life and you should get a say in when you marry.

Why would you end up in the same situation again, are you stupid enough to go looking for another overly-critical jobless partner?

Lots of people find love again and get married a second time, but that's not what is in question here. The question is whether you really feel nothing at all for your husband and want a divorce.

If you think that the relationship is completely over and want to separate, that's your decision to make.

You could try marital counselling if there is a breakdown in communication between you both, but that's provided you want to save the marriage. And it certainly doesn't sound like you do.

You never even mentioned whether it was a love marriage or arranged match; if it’s the latter and you've never loved him at all, I'd say there's not much point in trying either.

Look, this guy was obviously on the prowl to find a girl on Instagram and I think that he was chatting both you and your friend up, hoping one of the two would end up in a relationship with him.

Who knows where else he was fuelling a fire in the hopes of landing a girlfriend?

And while he was having cosy conversations with you, did he once mention that he was dating your bestie at the side for a whole year? That in itself should tell you that he's something of an opportunist and will take what he can get.

I would suggest you come to terms with it, because he doesn't sound too promising anyway from his behaviour.

I don't think much of him and, as far as I'm concerned, you've dodged a bullet.

Let her have him; you're better off.

Oh, you look at other women alright; you're just not as upfront as her about it!

Jokes aside, this obsession with fair skin is such a racist Indian outlook; and while it's shallow as hell, your wife is just looking. It's not like she's hopping into bed with the next whitewashed guy she sees!

So stop letting it bother you so much and while you're at it, give her an education on overcoming these prejudices, because they certainly don't make the world a better place.

Show her a picture of Milind Soman; with his looks, maybe he'll have her smiling too!

You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair.

He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’.

Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately.

Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should be kicking his ass to the curb pronto. 

The office situation would have been messy, but now you're leaving so that's great!

You've wasted a decade already, so I'd say it's high time you make your move.

Just ask him out for coffee and see where things go from there. Don't make any huge proclamations of love on a first date but read the signals...you'll know if he's interested or not.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Hi.

You have unfortunately let other people decide your career till now. It's time you take charge of your life and professional career.

The business analytics and HR degrees that you have are a good combination. I suggest you apply for entry level jobs in HR as there is a huge requirement of HR professionals with an analytical background.

You can connect with me on LinkedIn and I will give you some leads.

I think this is an impression that you have formed in your mind.

This is the time where multi-generations are part of the workforce.

Organisations are encouraging diversity in the workplace and hence employees of all ages are needed and valued.

Be positive and continue to give your best every day; the rest will fall into place.

Hi.

I think you know the solution to your problems.

There’s one tip I can give you -- explore your hobbies or get into sports; this will give you balance and not let unnecessary issues bother you.

 I would also like to caution you that if you don’t stop this behaviour at work, your company will initiate necessary action against you and that will impact your career adversely.

So separate personal problems from work and be a good manager and employee.

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

Schemes that may be considered are as under in equal proportion;

-  Samco Flexi Cap Fund - Growth

- Axis Esg Equity Fund Regular Growth

- Uti Flexi Cap Fund – growth

- Hdfc Index Fund - Sensex Plan -Growth

To beat FD, you may consider Short term debt funds considering rising interest rate scenario are:

- Aditya Birla Sun Life Short Term Fund - Growth

- L&T Short Term Bond Fund - Growth

Dear Anonymous,

What exactly are you waiting for me to say? Haven’t you seen enough red flags in your marriage?

• Your in-laws telling you that he has always been like this
• Your husband playing the victim of Depression to gain your sympathy vote and then refusing to see a therapist
• Spending money to earn the validation and attention of two women who are possibly using him
• Spending valuable time away from you to indulge his feelings elsewhere
• Complaining about you to a person outside of marriage
• Invalidating your feelings arising from this situation and making you like the bad one for complaining

Do you want me to go on?

How much more do you want to give in?

If you truly want this marriage to work, he needs to turn himself into a new leaf, which means he needs to address his insecurities, his behavior and more.

Is he willing to go through all that?

Maybe have an honest sit-down talk with him and then decide keeping yourself at the centre of all this.

You matter and matter to yourself every moment, so DO SOMETHING about it.

You owe a lot of happiness to yourself, so get ahead NOW.

All the best!

Dear Anonymous,

I understand that he is hurt but how convenient! Things happen, like the way it happened to you before marriage.

But to use that as an excuse to have an affair is very convenient. He needs to look at the situation for what it is now and work with that.

It’s great that the families are involved. The elders in the family can now act as a good mediator to bring the two of you to the discussion table.

Your husband possibly is hurt from your situation before your marriage.

Keeping these kinds of things can draw a wedge in the marriage. He now needs to recover from that before he can be a husband to you in the marriage.

When he found out, how did you deal with it?

That is very crucial to understand as all his actions are stemming from the fact that the situation is unresolved in the mind, and he feels victimized and turns to another woman to feel some sense of normalcy.

As much as it seems disturbing and inappropriate, the fact that it was hidden from him is disturbing him.

So, work with this and as families let this be handled delicately, so that he begins to trust you all over again.

Till then be patient…

All the best!

A woman’s body undergoes many changes during menopause.

A healthy body can cope with this change smoothly if one takes care of the nutrition intake and mind and body wellness.

An exact diet and exercise plan will depend on your age group and after considering any other wellness issues.

In general, I suggest both physical exercise and meditation along with a diet of fresh fruits and vegetables to manage the hormonal changes taking place in your body.

It is a clear sign of excess heat in the body which could again be a result of many factors -- high acidity, increased pitta levels, heavy intake of packaged foods leading to toxins that create a hormonal imbalance…

Please meet an ayurvedic doctor who will give you a proper diet plan based on your body type.

Meanwhile, have more of alkaline food. Have curd and buttermilk. Try water or juice fasting if you can, once a week.

Hi.

I appreciate the fact that you sacrificed your job to take care of your parents.

Ideally, you should go back to a larger city and restart your career. I am sure your past employer would be open to taking you back.

If that is not possible, then you need to have a candid discussion with your parents and make them understand that their constant involvement in your life is not acceptable.

They may be doing it out of love but, since it is negatively impacting you, they need to give you space.

Please don’t change your job in your hometown as that will further complicate your situation.

Hi.

You must first analyse the reason for your demotivation. Unless you do that, it would not be possible to address your concern.

It could be your job role, your manager, the culture of your company or some personal issue.

Find a mentor at work or outside who can constantly guide and coach you.

Another thing you can do is have an open conversation with your manager and ask for his/her support.

Also, for you to be motivated at work, your personal life must be on track. Begin some fitness activity, pursue your hobbies and spend quality time with your family and friends. TAKE A VACATION!

Hi.

First of all, I am really happy to know that you don't drink or smoke; that’s really healthy.

Please don’t start to do so under social pressure or to get connected at work.

You can speak to the management and ask them to organise informal gatherings where drinking and smoking is not allowed.

Also, connect with people over a cup of coffee or tea.

Look for people who have similar habits like yours and bond with them.

Hi.

I would strongly urge you to keep your feelings/attractions away from your workplace. Keep all relationships strictly professional.

Advise your colleagues to focus on their jobs and not on anything else.

Please don’t have casual discussions on this topic. Remember that if the lady feels uncomfortable, the law will support her if she decides to file a case.

Do your best at work and, after work, relax with friends and family.

Hi.

Thank you.

Before I begin, let me first clarify that I do not assist the readers of this column with specific job opportunities.

In your case, you must use social platforms like LinkedIn to connect with companies/professionals who can help you get a suitable role.

Since you have been away from India for a while, you might want to do a course to update yourself about Indian laws.

Alternately, you can look for jobs in companies based in India that specialise in international law.

Sounds like you’re tired of the marriage.

I would suggest attending some marital counselling together before you decide to finalise a split, if only for the sake of your daughter.

I understand that the child’s situation is taking precedence over yours, and that’s good parenting, but how long will you carry on like this? It’s been so many years already.

Your wife speaking to her mother about everything is understandable, but within earshot so that you hear it too is not. She obviously has ulterior motives.

Visit a competent counsellor. I’m sure you’ll be able to make headway in this situation.

You’re having an affair with a married woman, but that’s on both of you, not just you. She should have stood up to her family instead of getting married against her will.

It’s a good thing there are no children in the picture yet, or the situation would get even messier.

Forget what her husband decides, why won’t she just decide what she wants to do with her life and leave him? What’s the point of her going back to the States?

She should start thinking for herself and do the needful before the situation goes from bad to worse.

If her family has any sense, they will accept her decision and stand by her. And if they don’t, well, she’s got you, hasn’t she? 

Cut. Him. Off. Completely.

Block him on social media and on your cellphone. And your parents’ cellphones and their social media as well.

The guy is a con and you know it.

You should not have let his stupid rumours cost you your job and your life abroad. The truth of a situation always lets itself be known sooner or later and sometimes you have to brave it out.

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through, but you should freeze him out completely.

If you need to talk to someone about this at length, counselling may help.

Does she want to keep it a secret because you’re married or because she doesn’t think it’s a good look for her to be remarried?

If you want to live your life out in the open, I can understand; but the first thing to do in that case is file for divorce from your current wife.

You can then be with your ladylove permanently. And it’ll be a respectable, honest relationship so she won’t want to hide it anymore. 

If he has a lot of issues, I’d suggest you move on.

Such partners are always a headache in the long run. Find someone who doesn’t need to be coaxed into being with you! 

Most of what you have written makes no sense.

If she is attached to her sister and brother-in-law, or even to her whole family, that should not be an issue for you. They are her family.

It’s not like she’s having an affair. And it’s not like she spends an unreasonable amount of time with them, is it? In fact, her parents are not even in the same city.

You not liking her cooking sounds like a complaint from the Middle Ages -- hiring a cook seven years ago would have helped instead of fighting!

And if she has a temper problem, that can be addressed as well, with mature discussions between the two of you. Involving other family members there is a mistake.

You’ve given importance to so many non-issues in your mail to me that I’m wondering where exactly the problem lies. Visit a marriage counsellor -- both of you.

You are not wrong AT ALL -- your whole family is and so is his!

Women having to cover their faces is oppressive, regressive and shameful in my opinion. Do not stand for it!

I think you should break this match off because the family you’re marrying into sounds really regressive and treats women like second class citizens.

It’s just a college crush, my dear…nothing to get so uptight about. It’s normal at your age.

You can tell your friends you don’t want him to know, but so what if he does? Maybe he likes you too or will ask you out?

There’s really no set course to follow in these matters. Just enjoy your college days and years!

Dear Love Guru
This is not exactly a love problem but kind of related.
My ex and my good friend are engaged and it’s left me feeling very awkward.
It’s uncomfortable to see her with him.
I don’t want to give up the group or them because we are all very good friends.
Everyone’s struggling to adapt to the new dynamics and I’m feeling bad.
How do I handle this?

The way you’re feeling is perfectly natural and this situation is more common than you think.

I know of someone who has been in the exact same position as you and he was the bigger person back then.

Today, things are so normal between him and the couple; they’re still good friends and laugh about what was a few years ago.

My point is, what you want to achieve -- a new normal -- is very possible.

Since you’re all within the same group, I’d suggest riding things out. You make an effort to normalise things and they will do the same. The new dynamic will become the norm in time, you’ll see.

Let time take away your discomfort. It will.

Speak.

Open your mouth and tell her how you feel.

Six months is long enough.

Explain that you want to be with her, but that if she wants nothing more than friendship, you are happy to continue with things the way they are.

Also tell her what you told me; that you are in no way looking to take advantage of her vulnerability, but that you care for her deeply.

Good luck!

You should address this issue.

Let your mind relax since the reports are clear. Constant worrying will negatively impact on your otherwise healthy system.
 
Change your routine for a while. Pursue a hobby. If you know swimming, go for it as water is the best natural healer.

Learn meditation; you can start by chanting ‘Om’.

Further, for inner balance and peace, learn a musical instrument and/or learn to sing; it will bring out any suppressed emotions.

We should learn to let go, let the past remain in the past, take positive lessons and move on.

Bring positive affirmations into your life rather than holding on to the negatives.

Please stay away from any kind of addiction.

Consult a wellness expert in case you are not able to cope as suppressed emotions can result in physical ailments. 

So, in a nutshell, you think your wife was flirting behind your back, you dropped some hints and then she has either stopped, or then stopped you from spying on her phone.

First of all, why are you dropping hints to her instead of talking straight? Which husband is going to appreciate his wife being wooed by other men with all this darling-baby love talk?

Even if she’s not having an affair, the flirty behaviour is bound to make you uncomfortable. Don’t you think you should call her out on it instead of pretending like some other man is making her uncomfortable?

Clearly, she’s enjoying the attention!

You seem very timid and intimidated by your wife. And if her behaviour has changed toward you for the better because you suspect she is guilty of something, all the more reason to get to the bottom of it!

Stop playing games and pussyfooting around her. Do some straight-talking for a change instead of going behind her back and reading messages!

And FYI, being good-looking doesn’t give any spouse licence to make their partner insecure!

Oh, I’ll tell you where you went wrong alright -- by trying to pursue a married woman!

Just because she is nice to you and laughs at your jokes does not mean she’s romantically interested in you. And maybe she realised that you’re in it for more than friendship and decided to cut things off right there.

I would suggest you behave appropriately, keep your distance and look for a relationship elsewhere.

I need not remind you that it’s also your job on the line if she complains of sexual harassment at your workplace.

Look elsewhere, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

You say he already knows about your past relationship. Has he been accepting of it? If so, then there’s no need to go into the nitty gritty details, is there?

People in relationships are obviously physical with each other; only a fool would assume otherwise.

And what about his past? Has he told you about it?

Yes, I do think you should be honest with your partner if it’s weighing on you or bothering you. If not, and suffice to say he knows of your past relationship and hasn’t asked for further details, then leave it alone.

But I will say this: if you do tell him, you’ll know the kind of man you’re marrying.

If he’s fine with it and accepts that everyone has a history and it is to be accepted as part of them, that’s fine.

If not, then, well, I would call off the marriage if I were in your place, forget him doing so! Who wants to be married to an old-fashioned chauvinist?

He sounds like a real piece of work. And he has some audacity saying you’re ‘not marriage material’. What the hell is ‘marriage material’ anyway?

Sounds like there’s a lot on your plate and he’s taking advantage of you.

Visit a marriage counsellor ASAP; this idiot needs to be told by a qualified professional that he’s ‘not husband material’.

And, as a side note, living with the in-laws is almost always cause for further friction within a marriage. 

Run for the hills! This man will ruin your life if you decide to spend the rest of it with him.

Telling you what to wear, checking your phone and being unreasonably jealous of other men are all huge red flags and I am categorically telling you to break this relationship off.

His wearing what you like is just a cover-up for his controlling behaviour. Don’t fall for it at all!

Hi.

If there has been no prior communication and they are bringing this up only after you have resigned, then it is quite unprofessional on their part.

Serve your notice period and have a candid discussion with them. Explain that if they try and spoil your career, then you will have no choice but to take the legal path.

Alternately, since you don’t have a job, negotiate with them and continue till you get a good job.

Hi.

Ideally, they cannot take the steps they are mentioning. Do have a look at the exit clause in your appointment letter.

It will be advisable to send them a reply through a labour lawyer.

To look at it from another viewpoint, you should try and serve the notice period.

Hi.

The best way to handle this is to document your ideas through emails.

Also, a discussion with your manager's manager to share your ideas will give the message that you mean business.

Hi.

I can understand your situation and would recommend these possible options:

1. You can start your own business dealing with multi-level marketing.

2. You can consider a data processing/accounting role in a BPO.

3. Pursue a course in an area of your interest that can sharpen your competencies.

4. Teaching could be another possible career option.

Hi.

I would strongly suggest that your reach out to a lawyer who specialises in employment law and send a legal notice to your organisation.

If that does not work, then raise a compliant with the labour court.

Hi AD.

Let me start by stating two realities of a corporate job.

1. Mergers and acquisitions are a reality and consolidation of business will happen all the time.

2. No company can assure you for a permanent job.

In this situation, my advice to you will be to give your best in the current job and have an open discussion with your management.

Meanwhile, be open to external job opportunities

As you might be aware, some of dementia’s symptoms are not reversible.

What one can focus on is identifying its causes and preventing the dementia from getting worse.

Activities that tax the brain or prolonged depression and excessive fasting, especially cutting on good fats and sugar, are known to affect the brain’s health. At the same time, one needs to be careful with their intake if one has other ailments like blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

I would suggest you visit an Ayurveda treatment facility (Atmasantulan village near Pune is a good option) to get proper diagnosis and treatment.

At home, you can practise activities that relax the brain; gardening and being close to nature are especially beneficial. Pranayamas such as Bhastrika and Anulom Vilom will help relieve stress.

Hi.

Quite frankly, you are facing a situation many of us find ourselves in after a long career in the same field.

My suggestion would be that you make a functional change within your current organisation.

Most organisations encourage a change like this nowadays.

Else, if you are passionate about the stock market, do a certified course and then make a planned switch.

It’s a common practice amongst new-born babies and toddlers as it acts as a pacifier but, if not addressed, it can stay on until later ages and create multiple problems.

We tend to look at it as a physical problem; however, it’s more of a psychological one.

You should try and understand your child’s emotional triggers. When is she practising the habit? Is she anxious at that time or hungry? Try to address her mental issues.

Take her to the dentist and let the doctor explain to her the repercussions and dental issues down the road, etc.

Make it a conversation, not a complaint or a nagging session as that will further lower her confidence. Children tend to adversely react to constant reminders.

Make it fun, like a game or a challenge to control the habit. Reward good behaviour to encourage her.

Hi.

These are some of the parameters to be a good remote worker.

1. A good set up at home so that you can work undisturbed.

2. The ability to work in different work zones.

3. Connectivity and availability of wifi.

4. The ability to make good virtual relationships.

5. The ability to articulate your thoughts clearly on email and on zoom/online calls.

Fatty liver is a condition in which there is an increased build-up of fat in the liver and scarring of the tissue.

It is important to lose weight and increase physical activity.

Avoid refined carbs and include leafy greens -- they contain chlorophyll which helps cleanse toxins from the bloodstream.

Make sure your diet has enough MUFA (healthy fat) by including nuts and avocado.

Green tea and garlic work as excellent antioxidants.

Ensure your diet has enough high fibre and adequate protein, combined with high intensity workouts.

Overexertion makes our mind hyperactive and when your mind is in a hyper state, no matter how tired you are physically, you will not get good sleep.

Therefore, you should relax your mind for at least an hour, if not two hours, prior to sleeping. Anything that agitates the mind should be avoided.

Don’t do any major planning or thinking or even reading. No screen time either, whether it is watching TV or browsing through your mobile phone.

As for the physical routine, wash your face and feet with warm water. Always change into fresh and comfortable clothing. Practise 5-10 minutes of deep breathing, yog nidra and Om chanting to calm your mind.

Aroma therapy can be of great help. You can choose from a variety of sleep essential oils/balms.

Please choose reliable brands as artificial fragrances can have the opposite effect and make your mind alert.

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

You’ve been sweeping the same issues your marriage has faced from the very beginning under the carpet for 15 years. Why?

And instead of addressing the issues, you decided to go ahead and have a second child?

Having a child is a joy in itself, but it is never the solution to marital woes; in fact, in most cases it only exacerbates the problem.

From everything you’ve told me, you seem to come across as an insecure husband.

I’m not saying that what you’ve told me is untrue, but you keep suspecting your wife of flirting with random men and have no proof of it.

Both sides of the family support her and let me tell you, unless she is a master of deception, no one can conceal their true nature so well from everyone else for the better part of two decades.

Maybe what you construe as flirting is simply her being friendly? Maybe you’re just not comfortable with the manner in which she interacts with other men?

Have you ever managed to prove her inappropriate relations? And when you accuse her, she blows up at you... a guilty party would not react in so volatile a manner.

I do think marital counselling is in order. And yes, maybe separately at first and then together.

Contact a good therapist and do it sooner rather than later... 15 years has been long enough!

You’re not running away from responsibility, you’re sparing her the responsibility of playing caregiver to you as your health deteriorates and, more importantly, leaving her bereft of a life partner at a young age.

I’m sorry to hear that you have such severe issues but, as difficult as it is for you, I do think this is the right decision if you’re putting her happiness before yours.

The fact that she’s agreed to marry someone else also should also tell you that, inherently, even she is hesitant about your situation.

Moreover, there’s the Sapinda clause, legally speaking, which won’t permit you to marry... you haven’t disclosed just how closely the both of you are related here.

So, all circumstances considered, I think her moving on with someone else is in her best interests.

I wish you health and happiness.

Let me get this straight.

You’ve wasted 11 years on an ex who dumped you on your head and then ghosted you? What’s wrong with you, man? Anyone who behaves like that is not worth a minute more of your time!

And now you’re going to ruin some hapless girl’s life by marrying her because your family thinks you should? And breaking off an engagement is ‘badnaami’?

Grow a pair and put an end to this engagement at once or you may well find yourself facing a divorce later on in life!

It certainly is unfair to the girl you’re marrying if you don’t feel anything for her or the potential to do so.

And, for heavens’ sake, stop sulking about the woman who walked out on you and get a life... one that makes you happy! The key word being ‘life’, not necessarily ‘wife’!

I think since you have got a job in a Tata company, you must grab it with both hands.

The nature of contractual employment in today's world has limited impact.

Do check the process of extending the contract and regularising the employment.

The current job does not seem to be with an employer with whom you should continue.

HR compliance is one of the core functions of HR and does have a steady career growth.

However, this is one HR function that many organisations are outsourcing.

You must explore other areas within HR, especially if you want to head the HR department in an organisation.

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

Start a new hobby, build a bucket list and start with one activity at a time that interests you the most -- be it dance or some musical instrument, painting etc.

Be with the right motivational people. The right company matters always -- they can inspire us while the wrong company can do otherwise.

Digital media and TED Talks are filled with inspirational stories; watch the ones you feel inspired by.

Take a hard look at what your likings are. Are they really helping you to grow or they are just bringing you down?

The will power will come eventually; you have to start taking steps in the right direction.

These are just minor compulsive disorders due to nervousness or overthinking.

Rather than stressing over the habit, we should focus on controlling our mind.

Indulge in gardening activities every day, practice meditation in the morning and before going to bed. 

The problem you’re facing is very common in long-distance relationships.

You have a need for attention that you’re not getting from him and he’s so busy planning a future that he’s forgotten how to take care of the present.

I can tell you that until he is secure in a job and has stabilised his situation, his behaviour is not going to change significantly. And maybe not after either...Maybe this is who he is, and after the initial spark wore off, this is him.

That said, the distance is definitely playing a role in fuelling tensions between the two of you.

Explain to him that you need some quality time with him and that couples who live apart do set aside a little time for each other despite all the pressures of everyday life.

It’s not childish to expect attention and love from your partner, even from a thousand miles away.

At your end, you can try to be less demanding.

Maybe he isn’t at liberty to chitchat every single day or every couple of days also.

As long as you get what you want out of even a weekly or twice-weekly conversation with him, cut him a little slack. That is, provided this guy means enough to you.

If he doesn’t and you’re second-guessing the relationship, the person he is and your love for him, maybe the headache just isn’t worth it.

You’ve already invested five years, and if it’s not looking bright, you should cut your losses and move on.

You must discuss these concerns you have regarding your career not growing in the same manner as your colleagues with your manager or HR.

If it can be resolved, then continue on your current role.

Else, you can consider the new job after you have done due diligence about the new company and its management.

Hi. As you work in a niche segment, your job search also needs to be focused.

Make a list of the companies where your skills are the most appropriate.  Then connect with people who work in those companies through LinkedIn. Approach them for a suitable role as all good companies have internal employee referral programmes.

Also, please understand that you should not look for a job only because of a low salary.

If your management is supportive and is willing to gradually increase your salary, then you can consider continuing here.

If you have a good opportunity, you must plan to go back to Malaysia and live with your family.

You have not revealed what kind of profession you are in but, unless you have a stable career, it would not be wise to stay in India or any foreign country.

Remain positive.

Ouch! It’s not every day that someone writes in stating that s/he is quite so turned off by a partner.

You seem to have a good wife and a good marriage outside of the sex.

Instead of hurting her feelings about her appearance, why don’t you make some suggestions that will improve your attraction toward her? Surely you have preferences when it comes to hair/ clothing/ lingerie?

She’s obviously noticed your lack of interest and I think she will be willing to take a few steps to remedy the situation.

As a side note, please remember that beauty runs only skin-deep.

Don’t mess up your family over something like this; and if my advice doesn’t help, you have two other options.

One, visit a therapist to help you work through this problem or, two, just turn off the lights and get down to business with her using your imagination!

Post menopause, women do have to cope with several hormonal changes and sometimes lose interest in sex.

You need to explain your frustration to your wife and hear her side of it.

If you say you had a good sex life with her up until just two years ago, that means a particular issue has definitely triggered this situation.

Have a frank conversation and take steps to remedy it. Maybe she can speak to her gynaecologist about it as well; she’s certainly not the first middle-aged woman to go off sex at this juncture in life.

What do you mean by ‘looking out of the box’? I have news for you, buddy -- marriage is a box and you’re inside it!

I can understand your frustration, but it’s not like your wife is refusing you sex and you need to look for it elsewhere. I suspect that she’s refusing to cooperate because it seems unnatural to her and there’s some moral dilemma attached to her manner of thinking.

The first thing you need to do is help her remove the stigma she attaches to being sexually adventurous.

Explain that all normal couples experiment in the bedroom and that as long as it’s consensual, what the two of you do to each other behind closed doors is not for anyone to judge.

Maybe a sex therapist could better able to explain to her that giving in to some of your suggestions and fantasies is normal and not some depraved act that she should be embarrassed about.

You have left out one very important piece of information. Do you and your wife live with your mother and sisters?

I know in-laws are a bone of contention in most households at some point, but it comes to such an extreme only when people are forced to cohabitate with them. And if this is the case, you need to change the living arrangements pronto.

Never mind whether your wife is right or your family is right; if you want to save your marriage and improve relations between your family and your wife, move out. Immediately.

I’d like you to write in again and tell me exactly what’s going on. And this is for both of you -- if you don’t let go of the past and forgive each other’s past mistakes, you’ll never move forward.

The idea is not to repeat them and fall into old patterns of behaviour.

You need to make a promise to each other that, when having a discussion, neither will rake up past fights unless they have an extreme bearing on the current scenario.

If you have chosen to practice celibacy, there are certain methods that yogis used to implement to focus their energies on meditation and other goals.

Yog recommends a Sattvik diet to enhance the sattva element in our body, ie to bring a balance in energies that leads to calmness, mental clarity and eventually bring us true happiness.

A Sattvic diet consists of ample fresh fruits and vegetables -- cooked and consumed with love and gratitude.

It can include certain nuts and legumes which are easy to digest.

Also, if you do not have any major ailments, try taking neem (crush 3-4 leaves with some water, strain and drink) or bitter gourd juice first thing in the morning for a detox.

Do this for 21 days. However, please discontinue if you feel any discomfort.

To further balance your energies and keep your mind calm, you can do light exercises in the morning. Follow this with the Anulom Vilom pranayama, starting with five minutes and eventually doing it for a minimum 20 minutes every day.

Before going to bed, you can do deep breathing in the Dhyaan mudra to get a peaceful and deep sleep.

The shape of your body indicates low lean mass and a high body fat percentage.

To bring about this change, you need to consistently maintain a low carbohydrate, high protein, high fibre diet with some exercises to build lean mass.

Lifestyle changes with healthy eating pattern will bring out effective results.

Have plenty of fruits, vegetables, salads and protein-rich foods. Avoid high fat and high carb foods.

Adequate water intake and good sleep will give long term benefits.

Dear Anonymous,

At the end of the day, a marriage is not defined by a piece of legal paper; it is defined by the relationship between two people.

I am sorry to hear that you love your husband and that he has left you and is demanding a divorce.

But from where I stand, you seem to be better off without him; you have mentioned he has walked out on you several times before and also say that it has been an unhealthy relationship. He seems to want to break free from the marriage and you deserve much better.

I don't know why you fear living alone, but this is not the end of the road for you.

Give him the divorce and know that you will find love again, maybe with a better person this time around.

I don't think that would be a major hurdle.

You have done some very relevant courses/certifications that will help you perform well in your role.

Also, geography does not play a ‘make or break’ role in getting a job, especially in HR. 

The cultural dimensions in the Middle East are similar to India. 

I would say remain positive and connected. Look at companies that have operations both in India and the Middle East and target them in order to get a job faster.

Dear Sir,
I will soon be in a position where I will have to interview potential candidates for my department.
I have never interviewed anyone for a job before.
What should I keep in mind and how will I know the person in front of me is a good candidate and a good fit for my department?
Looking forward to your reply. Please don’t reveal my name.

Interviewing is a skill that you develop on the job.

Since you are starting to take interviews, it will be a good idea to do short term online training or in-person training for the same.

You can also approach your HR team or immediate supervisor to be your coach in this aspect.

There's a name for your predicament, pal -- you've become what is commonly known as a 'sugar daddy', an elderly man who lavishes young women with money and gifts and maintains their lifestyle in exchange for a relationship. And, in your case, it's without the side benefits!

There's no fool like an old fool, so I'd suggest you stop wasting your hard-earned money on pretty young things who are fonder of your money than they are of you.

Cut them off and remain faithful to your wife; these dalliances on the side are doing nothing but buying you some time with a pretty face -- at prices that you can't afford.

The word is ‘No’ -- learn how to use it!

The cure for a broken heart is mainly to stop dwelling in the past and live for the present.

Two years is long enough! Time to get your feet wet in the dating pool… meeting someone new and interesting is the quickest way to get over an old flame, so get out there and start living your life instead of throwing yourself a pity party over what was not meant to be.

Good luck!

You must find out the market value of the job that you are doing and have a candid discussion with your family friend.

Since you do not have a job, quitting is not a good option but you must be paid what you deserve.

Evaluate the cost of your employment, including the cost of stay, etc, and clearly state what you deserve.

Any increase in compensation will depend on the policy of the company.

You would know whether your colleagues and other employees in the company are getting salary increments.

If they are, then you must immediately approach your management.

Requesting for a salary increase is within an employee's rights and will be taken in the right spirit.

Personal relationships do come in the way of our professional interactions, so it's important to have good personal relationships.

But, sometimes, if the other person does not respond, then it becomes a challenge.

You can have a candid discussion and try and resolve the issues. Else, you can approach your manager to intervene and help both of you to iron out the issues.

Talk to your friend about the good old days.

I don’t think anybody wants to marry a total stranger!

First off, you need to tell your parents that. They cannot be forcing you to get hitched to a boy of their choice; this isn’t the Middle Ages.

And second, aren’t you jumping the gun a little about marriage to your colleague?

You’re not even in a relationship yet, even if there’s a mutual attraction. You need to see where that goes before deciding that you want to marry him.

So go ahead and dip your toes in the dating pool.

But before you do, I’d suggest you sit your parents down to have ‘the talk’. And leave the colleague out of it for now, or they will inadvertently draw the conclusion that it’s this boy who’s turned your head against an arranged match and will be prejudiced against him because of it.

There’s no need to be frightened, my dear.

You’re very likely gay, and THAT’S OKAY. It’s not some fatal disease you have; it’s just that your sexual orientation is different. That said, it’s still normal.

You obviously seem to be struggling with coming to terms with this and I’d recommend that you start seeing a professional therapist.

S/he will be able to help you accept this fact about yourself and maybe help you broach the subject with your family as well.

There’s nothing wrong with you, so go easy on yourself.

Hi.

These are some practical things you can do to help you resolve most of the issues you shared.

1. Start your day early with some positive thoughts and physical activity. The way you begin your day determines how the rest of the day will go.

2. Spend quality time with your family.

3. Do practise some meditation or yoga as that will help you increase your concentration.

4. Keep your cell phone away from you when at work; check it once, for five minutes, every hour.

5. Find a good mentor at work with whom you can share your concerns openly.

6. Engage in your hobbies.

7. Get good quality sleep.

Hi.

I would not know of specific career opportunities in Lucknow.

But nowadays, Tier 2 cities are really coming up in terms of career options. So I am sure you will have IT companies there.

With reference to pursuing post graduation, it is always good to take up a job after graduation.

Learn about the corporate world and your career preferences and then go for a full time course in your field of interest.

Hi,

It really depends on the nature of the role and the company that you have got a job offer from.

If the job is unique and the company is stable, then you must explore the option.

If you have taken both your vaccines, then the danger of contracting COVID comes down drastically.

Even if you do get COVID, the line of treatment is well laid out and you will recover quickly.

You must have a candid chat with your wife as such opportunities come by once in a while.

She can always visit her parents or even call them to US once you settle down there

Hi.

I can understand your situation where you worked for so many years to support your family and not really had the opportunity to follow your passion.

If your family’s financial condition is stable now, then you can consider starting your own business. It comes with its own risks but it will be an enriching experience.

You can also consider areas like teaching or social work for the next phase of your career.

Family floater gives higher discount as several family members share the defined sum insured. Hence it can be a smart option for your financial health. However, in case of a family which has aged or elderly members, a family floater may not be appropriate as the premium in case of a family floater is highly dependent on the age of the eldest member.

Also, the sum insured may not be adequate for the family in case of a more complicated health intervention. A floater works best for a younger family.

Switch is recommended if the floater offers more/better benefits over your existing individual plans.

If one is still not convinced with the reason/s of rejection, then they can approach the Insurance Ombudsman, provide sufficient documents like bills and other related documents, and provide any other evidence when you file an appeal against the rejection.

It is recommended that all policyholders who file a claim keep track of all the communication with their insurer and follow up diligently.

If cancelled beyond the 15-day period, a different refund structure is applied by insurance companies depending on the period elapsed. The policy document has all details about the premium refund in case of voluntary cancellation.

All policyholders should read the 'Cancellation of the Policy' section of their policy or call your insurance company.  Alternatively, you may also e-mail them and get more information about the exact refund amount.

Ever increasing medical inflation and ongoing deadly infection makes it essential to not only have health insurance but also insurance cover with an adequate sum insured.

The need of a specified sum insured can be optimised by breaking it into two policies. One basic and another top up totalling up to sum insured required by you. This option is recommended rather than having a single policy with higher sum insured.

Please do read the policy terms and conditions for details.

You should also consider the other option of buying a separate policy for them after seeking quotes from a few insurance companies for both options.

Hi.

Psoriasis is an autoimmune disorder of the skin where you get thick patches and plaques of skin, usually symmetrically and many times itchy.

Normally, even if you get relief with medication, the patches reoccur.

Of late, biologic therapy has shown promise but it sometimes has undesirable side effects.

We treat psoriasis with a combination of autologous cells and laser, which reduces the lesions significantly.

I would suggest that you follow up with your dermatologist and get regular guidance to treat your psoriasis.

These recommendations below will help:

• Shift to a Mediterranean diet.
• Yoga, meditation and regular exercise will help.
• Keep your skin moist always by using Vaseline or a good moisturiser.
• Take oral multivitamin and an antioxidant supplement.
• Stress should be reduced to a minimum.

Either of these 2:

1. UTI Flexi Cap Fund -- Growth
2. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund -- Growth

Hi.

I am really concerned about your well-being and security.

Prevention of sexual harassment at the workplace is a legal requirement and you must immediately raise the issue with your top management.

Ideally, your company must have an internal complaints committee to handle such complaints.

In case your company is not supportive or does not have internal mechanisms, then you can take help of a lawyer or even the police.

Remember, as a society we need to confront people like your boss else they will be encouraged to harass more women in the future.

Take this head on. The law of the land completely supports you.

Leaving your job is not an option.

Hi.

The very fact that you have worked from home during the pandemic and the lockdown shows that you are working in a stable company that takes care of its employees.

Now leave it to the senior management to decide what is best for the company and the employees.

Though WFH is a good concept and really works well in IT companies, it is certainly not sustainable in the long run.

Prepare yourself mentally and physically to start going to office. Take care and stay safe.

Hi,

First of all, research about how well your company has performed financially during the pandemic.

If the business has been impacted badly, then it's obvious that the company will cut down expenses including salaries.

If salaries have been cut across levels -- including senior management -- then the company has been fair.

Having said this, you can always connect with your HR team to get clarity on the way forward. At the same time, don’t come across as someone who does not understand the situation.

Hi.

Your question has so many ‘I can't’ statements that you have yourself ruled out many feasible options.

Please remember that, in the job market, there are many more qualified people than there are decent jobs. So you will certainly need to change your mindset and be flexible to adapt and learn new skill sets.

Even Sachin Tendulkar had to adapt to T-20 to play the IPL!

Approach the situation with a positive mindset and things will work out for you.

Hi.

I would have been able to advise you better if you had elaborated the nature of business that your company is into.

I would still feel the best way to communicate is phone calls or video calls. So communicate more and understand their expectations and politely make them realise the importance of technology.

I am sure they know technology is critical, but sometimes the lack of how it works can limit their understanding.

Clearly understand their expectations and also find out how other organisations in your industry are dealing with work from home.

Hi.

You seem to be missing out on what you have in life by regretting that you are not doing what you want to do.

Trust me, in today's world, there is nothing like a dream job.

Having just started your career, I don't think you should be fixated on an FMCG marketing job.

To be a successful marketing professional, you must have a long and intense sales stint and your experience in the edutech company will provide you with that. So hang in there and give it your best shot.

You are in a good place; make the most of it.