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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2025
Relationship

I have a crush on my colleague recently. We started as a friend but one day we get drunk on one of colleague house. We talk about life and love. I asked about his ex. He told his past relationship story how they break up. I also shared some of my past situationship. We live in a same colony. So we came back home together getting drunk I told him you can lean ur head on my shoulder. And he suddenly lean his head on my shoulder and he was sleeping and I wake him up when we reached our destination. He takes me to my house and I suddenly hold his wrist. I don't why did I hold him and next morning he yes hi (call my name)how are you I didn't respond properly I'm just like yeah good after that he seems to avoid me a lot he didn't talk to me much I caught him looking at me sometimes but it might be coincidence. I think he doesn't like me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand it must all be very confusing but I would suggest not jumping to conclusions. You think he doesn’t like you, but he might be thinking the same since you did not respond to him properly the next day. That could have triggered his current behavior. If you have feelings for him or if you even miss him as a friend, I would recommend you to clear the air with him. Just talk it out- you can explain how things got a little heavy the other day and that’s why you didn’t speak to him nicely and apologize if that made him feel bad. If even after that he continues to avoid you, then you will have better clarity.

Hope this helps.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 16, 2023

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

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Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.
Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

Relationship
6monsth back I started talking to one of my colleague, he is attractive by his nature. Almost everyone likes him. he is intelligent, funny, etc.... In calls he used to tell me about his family, his friends, his thoughts, also about the girl (Aliya) whom he liked a lot for 6years (they belong to same village), but she rejected and told that he is her friend only. He told her that he may get feelings for her if they both remained as friends, so better stop talking. But she insisted that they both need to be friends and continue talking. I felt like may be she needed emotional support that's why she insisted. After coming to Jaipur, Aliya started talking to another man named Jitesh. But my colleague used to feel like a third wheel and started keeping distance. Then also she told that they are just friends and he need not distant himself. She always wanted him to give her the first priority. He also feared that she might get upset if he don't give her 1st priority. They used to talk a lot on phone and share everything. One day he brought her to our bay where we both used to sit and work. that day I really felt like I was a third wheel. I felt very bad.. cried for few days. And decided not to talk to him from then on because I didn't want to cry anymore. But he kept trying to have a talk with me. One day he almost cried because I was ignoring him. I couldn't see him like that and also I felt guilt about my behaviour(my intention was not to hurt him but to save my tears). I couldn't help but starting talking to him. He used to mention to me whenever he used to talk to her. and everytime I used to feel very bad. We started talking a lot after few weeks. Whenever I didn't receive proper response from him I used to become very anxious waiting for his reply and cried a lot. But when he starts talking again I used to feel normal. I never wanted to get into relationships, so everytime I used to tell him directly or indirectly about it. But still he continued to talk to me. One day he called me and said that Aliya is in love with Jitesh. He said being a friend he is very happy for her but after sometime he also said that if you also love someone I will stop talking with you also. I understand that he is little sad that he cannot talk to Aliya as he used to talk before because she is in love with someone else. We continued to talk and kept talking a lot. One day I felt like I am too much emotionally getting connected to him and felt like these long talks need to stop. So I asked him saying that I didn't get clarity. Then he opened up and proposed me. I thought for a day and I felt he is also a good person and said yes to him. Then on he became my world. Then on he started talking little less with other girls. One day Aliya called him saying that Jitesh had an incident where everyone thought he was drowned but he came back safely. She needed emotional support and asked him to come to office. She also said she that one of her colleagues didn't bring lunch and she don't have enough food to give her so she asked my colleague to prepare some food and bring it to office. At first my colleague said no thinking of me but Aliya convinced him emotionally saying that will you leave friends if you get a girlfriend and so he prepared lunch and took it to office. That day when he told me all these I felt devastated, I felt really insecured and cried a lot that is our first fight regarding her. He told me that if you say no I will stop talking to her. She again called and asked my colleague that what was my reaction for all these... he kept silent she guessed what might have happened and told that I understand how she might have felt and will not ask him to bring food to office anytime. Then on fights started increasing between us regarding her. whenever we three had a conversation i felt like thirdwheel and felt he is showing more attention towards her, more care towards her. again a fight. Like that fights started increasing. At first he used to listen to me, but after some days he started saying like my thinking is wrong. I even told him how much I cried but he didn't bothered. I never wanted to break their friendship so I never wanted to ask him to stop talking(even though he gave me that option). I only wanted him to give me my importance but I still feel he shows equal care to both of us. Then how am I different? Later on in our every fight, he started supporting her this gave me more pain. One day he said If I leave her for you, then I may leave you for someone else, that is not my character( this is contrary to what he said previously 'I will stop talking to her if i don't want to'). I cried a lot, I don't have much friends I couldn't share this with anyone.... every moment he is only coming to my thoughts and whenever fights happen due to Aliya, I get disturbed a lot... unable to concentrate on my work... not getting interest to do anything. One day out of anger I said just stop talking to her then his expressions totally changed he became hesistant , he became very sad and said I need sometime and don't know how much( his expression is contrary to what he said 'It doesn't bother me much If I don't talk to Aliya' ). He is that much emotionally connected to her. After 5mins I pinged him saying that I am feeling very guilt about the decision and ask him not to stop talking to her. I understood finally that he still thinks I am wrong and I am tired of fighting. One day when I was very emotional I told him that I will no more bring Aliya topic in our discussion and asked him to do whatever he wants. After this, Whenever Aliya calls him or he call her he used to tell me... sometimes I felt very bad... sometimes I tried to ignore as if it didn't bothered me but didn't start any argument with him. After few days he even stopped telling me if she called him or not also. When he was not telling about Aliya's conversations I thought he understood my feelings and reduced talking with her. but one time accidently my colleague's friend told about the small conversation that my colleague and Aliya had, that's how I came to know that they had a conversation but he didn't tell me. I felt very bad, really very bad... again unable to concentrate on work feel like crying all the time... I can't ask him to stop talking to her because I don't like to do so and also afraid of having negative impression on me in my colleague's mind. at the same time, I feel very very bad whenever they meet or have a call or does something together. I cannot discuss with him about this anymore. what shall i do, this is bothering me a lot and also having effect on my career, peace and life. please suggest. I am ready to correct myself if there is anything wrong from my end. And I can surely say that If i have a boy bestfriend then he would definitely not feel comfortable and will get upset.
Ans: Dear Jia,

When two people enter a relationship, both must try to make each other feel comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with your partner speaking to his friend, who is also his ex-crush, it is perfectly normal for you to voice it. And reading your question I understood that he has repeatedly mentioned that he had feelings for her, and even wanted to sever ties because staying in touch could only further ignite those feelings. I don't see how you are wrong in letting him know that you don't like their interactions. Plus, in a healthy relationship, the partner comes first. Not friends, especially not this kind of friendship.

Just understand that you are not wrong. Even if his intentions are pure and he looks at her like a friend, you have every right to express your feelings. You made no unreasonable demand. She wasn't "just" a friend; she was always more than that, and being insecure about something like that is not uncommon.

The only thing to do right now is to tell your boyfriend that you understand that the friendship is important but you deserve someone who can pick you over everything- obviously, reasonable things. See what he does. And please remember, you actually deserve someone who would pick you. This is not an ultimatum; it's the truth.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Relationship
Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.
Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8513 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025
Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, First of all thank you for your replies for my previous queries. I am 41 yrs old private employee earning 1.5 lakhs per month. I and my brother combined constructed a house 5 years back by taking joint loan of 59lakhs with 9.1 interest (floating)for 21 years. We both are paying 50k per month. 25k each. Till now not much principal got reduced. We have opened one joint account and adding some amount of 4k (each 2k) every month and thinking to pay as principal amount at end of year. I don't feel it is good idea but we are not getting any idea. Could you please give us suggestion on how to pay this loan as much as early.? Thanks in advance
Ans: You have done a great thing by co-owning and sharing a loan. It takes planning and commitment. Paying a long-term loan early needs careful steps. A focused strategy will help you save interest and reduce stress.

Below is a complete 360-degree solution. This will help you close the loan faster and stay financially safe.

1. Understanding Your Current Loan Structure

You and your brother took a joint home loan of Rs. 59 lakhs.

Interest is 9.1% (floating). That’s quite high.

You both are paying Rs. 25,000 each, totalling Rs. 50,000 monthly.

The loan tenure is 21 years.

After 5 years, principal reduction is still very low.

This is because in early years, interest eats most of EMI.

Your method of saving Rs. 4,000 monthly to prepay annually is good in spirit.

But in action, it may not create much impact.

Let us explore a better plan.

2. Step-by-Step Review of the Issue

Your interest rate is 9.1%, which is high today.

Loan is 5 years old, so around 16 years are left.

You have already paid around Rs. 30 lakhs in EMIs.

Still, the loan principal hasn’t reduced much.

This means you are in the heavy-interest zone.

Time is the biggest cost here.

Faster principal reduction will save a lot of interest.

You can’t just depend on small yearly prepayment.

3. First Action – Review and Refinance the Loan

First, check your current loan outstanding.

Check your repayment schedule from bank or netbanking.

See how much of EMI is going to interest.

Now consider transferring the loan to a new bank.

Many banks now offer home loans around 8.3% to 8.6%.

A 0.5% difference may look small.

But it can save lakhs over remaining years.

You and your brother must compare 3–4 lenders.

If new bank is ready, shift to a lower rate.

No harm in reducing tenure while transferring.

Even 2–3 years cut in tenure saves a lot.

4. Revisit EMI and Tenure

You are paying Rs. 25,000 monthly.

This may be within your budget.

If yes, try to increase EMI by Rs. 2,000–Rs. 3,000 per head.

Higher EMI cuts principal faster.

Lower tenure means lesser interest burden.

Use the new EMI wisely by combining refinance and increased payment.

Avoid extending the loan tenure again.

If possible, reduce tenure instead of EMI.

5. Rethink the Annual Rs. 4,000 Saving Approach

Saving Rs. 4,000 monthly in joint account is okay.

But idle money doesn’t grow.

Interest in bank account is very low.

Instead, invest this Rs. 4,000 in a short-term debt mutual fund.

Use regular plan through MFD with CFP credential.

Direct plans may look cheaper but lack support and rebalancing.

With regular plan, you get better advice and ongoing help.

At year-end, redeem and prepay lump sum against principal.

Debt funds offer better growth than savings account.

Tax efficiency is also better if used wisely.

6. Create an Emergency Buffer Separately

Prepaying is good, but emergency safety is more important.

Before aggressive prepayment, build a safety fund.

Keep at least 3–6 months of EMI and expenses as emergency fund.

Use liquid mutual funds for this.

This protects your EMI even if job or cashflow is hit.

Avoid using your loan prepayment savings for emergencies.

Keep the two goals separate.

7. Avoid Prepayment from Retirement Corpus

Never touch EPF, PPF or long-term savings for loan prepayment.

That may create future income problems.

Let those assets grow for your retirement years.

Housing loan can be managed with better cashflow planning.

Prioritise steady investments over aggressive prepayment from retirement corpus.

8. Align Investments and Loan Closure Together

If you want to clear the loan faster, balance it with investment goals.

You can run SIPs and prepayment both side by side.

Divide monthly surplus into three:

Some for SIPs in active mutual funds.

Some for yearly lump sum prepayment.

Some for emergencies.

This keeps wealth creation, risk cover, and debt reduction in sync.

Don't stop SIPs completely just to prepay faster.

Mutual funds give long-term growth and liquidity.

9. Tax Benefit Assessment

Home loan offers tax deductions on interest and principal.

You both are eligible for 80C (principal) and 24(b) (interest) benefits.

Check if you are using full benefit.

But don’t keep loan just for tax saving.

Interest outgo is more than tax saved in most cases.

It is better to close loan early and then invest that EMI.

You get better peace of mind and cashflow freedom.

10. Use Bonuses and Extra Income Smartly

You may receive bonus, incentives, or yearly hikes.

Use a fixed portion of that money to prepay loan.

For example, 40% of bonus goes to loan, 40% to investments.

Remaining 20% for personal spending.

This method helps in faster loan closure.

But keeps your future goals also on track.

11. Communicate and Review as a Team

You and your brother are managing the loan together.

That’s a great responsibility and effort.

Keep monthly reviews and open communication.

Review the bank statement, interest paid, and outstanding.

Every prepayment reduces total interest burden.

Celebrate milestones like Rs. 5 lakh principal paid off.

It will keep both of you motivated and united.

12. Don’t Buy More Real Estate Now

Your existing home is already a big commitment.

Avoid investing in second property.

Real estate has poor liquidity and low regular returns.

Maintenance cost, property tax, and legal risk are high.

Don’t stretch finances with multiple loans.

Build wealth through financial assets instead.

13. Take a Certified Financial Planner’s Help Once a Year

Every year review your plan with a Certified Financial Planner.

Check how much principal is left.

Plan SIPs, investments, and prepayment in right proportion.

Review life and health insurance too.

A CFP helps you align your goals with numbers and strategies.

14. Insurance Protection Check

Ensure you and your brother both have term insurance.

This secures the loan liability.

If something happens to one person, the other isn’t burdened.

Term plan is low-cost and covers only risk.

Avoid policies that combine insurance and investments.

15. Track Your Progress Annually

Make a simple tracker in Excel or diary.

Note EMI paid, principal reduced, balance left.

Mark each prepayment.

It motivates and helps fine-tune future decisions.

Share the sheet with your brother too.

Finally

You both have made a good effort so far.

The first five years of a loan are toughest.

Now is the best time to take control.

Don’t let the high interest eat your future savings.

Use a mix of refinance, EMI increase, short-term fund, and lump sum payments.

Don’t compromise on long-term investments and insurance.

Keep your goals clear and emotions away from decisions.

Your loan can be closed 5–7 years early with these changes.

That will free up cash for future dreams and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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