I met a guy who was my realtor trying to sell me a property.the property was shortly purchased. Later on he took my personal number and started texting me in that. It was just a hi hello daily kind of thing. Soon it turned into 1hr calls at his office time and the calls happened every three days. He asked me to on a vacation with him and i agreed since both of us had a compatible thinking. Our conversations were casually flirty whenever it happened. Everytime i went to seey property he used to be there since it was his office too and made sure i was well taken care of. From few days i had started reciprocating his care for me. Recenty during a conversation i asked him to come to my city as our relationship status was not defined and i thought he wanted to spend some time with me as the vacation we were planning was postponed after a month. Yesterday during a conversation he told me he is married and i was shocked since he never talked about it and knew everything about me at this point from my family members. Now he says i did not want to hurt me and we are friends, we were taking the vacation as friends. But truth is i am hurt since i had just started reciprocating his flirtiness. I dont know what to do further as i know he has hurt me and he should not have flirted with me and should have told me he was married from beginning. He just said it never came in any conversations. I just confronted him as to why he did want to go on vacation with me when he has a wife. He just said he meant as friends and his marriage is complicated. Should i continue talking to him or end the so called friendship, because at one point i was sure he liked me, he praised me, called me beautiful, used yo stare at me when i was not looking.

Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

Ans:

Dear DM,

There are enough and more people on social media who look out for casual flings and chats that help them cope with a loveless marriage or relationship or simply for killing time.

Now that you know the truth, I guess it’s challenging your value system where you don’t feel comfortable ‘flirting’ with a married man.

So focus on this and what to do next rather than ask, why he did this and why he didn’t reveal his marital status to you.

Will the answers make a difference to you?

Will you feel any better knowing why?

Why it happens is anyone’s guess….if he had told you, would you have chatted with him? No, right? That’s why he didn’t reveal it…

So, do what you think is right and what keeps you happy.

All the best!

Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it must be tough to see someone you like, flirting with another person in front of you. But, as you said, your colleague often does this and he has been upfront about this. Now, you need to understand that your feelings are valid even if you knew about his nature. But having said that, I don’t think there’s much you can do about him. The best thing is to slowly distance yourself from him and end his chapter here. The more you get involved and look for answers the more you will get hurt. Try spending more time with friends and people who truly appreciate you.
Best wishes.