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Confused after guy friendzoned me and then thanked me: Should I respond?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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A guy had a crush on me. He started contacting me then confessed that he likes me. . Then gradually i happened to really like him. I started reciprocating my feelings and we were constantly in touch after being vocal on how much we like each other. After few months he started to show low energy then stopped contacting me. When i tried to reach him again he said we can be bestfriends and that I'll always be his crush. Nothing more than that. I was extremely hurt. Suddenly after week's he texted me saying Thankyou as he cleared his university Exam (i helped him out) . What should I do now. Shall I respond or not. And does he want me back or what's going inside him

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind, or how feelings change suddenly; it is unfair but it’s very common. If he has clearly mentioned that he does not want anything romantic with you, it is best to not pursue. I understand that it has hurt you, and maybe somewhere, it has also hurt your ego, but it is best to respect his boundaries. Coming to responding to his message- since he has thanked you for your help, it would be decent to reply; you can do it with a simple “you are welcome.” But I won’t force you to do it; if you think that he doesn’t deserve it, then you can avoid it. But if you are wondering if he wants you back, as an onlooker, I didn’t see any indication of that. Then again, as I mentioned, it is difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind. If you want clarity, you should have an open discussion and ask him about it. That much explanation he owes you.

Hope this helps

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Anu

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Dear Anu hope you are doing well.While I was pursuing my postgraduation I met a guy in my university who was 8 years older to me and we were in the same class. I was 23.We were great friends. I helped him in English and to write messages that he would send to other girls 'in English.This went on until the girl (teacher of the university) rejected his proposal.He proposed me a few days later. I accepted it.He wanted marriage, I wanted time.The relationship lasted for 5 months before he ended it. He wanted to be friends.Every now and then I message him regarding my problems and he offers me a solution or at least consoles me.That’s how our friendship had started.It’s been 2 years now. He never texted me but always replied back.While in the relationship he has always been looking around at other girls. The relationship had been very controlling, dominating but did help me during my difficult times.I don't know what it was. Did he even love me?He wants to be friends with me the entire lifetime. What does my friendship or presence offer him? He has also taken academic help from me during university days.
Ans:

Dear S,

The very fact that you have asked me this question as to whether he loved you at all simply suggests that you have the answer to that.

Certain actions of people can make us quite unsettled and I would like to point you to the fact of him proposing to you almost immediately after he was rejected by the other girl (teacher).

What does that tell you?

Doesn’t it seem that he is possibly incapable of taking rejections and also wants to feel the aura of woman around him all the time?

Aren’t these messages enough for you to be able to find someone more mature and someone who respects your presence in his life and wants to marry you for love and a life together rather than to make him feel secure, whole and complete?

Never try and fill an emotional void in a person which must be filled by them on their own accord. Once you fill it, another void will be waiting to be filled by someone else and before you know, you will be caught in a loop that can’t be untied.

Your presence offers him warmth, attention and care of woman that you have possibly been splurging on him.

When he finds another woman offering this, he might be ready to try that as well. Be your own person, guard your boundaries and let people in who nourish you and accept you for who you are.

Be well and happy!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Hello Love Guru. I want to ask about my ex. We had relationship for past two years but kind of on and off. During initial stages we both acted immaturely and broke up but still one of us patch up. Last time, last year in September, my ex broke up saying he doesn't like my personality and our relationship is unmotivating. Even the previous breakup was by him saying he needs time and space. Although he had introduced me to his sister and friends, I think he is just been in relationship for TP. When he broke up last time, he got promoted at work maybe that’s why. Currently he said he has quit his job IDK reason and suddenly he realised he took wrong decisions. I was sure I don't want to give any more chance. So I told him that introduce me to your parents as your GF, not for marriage now. He said he will try but not sure. I have decided he is free and hence he wants relationship so not moving forward with him. Please tell me what you think. Although, after our patch-up, I do see small efforts from his side but I was always one who was on giving end.
Ans:

Your mail is quite confusing in the sense that I don’t know whether you’re currently with him or not; you refer to him as your ex and then say that after your patch-up you’re seeing that he’s making an effort.

Anyway, whether you’re on or off at present, this guy seems rather whimsical. And yes, I think your instinct is right in that he’s at loose ends right now without a job, etc, and wants some emotional support maybe, which is why he wants to get back with you.

I’m not saying don’t give him a chance; you can, if you think he’s genuinely realised that he wants to be with you. But, yes, he should make it official.

And if I were you, I’d be sure of things before getting too involved too fast this time around.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2023Hindi
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Dear Anu; This happened a long time ago. But i still need to get it off my chest. Over 15 years ago i used to chat with a boy Mr. Y on social media/ messenger. Both of us were in early twenties. We used to talk till late nights on messenger and i thought it was more of a one sided thing and i thought i was the only one who was emotionally involved. Until his brother once approached me saying that Mr. Y will never tell me about his real feelings for me since he is incredibly shy and introverted. And whether i wanted to take this forward . Anyway his Dad didnt really approve and Mr. Y didnt know about this either. We continued to chat on messenger and also met a few times but only with friends. We had also exchanged numbers and would send forwarded messages to each other; nothing personal. Over the next year the messenger conversations fizzled out and we would only exchange forwarded messages. He never did ask me out even once. However i heard from common friends that he was saying stuff like i am inundating him with mesages; and how he was really not into me. But he never asked me to stop sending forwarded messages either. One day he messaged me saying that he will be going out of country and then he didnot message me or stay in contact with me for almost a year. I changed my location to another city after a year( work) and did mesage him just updating about my new number. He then got in touch with me; visited me once all by himself( apparently he had some work in this city) and asked me out . I asked him why now and he replied that he had asked a close friend of his; and the friend had adviced him to ask me out. We spent some time together and next day he told me not to tell his other friends that we had met. By this time i was quite fed up and the year that he did a dissapearing act I was seeing someone who was confidant and wasnt afraid of showing his affection for me. So eventually i told Mr. Y that i am seeing someone and then we barely met after this. A year later; on his social media account i saw his conversations with another where he told about his love for a girl and how it did not progress since he never declared his feelings for her. Anyway what i need to know 1) why did he ghost me? 2) If he did love me as his brother proclaimed; why did he boast to his friends that he I was chasing him? 3) is this person narcissist? 4) Did i totally misjudge the situation? Somehow after all these years; I still fell i was misled or wronged and at times i feel that i dodged a bullet! I want someone i.e. You to give me a fresh perspective. We are not in touch now. Sometimes things trouble you later in life and this incident probably is one of those. Would appreciate if you could shed some light. Anju
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
1) why did he ghost me?
Why do people ghost others? Either they are not interested or are embarrassed with that someone or are unsure about them.

2) If he did love me as his brother proclaimed; why did he boast to his friends that he I was chasing him?
His brother told you, he didn't right? And it's great to boast to friends about a girl chasing him right? It pegs him right on top within his social circle.

3) is this person narcissist? - That is something that needs more contexts to come to a conclusion. But, from what you have shared, he seems to love to control the happenings in his life, his way irrespective of how it might impact you. Walking in and out of your life at his whim, is a red flag for sure!

4) Did i totally misjudge the situation? - Quite possible that you did. But hey, maybe you were just playing to what you saw and responding to it. He seems unavailable and available when he feels like. Do you want to be available for a person who lacks basic respect for your time?

Also, the fact that he did not declare is feelings for the other girl should also tell you that he did the same with you as well. He is perhaps not ready for a commitment. Why waste time and energy on someone like that? Why chase someone who likes to be chased but won't stop to think of whether he can make a commitment? He seems to love the attention but will not reciprocate the same.

This might give you a perspective on what you have been doing so far and what must you do from hereon...

All the best!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am Afrin . I met this guy 3 years back through a dating app . We used to talk on weekends initially for few months . Then I started falling for him and I told him about it and that i would only like to continue if there is a future as we we can get married, he said he is Hindu and I am Muslim so it won't be possible for him so I strictly asked him not to contact me again as we want different things , after that we didn't talk for 4 months , and 4 months he called me again . I picked up , talked for two three weeks only on weekends and the same question i again asked he again said it won't be possible and I again told him not to contact me and he again stopped calling or texting me . After 6 months of this ,he again called ,I picked up. This time he said , he is moving to foreign country so it might be possible for him to marry . I believed , we kept talking now 3,4 days a week . We both were happy ,and enjoyed talking to each other , then finally after 2 years , he came to meet me from a different state . We met, i brought some of my friends with me . We spent 5 days , bt after 3 days ,I saw him behaving rudely .. I tried talking to him and I got to know that , since I was talking to my friends in our language , he misunderstood us thinking we were may be making fun of them . On 4th day , when my friends left , I went to his room and saw him using dating app .. I asked him to show me his phone he didnt show me and we had a heated argument. And he left me alone in that room , and the next day he had his flight .. i saw, he blocked me the day he left me in that room . I tried contacting him for the first in this two years but he blocked me every where . So , this way for 6 months I was blocked , after him unblocking me ,he neither called me not texted me , and I also didn't try to contact him . After after 1 year of him leaving me in that room, he called few days back , I picked up , and the way he was talking i dint like it as I could sense he was expecting the things from me which are against my values . And by now ,I lost feelings for him . So the first day I could say anything, the next day i told him clearly that i don't have feelings for him anymore , so if he is expecting something else from me he won't get it . If he wants to remain as friends he can ,rest I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore . And after two days he again blocked me . What should I do if he again calls me ? Should I just block him now ? Or should I talk to him normally?
Ans: Don't pick up. Move on. Don't talk to him. Start meeting other guys

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Relationship
Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.
Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

..Read more

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