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Confused after guy friendzoned me and then thanked me: Should I respond?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

A guy had a crush on me. He started contacting me then confessed that he likes me. . Then gradually i happened to really like him. I started reciprocating my feelings and we were constantly in touch after being vocal on how much we like each other. After few months he started to show low energy then stopped contacting me. When i tried to reach him again he said we can be bestfriends and that I'll always be his crush. Nothing more than that. I was extremely hurt. Suddenly after week's he texted me saying Thankyou as he cleared his university Exam (i helped him out) . What should I do now. Shall I respond or not. And does he want me back or what's going inside him

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind, or how feelings change suddenly; it is unfair but it’s very common. If he has clearly mentioned that he does not want anything romantic with you, it is best to not pursue. I understand that it has hurt you, and maybe somewhere, it has also hurt your ego, but it is best to respect his boundaries. Coming to responding to his message- since he has thanked you for your help, it would be decent to reply; you can do it with a simple “you are welcome.” But I won’t force you to do it; if you think that he doesn’t deserve it, then you can avoid it. But if you are wondering if he wants you back, as an onlooker, I didn’t see any indication of that. Then again, as I mentioned, it is difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind. If you want clarity, you should have an open discussion and ask him about it. That much explanation he owes you.

Hope this helps

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Dear Anu hope you are doing well.While I was pursuing my postgraduation I met a guy in my university who was 8 years older to me and we were in the same class. I was 23.We were great friends. I helped him in English and to write messages that he would send to other girls 'in English.This went on until the girl (teacher of the university) rejected his proposal.He proposed me a few days later. I accepted it.He wanted marriage, I wanted time.The relationship lasted for 5 months before he ended it. He wanted to be friends.Every now and then I message him regarding my problems and he offers me a solution or at least consoles me.That’s how our friendship had started.It’s been 2 years now. He never texted me but always replied back.While in the relationship he has always been looking around at other girls. The relationship had been very controlling, dominating but did help me during my difficult times.I don't know what it was. Did he even love me?He wants to be friends with me the entire lifetime. What does my friendship or presence offer him? He has also taken academic help from me during university days.
Ans:

Dear S,

The very fact that you have asked me this question as to whether he loved you at all simply suggests that you have the answer to that.

Certain actions of people can make us quite unsettled and I would like to point you to the fact of him proposing to you almost immediately after he was rejected by the other girl (teacher).

What does that tell you?

Doesn’t it seem that he is possibly incapable of taking rejections and also wants to feel the aura of woman around him all the time?

Aren’t these messages enough for you to be able to find someone more mature and someone who respects your presence in his life and wants to marry you for love and a life together rather than to make him feel secure, whole and complete?

Never try and fill an emotional void in a person which must be filled by them on their own accord. Once you fill it, another void will be waiting to be filled by someone else and before you know, you will be caught in a loop that can’t be untied.

Your presence offers him warmth, attention and care of woman that you have possibly been splurging on him.

When he finds another woman offering this, he might be ready to try that as well. Be your own person, guard your boundaries and let people in who nourish you and accept you for who you are.

Be well and happy!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Relationship
Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.
Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I have a online friend of over 3 years now. We were very good friends for 2 years but he always showed his interest in me indirectly which I always ignored because A he was going good in his career, his caste was different, and that I was still unclear about my career, including I was just overcoming from a previous 3 month dating. My friend also came to meet me twice in my city but I didn't meet him. Later, after nearly 2 years, I asked him how he was to which he saw text and replied after a day because he was too busy in work. Upon saying that I was curious he teased me whether he was my boyfriend and I got angry on him. He called to mend up after 8-10 days, I didn't respond and he never called again. After almost 10 months, I texted him, we immediately connected, felt emotional, I was about to confess, he realised this and told me he was in a casual dating phase with his junior for one month, had kiss, no further intimacy. But he constantly had feelings for me. I told him it was always him and I never thought about any other man. He regretted and felt that he in a way cheated on me, but I assured him that we were not committed, and he didn't know about my feelings. Now I am stuck what to do. We are yet to meet in September this year. He calls me, makes me laugh, but sometimes I just miss him a lot and need his emotional availability to address my thoughts and doubts about us. All he has to say is that I like you and I love you. I don't understand he is the samne old friend who used to understand me without me saying a word. Now doens't want to undo knots in my heart. Even though he is not a cheater, mature, and loving guy, I am not feeling the same as before. I cried for the first time because of him in 3 years only the day he told about he girl. I have always felt calm with this guy but now, I am doubtful.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it must be frustrating and confusing, but I am sure once you meet in person, you will have more clarity. Make sure to tell him how you feel and about your concerns. And ask any doubts you have in your mind about his intentions. It is the perfect opportunity to connect and clear your concerns.
Best wishes.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11153 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2026

Money
I am 61 minimalist, self disciplined BACHELOR and self dependant, living in the life style of NO ILL; NO PILL. I have medical insurance of Rs.15 lacs Term Insurance of Rs.50 lacs traditional insurance of Rs.20 lacs (all ppt over). I have created a corpus with mutual fund in equity and balanced fund which can take care for next 15 years of my present living expenses. I do not want to leave legacy. Now living in rented home. Getting a rent for a disciplined bachelor is challenge, so I am plannng to buy a small plot and construct a tiny home, for which I need to drain the mutual fund investment; which I can set as self financing by repaying (investing back in mutual fund) the amount of rent after moving to tiny home. But I am also thinking is it good to invest at 61, where I do not require to leave legacy; on the flip side, retal accomodation at late 60 is not viably available and getting admission to old age home will also lose independence. So I am in dilema to decide on this whether to drain the mutual investment corpus to lock in dead in tiny home. please guide me should I step out to buy tiny home; or stay back with rental option or prefer old age home (compromising independance and self dependance)
Ans: Your clarity about life, discipline and independence is very strong. At 61, you have already done the hardest part — you built a corpus that can support your lifestyle for the next 15 years. Now the decision is not about returns, it is about peace, control and dignity of living.

This is a very important life decision. Let us evaluate it calmly.

» Your current situation strength

– No dependents and no legacy requirement
– Medical insurance already in place
– Corpus available for 15 years expenses
– Simple lifestyle and controlled spending

This gives you flexibility. Your decision can focus on comfort and certainty, not only returns.

» Understanding your main concern

Your real issue is not investment return.

Your concern is:

– uncertainty of getting rental house in later years
– loss of independence in old age home
– desire for stable, peaceful living space

So this is a lifestyle security decision, not just a financial one.

» Option 1 – Continue in rented house

Advantages:

– liquidity remains intact
– flexibility to move
– no large capital lock-in

Risks:

– difficulty in getting rental in late 60s or 70s
– dependence on landlords
– mental stress of shifting
– uncertainty at older age

For a disciplined bachelor, this risk is real and increases with age.

» Option 2 – Move to old age home

Advantages:

– no property management
– basic care support
– social environment

Concerns:

– loss of independence
– fixed lifestyle rules
– emotional discomfort
– not aligned with your “self-dependent” mindset

This option does not match your personality.

» Option 3 – Buy plot and build tiny home

Advantages:

– full independence
– lifetime housing security
– no landlord dependency
– emotional comfort and control
– stable living in later years

Concerns:

– large capital withdrawal from mutual funds
– reduced investment corpus
– money gets locked (illiquid)

But here is the key point.

This is not “dead investment”.

This is conversion of financial asset into life security asset.

» Is it right to use mutual fund corpus for this

Yes, but with discipline.

You should not drain the entire corpus.

Better approach:

– use only required portion for land + basic construction
– keep at least 10–12 years expenses still invested
– maintain emergency fund separately

This ensures:

– housing security
– financial security

Both are balanced.

» Your idea of “self-financing” by reinvesting rent amount

This is a very smart thought.

Once you move:

– rent you would have paid becomes your SIP
– this rebuilds part of corpus gradually
– helps maintain investment discipline

This approach reduces the impact of initial withdrawal.

» Key risk to manage before buying tiny home

Before you proceed, ensure:

– location has hospital access
– basic services nearby (grocery, transport)
– low maintenance property
– simple construction (no luxury spending)
– legal clarity of land

Avoid over-investing in construction. Keep it functional, not emotional.

» How to decide finally

Ask yourself one simple question:

What gives you more peace at age 70?

– depending on landlord?
– adjusting in old age home?
– or living independently in your own small space?

Your answer will guide you clearly.

» Finally

In your case, buying a small, simple home is not a financial mistake. It is a life stability decision.

But do it with balance:

– do not exhaust entire mutual fund corpus
– keep sufficient investments for living expenses
– use only required portion for the home
– continue investing (recycling rent as SIP)

This way you protect both:

– your independence
– your financial security

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

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