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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship

Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.

Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

आप नीचे ऐसेही प्रश्न और उत्तर देखना पसंद कर सकते हैं

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |579 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023English
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Relationship
नमस्ते। हालाँकि मेरी शादी को 12 साल हो गए हैं और मेरा 9 साल का बेटा है, लेकिन जब अंतरंगता की बात आती है तो मेरी पत्नी के साथ संबंध अच्छे नहीं हैं। माई लास्ट कंपनी में एक महिला सहकर्मी थी जो शौक और रुचियों के मामले में काफी हद तक मेरे जैसी ही थी। हालाँकि मैंने और उसने कुछ समय पहले ही वह नौकरी छोड़ दी थी, लेकिन आज तक मैं उसके संपर्क में हूँ और उससे बात करना पसंद करता हूँ। मैं रोज उससे व्हाट्सएप पर विश करते हुए बात करता हूं और कभी-कभी जिंदगी पर चैट भी करता हूं। लेकिन मुझे लगता है कि उसके मन में उसके लिए भावनाएँ विकसित हो गई हैं लेकिन मुझे यकीन नहीं है। मेरी शादीशुदा जिंदगी में सेक्स की कमी के कारण मैं कभी-कभी उसके प्यार करने के बारे में भी कल्पना करता हूं। उसे हमेशा मुझसे मिलना ठीक है लेकिन मुझे डर है कि अगर मैं उससे मिला तो कहीं मैं अपनी सीमा न लांघ जाऊं। क्या ऐसा महसूस करना ठीक है और क्या मुझे अपनी भावनाएं उसके साथ साझा करनी चाहिए?
Ans: प्रिय अनाम,

एक दीर्घकालिक रिश्ता कुछ समय के बाद सांसारिक और नियमित लग सकता है लेकिन यह आपको किसी और के लिए भावनाएं विकसित करने की अनुमति नहीं देता है। हालाँकि अपनी महिला सहकर्मियों से मिलना कोई बड़ी बात नहीं है, लेकिन जब आपके मन में उस सहकर्मी के लिए भावनाएँ हों और आपको संदेह हो कि आप एक सीमा लांघ सकते हैं, तब भी क्या आपको लगता है कि मुलाकात पर विचार करना उचित है? मुझे शक है कि।

मैं समझता हूं कि इस व्यक्ति के साथ आपका रिश्ता अच्छा है, और आप अपनी शादी में अधूरापन महसूस कर रहे हैं, लेकिन फिर भी यह आपको अच्छे विवेक से अपनी पत्नी को धोखा देने की अनुमति नहीं देता है। मैं तीन चीजें सुझाता हूं-

1) आत्मनिरीक्षण करें और मूल्यांकन करें कि आपकी शादी के बाहर ये भावनाएँ क्यों हैं।
2) अपनी पत्नी से इस बारे में स्पष्ट चर्चा करें।
3) मुद्दे पर एक-एक कदम पर काम करें और उस पर मिलकर काम करें। यदि आवश्यक हो, तो विवाह परामर्शदाता से मिलें। हम सभी को कभी-कभी थोड़ी अतिरिक्त सहायता की आवश्यकता होती है।

हर शादी में एक या दो झटके लगते हैं। एक बार जब आप अपना ध्यान सही जगह पर केंद्रित कर लेंगे तो यह ठीक हो जाएगा।

शुभकामनाएं!

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नवीनतम प्रश्न
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |594 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

Career
Hello Sir. My Son has got offer from follwing University.. 1)University of Padua - Italy (BSC - Information Technology) - 3 years Course 2)University Of Strathclyde - UK (BSC - HON Computer Science) - 4 yrs 3)Caledonian University of Glassgow - UK (Bsc Hons Computing). 4 yrs 4) National College of Ireland (BSC - HON Computer Science Engg) - 4 yrs We are confused to select the university / country
Ans: Hello ASAD,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am glad to know that your son has received offers from the above mentioned universities. As an answer to your query, I would like to tell you that a prestigious and budget-friendly education in a lively Italian environment, along with a reputable academic standing and lower living expenses is offered at the University of Padua; its 3-year BSC - Information Technology may also provide a quicker path to higher education or jobs. Coming to the University of Strathclyde, top-ranked in the UK for Computer Science, this university is renowned for its linkages with industry, research possibilities, as well as outstanding student services, offering robust employment opportunities. Next, situated in a student-centric city with budget-friendly costs in comparison to other cities in the UK, Glasgow Caledonian University focuses on hands-on, industry-focused learning with impressive graduate employment rates. The National College of Ireland provides a small, contemporary campus in Dublin with robust ties with the technology sector, internships, and employment prospects in one of Europe’s key technology hotspots.

Lastly, deciding which university and country to select depends on your son’s professional objectives, ideal learning atmosphere, budget, as well as plans for the future- whether he prefers a shorter course term, robust industrial connections, global exposure, or residing in a specific nation.

For more information, you can visit our website: www.edwiseinternational.com

You can also follow us on our Instagram page: edwiseint

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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