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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Pangao Question by Pangao on Apr 11, 2023
Relationship

He is much younger than me but I love him so much , I think I'm suffering from attachment lifestyle disorder for 3 months we used to be always together having fun , I also know it will hurt me when this kind of relationship ends but now he went away to other places n I thought it's a good chance for me to treat myself but I started feeling the need to be with him , I miss all things we do , n all I do is think about n about him all the time I tried to forget it n heal my mind but I could never its getting worse n worse , he likes my involvement in his life but also I know when I'm with him I hve no time to work but my feelings always wants to be with him n I want him to be always be in my side , when im with him I feel extraordinarily happy but as soon as I'm not with him everything feels so quiet I'm think it's our attachment lifestyle that is haunting me I love him so much but I want to quit us for good but I feel like he is my own part of my body n I really really hurts me when I try to distance myself from him I tried so much to stop this feeling but I find no happiness from anything if I'm not with him please help me

Ans: You need to stop and focus on yourself and pamper yourself - make yourself a priority - forget this person you are pining for - and then see the awesome change you experience in your life.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |53 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 11, 2023

Relationship
He is much younger than me but I love him so much , I think I'm suffering from attachment lifestyle disorder for 3 months we used to be always together having fun , I also know it will hurt me when this kind of relationship ends but now he went away to other places n I thought it's a good chance for me to treat myself but I started feeling the need to be with him , I miss all things we do , n all I do is think about n about him all the time I tried to forget it n heal my mind but I could never its getting worse n worse , he likes my involvement in his life but also I know when I'm with him I hve no time to work but my feelings always wants to be with him n I want him to be always be in my side , when im with him I feel extraordinarily happy but as soon as I'm not with him everything feels so quiet I'm think it's our attachment lifestyle that is haunting me please help me
Ans: It sounds like you are struggling with strong feelings of attachment to this person, and that these feelings are causing you distress when you are not able to be with them. While it's normal to miss someone you care about, it's important to find a balance between spending time with them and taking care of yourself and other aspects of your life.

It's possible that you may be experiencing some symptoms of an attachment disorder, but it's important to note that this would be a clinical diagnosis that should be made by a mental health professional. That being said, it's clear that your attachment to this person is having a significant impact on your life, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor could be helpful in addressing these feelings and developing healthy coping strategies.

In addition to seeking professional help, there are some things you can do on your own to manage your attachment-related feelings. This might include engaging in self-care activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with friends and family. You may also want to try practicing mindfulness or other relaxation techniques to help you manage your anxiety and stress levels.

It's also important to communicate with the person you are attached to about your feelings and needs. Let them know that you value your time together, but that you also need time to focus on other aspects of your life. Try to set boundaries around your time together, and make sure that you are communicating your needs clearly.

Remember, it's okay to care about someone deeply, but it's also important to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being. With the right support and self-care strategies, you can learn to manage your attachment-related feelings in a healthy way.
(more)
Latest Questions
Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2023
Money
Sir, I just retired from my service @60yrs. I will get my PF+other fund ₹50L. Please advice how to invest the amount so that my principal not disputed and I can get ₹30,000 pm for my monthly expenses. My family of 2 persons are covered ₹50L health insurance. Regards
Ans: Considering your age and your requirement, you will need to invest in a mix of debt and equity instruments. Here are some investment options available to you:-

• Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS) – This is a pure debt instruments and provides guaranteed returns of 8.2% per annum. The interest is paid quarterly. The maximum amount that you can invest is Rs. 30 Lakhs.

• Corporate FDs – It provides you return more than the regular bank FDs. It contains two options i.e. cumulative and non-cumulative.

• Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This is another government-backed scheme that offers guaranteed monthly income. The current interest rate is 7.1%.

• Debt Mutual Funds: As your main concern is to protect the principal amount you may consider debt funds and monthly income can be achieved through the route of SWP (systematic withdrawal plan).

• Equity mutual funds: Equity mutual funds offer the highest potential returns, but they are also the riskiest. A small portion of the amount can be invested in the equity mutual funds for growth of the money in the long-term horizon.

It is good to know that you are adequately insured for any healthcare emergency.

Your requirement of Rs. 30,000 will be changing in the future due to inflation, hence you should consult with your financial advisor for a proper increasing income or SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) which can help you to ensure sufficient amount available for your monthly expenses.
(more)
Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Money
Hi Sir, I worked a small level company between 01.02.2018 to 30.04.2021. They paid standard EPF contribution of Rs. 1800/- from my side they deducting the same of Rs. 1800/-. After I exit the company I applied the EPF Withdrawl (both contribution) on 06.05.2023 and it was rejected by the officer and the reason was mentioned "Claim Rejeced EQUAL SHARE 07/18". The Employer deposit the July 2018 share in wrongly i.e. The deposited Rs. 1800/- in Employee Share and Rs. 1800/- employer Share and Pension is " 0 ". instead of Rs.1800/- as employee, Rs. 550/- as Employer and Rs.1250/- as pension contribution. When I sent a 2 continues mail to EPF they taking my query as a grivience and sent a query to the employer. But Still they not close the issue. How to I approch them to clear my claim. Because there is no mistake from my side. Thanks in Advance. Narayanan
Ans: I understand that your EPF withdrawal claim has been rejected due to an error in your employer's contribution. This is frustrating, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience problems with their EPF claims, especially when their employers make mistakes.

When filing a grievance, be sure to provide clear and concise information about the issue. You should also include any relevant documentation, such as your EPF statement and the revised Form 11 from your employer (if you have one).

Once you have filed a grievance, the EPFO will investigate the matter and try to resolve it. This process can take some time, but it is important to be patient.

Here are some additional tips:

• Keep track of all your communication with the EPFO. This includes emails, phone calls, and visits to the office.
• If you are not satisfied with the EPFO's response, you can escalate the issue to the regional or national level. You can also mail on employeefeedback @ epfindia.gov.in for the redressal of your grievance.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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