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Married woman in love with online friend: Can I leave my husband?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello i'm 30 years old women i'm married with my close relation my mother's brother i like him at my childhood but he loves me more & one day his mother was died then our family decide to our marriage that's why i was married with him but i'm not love him..i have one 4 years baby girl now but in 2 years later i had met one online friend he is very kind to me i fell love with him more & getting more addicted to him i thought him he is my man but i'm alredy more addicted with him he is not married he was told me to get divorce from your husband i will marry you. But i'm getting more confused Thinking of my family what a do? give me some advice how to relive in person addiction he was fight with me for small things & he was not talking with me for some days that time i felt so badly without him even i'm not sleeping & craying for whole night. i'm more craving to speek with him i know i'm totally hacked by him i don't know the way what a do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Addiction to anything and anyone is never good and online romances can be a huge gamble too...you haven't met this man and you are in love with him and addicted to him?
It seems like a good escape from your marriage, so maybe if you find a way to make your marriage work by connecting better with your husband, things might actually improve for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Relationship
 Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son. Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy. He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely. I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city. After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter. I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met. We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months. We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes. Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care. I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.Pls guide me if am right or wrong.Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.
Ans:

Dear MS,

You did know the perils of an extra marital app and knew what you were getting into.

You have two ways of looking at your situation.

1. If you choose to continue, you are constantly going to have to juggle between your marriage and this relationship

2. If you choose to be exclusive into your marriage, then you are going to possibly be with a man who is who he is

Now, which side of the fence feels more comfortable to you, is something that you need to assess. Also, external validation is something all of us fall prey to sometime or the other in our lifetime.

Ask yourself:

  • What is lacking in my marriage that is forcing me to step out and explore?
  • Have I tried to communicate my needs to my husband?
  • Are there things that I could have done differently to have a better relationship with my husband?

This might give you a chance to understand where you are and what you can do to give your marriage a fair chance if that is what you wish to do.

Whatever you choose, do remember basing your happiness on an external source will always be short lived and all it gives you is heartache.

Be wise, choose wisely and maybe it’s time to laugh a lot, take a step back, breathe and look at what IS in a different way.

If you still waver, do know that whatever is going on also has an impact on your son. So, steady yourself first, do a reality check and then choose.

Be well and happy!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hello, This is Capt. Samir. I have invested in mutual funds and doing an SIP of 70k per month. Would like to know if the mutual funds that I have invested in are good to hold and the corpus that can be generated in the next 10 years. I am looking forward for a 2 cr corpus by 2034 from MF. Kindly advise if SIP needs to be increased to generate the said corpus. Mutual Funds DSP-Global innovation FOF-Reg fund -G -3000 Sip WHITEOAK flexi cap reg fund- 3000 SIP CANARA REBECCO Mid cap fund - 3000 SIP HDFC Business fund- 200000 LUMPSUM HDFC top 30 fund - 3000 SIP Aditya Birla frontline equity fund - 2 folios - 3000 SIP in one only DSP small cap fund- 5000 HDFC small cap fund- 5000 Merai asset large cap fund-5000 ICICI prudential Blue chip fund-5000 Canara Rebecco manufacturing fund Growth - 5000 Kotak focused equity fund -5000 JM midcap fund Growth - 5000 SBI ENERGY OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 400,000 LUMPSUM Kotak Multicap fund: 5000 ICICI PRU energy and fund: 5000 HDFC Nifty 200 momentum30 index fund- 10000 HSBC EXPORT OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 3L lumpsum Thanks Samir
Ans: It’s great to see that you are already investing consistently and have a target in mind. Your aim of generating Rs 2 crore by 2034 from mutual fund investments is achievable with a systematic approach. Let's break down your current investment strategy and assess whether any adjustments are needed to meet your goal.

Review of Your Existing SIPs and Lump Sum Investments
You are currently investing Rs 70,000 per month through SIPs and have made some lump-sum investments as well. Let's evaluate the funds you have chosen based on their category, diversification, and potential for long-term growth.

Global Innovation Fund: This fund gives you exposure to international markets, which helps diversify your portfolio. Keep an eye on global market trends, but this fund can add value if the global tech and innovation sectors grow.

Flexi Cap and Mid Cap Funds: Flexi Cap and Mid Cap funds offer a balance of growth potential and risk. They tend to outperform in the long run, but they also come with volatility. These funds are good to hold for a long-term horizon.

Lump Sum Investments in Sector-Specific Funds (Energy and Manufacturing): Sector-specific funds can be high-risk but may offer high returns if the sector performs well. The energy sector has potential but may be volatile due to factors like government policies, oil prices, and global energy trends. Manufacturing is more stable but less likely to deliver aggressive returns. Keep these funds for diversification, but be cautious.

Small Cap Funds: You have exposure to two small cap funds. While small cap funds can offer high returns, they come with high volatility. Keep in mind that small cap funds should ideally not exceed 20% of your portfolio due to their risk profile.

Large Cap and Blue Chip Funds: Large Cap funds are a safer bet in the long term and provide stability. They might not offer the highest returns but will protect your capital. Continue your SIPs in these funds.

Focused Equity Funds: These funds invest in a limited number of stocks, which can give concentrated returns but also carry higher risk. As you are looking for a long-term goal, these funds can add value, but balance them with more diversified funds.

Index Funds: While index funds are low-cost, they track the index and may not offer outperformance. Actively managed funds can give you better returns over the long term. If you are invested in index funds, consider reviewing their performance and reallocating to actively managed funds with a Certified Financial Planner.

Is Your Portfolio Diversified Enough?
Your portfolio has a good mix of different fund categories—small cap, mid cap, flexi cap, and large cap. You also have exposure to international markets and sectoral funds. However, be cautious about over-investing in small caps and sectoral funds due to their high volatility. Consider reducing the allocation to sectoral funds if their performance dips.

Will You Achieve Rs 2 Crore by 2034?
You aim to accumulate Rs 2 crore by 2034. Based on your current SIP amount, it is important to assess if this is enough. Considering an average return of 12% per annum from your mutual funds, Rs 70,000 per month SIPs may get you close to your target. However, it is wise to periodically review your portfolio and step up your SIP amount by 10-15% every year to stay on track.

Recommendation:

Increase your SIP amount: If possible, increase your SIPs by 10% every year to boost your corpus and mitigate the impact of inflation.
Step-Up SIPs: Some mutual funds offer a "Step-Up SIP" option where you can increase your monthly SIP amount automatically by a fixed percentage every year. This will help you stay on track for your Rs 2 crore goal.
Lump Sum vs SIPs
Lump sum investments can boost your corpus, but they depend on market timing. Since you already have a few lump-sum investments, it’s good to continue with SIPs to average out market volatility. If you come into additional funds, like a bonus or windfall, consider allocating some towards lump sum investments in diversified funds.

Expense Ratios and Fund Performance
It’s important to regularly monitor the expense ratios of the funds you are invested in. High expense ratios can eat into your returns over the long term. Actively managed funds with high expense ratios should justify the cost with higher returns. If you find that the returns are not justifying the high costs, consult a Certified Financial Planner to switch to better-performing funds with reasonable expenses.

Managing Risk and Rebalancing
Your current portfolio leans towards high-risk, high-return funds like small caps and sectoral funds. As you approach your target year, start reducing exposure to high-risk funds and shift more towards stable funds like large caps and flexi caps. This will help preserve your capital and reduce volatility.

Every year or two, review your portfolio and rebalance it. For example, if small caps have outperformed, they may now constitute a larger portion of your portfolio than you originally planned. Rebalance by selling some small cap units and buying more large cap or flexi cap units.

Emergency Fund and Insurance
Apart from investing in mutual funds, ensure that you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of your expenses. This will protect you from dipping into your investments in case of unforeseen financial needs.

You already have a term insurance plan, which is great. Ensure that the sum assured is adequate to cover your family's financial needs in case of an emergency.

Tax Planning
Remember to account for taxation when planning your investment strategy. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% for gains above Rs 1 lakh. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimize tax liabilities.

You can also invest in ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds to save on taxes under Section 80C. ELSS funds have a 3-year lock-in period and provide both tax benefits and market-linked returns.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-diversified but high on risk.
Keep track of expense ratios and switch funds if necessary.
Step up your SIPs annually by 10-15% to meet your Rs 2 crore target.
Rebalance your portfolio every year to manage risk.
Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate insurance coverage.
Consider tax-saving strategies like ELSS to optimize your investments.
With a disciplined approach and periodic reviews, your goal of Rs 2 crore by 2034 is achievable.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Moneywize

Moneywize   |164 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
I’m Kavya from Varanasi. I am 33 with one daughter, aged 5. My husband and I both have health and life insurance policies. We’re considering adding a critical illness rider to our insurance. Is this a good idea for additional protection?
Ans: Hello Kavya,
Adding a critical illness (CI) rider to your existing health and life insurance policies can be a valuable way to enhance your financial protection. Here are some key points to consider:

What is a Critical Illness Rider?

A critical illness rider is an add-on to your existing insurance policy that provides a lump-sum payment if you are diagnosed with one of the specified critical illnesses covered by the policy. Common illnesses covered include cancer, heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, and major organ transplants, among others.

Benefits of Adding a CI Rider:

1. Financial Support During Recovery:
• Medical Expenses: Helps cover treatments that might not be fully covered by your regular health insurance.
• Living Expenses: Provides funds to manage daily expenses if you're unable to work during recovery.

2. Flexibility:

• The lump sum can be used as you see fit, whether for medical bills, mortgage payments, or other financial obligations.

3. Peace of Mind:

• Offers additional security knowing that you have extra coverage in case of a serious illness.

Considerations Before Adding a CI Rider:

1. Coverage and Definitions:

• Illness List: Ensure the rider covers a broad range of illnesses relevant to your age and family medical history.
• Definitions and Criteria: Understand the specific definitions and diagnostic criteria for each covered illness.

2. Cost:

• Premium Increases: Adding a CI rider will increase your premium. Evaluate whether the additional cost fits within your budget.
• Affordability: Consider how the increased premiums affect your overall financial plan.

3. Exclusions and Limitations:

• Pre-existing Conditions: Check if any existing health conditions might exclude you from coverage.
• Survival Period: Some policies require you to survive a certain period after diagnosis to receive the benefit.

4. Policy Terms:

• Claim Process: Understand the process for filing a claim and the documentation required.
• Renewability: Ensure the rider remains in force for as long as you need it, without excessive increases in premiums.

5. Existing Coverage:

• Overlap: Review your current health and life insurance policies to identify any overlapping benefits.
• Gap Analysis: Determine if there are gaps in coverage that the CI rider would effectively fill.

Personal Considerations:

• Health Status: Both you and your husband’s current health status and family medical history can influence the necessity of a CI rider.
• Financial Obligations: Consider your financial responsibilities, such as your daughter's education, mortgage, or other long-term commitments.
• Risk Tolerance: Assess your comfort level with the potential financial risks associated with critical illnesses.

Next Steps:

1. Evaluate Your Needs:

• Assess your current financial situation, obligations, and the level of protection you desire.

2. Compare Policies:

• Look at different insurers and the specific terms of their CI riders to find the best fit for your needs.

3. Consult a Professional:

• Speak with a certified financial advisor or insurance agent who can provide personalized advice based on your circumstances.

Adding a critical illness rider can offer valuable protection and peace of mind, but it's essential to carefully evaluate how it fits into your overall financial plan. By considering the factors above and consulting with a professional, you can make an informed decision that best suits your family's needs.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am 40 year old and back in 2019 I opted for SBI privilege where I invested 6 lacs a year for 6 years that is 30 lacs in total. And now its valued 65 lacs as of today. I am curious to know how can I try and get a monthly income around 1 lac using this money? are there any paths for swap OR change to make my desire come true? Please could you suggest? Thank you!
Ans: You’ve done well to accumulate Rs 65 lakhs in your investment. The SBI privilege policy has given you a fair growth on your initial capital of Rs 30 lakhs. But now, you’re looking for a more reliable income stream. Generating Rs 1 lakh per month as income from this corpus is indeed achievable, but the current product may not be the best fit for this goal.

Limitations of Your Current Investment
The SBI privilege scheme, while it may have given decent returns, isn't designed to offer monthly income.

Traditional insurance products like this one usually focus on providing life cover and maturity benefits, not cash flow.

The growth here is likely due to compounded returns, but switching to a different approach might align better with your income goals.

Reinvesting for Monthly Income
To generate regular income, it might be better to withdraw your Rs 65 lakhs from the current policy and reinvest it in mutual funds. Mutual funds can offer systematic withdrawal plans (SWP), which allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

SWP is a structured withdrawal option. You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

You could aim to withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly. Your principal remains invested while you receive regular payments.

This method provides flexibility, allowing you to adjust withdrawals based on market performance or personal needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While you're considering reinvestment, it's important to choose the right type of mutual funds.

Actively managed funds are preferable because fund managers adjust portfolios according to market conditions, offering potential for higher returns.

Actively managed funds may outperform in volatile markets, which is a significant advantage for those looking to generate regular income.

Why Avoid Direct Mutual Funds?
Although direct funds seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Managing direct funds yourself requires time, effort, and understanding of market trends.

Without professional guidance, it's easy to miss critical decisions on fund switching or rebalancing.

Instead, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your portfolio is regularly monitored and adjusted to meet your financial goals.

The Advantages of Working with a CFP
By working with a CFP, you'll get access to expert advice on fund selection, timing of withdrawals, and tax planning.

A CFP will help you navigate the complexities of SWP, ensuring the longevity of your investment.

You will also receive recommendations on how to adjust your withdrawals or reinvestment strategy based on changing market conditions.

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Taxation
Understanding how withdrawals from mutual funds are taxed is critical:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

With SWP, the tax liability will depend on how long your funds have been invested, but a CFP can guide you on how to minimize taxes.

Diversifying Your Investments
To ensure stable monthly income, it's wise to diversify within mutual funds. Different categories of funds offer different risk-reward combinations:

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing stable returns.

Equity Funds: These offer potential for high returns but come with higher risk. Ideal for long-term growth, but not recommended for short-term income generation.

Debt Funds: These offer stability, but returns are generally lower. Suitable for short-term income needs.

How to Structure Your SWP
You could consider withdrawing Rs 1 lakh per month, but this withdrawal amount must be structured carefully to ensure that the corpus lasts over time:

If your fund grows by 10-12% annually, a 6-8% annual withdrawal rate (Rs 1 lakh per month) could work, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

You may need to periodically review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on market conditions.

Planning for Future Needs
It's important to consider future expenses as well. The Rs 65 lakhs, while sufficient for now, might need to grow to accommodate inflation or unexpected costs.

Reinvesting in mutual funds ensures that the remaining corpus continues to grow, providing a buffer for future financial needs.

Periodic reviews of your investment and withdrawal strategy with your CFP will keep your plan on track.

Best Practices for Long-Term Income
Keep your withdrawal rate sustainable. Drawing too much too soon might deplete your corpus quickly.

Reinvest in growth-oriented funds for better long-term returns while withdrawing only what’s needed.

Keep some funds in low-risk debt funds for emergencies or market downturns.

Final Insights
Switching your Rs 65 lakhs into a mutual fund portfolio with SWP could provide the Rs 1 lakh monthly income you desire. It's a flexible and tax-efficient option, and with the right actively managed funds, you can balance growth and stability. Work closely with your CFP to review and adjust your strategy over time, ensuring that your investments meet your evolving financial needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |653 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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