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Married woman in love with online friend: Can I leave my husband?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello i'm 30 years old women i'm married with my close relation my mother's brother i like him at my childhood but he loves me more & one day his mother was died then our family decide to our marriage that's why i was married with him but i'm not love him..i have one 4 years baby girl now but in 2 years later i had met one online friend he is very kind to me i fell love with him more & getting more addicted to him i thought him he is my man but i'm alredy more addicted with him he is not married he was told me to get divorce from your husband i will marry you. But i'm getting more confused Thinking of my family what a do? give me some advice how to relive in person addiction he was fight with me for small things & he was not talking with me for some days that time i felt so badly without him even i'm not sleeping & craying for whole night. i'm more craving to speek with him i know i'm totally hacked by him i don't know the way what a do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Addiction to anything and anyone is never good and online romances can be a huge gamble too...you haven't met this man and you are in love with him and addicted to him?
It seems like a good escape from your marriage, so maybe if you find a way to make your marriage work by connecting better with your husband, things might actually improve for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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 Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son. Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy. He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely. I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city. After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter. I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met. We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months. We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes. Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care. I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.Pls guide me if am right or wrong.Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.
Ans:

Dear MS,

You did know the perils of an extra marital app and knew what you were getting into.

You have two ways of looking at your situation.

1. If you choose to continue, you are constantly going to have to juggle between your marriage and this relationship

2. If you choose to be exclusive into your marriage, then you are going to possibly be with a man who is who he is

Now, which side of the fence feels more comfortable to you, is something that you need to assess. Also, external validation is something all of us fall prey to sometime or the other in our lifetime.

Ask yourself:

  • What is lacking in my marriage that is forcing me to step out and explore?
  • Have I tried to communicate my needs to my husband?
  • Are there things that I could have done differently to have a better relationship with my husband?

This might give you a chance to understand where you are and what you can do to give your marriage a fair chance if that is what you wish to do.

Whatever you choose, do remember basing your happiness on an external source will always be short lived and all it gives you is heartache.

Be wise, choose wisely and maybe it’s time to laugh a lot, take a step back, breathe and look at what IS in a different way.

If you still waver, do know that whatever is going on also has an impact on your son. So, steady yourself first, do a reality check and then choose.

Be well and happy!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

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Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir/Madam I'm going through a rough time of my life and want some help from you I am a professional and 48 years old and I have 2 grown up children My problem is that I had a love marriage with my husband22 years back and his family didn't accept me whole heartidly since we belong to different castes and culture .they wanted to take advantage of me financially My husband has strained his relationship with my mom n only sister after my father's death in 2008 over money matters Me, my husband and children live in a house provided by my parents in a different city from my inlaws They always create differences between us still Now another problem has cropped up in our relationship I spied on my my husband's mobile n discovered tha that he has sex chats with other women and is involved in mastrubating sessions with them over phone I am completely broken from inside n not able to decide what to do coz when i confronted him , he flatly refused n fought with me and started putting false allegations on me .I am quite disturbed as i dont want to end my marriage eventhough he behaves very bad with me at times Kindly advice me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you know that you want this marriage still, then the best way to not be hurt and strained around him, is to:
Either:
- Ignore what's happening and what he's doing and he leads his life and you lead yours (This is not easy, let me warn you!)
OR
- Live separately; you are financially independent and have your home to live in; he can go live with his parents and see if this works

Sadly, you married someone who has not learned to appreciate his partner and is perhaps playing to his own insecurities. It's totally on him and why I say that you are not to blame is: the fact that you still want to continue in this marriage, you may have to face more of this humiliation and hurt. If this is your decision, you really need a very steely interior and a facade that can face it all.
Yes, counseling is an option for him and the two of you as couple, BUT I don't see that in him as yet...Instead of addressing his wife's hurt and pain, he has refused to acknowledge what he's been up to. It doesn't say a lot about him to me.
So, strengthen yourself into your decision and check the two choices above and see what works best for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello, I am a 52-year-old man. I have never been married and I live with my mother. I recently lost my job and I am currently not working. I often feel lonely and do not have much to do. As I grow older and weaker, I worry that no one will be there to care for me. Do you have any advice for living alone and planning for the future? Should I think about booking a place in a care home in advance?
Ans: You Have Taken a Very Important First Step

You have shared your situation honestly.
That itself shows your clarity and courage.
Many people avoid facing these life questions.
But you are thinking about your future early.

That is not weakness. That is strength.
You want to plan better, live with dignity, and stay independent.

Let us now explore how you can move forward.

Emotional Health Is as Important as Financial Health

Feeling lonely is not a personal failure.
This happens to many people, especially in later stages.

But loneliness can affect your health, confidence and energy.
So emotional well-being must also be planned.

Here are some steps to take for emotional stability:

Join community-based senior citizen clubs or men’s support groups.

Volunteer in social or religious organisations nearby.

Spend more time in parks or public libraries.

Attend free local workshops, health camps, or senior hobby circles.

Join digital groups where people share similar life stories.

You can also try to reconnect with old friends or classmates.
If possible, talk to a professional therapist.
You may get clarity and courage to move forward with strength.

Mental peace is your foundation.
Every other area will build better if your mind is clear.

Income Loss Needs Calm Planning, Not Panic

Job loss can feel heavy.
It creates fear about future income and expenses.
But worry will not help. Proper planning will.

Let’s assess your situation with these key questions:

Do you have any emergency savings?

Do you have PF, gratuity, or old investments?

Is your mother financially dependent on you fully?

Are you receiving any rental or pension income?

Do you have any LIC or traditional policies?

If you hold LIC or ULIP or investment-insurance policies,
Those should be reviewed immediately.
Surrendering those and reinvesting in mutual funds may be wise.

A Certified Financial Planner can help analyse that for you.
You need a structure that gives monthly income and liquidity.

Don’t delay this review. You need clarity to act.

Your Mother’s Care Also Needs to Be Protected

You are staying with your mother.
She must be elderly now.
Her health and care will also need some preparation.

Here are some points to check:

Does she have health insurance now?

If not, you must protect her with basic medical fund.

Keep Rs. 1 lakh separately only for her emergencies.

If she is eligible for government schemes, do enrol her.

Also, try to simplify her banking and mobile usage.
Digital tools can help you track and manage her needs.

If possible, keep one trusted neighbour or cousin informed.
That one person can be a backup support if needed.

Don’t carry the whole burden silently.
Even a small circle can be helpful.

Start Thinking of Your Own Medical and Long-Term Needs

Age 52 is the right age to start preparing for old age.
You are not too late. But don’t wait more.

Think about your personal health and mobility:

Do you have any current medical issues?

Are you insured with a good health policy now?

Is your health insurance individual or employer-provided earlier?

If you had employer cover, that will now be inactive.
You need your own health policy as early as possible.

Start with a basic policy, then increase later.
Premiums rise with age. So earlier is better.

Also, start creating a medical emergency fund of Rs. 3 to 5 lakhs.
Keep this in a liquid mutual fund or sweep-in FD.

Health events can come anytime.
With insurance + fund, you are protected.

Thinking About Senior Care Homes and Assisted Living

Your concern about future care is valid.
Being alone during old age can be hard.

Booking a care home now is not necessary.
But understanding options early is smart.

Here’s how to approach it:

Visit senior homes in your city or nearby areas.

Understand their admission process, fees, services and reviews.

Make a short list of 2–3 places that feel reliable.

Keep a folder ready with documents and preferences.

Do not pre-book unless needed.
But do keep your research ready and saved.

Also keep your close relatives or executor informed about your wishes.
Keep a Will and a Letter of Instruction ready for the future.

That gives you peace of mind.
Your future care will be on your terms.

Investing for Monthly Income and Stability

Without a job, you need a reliable source of income.
This can come from mutual fund income plans.

These funds are actively managed and adjust based on market cycles.
They work better than bank FDs or index funds.

Index funds just follow the market blindly.
They don’t protect during down periods.

Actively managed mutual funds, under CFP guidance,
Give better returns with risk protection.

Also, avoid direct mutual fund plans.
Direct plans may seem low-cost.
But you lose expert guidance and timely reviews.

Investing through Certified Financial Planner under regular plan
Gives you goal-based strategies, rebalancing and personal support.

At this stage, regular plan is safer and more useful.
Peace of mind is more important than tiny cost savings.

Start a plan that provides a monthly payout from your capital.
You can choose SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) through mutual funds.
This provides income while your money keeps growing.

Your financial plan must be 360-degree:

Health planning

Emergency buffer

Monthly income

Retirement fund

Estate planning

Don’t look for just one solution.
A full system will keep you secure.

Other Important Steps to Take Now

Create a file of important documents: Aadhaar, PAN, passbook, insurance, medical reports.

Make a nomination for all accounts and investments.

Write a basic Will even if assets are small.

Avoid loans or liabilities unless for emergency.

Cut unnecessary expenses until income stabilises.

If possible, try part-time, freelance or online projects.

You can also teach tuitions, do typing work, or sell skills online.
Any small income brings energy and confidence.
Keep trying different options till something works.

Finally

Your future is still in your hands.
Age 52 is not the end. It is a beginning of the next phase.

You have taken the first step with courage.
Now move ahead step-by-step with planning.

Keep your mind strong, your routine simple and your support circle active.
Financial discipline, medical readiness and emotional peace – these three must be your focus.

Care homes are one part of planning. Not the only part.
Start building your self-care system today.

And get expert help through a Certified Financial Planner.
That will make your journey smoother, structured and peaceful.

You deserve a safe, strong and independent future.
That is 100% possible with proper planning.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Patrick

Patrick Dsouza  |1193 Answers  |Ask -

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Career
Hi sir, My daughter is a pcbc student in class 12 passed out in 2024 and took a drop for neet. She scored 431 in 2024 neet and 322 in 2025. With these failed attempts, she is now not willing to take another drop and now exploring other options. She is also not willing to take any kind of medical related courses including bds, bams, pharmacy or allied health science courses. She somewhat inclined towards cs/it/ai/ds streams and applied for various b tech/bscmsc courses in various universities. She is now getting offers in following 1. Integrated M tech in Ai and Bioinformatics in vit bhopal (cat 1 with annual fee 1.2 lakhs + hostel) 2. B tech in Health science and technology in vit vellore (cat 5 with annual fee 4 lakhs + hostel) 3. Integrated Bsc+ Msc in Computational statistics and data analytics in vit vellore (Annual fee 75k + hostel) 4. B tech in biotechnology in Amity University Bangalore (Semister fee 1.75 lakhs + transportion as day scholar) 5. B sc in bioinformatics in Reva university bangalore (annual fee 1.2 lakhs+Transportation as day scholar) 6. Bca with and without specializations in various Bangalore colleges with annual fee ranging from 1 to 2.5 lakhs with transportation as day scholar. Now we are completely confused what to take. She got 95% in bio 84% in chemistry 77% in CS(python) 68% in physics and no mathematics in class 12.
Ans: I would not recommend integrated courses as we do not know what her interest will be after her graduation. She would have to put in the extra years and it may not value add to her if she decides to change the line. Doing graduation would depend on her interest. Check the placements in the colleges you are applying to and talk to the students of those colleges before finalizing.

...Read more

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