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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |69 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 10, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 27 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me and earns less than me. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that should I marry him or not because sometimes it feels like he is not thinking about his future (finance). He loves me a lot and always support me, but still I am confused to get married to him.

Ans: You are 27 who is financially independent which makes you a smart thinking adult woman. You are now planning to marry which is awesome, him being younger to you, not being of the same caste does not bother you, but what bothers you him not being serious about his financial future. This 'may' change which means he becomes mindful about it or it may never change. If it bothers you so much you may wish to pause and give this relationship a think...you may do the following (1) wait for him to be financially stable which may take anything from a couple of years to a few years (2) move on from this relationship which is disheartening but YOU need to think of what YOU WANT from a marriage which is a long-term relationship. Either ways have a conversation with him, it can be emotional which is fine but avoid shouting, yelling or even giving him and yourself false hope

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |882 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 30 years old girl and for the past three years, I have been in relationship with a guy who is two years younger to me. He is Marwadi and his parents are not agreeing to our marriage. I have tried breaking up with the guy several times and tried moving on but he always keeps saying that his parents need some time. My BF is a genuine guy and he loves me a lot.My parents on the other hand want me to get married by the end of this year. I am really confused if I should wait for my BF or listen to my parents and get married by their choice. I am unable to understand what to do. I am really depressed. Will it be really late if I get married after 30 or is it okay to wait for my BF?Please help me out.
Ans:

Dear AY,

And is your boyfriend also really depressed like you are?

Is he also desperate to get married?

Is he afraid of talking to his parents?

Does he also want to get married and settle down?

Is there a future for the two of you?

If the answer to each is a YES, please have that ‘uncomfortable yet firm’ conversation with your boyfriend.

Being in a limbo isn’t great, so please ask him how much time he needs to talk to his parents and when he is going to talk to them and how serious is he in this relationship?

Else, it will be an endless wait and that is what seems to be getting to you, the uncertainty.

So, by getting a clear commitment on the WHEN, will eliminate this stress that is eating you away. Things will get clearer, and you will know what to do!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |882 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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