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Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 30 and my wife is 27.We are married through an arranged marriage and like other couples often has quarrels.Recently my wife's younger sister aged 21 wattsapp me with the message "are you nuts"? I don't think she has any right to interfere to message me like that.Strangely my in-laws haven't scolded her or told her to say sorry to me.My wife still communicates with her through wattsapp inspite of the insult to me.How should I react ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Can you not ignore it? What's to make a big deal about it? What did you exactly feel insulted about? The fact that she messaged you by interfering OR the use of words?
Youngsters at that age use that kind of language with no real aim to disrespect anyone.
but if it is about her interference into your relationship between you and your wife, be upfront with her and tell that you do not appreciate her meddling in your affairs.
Also, please be mature about this...She is your wife's sister and expecting your wife to be upset with her little sister is a bit too much. Each of us have a unique one-on-one relationship with another human. You may not fancy your wife's sister over this issue, but do not expect your wife to take your side etc. It is foolish to try and drive wedges within families.
Instead, do the right thing and clearly explain to your sister's wife (in front of your wife) that you do not appreciate her interference. Matter ends...
Do not bring any extra baggage that will complicate matter through ego and power play. It's wise to diffuse situations maintaining harmony within the family. Makes sense, doesn't it?

All the best!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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Relationship
Sir i had an arranged marriage through matrimonial site..after horoscopes matched and both families mutually agreed...after marriage l had observed that everyday my wife's unmarried elder sister and another married sister calls up my wife almost 10 times per day and basically brainwashing her with negative thoughts which has affected my marital life.My father in law and mother in law are indifferent inspite of knowing everything and my wife never accepts that this is too much interference. I have lost peace of mind. Please help.
Ans: I understand that this situation is causing you a lot of distress. It's not uncommon for family members to be involved in a newlywed couple's life, but it's important to set healthy boundaries and communicate openly with each other about what is acceptable and what is not.

It's possible that your wife's sisters may not be aware of the impact of their behavior on your marriage, or they may not realize the boundaries they are crossing. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife and her sisters in a calm and respectful manner? It's important to express your feelings and set clear boundaries on how much interference you are comfortable with.

In addition, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how her family's behavior is affecting your marriage. It may be helpful to seek the assistance of a professional counselor to facilitate this conversation and provide guidance on how to set boundaries and communicate effectively.

It's also important to remember that change takes time and patience. It's possible that your wife may need time to adjust and understand the impact of her family's behavior on your marriage. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you can find a way to navigate this challenging situation and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Relationship
Hello Sir/ Ma'am I am 43 in the teaching profession based in Guwahati and had a late marriage at 40 years with a teacher girl aged 5 years younger to me. We have a 2.5 years old cute male child and I love my wife.But my in-laws have insulted my parents and my wife's 3 sisters interferes too much in our personal life and strangely my wife has turned a blind eye to all these.For example recently wife's younger sister texted me "are you nuts" which is not acceptable as I am elder. Things are going for the worse now. My patience is being tested. Please help.
Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and upset about the situation with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. It can be difficult to navigate family dynamics, especially when there are conflicts and misunderstandings involved.

First and foremost, it's important to communicate your feelings to your wife in a calm and respectful manner. Let her know how her family's behavior is affecting you and your relationship, and encourage her to work with you to establish healthy boundaries with her family.

It's also important to set clear boundaries with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you expect to be treated with respect. Be firm but polite, and try to avoid escalating the situation with anger or aggression.

If the situation continues to escalate or you feel like you're not able to resolve the conflicts on your own, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or mediator. They can provide you with strategies for managing difficult family dynamics and help you and your wife work together to strengthen your relationship.

Remember that building strong, healthy relationships takes time and effort. It's important to be patient and persistent, and to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your wife and her family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2023

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Relationship
I am 70 years old and even now working in a private company,and my wife is 64. We have 2 daughters who are educated married and settled down. On Sunday I was just casually talking to my wife about remembering my late parents and my late in laws. To that my wife suddenly commented that I had a few hot discussions with her long back and even my parents troubled her long long back. She says that because of all these I may not be born as a human being in my next birth. This makes me feel very sad because of this insulting comments of my wife. I do not know how to forget such hurting and stinging comments. Please also note that even today she does not maintain relationship with any of her relatives or even her own brothers.
Ans: Dear Veeraraagavan,
It is unfortunate that people bring up things from the past into the present moment and ruin what can be created NOW.
But it's possible that your wife wants to bring out the hurt caused to her in the past, now. What can anyone do? But if she isn't willing to set it aside, there is little that you can do to appeal to her. I am not qualified to say who will be born as what in the next life or whenever.
Maybe you can have one of those candid chats with her simply hearing her but you can keep aside her taunts of next lifetime etc as it does not hold any merit.
Her life's journey and evolution is perhaps what it is for her and just be supportive of that even if you don't agree with the choices that she has made including not being able to maintain relationships with her close family. It is what it is...
So, choose rebuilding your mind to align with hers and vice-versa and even if something that she says is hurtful, brush it away as she is hurting from the past. Smile and who knows she may someday let go of all that hurt with your silent, smiling care and support.

All the best!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I got married in the year 2013 and it was an arranged marriage planned by my parents. I have only one sister who got married in the year 2012. My wife has some issues with my mother and my sister few months after I got married. The primary issue was that my mother and my sister do back biting about her on mobile phone. Although I always denied it and asked my wife to don't focus too much on it. However, last year my wife got call recordings from my mother's phone where my sister was talking meanly about my wife which even I did not like it. I called my wife and brother in law to my place to resolve the differences and it resulted in a better relationship. We recently moved to our newly built house and on the day of the function, my wife saw from a distance my mother and my sister talking to each other in a low tone. She thought they were again talking about her and she got angry. However, my mother denied it and said they were talking about some other issues. My sister came to our place few days after the function and my wife did not talk properly with her. That made my mother angry and she in turn did not talk well with my mother in law who came to our house just recently. Now my wife and mother don't talk to each other and the vibes are quite bad when I enter the house. What can I do to make these complex relations work better?
Ans: What you could have done when you got married was move into your own home. Instead, when you got the chance to move to a new residence, you opted to live with your parents yet again! This ridiculous patriarchal mentality of a woman having to adjust to her husband’s whole family is the cause of most marital strife! You want things to improve, put some distance between them and move out! Ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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I am retiring with a corpus of 1.8 Cr in May 2024.I will be getting a monthly pension of 90,000.Please suggest investment options for my retirement corpus.
Ans: Congratulations on your upcoming retirement! Having a 1.8 Cr corpus and a 90,000 monthly pension puts you in a great position to enjoy your golden years. Now, let's talk about smart investment options to make your corpus last!

Understanding Your Needs

First things first, we need to understand your lifestyle and spending habits. Knowing your monthly expenses will help decide how much you can safely withdraw from your corpus each month.

Security and Stability

Since retirement is about enjoying life without worry, focus on a good mix of secure and growth-oriented investments. This will provide you with a regular income and the potential for future growth.

Investment Options to Consider

Here are some investment options to explore, keeping in mind your need for both safety and growth:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): SCSS offers a safe and guaranteed return, with interest credited quarterly. It's a good option for a portion of your corpus.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are mutual funds that invest in a mix of stocks and debt. They offer regular monthly payouts, while also giving your money a chance to grow.

Debt Funds: Less risky than stocks, debt funds invest in government bonds and corporate bonds. They provide stable returns and are good for building a buffer.

Actively Managed Equity Funds (AMCs): AMCs invest in stocks, aiming for capital appreciation over the long term. They can be riskier, but offer the potential for higher returns if the fund manager makes good choices.

Remember, diversification is key! Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread your corpus across different asset classes to manage risk.

Seeking Professional Help

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be a valuable resource. They can assess your needs, risk tolerance, and recommend a personalized investment plan that aligns with your retirement goals.

Regular Reviews are Important

The market keeps changing, so your investment plan needs to adapt as well. Schedule regular reviews with your CFP to ensure your investments are still on track.

Living Within Your Means

The key to a happy retirement is living within your means. Don't overspend your corpus. Plan your monthly expenses and withdraw only what you need.

Focus on Long-Term Growth

While some income is important, don't neglect long-term growth completely. A portion of your corpus can be invested in AMCs for potential capital appreciation.

Be Patient and Enjoy!

Building wealth takes time. Don't get worried by short-term market fluctuations. Stay invested and enjoy your retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Money
I am 27 years old and have investment goal of 2 crs of by the age of 31. please suggest some sip or mutual munds which is the better
Ans: That's a fantastic ambition you have! Setting a clear goal like this at 27 shows real planning smarts. Reaching 2 crores by 31 through SIPs is possible, but it requires a well-crafted investment strategy. Here's why actively managed mutual funds might be a good fit for you:

Understanding Your Risk Appetite

First things first, we need to figure out your risk tolerance. Actively managed funds are generally considered riskier than passively managed options like index funds. This is because actively managed funds have a fund manager who tries to outperform the market by picking individual stocks. This can lead to higher returns, but also comes with the chance of underperformance.

Why Actively Managed Funds?

While index funds offer a diversified, market-matching approach, actively managed funds can potentially deliver higher returns if the fund manager makes good stock selection calls. This "outperformance" can be crucial for achieving your ambitious goal within a shorter timeframe. However, remember, actively managed funds aren't guaranteed to outperform!

Building a Diversified Portfolio

Here's the key: Don't put all your eggs in one basket! To manage risk, consider a diversified portfolio of actively managed funds across different asset classes like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. You can also explore sectoral funds that focus on specific industries like IT or pharma.

Remember, diversification is your friend!

Seeking Professional Guidance

Since actively managed funds involve more analysis and selection, consider getting help from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can assess your risk profile, investment goals, and recommend a suitable mix of actively managed funds to create a personalized investment plan for you.

Regular Reviews are Key

The market keeps changing, so your investment plan needs to adapt too. Regularly review your portfolio with your CFP to ensure your chosen actively managed funds are still aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Staying Invested Matters

Don't get swayed by market fluctuations. Actively managed funds aim for long-term growth. Stay invested and avoid frequent withdrawals to benefit from the power of compounding.

Discipline is Your Secret Weapon

Consistent SIP contributions are key to reaching your goal. Even small amounts invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Focus on Long-Term Growth

Actively managed funds are for long-term investors. Don't expect quick riches. Stay focused on your 2 crore target by 31 and avoid chasing short-term gains.

Be Patient and Persistent

Building wealth takes time and discipline. There will be ups and downs, but staying patient and persistent with your SIPs will increase your chances of success.

Believe in Yourself!

You've set an ambitious goal, and that's a great first step. With the right approach and guidance, you're well on your way to achieving it. Keep the faith and stay invested!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, Me and my wife both are 40 years old. Together, we both earn around Rs. 2.5 lacs per month. We have around Rs. 1cr in MF and 50 lacs in Stocks. We are investing monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lacs per month.All the SIPs are equity oriented.Paying Rent Rs. 45k and our monthly expense is around 90 k (including rent). We have 2 kids ( 7 years and 2 years), one is having medical (Cerebral Palsy) Issue. We plan to buy a house in Gurgaon. What should be our Ideal budget to buy a property? Understanding 1 kid will always be dependent on us . No other EMI as of now.
Ans: Here's some guidance on your ideal budget for a property in Gurgaon:

Financial Strength:

Combined Income: Rs. 2.5 lacs per month is a good starting point.
Savings: Rs. 1.5 cr (Rs. 1 cr in MF + Rs. 50 lacs in Stocks) is a significant sum.
Investments: Rs. 1 lac monthly SIP shows strong saving habits.
Challenges:

Dependent Child: Having a child with Cerebral Palsy will require long-term financial planning for their care.
Monthly Expenses: Your current expenses are Rs. 1.35 lacs (including rent).
Considering these factors:

Don't stretch too thin: While you have a good income and savings, prioritize your child's needs and future medical care.
Target a 15-20 year loan term: This keeps your monthly EMI manageable.
Recommended Budget:

Focus on affordability: Aim for a property with a total cost (including registration and other charges) between Rs. 50 lacs - Rs. 1 crore. This translates to a monthly EMI of around Rs. 30,000 - Rs. 60,000 (assuming a 15-20 year loan term).
Location: Consider areas in Gurgaon with good healthcare facilities and accessibility for your child's needs. Explore areas like Sectors 56, 70, 84 or Gurgaon outskirts like Sohna or New Palam Vihar which may offer better affordability.
Additional Tips:

Talk to a Financial Advisor: Discuss your situation with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to create a personalized financial plan considering your child's needs and future goals.
Research Property Options: Look for resale flats, builder floors, or upcoming projects in your budget range. Use online portals like MagicBricks or NoBroker to get an idea of prevailing prices.
Factor in Additional Costs: Remember, there are additional costs besides the property price – registration charges, stamp duty, maintenance fees, etc.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,


Chief Financial Planner,


www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii.. i feel totally stucked in life...not only me my husband too feel helpless. We both don't know what to do in such situation. The problem is we have a son who is 22 yrs old, doesn't want to work; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for any exam. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for work whether at his own shop or for a job. We have given him enough time to stay at home for studies but every year there is different exam for which he wants to prepare. He doesn't study sincerely at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He's not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive. Please guide us what we can do to motivate him to work. Thank you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your son has gotten used to all the comforts at home. What is the necessity to do anything?
Also, I suspect that writing one exam or the other is a way of escaping from what he truly wants to do in life. He is unclear and afraid to face what he might want and afraid that he might fail. This fear of failure will simply make him write one exam after the other in the hope that he does not have to decide what he needs to do.
Kindly take him to a Career Counselor who can evaluate his strength areas and suggest an academic course that is suitable for him. After which seek an appointment with a professional who can streamline his thinking and put him on a goal-focused path. This might help him.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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