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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hi I have been married to my college mate for more than 11 years now with a girl child of 8+ years.Wife and I were good friend for 2 years followed by live in for 4 years before we got married. We got into marriage unprepared financially and mentally.My wife is a great responsible caring person -- way more mature than I am. I am a bit childish and emotional, very talkative and expressive person.When I travelled to another city after 5 years of marriage for higher studies, I got involved with another girl. We were very much alike in terms of personalities. We could talk endlessly and were very compatible in all sense. We even got physical and felt like we’d never had this experience before. The thing is she too was recently married to another person quite like my wife.We tried to get separated from our previous relationships but the girl’s family couldn't bear the family pressure and her husband though good otherwise took this on his ego.I waited for 3 years for her to come out.In the mean time I was almost on the verge of breaking my marriage because whatever connection I had with my wife had almost come down to negligible.That girl too had to be in that forcible relationship with no connection at all and had to adopt a child to survive the dead relationship.I got into a messy situation too -- a marriage with no connection but a lovely child.I have a connection with that girl but without living together.I don’t know if I can start a new life and if I do, how much I will be involved with it. Absolutely messed up emotionally and physically. Although my wife and I are financially stable as both of us are officers.That girl too is a medical practitioner but I have no idea if she will ever be able to come out. Plz tell me what to do.I prayed a lot, read lots of books, tried meditation, counselling, still I am in the middle of nowhere.
Ans:

Dear HK,

Why exactly did you feel the need to get into a relationship with another person?

Did your current relationship lack anything that the other relationship was fulfilling you with?

How exactly did the relationship with your wife deteriorate? Did the two of you make efforts to communicate enough in that long distance relationship?

How do you say your marriage is one without connection? How did you lose that connection?

Now, do you plan on continuing in your marriage or move on? If you have decided to move on, isn’t it time for you to come out to your wife and share what has happened?

These questions are possibly ones that are very difficult to face and answer as they bring out the truth; but they will help you get a better grasp of the situation.

It’s nice to live an alternate reality life for some time and relish the goodness but coming back to your real life that holds the ‘real you’ and your responsibilities isn’t something that can be ignored any longer. So, as much as you feel that you are in the middle of nowhere, I see no mention of what your wife must be feeling right at this very moment.

It would help to put things in perspective and talk this out as adults, (and yes, you do owe her that) so that both of you can come to an amicable decision to live more peacefully.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1590 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Maam, I am in a process of awaiting divorce from my wife and now I am in a relationship with my previous girlfriend.She is also in a process of awaiting divorce from court.We are in touch from a year ago and we both are planning to marry and everything was working fine but suddenly there are so much misunderstandings happened as she is observing my belonging things (Bags,tiffin,etc.)in my absense and I found an old lemon wrapped in paper in my bag.She is confused whether to proceed for marriage or not as I think.I have doubt whether she has got any option for marry as she is continuously busy on call and messages from a few days ago.We also decided to talk face to face and clear misunderstandings but due to her birthday came today we have postponed the meeting.We are working in same office as I have joined her in my office per my reference. Please help me know what decision I should take about my life.I dont want to lose her as she is my first love which came in my life twice.Hoping for a effective suggestion.
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Past relationships may not necessarily be the same in the present. People change, situations change...
What would she get by 'observing' your belongings? I don't understand that!
If she is still unsure whether to go ahead with you or not, then you may just be another option for her to choose from. I suggest that you stop being too available to her and then watch...Allow her to feel your absence and this will make her appreciate your presence in her life. This will help her realize your value...Otherwise, just on a whim, she might decide and marry you when you never gave her a chance to know your worth!
Take a PAUSE, be a little unavailable and then watch how she responds to it...If she is truly in love with you, I am sure she will do what it takes to appreciate you and also learn to understand what she wants for herself in life.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Career
MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Career
I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Career
Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
Ans: Shrikant, Fuel and Energy Engineering (FEE) focuses on sustainability, renewable energy, and energy systems, with potential for higher education in energy systems, sustainability, and climate tech roles. It offers more opportunities in renewables, thermal, oil & gas, and policy, while Mineral Engineering focuses on mineral processing, extraction, metallurgy, and mining operations. Both branches accept low GATE scores, making it a great chance to get into an IIT.

Choosing between Fuel and Energy Engineering and Mineral Engineering depends on factors such as interest area, job opportunities, future reach, and GATE score concerns. FEE is ideal for forward-thinking individuals interested in future energy technology and for more employment opportunities in India and abroad, while mineral engineering can provide stability for those working in core industries, PSUs, or mining businesses. If you're forward-looking, interested in emerging energy technologies, and want wider career options (in India and globally), Fuel and Energy Engineering is likely the better choice.

If you're okay with a more specialized field and potentially working in core industries, PSUs, or mining companies, then Mineral Engineering can also offer stability. All the Best for Your Admission.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation; it sounds very emotionally draining. Now coming to your question, I cannot give you advice from the legal point of view but I can give you the human pov.- even though you are not responsible for anyone’s mental health, you can still be kind and helpful when someone is at a low point in their lives. You can start by telling her that you care about her, but the romantic relationship is over. And even though you two are not a couple, you will still help her get through this. Tell her that she deserves better and her life has so much value- if she does something, it will definitely affect a lot of people who deeply care for her. Encourage her to talk to someone she is close to. You can also consider alerting someone in your circle who knows the both of you and can help in this situation.

I understand how exhausting it must be to be held emotionally hostage, but since the issue is self-harm, it is best to take things seriously. You might not be able to fix it for her, but you can be kind. If she persists, please consider alerting her family. And if you are overwhelmed, please share the concerns with someone you trust. It must be difficult to carry all the burden alone.

Hope this helps.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
Money
dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

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