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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Debajit Question by Debajit on Mar 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Sir/ Ma'am I am 43 in the teaching profession based in Guwahati and had a late marriage at 40 years with a teacher girl aged 5 years younger to me. We have a 2.5 years old cute male child and I love my wife.But my in-laws have insulted my parents and my wife's 3 sisters interferes too much in our personal life and strangely my wife has turned a blind eye to all these.For example recently wife's younger sister texted me "are you nuts" which is not acceptable as I am elder. Things are going for the worse now. My patience is being tested. Please help.

Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and upset about the situation with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. It can be difficult to navigate family dynamics, especially when there are conflicts and misunderstandings involved.

First and foremost, it's important to communicate your feelings to your wife in a calm and respectful manner. Let her know how her family's behavior is affecting you and your relationship, and encourage her to work with you to establish healthy boundaries with her family.

It's also important to set clear boundaries with your in-laws and your wife's sisters. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and that you expect to be treated with respect. Be firm but polite, and try to avoid escalating the situation with anger or aggression.

If the situation continues to escalate or you feel like you're not able to resolve the conflicts on your own, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or mediator. They can provide you with strategies for managing difficult family dynamics and help you and your wife work together to strengthen your relationship.

Remember that building strong, healthy relationships takes time and effort. It's important to be patient and persistent, and to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your wife and her family.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My wife got posted in distant place 10 years back. I had to ask for help from my inlaws as our child was very young. They started to live with her. After 1 year she got transferred back to the place where I was living. She got a flat from the company and we started to live together. Since then my inlaws are also staying with us. They purchased another flat nearby but are not willing to move there. Now, the problem is that whenever me and my wife have a quarrel she just stops talking and starts to take decisions in consultation with my inlaws. I am completely out of the loop in these circumstances. Over the years my relationship with inlaws has gone sour and quarrels with wife have been lasting longer (upto 2 months). My inlaws are otherwise well behaved but their presence somehow is hindering the process of natural reconciliation between me and my spouse or I am perceiving the situation incorrectly. Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you all have done is jumped impulsively into one situation, made it comfortable asking people to help and then jumped back into the original situation and not knowing how to ask the same people to stay away!
Your wife has to grow out of her parents being around and you have to understand that your in-laws have got used to stepping in while you were away.
It's about time that you and your wife had a mature conversation on how to manage your family yourselves and be responsible for raising your child. But do remember to deal with your in-laws carefully. After all, they gracefully kept their lives on hold to help your wife and your child. Without hurting their sentiments, you are going to have to convey to them that you are thankful for what they have done for you BUT now you would like to be there for your family. Initially, this will hurt them and your wife, but anymore of this game will pull you and wife away from one another. So, they do need to move out...
You are not cutting strings but simply loosening the grip it currently has which is unhealthy for your marriage. Hope that your wife also understands this which means she will put you to test and in her mind or vocally compare what you bring to the table and how her parents supported her. Bear with it and as the two of you work together in putting the family back together, she will eventually understand that this is for the best.

All the best!

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8615 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Money
Hi sir, My age is 45 years. I am currently investing in SIPs in mutual funds, ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund Growth (RS 2500) and Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Growth (Rs 3000), Quant mid cap (RS 3000), Kotak equity emerging (RS 3000) and Parag Parikh flexicap (RS 4000). My risk profile is high and my investment horizon is up to the age of 55 years. I will require approx 1cr for my kid's education after 10 years and for retirement (1 cr) after 10 years. I have stopped SIPs in Axis small Cap fund and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth and their amount of 56000 and 264000 has not yet been redeemed. My total investments in till date is approx 9.85 lakhs. Also I can invest up to Rs 25000/pm in SIPs. I also want to do rebalancing of Axis small Cap and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Growth fund amounts in small caps and hybrid fund, pls suggest. Is my porfolio suitable as per my goal. Pls suggest.
Ans: Your discipline towards mutual fund investing is admirable. You already have a good head start with your current investments. But let’s assess your portfolio, rebalance it smartly, and align it with your goals clearly.

Here is a complete 360-degree assessment of your mutual fund portfolio.

 

Portfolio Suitability as per Your Goals
You are 45 years now. Your key goals are after 10 years.

 

You want Rs. 1 crore for your child’s education.

 

You also want Rs. 1 crore for your retirement corpus.

 

These goals are achievable. But your portfolio needs alignment.

 

Your SIPs are currently Rs. 15,500. You can go up to Rs. 25,000.

 

This gives you room to restructure and grow your wealth.

 

Your risk profile is high. This supports growth-oriented funds.

 

Your investment horizon of 10 years is very reasonable.

 

So, equity-oriented funds can play a major role here.

 

You also need to reduce overlapping and duplication in categories.

 

Based on your age and goals, a proper category mix is important.

 

Also, monitoring performance is key to long-term success.

 

Evaluation of Current Portfolio
You have invested in large cap, large & mid cap, mid cap and flexicap.

 

This is a good mix across market cap segments.

 

However, some schemes have overlapping exposure.

 

You had SIPs in two good schemes that are now discontinued.

 

The Axis small cap fund has Rs. 56,000 invested.

 

The Mirae Asset emerging bluechip has Rs. 2.64 lakhs invested.

 

These are idle now. They must be rebalanced as per your strategy.

 

Total investment till now is approx Rs. 9.85 lakhs.

 

Your ongoing SIPs are across 5 different categories.

 

Portfolio rebalancing is needed to avoid overexposure.

 

There is no allocation to hybrid or balanced advantage funds.

 

You can add those for stability, especially as you age.

 

You need a mix of growth and risk control over the next 10 years.

 

Recommended SIP Structure
You are willing to invest Rs. 25,000 per month in SIPs.

 

That gives you Rs. 9.5 lakh of new investment in the next 3 years.

 

For proper diversification and balance, follow this structure:

 

Large Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Large & Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 4,000 monthly

 

Mid Cap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Flexicap Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Hybrid Aggressive or Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs. 5,000 monthly

 

Small Cap Fund – Rs. 2,000 monthly

 

This structure ensures broad diversification and better returns.

 

It also provides smoother journey with balanced allocation.

 

Rebalancing of Existing Idle Investments
Axis Small Cap fund holding is Rs. 56,000.

 

Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund holding is Rs. 2.64 lakhs.

 

These amounts should not lie idle or underperform.

 

You can redeem these and reinvest as follows:

 

Rs. 1.5 lakh to hybrid aggressive fund or balanced advantage fund

 

Rs. 1.2 lakh to a small cap fund of your choice

 

Use STP if you are shifting full amount to equity funds again.

 

Spread the switch over 6 to 9 months to reduce volatility risk.

 

This will bring back discipline and better long-term compounding.

 

It will also bring stability and growth into one basket.

 

How to Align Portfolio with Education and Retirement Goals
Your education and retirement goal both need Rs. 1 crore each.

 

So you need Rs. 2 crore in total after 10 years.

 

You already have Rs. 9.85 lakh invested.

 

You plan to invest Rs. 25,000 per month now.

 

This disciplined investing with proper fund mix will help.

 

Small cap, mid cap and flexicap will deliver long-term growth.

 

Hybrid and large cap will bring portfolio stability.

 

Rebalancing and yearly review will help you stay on track.

 

Avoid reacting to short-term volatility and stay invested.

 

Key Adjustments to Improve Returns
Avoid duplication in similar category schemes.

 

Select only one strong fund from each major category.

 

Shift idle lump sum into hybrid and small caps via STP.

 

Avoid sector funds, thematic funds or international funds now.

 

Increase SIP by 5% every year if income allows.

 

Review SIPs yearly. Drop laggards. Replace only after 3-year review.

 

Stick to 5-6 funds maximum in total.

 

Keep your funds manageable and meaningful.

 

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You should always invest through regular plans via a trusted MFD.

 

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you better.

 

Direct funds may save some cost but give no advisory support.

 

They are for experts who understand the markets deeply.

 

Wrong selection in direct mode leads to poor returns.

 

In regular plans, your MFD with CFP gives continuous support.

 

This is key when markets are volatile or during fund underperformance.

 

Proper advice leads to better overall results than cost savings.

 

SIP Discipline and Risk Management
Continue SIPs without breaks. Markets may fluctuate.

 

But long-term SIPs deliver strong results with compounding.

 

Rebalance every year. Shift part of equity to hybrid over time.

 

In final 2 years before goal, reduce equity to protect capital.

 

Keep emergency fund in liquid mutual fund for peace of mind.

 

Review your portfolio performance every 6 months.

 

Track progress towards Rs. 2 crore goal.

 

Tax Considerations for Mutual Fund Investors
Equity fund long term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

 

Debt and hybrid fund gains taxed as per your income slab.

 

Plan redemptions smartly to reduce tax outgo.

 

Use STP or SWP to manage taxes near goal maturity.

 

Insurance and Emergency Cover
Ensure you have health insurance and term life cover.

 

Keep 6 months’ expense in liquid fund as emergency buffer.

 

Do not mix insurance with investment.

 

No ULIPs, no endowment or money back plans.

 

Your focus must remain on mutual funds only.

 

Final Insights
Your investing habits are strong. You are consistent.

 

Your fund categories are well selected but need tweaking.

 

You must act on idle investments to improve overall returns.

 

Add hybrid and small cap exposure smartly.

 

Avoid over-diversification and direct plans.

 

Keep a long-term view and follow up every year.

 

Increase SIPs when possible and do goal-based planning.

 

You are on the right track. Some rebalancing will take you faster towards your goals.

 

Keep emotions out. Let data and strategy guide your investment path.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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