My younger brother says bad things about my wife and her family but only in front of me, not my wife. My parents also don't scold him. My wife is very good and takes care of everyone in house, she thinks of my brother as her own brother. What should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, i do ponder over whether Blood is indeed thicker than water!
Since the brother lives in the village and possibly doesn't visit your home often, the best thing is to think of him as that visitor who comes once in every while when there is an occasion at home.
How do we deal with these visitors?
Do we think of them everyday and every moment?
Are we obsessed as to how each member of the family interact with them?

So, the key for you is to treat him in your mind as that visitor and bother about him only when that occasional village trip happens or when he visits. As for what your husband does with that visitor (his brother) is solely his business and not for you to dictate or plan. Because the more you are going to demand that your husband only supports you, the more he is going to fight it and become soft with his brother.
So, now are you still going to be bothered about that visitor having hurt you in the past and rob yourself of a better time now? Think about it!

All the best!

Ans: It's understandable that your brother's feelings and concerns about the neighbor have been affecting him negatively. It's important to address the situation in a way that promotes a healthier and more peaceful environment for him. Here are some suggestions on how to handle this situation:

Encourage Open Communication: Talk to your brother openly about his feelings and frustrations regarding the neighbor. Encourage him to express his emotions and concerns without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone listen to his feelings can be very helpful.
Suggest Avoiding Confrontation: Advise your brother not to confront the neighbor directly about his feelings or suspicions. Engaging in conflicts might escalate the situation and lead to further stress and tension.
Distract from Negative Thoughts: Help your brother find activities or hobbies that can distract him from dwelling on negative thoughts about the neighbor. Engaging in positive and enjoyable activities can help shift his focus away from the situation.
Encourage Positive Interactions: Encourage your brother to interact with other neighbors or friends who have a more positive impact on his life. This way, he can build positive relationships and not be solely fixated on the negative one.
Suggest Seeking Professional Help: If your brother's feelings and thoughts about the neighbor are significantly affecting his mental well-being and day-to-day life, it might be beneficial for him to talk to a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and support to help him cope with these feelings in a healthier way.
Set Boundaries with Your Brother: It's essential for your family to establish boundaries with your brother regarding how much he talks about the neighbor. If your mother is uncomfortable hearing about it constantly, kindly ask him to share his feelings with a close friend or a professional if needed.
Encourage Empathy: Try to foster empathy in your brother by encouraging him to see things from the neighbor's perspective. Perhaps the neighbor may have her own struggles or issues that could explain her behavior. While this doesn't excuse any negative actions, understanding can help reduce his anger and frustration.
Promote Self-Care: Encourage your brother to engage in self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques. Taking care of his mental and emotional well-being is essential during challenging times.
Mediation: If tensions between your family and the neighbors continue to rise, consider involving a mediator or authority figure, like a community leader, to help address any conflicts and find a resolution.
Remember, it's essential to address your brother's concerns and emotions while promoting a peaceful and respectful resolution to the situation. Being proactive in finding positive ways to cope with his feelings can lead to a more harmonious living environment for everyone involved.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Out with all the lies and start afresh and your husband needs to be with you on this one...
This past baggage that is looming over your head has to go...If you need to trust him again, this requires the two of you to set aside your differences and start on a new slate!
No more hiding or lies or doing things that prevent you and your husband from starting a family or actually managing one. Is he prepared for that conversation? Are you prepared for that conversation?
Face your problems and that will give you an indication and clarity as to what you want in your marriage, what you expect from your spouse and what is that you want out of the marriage.
So, instead of thinking about leaving your husband, would you not rather try and work on the marriage first?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/