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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |121 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am married person of 42 years. I have a childhood friend and this girl is facing family and emotional pressures from her family. I have developed feelings for her, but cant tell her as I am afraid that it will hurt our friendship. She is quite open with me and tell me all her emotional aspects, but i feel helpless to help her emotionally as it can cross the boundaries of our friendship. I know her issues but cant help her both emotionally and physically due to these boundaries. I also see that other men are moving around her and may take advantage of her weak mindset which i can never tolerate. Please help me how best I can help her

Ans: Where is it said that once married you cannot be attracted to someone else - its normal to - however it is left on you if you wish to act upon it - if you do, you may loose your current family and nor are you sure if your friend has the same feeling towards you.

As a friend you need to help her feel good about herself - maybe suggest that she meets an expert. Thats the most you can do - wishing you the best

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

 

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2024

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Relationship
Hi mam, I have very close friend of mine. He is a doctor and very cool by personality. He is married for the last 26 years but he is not in good terms with his wife ( who is also a Govt. officer) . Actually they are very different persons by nature. His wife always try to convenience him on certain religious faiths but he is a practical guy who believes in doing good with all humans in touch . She still always jeer him in very taunting ways about his belated parents' behavior with her. He has already calmed her by offering her apologies on their behalf. But still she continues again and again. My friend has tried many a time to convince her for new start of relationship but it goes for only 2-3 days and again the same drama starts. I as family friend has also tried to settle the things between both of them (with their permission) but all in vain. Both are 50+ and not now my friend is having blood pressure problems too, He now has started to avoid the situations at home and tries to remain out of home . But this is not the permanent solution of this problem. According to my observation it is really very difficult to convince her on any point. But still I want to help them. Please suggest any possible way-out.-Thanks.
Ans: Dear Yogesh,
Dealing with longstanding relationship issues can be challenging, and it's admirable that you want to help your friend and his wife. Suggest that both your friend and his wife consider seeking professional marriage counseling. A licensed therapist can provide a neutral and structured environment for them to express their concerns, improve communication, and work towards resolving underlying issues. Encourage them to set realistic expectations for their relationship. It's essential for both parties to understand that perfection is not achievable, and compromise is crucial in any long-term relationship.Emphasize the importance of respecting each other's differences. It's okay to have different beliefs and values, but acknowledging and accepting those differences is key to a harmonious relationship. If they are open to it, suggest mediation to facilitate communication and conflict resolution. A neutral third party can help guide discussions and find common ground It's important to note that while your intentions are positive, the decision to seek help ultimately rests with your friend and his wife. They both need to be willing participants in any process aimed at improving their relationship. If they are resistant, it might be challenging to make significant progress.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |296 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I am 42 male , met a woman 33 for a marriage discussion through parents arranged marriage set up. We started talking and after talking though there were some aspects we admired about each other and found that both of were totally complementary to each other - strengths of one was the weakness of the other. But we both have different life perspectives as well. However, she seems to have been hurt deeply from the previous marriage and has animosity and anger towards certain people type and towards certain situations. She goes into extreme uncontrolled anger when those topics are discussed, her trust on people seem to be too low. after 1 month she said this relationship cannot be taken to marriage citing my past medical history as a high risk factor. I said fine and was happy to move on.. she says though it is a NO, she has invested emotionally and needs time to move on , so until then I should continue to talk to her as a friend. So i continued talking ( over phone only) ..after few months when I got scolded during her regular outbursts.. i decided to stop and move on.. but she pleaded and told me that i should help her by being her friend and motivate her until she finds back a job, which she has resigned 6 months back to heal from depression. I am in dilemma if i should continue to support her or it is best to move on with no contact though it may be painful to her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing that you are supporting her through the breakup, but aren't we forgetting that you broke up too? I'm sure it must have been hard on you too. It is not your job to help her move on from a relationship that she chose to break. It's unfortunate that people have hurt her in the past, but again, the onus is not on you to fix it. You tried fixing something you did not break and that's awesome but don't break yourself in the process. If there were unresolved issues, the best course of action would have been to work on them first and get into a relationship later.

You have done as much as you can, but if it is too much for you, or you simply don't want to continue talking her through the breakup, you can stop right away. You don't owe your ex-partner your unconditional support. Please understand that.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |1065 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2024Hindi
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Health
I am 75 + ....Around two months back I was diagnosed as dengue positive with platelet count at 75,000. with proper medication, platelet counts were increased to 2,05,000 and fever was subsided.However swellings on both arms and legs persisted.. Off late on my both solders i am suffering severe pain and enable to make any movement, i feel like inner vain of my both hands are getting stretched/pulled (right from my solder to the finger tips and swelling on both hands and legs are still there. My doctor says that it may continue for another two three months and proscribed me only pain killer tablets.Doctor says that there is no specific medicine for Dengue. I got thorough blood and urine test along with other test like scanning, x-ray etc. All the test reports are normal except slightly blood sugar (PP) on higher side and enlargement of prostate gland (which is there since last 10 years and i am on regular medicine (silodosin 8-mg, one tab a day) Kindly advise me with your good suggestions that what could be the cause of this problem and which expert doctor I should consult since it is very difficult situation for carrying out my routine activities and also I can't sleep properly due to severe pain. Thank you
Ans: Post viral illness can trigger different chain of immune reactions
They are mostly self limiting if your lifestyle is well disciplined.
Here are the points towards a healthy lifestyle
1.Early dinner by 6 pm and avoid animal protein and fat at dinner meal
2.Sleeping time to be regulated. Fix a specific time around 9/9.30 pm and unwind from the world particularly off media from 7 pm
3.Regular brisk walking 30 mts a day five days a week
4.Balanaced nutrition and avoid highly refined carbohydrates

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

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Money
I am going to turn 34 years old this year. Me and my wife earn 3.7 Lakh Per Month In Hand (Post all deductions: Tax, EPF), above included salary and rental. 3 Lakh per month i can invest. How do you suggest i should invest for achieving my goals. In my family i have my Wife, Son 4 YO and my parents. Live with my parents in my own house so i do not plan to buy house. My wife and my own current savings: - 80 lakhs in Equity (PMS and Mutual Funds). - 45 Lakh in Crypto Currency (Invested 5 lakh very early and i want to stay invested). - Commercial Real Estate Office Worth 1 Cr. yielding rental of 47 thousand per month. - 15 Lakh Provident Fund - 20 Lakh Bank FD & Arbitrage Fund (Emergency Fund) - 5 Lakh Savings Account (Day today expenses) Expenses: - 70k per Month including everything (Daily expense, Vacation, mobile etc). - Our monthly expense is low as my father is also working and many other expenses (around 50k) are taken care by him only. I have health insurance cover from my company of 6.5 lakh. Personal medical insurance of 10 lakh. Term insurance from my company of around 1.7 crore. Personal Term Insurance of 4 crore. Zero loans. Goals: - 1.5 crore in today's terms 10-12 years later to reconstruct the house. - 40 lakh, 6 years later for new car. - 3-4 crore at age of around 55 (For my personal goal). - 2 crore for my son higher education. - 30 crore for my retirement.
Ans: Thanks for candidly sharing your goals, current income and savings/investments.

You have adequate term life cover but recommend to cover family and parents with healthcare cover of 50 L as a minimum considering increasing cost of medical treatments and rise in illnesses with age.

Your existing investments are considered as 95 L (Ignoring Emergency fund and saving account balance)

Crypto holdings are considered 0 since they are highly volatile, unregulated and not backed by any tangible asset.

1.5 Cr house reconstruction expenses 12 years hence translates into around 3 Cr considering 6% inflation.

So start a SIP of 90K for 12 years into Nippon India Multicap Fund & HDFC top 100 Fund(50:50)which may yield a corpus of 3.12 Cr(Considering modest return of 13%)

Next goal is car purchase after 6 years so initiate a SIP of 40K in HDFC balanced advantage fund which will yield a corpus of 40L considering modest return of 10.5%

Next goal is a corpus of 3-5 Cr when you will be 55 so you can do a SIP of 50K in PPFAS flexicap fund which will yield a corpus of 5.73 Cr assuming conservative return of 13%

Further important goal is corpus for child education so considering timeframe of 14 years recommend to do a SIP of 50K in HDFC Children's Gift Fund which will yield a corpus of 2Cr+ assuming modest return of 12%

Finally retirement goal of 30Cr assumed to be 25 years from now so you may start a SIP of 70K in ICICI Pru Retirement Fund Pure Equity Plan which yield you a corpus of 15.9 Cr considering modest growth of 13%.
Plus your corpus of 95 L at a modest return of 9.5% will yield a value of 9.18Cr after 25 years
So your total retirement corpus is now 15.9+9.18=25.08 Cr
Further the amount getting released after achievement of all other goals apart from retirement can be redeployed in a value based BAF(HDFC; 10% return) for residual span towards retirement goal.
i.e. 90K for 13 years --2.89 Cr
40K for 19 years--2.73 Cr
50K for 5 years----0.39 Cr
50K for 11 years---1.2 Cr
Total_-----------------------7.21 Cr

Adding this to our earlier calculated retirement corpus gives us comprehensive retirement corpus of 7.21+25.08= 32.21 Cr

Anything you get from Crypto is bonus!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

Happy Investing!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6292 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 27 years old studying 3rd year MD, have the following monthly SIPs. 1.PPF 12500 2. PLI 5300 3. Jeevan Umang 5400 4. RD 4500 5. ICICI equity and debt fund 5000 6. ICICI india oppertunity fund 2000 7. Kotak multi cap fund 2000 8. Sundaram service fund 2000 9. Nippon small cap fund 2000 10. HDFC multi cap fund 2000 11. Canara robaco blue chip equity fund 2000 12. Motilal Oswal large and mid cap 5000 Please evaluate my portfolio and advice Do I need to cancel any of the above Or should I go for alternatives than above mentioned Kindly suggest
Ans: At the age of 27, with a long-term investment horizon, you have built a diverse portfolio. However, a review of your portfolio is necessary to ensure optimal returns and financial security. Let’s assess each of your existing investments while providing insights on potential improvements.

1. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

The PPF is a solid choice for risk-free, tax-efficient, long-term savings.

It offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits under Section 80C.
It should be continued as part of your debt allocation.
However, you may want to limit over-reliance on low-return instruments like PPF, as it has a lock-in period of 15 years and a lower growth potential compared to equities.
2. Postal Life Insurance (PLI)

PLI is one of the oldest and most reliable life insurance products in India.

It offers low premiums with high returns.
However, if you are purely looking for life cover, term insurance may offer a higher sum assured at a lower cost.
For wealth accumulation, this may not be the most optimal choice due to its moderate returns. It is advisable to review whether you need both PLI and Jeevan Umang (discussed below).
3. Jeevan Umang

Jeevan Umang is a combination of life insurance and investment, providing regular payouts.

Such investment-cum-insurance plans generally offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.
You might want to re-evaluate keeping this plan since standalone life insurance (term insurance) combined with mutual fund investments may provide better growth and flexibility.
Cancelling or surrendering this policy should be considered after evaluating its surrender value and whether it's feasible based on your financial goals.
4. Recurring Deposit (RD)

RDs are low-risk instruments but have relatively lower returns.

While RDs ensure capital safety, they might not be ideal for wealth creation, especially for long-term goals.
Since you're still young with a long investment horizon, it might be better to channel more funds into equities for higher growth potential.
Consider reducing or stopping this RD and redirecting the funds into equity-based investments.
5. ICICI Equity and Debt Fund

This hybrid fund is a balanced option offering exposure to both equity and debt.

It provides the potential for growth through equities while managing volatility with debt.
As you are young and have a long-term horizon, a higher allocation towards pure equity funds might yield better long-term results.
Evaluate whether you need a hybrid fund in your portfolio, as your other debt investments (PPF, RD) already provide stability.
6. ICICI India Opportunity Fund

This is a thematic fund, focused on certain sectors or market opportunities.

Thematic funds can be more volatile and risky compared to diversified equity funds.
Consider whether you need exposure to such a niche strategy. These funds can work well in a bull market but may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
It might be wiser to replace this fund with a more diversified equity mutual fund for better stability.
7. Kotak Multi Cap Fund

Multi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks.

Multi-cap funds are suitable for long-term growth as they provide diversification across different market capitalisations.
This is a good choice to hold as it balances risk and returns by spreading investments across different categories.
No change is required here.
8. Sundaram Service Fund

Thematic funds like this one tend to focus on specific industries or sectors.

Sector-focused funds are prone to higher volatility due to limited diversification.
While such funds can provide high returns in specific cycles, they may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
You could consider switching to a diversified equity fund to reduce concentration risk.
9. Nippon Small Cap Fund

Small-cap funds have high growth potential but are also volatile.

Given your long-term horizon, small-cap funds can offer excellent growth opportunities.
However, small-cap funds should be a part of your portfolio, but with a smaller allocation due to higher risks.
Keep an eye on the fund’s performance and market conditions but maintain some exposure to small caps for aggressive growth.
10. HDFC Multi Cap Fund

Similar to the Kotak Multi Cap Fund, this fund offers broad exposure across different types of companies.

Multi-cap funds are an important component of a well-diversified portfolio.
Holding multiple multi-cap funds may lead to overlapping stock investments, so it may be beneficial to consolidate into one multi-cap fund for simplicity and efficiency.
No immediate need for cancellation, but consider streamlining your investments.
11. Canara Robeco Blue Chip Equity Fund

Blue chip equity funds invest in well-established companies with strong track records.

Blue chip funds are a stable option for long-term wealth creation with moderate risk.
These funds tend to perform well in the long term, providing stable growth.
Continue investing in blue-chip equity for consistent, lower-risk returns.
12. Motilal Oswal Large and Mid Cap Fund

This fund invests in a mix of large and mid-cap companies.

Large and mid-cap funds offer a balance of stability from large caps and growth potential from mid caps.
It’s a good choice to keep, given your long-term investment horizon.
Continue your SIP in this fund as it provides a diversified exposure to both stable and high-growth companies.
Portfolio Insights

Your portfolio is a mix of both equity and debt instruments. There are areas where you could improve efficiency and focus more on growth. Since you are young, your portfolio should focus more on equity investments rather than debt or conservative instruments.

Here are some points for improvement:

Consider reducing or stopping PLI, Jeevan Umang, and RD. They offer lower returns and are not ideal for wealth accumulation.
Consolidate your multi-cap funds to avoid redundancy and improve efficiency.
Consider moving away from thematic funds (ICICI India Opportunity, Sundaram Service) and replace them with more diversified options for better risk management.
Maintain small exposure to small-cap funds but don’t over-allocate due to volatility.
Large-cap and blue-chip funds should continue, as they provide stability to your portfolio.
Investment Strategy Moving Forward

Since you are currently pursuing your MD, you might want to focus on building a strong long-term growth portfolio. The following strategy could help you optimise your investments:

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your young age and long-term goals, you could increase your equity exposure to maximise returns. Equity mutual funds have historically outperformed other asset classes over long periods.

Reduce Debt Instruments: PPF is a good debt instrument, but the RD and life insurance policies may not be ideal for wealth creation. Consider directing those funds into more growth-oriented investments.

Review Insurance Needs: If your current life insurance policies are not providing adequate coverage, switch to a term plan that offers high coverage at a lower premium. This will allow you to free up more funds for investment purposes.

Consolidate and Simplify: You have multiple schemes in similar categories, which might lead to unnecessary overlap. Streamlining your portfolio by focusing on a few high-quality funds can make it easier to track performance.

Continue SIPs: SIPs are a great way to invest systematically. Increase your SIPs in funds with strong performance records and reduce exposure to underperforming or high-risk funds.

Monitor Portfolio Regularly: Keep track of your fund performance, rebalance annually, and make adjustments as needed to align with your goals.

Final Insights

Your portfolio is already in a good shape for someone at the start of their professional career. However, there are some areas where you could optimise for better returns. By focusing more on equity and less on conservative products like life insurance and RDs, you can enhance your wealth creation potential.

This shift in strategy will allow you to focus on long-term growth, ensuring a solid financial foundation for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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