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Starting Over at 42: Is There Hope for Finding a Reliable Partner?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide

Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Dear expert I am 52 year lady divorcee. Looking for a partner for remarriage. Whomever i meet, everything goes on well for few days or months and somehow breaks. The men feel so insecure about me and they breakup even when i talk of solutions and taking forward as life is short and we need a partner to survive. I am not able to find a man who can think better at this stage of life. If you can suggest what should be done to make them understand and most of the men look for only physical pleasure even at later part of life instead of looking for a partner in all respects. What should be done to find the right partner.
Ans: It's understandable that finding a suitable partner at this stage in life can be challenging, especially when your intentions and expectations don't align with those of the men you meet. The key to finding the right partner lies in a combination of self-awareness, clear communication, and patience.

First, it's important to ensure that you are clear about your own needs and desires. Reflect on what you're looking for in a partner beyond companionship. What values and traits are essential for you? Being clear about these aspects will help you identify potential partners who are genuinely compatible.

When you meet someone new, be upfront about your expectations early on. This doesn’t mean overwhelming them with demands, but rather having open and honest conversations about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Express that you are seeking a meaningful, long-term partnership rather than something solely based on physical attraction. This clarity can help filter out those who are not on the same page.

It’s also crucial to recognize that some men may feel insecure or uncertain for various reasons. They might have their own past experiences or fears that impact their ability to commit. While you can offer reassurance and support, remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix or change them. Focus on finding someone who is emotionally mature and ready for the kind of relationship you desire.

Building a strong connection takes time. Be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally. It’s okay if things don’t work out with some people—each experience can be a learning opportunity that brings you closer to finding the right partner.

Consider expanding your social circles and exploring new ways to meet potential partners. This could be through social events, community groups, or online dating platforms that cater to mature singles looking for serious relationships. Engaging in activities you enjoy can also help you meet like-minded individuals.

Finally, remember to stay positive and keep an open heart. It can be disheartening when relationships don’t work out, but maintaining a hopeful and optimistic outlook will make the journey more pleasant and increase your chances of finding the right partner.

By being clear about your needs, communicating effectively, and staying patient, you are more likely to attract a partner who is looking for the same deep and meaningful connection you desire.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I had an arranged marriage at the age of 30 which ended within a year as she had a lover and went back to him, in the process took away my money putting a false domestic violence case to claim alimony. My dream of happy married life was shattered, I lost faith in concept of marriage and remained single just focusing on my work. I never had any relationship with any female all through these years due to the phobia that women bring trouble to my life :) Now I'm 45 and feel the need to have a trustworthy life companion. The problem I'm facing is the trust issues and female phobia. Also since my so called married life was very short, I'm not mentally ready to consider marriage proposals of divorced women who got divorced after 4-5 years of their bad marriage since they have the past luggage. Its difficult to find unmarried singles also. Can you guide me on how can I overcome this situation and find a trustworthy, reliable companion for rest of my life?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no need to jump into a marriage right away, right?
Start by expanding your social circle that includes a good mix of people from different backgrounds and work spheres. You might just end up finding someone who matches your thinking, ideals and lifestyle.
Cross this before you start bride-searching. You need to get your faith back into wanting a life partner and in the institution called marriage. So, baby steps...Trust builds over time so, give time for yourself to heal while you explore the idea of socializing. It acts as a good bridge not knowing someone and knowing someone. The concept of 'Dating' will ideally fall here and you might find someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life with.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2025
Money
Hello Sir - I am 52 years old and I have taken a break from my career. I currently have around 6 Crores worth of savings - 2 Crs in Equity and 4 Crs in FD. In addition, I have 2 residential houses and a farm plot all totalling around 4 Crores. No loan exposure. Anticipated expenses in future - daughter's higher studies in Europe after 6 years. Can you please advise me on the ideal portfolio construction.
Ans: You have taken smart and timely financial decisions so far.

Your present financial standing is strong and commendable.
No loans, good asset mix, and clarity on future needs.

Let’s now structure your investment portfolio with long-term clarity.
We will look at stability, growth, liquidity, and future goals.

Understanding Your Current Position
You have Rs. 6 crores in financial investments.

Rs. 2 crores in equity.

Rs. 4 crores in fixed deposits.

Additional Rs. 4 crores in real estate.

No loan liabilities.

Future key goal: Daughter’s higher studies in Europe in 6 years.

Your priority is to protect capital, generate growth, and stay liquid.
Your strategy should also aim at tax-efficiency and simplicity.

Key Investment Objectives
Preserve your existing capital base.

Provide for daughter’s overseas education.

Build a steady long-term wealth creation portfolio.

Maintain enough liquidity for emergencies.

Balance growth with lower downside risk.

Keep taxation under control with efficient planning.

Suggested Asset Allocation
Let us now assess an ideal mix.

20% in Fixed Income instruments.

60% in Actively Managed Mutual Funds.

10% in Emergency and Ultra Short-Term Funds.

10% in Gold and Sovereign Gold Bonds.

This structure is balanced, growth-oriented, and liquidity-ready.
You already have real estate, so no fresh allocation there.

Repositioning Your Existing Portfolio
You already hold Rs. 4 crores in FDs.
FDs are safe but returns barely beat inflation.

Consider breaking Rs. 2.5 crores from FDs.

Reinvest in better-performing asset classes.

You have Rs. 2 crores in equity.
We assume this is in direct equity or past mutual fund investments.

Shift from direct equity to actively managed mutual funds.

They offer professional fund management.

Diversification across sectors brings better long-term results.

Helps reduce stock-specific risks.

Please avoid index funds.

Index funds blindly follow the market.

They lack flexibility and active monitoring.

They fail to outperform in volatile or sideways markets.

Actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

If you are currently investing in direct funds, be cautious.

Direct plans lack personalised advice.

Choosing wrong funds can affect returns heavily.

Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credential offer guidance.

Continuous monitoring and rebalancing are also provided.

In your case, a Certified Financial Planner can help align the portfolio
with your family’s unique life goals and risk capacity.

Detailed Portfolio Construction Plan
1. Fixed Income Allocation – 20%
Allocate Rs. 1.2 crores to debt mutual funds.

Choose high-quality short-term or corporate bond funds.

Keep the duration under 3 years for safety.

Avoid FDs for long term due to lower returns.

Debt funds are more tax-efficient after 3 years.

Be mindful of the new tax rule:
Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

So, debt funds offer better post-tax returns only
if held with smart timing and product choice.

2. Actively Managed Mutual Funds – 60%
Allocate Rs. 3.6 crores gradually in equity mutual funds.

Choose a blend of multi-cap, flexi-cap, and large-mid cap funds.

Add some exposure to thematic or sectoral funds for growth.

SIP route is ideal for phased exposure.

This diversified equity allocation brings long-term wealth creation.
You also reduce timing risk with regular investments.

The mutual fund mix should be carefully curated
based on your risk profile and goal horizon.

Please ensure a Certified Financial Planner monitors this portfolio
and rebalances every 6 to 12 months.

3. Emergency and Contingency Allocation – 10%
Keep Rs. 60 lakhs in ultra-short term and liquid funds.

This covers 24+ months of monthly household expenses.

Provides quick access for health and personal emergencies.

Avoid using this for investments or lifestyle spends.

This fund should remain untouched except for real emergencies.

4. Gold and Sovereign Gold Bonds – 10%
Invest Rs. 60 lakhs in Sovereign Gold Bonds.

They offer 2.5% annual interest plus gold value appreciation.

Held for 8 years, they are tax-free on maturity.

Ideal for diversification and long-term safety.

Avoid physical gold due to purity and storage risks.
Avoid gold ETFs due to expense ratio and no added interest.

Special Planning for Daughter’s Higher Studies
This is a clear and high-value goal.
Timeline is 6 years, so you can take some calculated risk.

Start a separate mutual fund portfolio for this goal.

Allocate Rs. 1 crore gradually into hybrid and balanced funds.

Use 3-4 year SIP/STP mode to reduce risk.

In the fifth year, begin shifting to ultra-short-term debt funds.
This ensures capital safety before the actual outflow.

Avoid touching this portfolio for any other purpose.
Mark this as “Dedicated for Education Purpose” for clarity.

Real Estate Holding Review
You already own two houses and one farm plot.
This is already 40% of your net worth.

No need to invest further in real estate.

Maintain only one house for self-use.

Other properties can be retained for legacy or rental income.
Do not consider real estate for cash flow or liquidity.

Keep property papers and title clear.
Maintain up-to-date valuation documents and insurance.

Key Risk Management Steps
Take a Rs. 25 lakh family floater health insurance.

Add super top-up for extra cover.

Keep your term insurance active till age 60.

Ensure proper nominations in all investments.

Make a registered Will and keep it updated.

Joint holding in major investments ensures easy access.

Risk management avoids surprises.
This is as critical as choosing good investments.

Tax Management & Compliance
Use the new capital gains tax rule wisely.

Equity MF LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

Debt MF gains are taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemption dates carefully to reduce tax outgo.

Keep a simple tracker for each investment and its tax impact.
A Chartered Accountant can assist you every March for tax planning.

Review and Monitoring
Review the portfolio every 6 months.

Check for underperformance in any scheme.

Rebalance based on market changes or life changes.

Avoid panic-based decisions during market falls.

Periodic reviews are key to financial health.
A Certified Financial Planner can help simplify this review.

Finally
Your current standing is financially strong.
You have saved well and kept liabilities away.

A structured investment plan will now build on this base.
You can now enjoy peace of mind with clarity and control.

Your daughter's education can be fully supported.
Your own future lifestyle can be secured.

This 360-degree solution focuses on growth, safety, and simplicity.

Keep investing with discipline.
Stay guided with professional help.
Keep all financial documents well organised.

Wishing you lifelong financial freedom and happiness.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |154 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2025
Relationship
Hi Shalini ji I was in a serious relationship for 6 years with a boy whom I met on the 1st day of my college. He was from a different caste. Hence when my parents got to know they disapproved of it very strictly so I knew it wasnt going to work that easily. After sometime they started asking to get married. It was an ultimate pressure while we both were preparing for some government exams. I went through utter confusion and I got stuck between trying to study and at the same time thinking about my future with him. I was pressurised by my family including my brother and parents to leave him. Meanwhile I decided to not to carry it forward because I couldn't leave my parents for whole life to be with him because it was either him or my family. I lost all the focus towards my studies due to this decision and also started talking to some other boy (he was from my own caste accidently) whom I met accidentally at an exam centre for comfort. I got a brief moments of happiness with him. I confide my pain in him. Suddenly something happened in my family ,between my parents. And my mother started acting like you can choose your own partner for life because somehow she lost trust on my father. She even was comfortable with my brother's marriage with the one whom he loves. Now I feel completely betrayed because for them I left love of my life and got into another relationship with the boy I met at an exam center ( which now I feel was a hasty decision as I felt alone and depressed). Now no one talks about my real love and what i think about it for the future. I am in a complete state of repentance. I feel like I betrayed him. Now when i think of getting back to him I hesitate a lot because I think that I took a wrong decision due to the pressure and under stress. The person I am with now, I feel is not what I wanted as a partner and I feel that he is not mentally supportive. I wnat to leave him as well. What should I do now to be happy?
Ans: 1. Happiness is in your hand
2. You sound like an adult, over 21 and someone who knows what is right and what is not - so take action
3. If you are not happy in your current relationship, come out of it.
4. If you wish to reconnect with your earlier partner do so, but keep in mind he may not be single and if he is he will not be how you knew him, as in he will come with his own experience of life.

all the best.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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