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Ex-Wife Cheated: How to Move On?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship

Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you

Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |718 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear Sir/Madam, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I just want to tell you one thing: since you are married happily, it would be best if you limit your interactions with this woman. She is consistently showing interest in marrying you, asking for an inappropriate amount of gifts and has demands from you like one has from their partner. Everything seems a little off. And also, it is not your responsibility to keep her from going in the wrong direction. She is a grown adult and should be able to handle it herself. The best decision is to distance yourself from her. If you can’t, you might want to still set some boundaries like telling her that you cannot continue speaking to her if she keeps telling you that she wants to marry you. I am sure your wife also doesn’t appreciate it. Let her know that you are in a happy marriage and you are not comfortable with her behavior. Also, you have every right to say no to all her demands. I understand that you two have a friendship, but there should be boundaries even in that.

Hope this helps

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1787 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear Madam, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, sometime cakes on birthdays for her and for her 2 daughters, for late father's, own mother even though her mother stays in different city, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems that you are happy in your marriage, then why are you afraid to tell this lady the same?
From what you have shared, she had associations with other men also while in her marriage and you are another one. Do you not get the feeling that she is using you for her needs or are you so fond of her that this has not occurred to you?
And also, you are not responsible for her life, her money or anything...what exactly are you getting by staying in touch with her? Please ask yourself this question and also if it is worth risking your marriage for all this?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |718 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 12, 2026

Relationship
Dear Sir, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, sometime cakes on birthdays for her and for her 2 daughters, for late father's, own mother even though her mother stays in different city, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I just want to tell you one thing: since you are married happily, it would be best if you limit your interactions with this woman. She is consistently showing interest in marrying you, asking for an inappropriate amount of gifts and has demands from you like one has from their partner. Everything seems a little off. And also, it is not your responsibility to keep her from going in the wrong direction. She is a grown adult and should be able to handle it herself. The best decision is to distance yourself from her. If you can’t, you might want to still set some boundaries like telling her that you cannot continue speaking to her if she keeps telling you that she wants to marry you. I am sure your wife also doesn’t appreciate it. Let her know that you are in a happy marriage and you are not comfortable with her behavior. Also, you have every right to say no to all her demands. I understand that you two have a friendship, but there should be boundaries even in that.

Hope this helps

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1787 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Dear Miss, I am not a good studious student nor had a good educational background during my schooling and engineering. I somehow managed to pass and get through. I searched for a lot of jobs after my degree but could not get a good one. The last one i got was an unpaid one too. Therefore i decided to pursue studies in UK. After i did two diplomas i got an internship job at a health care which was going good. All of a sudden my parents decided to get me married to a girl from my home country as they liked her and we believe in astrology a lot. The girl was very obedient and decent as per my parents knowledge. So i took leave from work place twice and went and got married , but due to this the project at healthcare went beyond my understanding and i was finding it difficult to cop up with that. Unfortunately, during a meeting the manager found out that my internship was way too much and decided to let me go. After that i decided to apply for my field job and soon i got one. Immediately after that i applied for a spouse visa for my wife. We use to quarrel over the phone several times as she wanted to do her internship in another city. Her phone used to be busy when i used to call at the later part. I was growing suspicious. But never mind i made a call to her and informed her that the spouse visa is sure to come so be ready. For about2-3 months i did not talk to her because it will cause more fight and i wanted her to realize that. I brought her gifts and birthday cake and a lot in the mean time. But my calculation was completely wrong. When the visa arrived i asked her to go for the interview, but she took a u-turn. She ran off to another city for a job. I also went back to my home country and enquired and urged her to go for the interview but she wanted divorce from me and filed a divorce case and harassment case against my parents. I decided to give a fight back which took away a lot of time and put my whole family into depression. Finally my parents went under pressure and decided to let her go by signing the papers without my knowledge. I was completely upset with this behavior of my parents and did not communicate with them for about 2 years. My mother's health was deteriorating also. i decided to take my sister in laws help too as she was from the same health care background. Thinking she can communicate or talk to her and make things easier. But she was a poison by nature and kicked me out of the house by making excuses. My brother was also against me and fought with me. I decided not to visit them anymore I also found out from few sources that my ex wife had sex with someone and did a abortion but that is not fully confirmed yet which happened just after my marriage mostly. Now my parents are worried and are taking effort daily to get me married with a divorced lady on the matrimonial websites. They somehow want me to get married and move further. But i am finding it very difficult, even though i makeup my mind i find one or the problem in the girls whom i meet on matrimonial websites. Either some have attitude or some have something hidden. Some have looks problem or some have less educational background I could not upgrade my knowledge due to all this problems in life, so , i had to settle with a low income pay at a warehouse kind of job. There is no promotion nor any upgradation there only dirty politics. I have applied for the UK citizenship this year by thinking i can move to another country and work or go back to India for sometime upgrade my skills and come back for a good job. I feel i am lost and there is nobody to help me out. I am getting older also and not in a good position to do the ware house job further. My brother keeps communicating with my father that he can arrange some job for me so not worry. But i don't feel like taking his help. kindly advise
Ans: Dear Murari,
I don't understand how your parents can sign the papers by which you are separated from your wife.
One thing is clear, you seem to take no effort in making major decisions of your life. Marriage, work...this concerns you and you need to STEP UP and take decisions; whether the decisions are favorable or not is something you will learn over a period of time.
As of now, focus on getting a steady job and then you decide when and if you wish to get married. If you continue to act emotionally unsure, someone else will step in and make all decisions for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P P  |10987 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Career
Sir My son has completed his B.Com Honours from SASTRA during the year 2025. He is interested in pursuing MA from Madras School of Economics in this year 2026. He is currently enrolled in the Executive course of Company Secretary from ICSI. I wanted to know whether pursuing the course in Madras School of Economics is worthwhile and also the likelihood of getting good placements after successful completion of the course. Please provide your advice and suggestions which would help me in taking a decision. Thanks and Regards V NARASIMHAN
Ans: Narasimhan Sir, according to today’s (13th April 2026) Times of India (Education Times) advertisement, Madras School of Economics offers multiple programmes such as a 5?year Integrated MA, MA programmes in five specialisations, MBA, MSc in Data Science, and even PhD. Now, regarding your son’s wish to pursue an MA and also keeping in mind that he is already pursuing the ICSI Executive Course, it is important to know whether he has decided which one of the five MA specialisations—Actuarial Economics, Applied Quantitative Finance, Environmental Economics, Financial Economics, or General Economics—he wants to choose and why. However, since he has already joined the ICSI Executive, it is advisable to go for the MA in Financial Economics, because its core courses and electives in financial markets, asset pricing, corporate finance, risk, and regulation directly complement the CS Executive papers on Corporate Accounting, Financial Management, Capital Markets, and Securities Laws. This combination is very helpful for careers in corporate finance, investment banking, and financial?compliance advisory, where both domain?specific economics knowledge and legal?compliance skills are highly valued. At the same time, your son must be sure and confident that he can comfortably manage the workload of both ICSI and the MA in Financial Economics. As far as placements are concerned, all five MA specialisations—General Economics, Financial Economics, Applied Quantitative Finance, Actuarial Economics, and Environmental Economics—have broadly similar placement outcomes, but Financial Economics and Applied Quantitative Finance usually lean more towards higher?paying jobs in finance and analytics, while Environmental Economics and General Economics often lead more towards policy, research, consulting, and data?heavy roles. It should also be noted that success in placements does not depend only on the specialisation, but also on the student’s skill upgradation, soft skills, a strong LinkedIn profile, and effective networking strategies. ALL the BEST for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1787 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2026Hindi
Relationship
How can one married woman destroy another's life? My husband has been spending more time with his married office colleague whose children have grown up and live abroad. Since I am a homemaker, whenever they meet at our home or during public events when I am around, they talk in riddles that only they seem to understand and laugh about. It used to be annoying and I have also expressed to both of them about how I feel. But I am never taken seriously. They even hug each other so intimately that I feel like the third wheel in their relationship. My husband never appreciates me, he even refuses to acknowledge my feelings. He thinks I am some illiterate homemaker but I had a well paying job. I used to lead a team and I know I am not overreacting. I can tell when a colleague becomes more than a coworker. I can tell that they are having an affair from the way she holds my husband's arm. I am tired of confronting and I don't want to lose my sanity trying to defend my respect. I am just waiting for my daughter to complete her board exam so I can talk to her about this. Anu mam, I need your help. How can I seek divorce while still keeping my dignity?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have two paths n front of you; either you move on or make your marriage work.
Both paths are not easy but the latter can help you rebuild your marriage. But if you feel strongly about moving on, do find a good lawyer who can help you with the legal proceedings.
To maintain your dignity, make sure that you clearly state what you want as a part of your separation and NO, there is no shame or backing out in this; your lawyer should be able to take care of this.
Also, divorce can take a huge toil on your emotional health; make no mistake about it especially since you are the aggrieved one in this case. And if your husband chooses to contest, the battle can turn ugly. Be prepared for these turn of events; keep your family and friends close as you will need to fall back on someone.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11135 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Money
Hi, I'm 24 yrs old now, want to start sip for long term for 30-35 yrs, is this combination a good go: Parag Parikh flexi cap direct + HDFC midcap direct and nifty index fund in 30:30:40 proportion, kindly enlighten me on this.. Also I want to generate a marriage fund 3 yrs from now, how should I approach?? Debt or equity..
Ans: It is very good to see that at age 24 you are already planning SIP for 30–35 years and also thinking about a separate marriage fund. Starting early gives you a very strong advantage in wealth creation.

Your approach shows clarity and discipline.

» Review of your long-term SIP combination (30–35 years)

Your proposed allocation:

– Flexi cap category fund
– Midcap category fund
– Nifty index fund

Allocation: 30 : 30 : 40

This structure has growth potential. But there are two important improvements required.

First improvement:

Index funds are not suitable when your target is very long-term wealth creation like 30–35 years.

Reason:

– index funds only copy market returns
– they cannot select future winning companies early
– they cannot avoid weak sectors
– they cannot manage downside risk actively
– they cannot generate extra return above market

Actively managed funds can:

– adjust sector allocation
– identify emerging companies
– control risk better during corrections
– generate higher long-term alpha

So instead of index category exposure, one more actively managed category fund is better.

Second improvement:

Your portfolio currently has only one large-cap exposure indirectly through flexi cap category. It is better to include a large & midcap category fund or multi-cap category fund for balance.

Suggested improved structure:

– Flexi cap category fund (core foundation)
– Midcap category fund (growth engine)
– Multi-cap or large & midcap category fund (balance + stability)

This improves diversification and return consistency.

» Important observation about investing through direct plans

You mentioned investing through direct option.

Direct plans look attractive because expense ratio is lower. But many investors face practical issues:

– no professional monitoring support
– no asset allocation guidance
– no rebalancing discipline
– emotional switching during market falls
– difficulty in tax planning decisions
– lack of withdrawal strategy planning later

Regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor guided by a Certified Financial Planner help in:

– proper category selection
– portfolio correction at right time
– behavioural guidance during volatility
– tax-efficient switching decisions
– retirement income strategy planning

Over a 30–35 year journey, guidance quality matters more than small expense difference.

» Strategy for your marriage fund (3-year goal)

This is a short-term goal.

Equity mutual funds are not suitable for 3-year horizon.

Because:

– markets can fall suddenly
– recovery may take time
– capital may not be available when needed

Safer approach is better.

Suitable categories:

– conservative hybrid category fund
– short duration debt category fund
– bank FD combination approach

This protects your marriage fund from market volatility.

If marriage date is fixed, safety becomes even more important.

» Suggested smart approach to manage both goals together

You are handling two timelines:

– 30–35 year wealth creation
– 3-year marriage goal

So keep investments separate.

Long-term SIP bucket:

– flexi cap category fund
– midcap category fund
– multi-cap or large & midcap category fund

Marriage fund bucket:

– conservative hybrid category fund
– short duration debt category fund

This avoids mixing risk levels.

» Additional steps to strengthen your financial foundation at age 24

Along with SIP planning:

– maintain emergency fund equal to 6 months expenses
– take health insurance if not already taken
– start term insurance after income stabilises
– increase SIP every year when salary increases

These steps multiply long-term wealth success.

» Finally

Your early start itself is your biggest strength.

Replace index exposure with another actively managed category fund.

Keep marriage fund in safer investments.

Continue SIP for 30–35 years with discipline and yearly increase. This approach can create strong wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11135 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Money
i am 70 year old. 10,000 i want to sip . pl. suggest MF .
Ans: You are taking a very positive step by continuing investment through SIP even at age 70. This shows strong financial awareness and helps your savings grow better than keeping money idle in savings account.

At this stage, safety and steady growth must come first. High-risk funds should be avoided.

» What should be the investment approach at age 70

At your age, investment focus normally should be:

– capital protection
– regular income support in future
– low volatility
– moderate growth beating inflation

So SIP selection should be balanced, not aggressive.

Small cap category funds are not suitable at this stage because they move up and down sharply.

Midcap allocation also should be limited.

Balanced categories work better.

» Best mutual fund categories suitable for Rs 10,000 SIP

You may consider investing your SIP across these categories:

– Multi asset category fund (Rs 4,000)
This category invests in equity, debt and gold. It gives stability and protection.

– Conservative hybrid category fund (Rs 3,000)
This keeps more money in debt and some in equity. Good for steady returns.

– Flexi cap category fund (Rs 3,000)
This gives controlled growth and flexibility across market caps.

This combination creates safety plus growth balance.

» Why this structure is suitable for you

This mix helps in:

– reducing market risk
– giving reasonable growth
– protecting capital during corrections
– supporting future withdrawal planning

It also prepares your portfolio if you want to start SWP later.

» Important safety steps before starting SIP

Please ensure:

– keep at least 2 years expenses in bank or FD
– maintain emergency reserve
– avoid investing full savings into equity mutual funds
– review nominee details in all investments

These steps protect financial independence.

» How long SIP should continue

Since SIP amount is Rs 10,000:

– continue SIP for 3 to 5 years minimum
– review every year once
– later you can shift to SWP if income needed

This gives flexibility and control.

» Finally

At age 70, the correct strategy is not maximum return. The correct strategy is safe growth with stability.

Multi asset, conservative hybrid and flexi cap category funds together create a strong and safe structure for your SIP journey.

Your decision to continue investing even now is a very good step for financial comfort and independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11135 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Money
Hi , 2 question 1) My mutual fund rm suggested me to switch the funds AXIS ELSS FUND & ABSL ELSS FUND which has free units and around 1.50 lacs to Axis small cap & ABSL flexi cap , can you guide if this is a smart move considering the current market situation , 2) my few other funds are Axis Large Cap Fund - Growth , ICICI Prudential Large Cap Fund - Growth , ICICI Prudential Multi Asset Fund - Growth, LIC MF Multi Cap Fund - Growth, SBI Large Cap Fund - Growth, SBI Midcap Fund - Growth eventhough the XIRR has come down to 5 % am still holding it and will hold it. Kindly suggest if any changes to be done in the fund which i hold or should i continue as it is. Will appreciate any valuable guidance
Ans: You are taking a thoughtful approach by reviewing your portfolio before making switches. Many investors change funds without checking suitability. Your habit of evaluating before acting is a strong advantage for long-term wealth creation.

Let us address both your questions clearly.

» Switching ELSS funds into small cap and flexi cap categories

Your mutual fund relationship manager has suggested switching:

– tax-saving category funds (with completed lock-in period)
into
– one small cap category fund
– one flexi cap category fund

This suggestion is partly good, but it should be applied carefully.

Positive aspects of this switch:

– tax-saving category funds are mainly large cap oriented
– flexi cap category gives better flexibility across market caps
– small cap category improves long-term return potential
– lock-in already completed, so liquidity flexibility exists

However one important caution:

Switching entirely into small cap category is not always suitable in the current market phase if your portfolio already has midcap or small cap exposure.

Small caps:

– move very fast during rallies
– fall sharply during corrections
– need strong patience holding ability

So the smarter approach is:

– switching one ELSS fund into flexi cap category is a very good move
– switching the second ELSS fund fully into small cap category should depend on your existing small cap allocation

If you already hold midcap or small cap funds, then allocate only partly into small cap category.

Balanced allocation improves stability and long-term XIRR consistency.

» Whether continuing your existing funds with 5% XIRR is correct

Your current holdings include exposure across:

– multiple large cap category funds
– one multi asset category fund
– one multi cap category fund
– one midcap category fund

The fall in XIRR to around 5% is mainly because:

– last 12–18 months markets moved unevenly
– large caps remained relatively slow
– midcaps corrected after strong rally

So low recent XIRR does not mean fund quality is weak.

Your decision to continue holding is correct.

But there is one improvement opportunity.

Currently you hold multiple funds from the same category (large cap category). This creates duplication instead of diversification.

Better structure normally:

– keep one strong large cap category fund
– keep one flexi cap category fund
– keep one midcap category fund
– keep one multi cap category fund
– keep one hybrid or multi asset category fund

Holding many large cap category funds together does not improve returns meaningfully.

It only spreads investment across similar portfolios.

So instead of exiting immediately, a gradual consolidation strategy is better.

» Role of your multi asset category fund

This category is useful because it invests in:

– equity
– debt
– gold

It reduces volatility and improves stability during market corrections.

So continuing this fund is a good decision.

» Role of your midcap category fund

Midcap exposure supports long-term growth strongly.

Since your horizon appears long-term, continuing this allocation is appropriate.

No change required here.

» Suggested improvement strategy going forward

You are already doing the most important thing correctly — staying invested.

Now only refinement is needed.

Recommended actions:

– switch one matured ELSS fund into flexi cap category
– review whether small cap allocation is already sufficient before shifting second ELSS fund
– gradually reduce duplication across large cap category funds
– continue midcap allocation
– continue multi asset allocation
– avoid frequent switching based on short-term performance

These steps improve return potential without increasing risk sharply.

» Finally

Your discipline in continuing investments despite temporary fall in XIRR is the right behaviour of a successful long-term investor.

Switching part of matured ELSS allocation into flexi cap category is a smart move.

Small cap allocation should be added carefully, not aggressively.

Gradual consolidation of multiple large cap category funds will improve portfolio efficiency over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11135 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2026Hindi
Money
Dear Team, Recently I have started reading this expert advices and it is like bless for DIY investors. Sometimes pointing out right direction can change life of a persons. You guys are doing the same. I am professional and working in private sector company. I wanted to build wealth and wanted your advice. I have 40 lacs Rs in FD and slowly I am putting this in mutual funds, having 41 lacs in EPF, having 36 lacs in PPF, having 16 lacs in wife's PPF (I am filing her tax separately, hope it will be tax free at the time of redemption), having mutual fund portfolio of 46 lacs as per following. 1. SBI Large cap - 6.82 lacs 2. PP Flexi cap - 5.3 lacs 3. UTI Nifty 50 - 5.29 lacs 4. ICICI Nifty next50 - 4.93 lacs 5. HDFC midcap- 3.52 lacs 6. SBI small cap- 3.29 lacs 7. Mirrae asset large and midcap - 2.93 lacs 8. ABSL focused fund- 2.36 lacs (SIP is stopped) 9. SBI contra - 1.86 lacs 10. Quant mid cap - 1.6 lacs 11. ICICI value - 1.35 lacs (SIP is stopped) 12. Nippon small cap- 1.29 lacs. There are many mutual fund and per fund 5000 to 6000 Rs. SIP is there. (XIRR is 13-14%) Now I am going for following SIP as wanted XIRR around 15-18%. SIP horizon is beyond 15 years then wanted to go for SWP. 1. HDFC Midcap Opportunity fund -20000 2. Parag Parikh Flexi cap- 20000 3. SBI Contra- 10000 4. Bandhan Small cap fund-10000 5. Nippon India Small cap- 10000 6. searching for one more fund - 20000 . Can you suggest, if I am on correct path? Is my portfolio too much debt heavy as of now? Hope to receive guidance from the Money Gurus Experts...
Ans: You are doing a very disciplined job in building wealth across multiple buckets like EPF, PPF, FD and Mutual Funds. This shows strong savings behaviour and long-term thinking. A 13–14% XIRR already reflects good portfolio quality over a meaningful period.

Your plan to move gradually from FD to mutual funds for a 15+ year horizon and later use SWP is a sensible wealth-building strategy.

» Your current asset allocation position

Let us look at your overall structure first.

– EPF: 41 lakhs
– PPF (self): 36 lakhs
– PPF (wife): 16 lakhs
– FD: 40 lakhs
– Mutual Funds: 46 lakhs

Total approx: 179 lakhs

Out of this:

– Debt-oriented bucket (EPF + PPF + FD) ≈ 133 lakhs
– Equity mutual funds ≈ 46 lakhs

So yes, at present your portfolio is debt-heavy.

But this is not a weakness. It is a strength because:

– it gives stability
– it protects capital
– it supports long-term discipline
– it allows gradual equity shift without stress

Your ongoing shift from FD to equity mutual funds is the correct direction.

» Is your target XIRR of 15–18% realistic?

Your horizon is beyond 15 years. That makes your expectation reasonable but not guaranteed.

Possible outcome ranges normally look like:

– Conservative expectation: 12–14%
– Good disciplined portfolio outcome: 13–16%
– Strong cycle-supported outcome: 15–18%

Since your SIP size is strong and horizon is long, your strategy supports the higher range possibility.

Most investors fail because they stop SIP during volatility. Your structure suggests you are not likely to do that.

» Review of your existing mutual fund structure

You currently hold exposure across:

– large cap
– flexi cap
– large & midcap
– midcap
– small cap
– contra
– value
– focused category
– index category

This gives diversification. But number of schemes is slightly high.

Ideal number normally:

– 5 to 7 funds

Your portfolio has crossed that level. So future investing should focus on consolidation instead of adding too many new schemes.

Stopping SIP in focused and value category funds was a sensible move.

» Review of your new SIP structure

Your planned SIP:

– Midcap category fund
– Flexicap category fund
– Contra category fund
– Two small cap category funds
– One more fund under consideration

This structure is growth-oriented and suitable for 15+ year horizon.

However one improvement is required.

Currently:

– small cap allocation is becoming high
– midcap exposure also increasing
– contra already exists in portfolio

So instead of adding another aggressive category fund, the sixth fund should provide balance.

Better choice:

– Multi-cap category fund
or
– Large & midcap category fund

This improves stability without reducing growth potential.

» Important observation about holding two small cap funds

You are already investing in two small cap schemes.

This increases volatility risk.

Instead:

– keep only one small cap SIP long term
– redirect second SIP toward multi-cap category

This improves risk control and consistency of returns.

Small caps perform strongly only during specific market cycles. Too much allocation increases stress during corrections.

» About your index fund exposure

You currently hold index-based investments.

For long-term wealth creation, actively managed funds generally provide stronger outcomes because:

– index funds only copy market performance
– they cannot protect during market falls
– they cannot exit weak sectors
– they cannot select high-growth companies early
– they cannot adjust allocation during valuation extremes

Active funds can:

– move across sectors
– identify emerging businesses
– manage downside risk better
– capture alpha over long horizons

Since your target is 15–18% XIRR, active fund allocation suits your objective better than passive allocation.

Gradually shifting future SIPs toward active strategies supports your goal.

» Tax treatment of your wife’s PPF account

Your approach is correct.

If:

– contribution is within rules
– account is maintained properly

then maturity proceeds remain fully tax-free.

Separate tax filing does not affect PPF exemption status. It remains exempt under current rules.

» Suggested improvement roadmap for next 3–5 years

Your structure is already strong. Only tuning is required.

Action steps:

– Continue shifting FD gradually into equity SIP/STP route
– Reduce duplication across categories
– Keep only one small cap SIP
– Add one multi-cap category SIP as sixth fund
– Continue flexicap allocation as core portfolio engine
– Maintain EPF and PPF as long-term safety anchors
– Avoid frequent portfolio changes

This improves return probability without increasing risk sharply.

» Preparing for future SWP income strategy

Your idea of using SWP after 15 years is very appropriate.

For successful SWP planning later:

– equity allocation should reach 60–70% gradually
– debt bucket (EPF + PPF) should remain intact
– avoid withdrawing during early retirement phase
– rebalance every year once SWP starts

This creates stable retirement-style income flow.

» Finally

You are clearly on the correct wealth-building path.

Your discipline level is higher than most investors.

Only small adjustments are required:

– reduce small cap duplication
– add multi-cap exposure
– continue shifting from FD to equity gradually
– simplify number of schemes over time

With this structure, your probability of achieving long-term 15%+ portfolio growth becomes strong.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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