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Ex-Wife Cheated: How to Move On?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship

Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you

Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |578 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
A guy had a crush on me. He started contacting me then confessed that he likes me. . Then gradually i happened to really like him. I started reciprocating my feelings and we were constantly in touch after being vocal on how much we like each other. After few months he started to show low energy then stopped contacting me. When i tried to reach him again he said we can be bestfriends and that I'll always be his crush. Nothing more than that. I was extremely hurt. Suddenly after week's he texted me saying Thankyou as he cleared his university Exam (i helped him out) . What should I do now. Shall I respond or not. And does he want me back or what's going inside him
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind, or how feelings change suddenly; it is unfair but it’s very common. If he has clearly mentioned that he does not want anything romantic with you, it is best to not pursue. I understand that it has hurt you, and maybe somewhere, it has also hurt your ego, but it is best to respect his boundaries. Coming to responding to his message- since he has thanked you for your help, it would be decent to reply; you can do it with a simple “you are welcome.” But I won’t force you to do it; if you think that he doesn’t deserve it, then you can avoid it. But if you are wondering if he wants you back, as an onlooker, I didn’t see any indication of that. Then again, as I mentioned, it is difficult to tell what’s going on in someone’s mind. If you want clarity, you should have an open discussion and ask him about it. That much explanation he owes you.

Hope this helps

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8268 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2025Hindi
Hello sir I have 5 cr asset 1 cr fd 1 cr PPF note I want to invest in mutual funds which is zero as in date I am interested for lum sum in large cap icici small cap nippon mid cap Motilal Osatwal and flexi cap parag parekh please suggest and guide me
Ans: You have done very well in building Rs 5 crore asset base.

It is also wise that you are thinking to enter mutual funds now.

Let us assess and build a plan. From a 360-degree angle. Simple language. Deep analysis.

Please follow each section below carefully.

Your Current Financial Position
You have Rs 5 crore worth of total assets.

Rs 1 crore is in Fixed Deposits. This gives safety and liquidity.

Rs 1 crore is in PPF. This gives tax-free and risk-free returns.

You have zero mutual fund investments currently.

You want to now begin investing in mutual funds via lump sum.

You are considering four categories: Large Cap, Mid Cap, Small Cap, Flexi Cap.

You have mentioned specific schemes. But I will guide category-wise. Without any scheme names.

Let’s Appreciate Your Thought Process
You are not putting everything in mutual funds. This is a good move.

You are balancing traditional instruments like PPF and FDs.

You are taking a gradual, thoughtful entry into equity investments.

You are aware about diversification. That is why you are considering multiple categories.

Suggested Asset Allocation – A Balanced Strategy
To become a wise long-term investor, we need to balance safety and growth.

Let’s do a proper allocation.

Rs 2 crore: Can stay in FD + PPF. Already in place. Retain for safety.

Rs 3 crore: Can be planned for equity mutual funds. Do not invest all at once.

Start with Rs 1 crore lump sum first. Keep balance Rs 2 crore ready in FD.

This way you don’t take too much risk at once.

Over next 12 to 18 months, move rest Rs 2 crore slowly to mutual funds.

Recommended Category-Wise Allocation for Rs 1 Crore Lump Sum
Now we split Rs 1 crore across different categories.

This gives diversification and reduces concentration risk.

Large Cap Fund: Rs 25 lakh
Stable, less volatile. Invests in top 100 companies.

Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 25 lakh
Fund manager can pick across large, mid, and small caps. Balanced flexibility.

Mid Cap Fund: Rs 25 lakh
Gives potential growth. Slightly higher volatility.

Small Cap Fund: Rs 25 lakh
Very high risk. Very high return potential. Invest only if you can stay for 10+ years.

All these should be actively managed mutual funds. Not index funds or ETFs.

Why Not Index Funds?
Many investors believe index funds are low cost. But that alone is not enough.

Index funds cannot beat the market. They only copy it.

During market falls, index funds fall as much or more.

No fund manager is present to manage risk.

In volatile times, actively managed funds perform better.

Good actively managed funds give better returns than index funds. With better downside protection.

Why Not Direct Funds?
Direct funds look cheaper. But not always better.

Without a Certified Financial Planner or MFD, there is no personalised guidance.

Direct plans leave investors confused in bad markets.

You may enter or exit at the wrong time. This reduces overall returns.

Regular funds through a trusted MFD + CFP ensure strategy is followed.

They help you stay invested and adjust based on your goals.

Taxation Awareness – Keep These in Mind
Equity mutual fund gains above Rs 1.25 lakh (LTCG) taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

PPF is tax-free. FD is taxed as per slab.

So hold equity mutual funds for minimum 5 years to benefit from taxation.

How to Proceed – Step by Step Approach
Step 1: Identify your financial goals. Retirement, children, travel, etc.

Step 2: Choose category-wise funds with help of Certified Financial Planner.

Step 3: Invest Rs 1 crore in 4 parts: Large, Flexi, Mid, Small.

Step 4: Keep balance Rs 2 crore in liquid FDs.

Step 5: Start STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) from FD to mutual funds monthly.

Step 6: Review portfolio every 6 months with your planner.

Step 7: Rebalance portfolio yearly. Take help from Certified Financial Planner.

Emergency Fund and Liquidity Plan
Keep at least Rs 20 lakh separate for emergency.

Use liquid mutual funds or short-term FDs.

Do not touch equity funds in emergencies.

Medical or sudden family needs must be funded from safe instruments.

Insurance and Risk Planning
Check if you have proper health insurance. For you and dependents.

Life insurance may not be needed at this stage. Still, assess with a planner.

Do not mix insurance and investment.

Behavioural Discipline Matters Most
Market will go up and down. Do not panic.

Stay for at least 10 years in equity mutual funds.

Avoid switching funds frequently.

Monitor but do not react too much.

Trust the process. Be patient. Wealth will grow.

Common Mistakes to Avoid
Do not invest lump sum in only one fund or one category.

Do not chase past performance.

Do not keep too much in FD beyond emergency or short-term needs.

Do not fall for NFOs or trendy new funds.

Do not withdraw early unless for goals.

Final Insights
You are already financially sound. That is a strong foundation.

Mutual funds will now add a growth engine to your wealth.

Choose actively managed funds. Avoid index and direct plans.

Take help of a trusted Certified Financial Planner to manage this journey.

Stay diversified. Stay patient. Stay goal-focused.

Mutual funds will help you become wealthier. In a stable and systematic way.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8268 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

How to become crorepati with sip
Ans: Becoming a crorepati through SIP is a smart financial dream.

It is very much possible for anyone.

Even if your income is modest, you can still reach Rs. 1 crore.

It only needs discipline, planning, and patience.

Let us explore how this can be achieved through a 360-degree approach.

We will break this into simple steps and areas to focus on.

We will also assess every important angle that can affect the outcome.

We will keep it practical and achievable for every Indian household.

Let us now begin step-by-step.

? Understanding SIP – The First Step

SIP means Systematic Investment Plan. You invest a fixed amount every month.

It is done into a mutual fund of your choice. You choose an amount you are comfortable with.

It builds discipline in investing and works well with monthly income.

It uses the principle of rupee cost averaging. It helps you buy more units when the price is low.

SIP works best in equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation.

? Start Early, Invest Regularly

Time plays a very big role in wealth creation. Start early if possible.

Even small SIPs can become big amounts over time.

The longer you stay invested, the more your money can grow.

Power of compounding needs time to work effectively.

If you delay, then you need to invest more to reach the same goal.

? Choose Actively Managed Mutual Funds

Index funds look cheap but are not always better. They copy the market.

Index funds do not perform better than active funds in all conditions.

Actively managed funds have expert fund managers. They select the right stocks.

Actively managed funds can outperform the market with good strategies.

In India, market is still not fully efficient. So active management works better.

? Avoid Direct Mutual Funds – Go with Regular Funds via CFP

Direct funds may look cheaper but have hidden disadvantages.

In direct plans, you do not get personalised advice. You are on your own.

No guidance on when to enter or exit, or which fund to choose.

Regular plans have Certified Financial Planners (CFP) who track your goals.

They help you avoid wrong investments and improve returns.

Regular funds ensure proper handholding and better fund suitability.

? Decide Your Investment Amount and Time Horizon

Fix a goal – you want to become a crorepati. Write it down.

Decide when you want to reach Rs. 1 crore. 10 years? 15 years?

Choose your SIP amount based on your time frame.

Longer time means lower SIP needed. Shorter time means higher SIP.

Start with what you can afford. Increase it yearly if possible.

? Increase SIP with Income – Step-Up Strategy

When your income increases, your SIP should also increase.

This is called step-up SIP. You can increase it by 5% or 10% every year.

This makes your goal easier and quicker to reach.

It balances your lifestyle and investment growth.

Step-up SIP helps you reach bigger goals without stress.

? Diversify – But Keep It Simple

Do not put all money in one mutual fund. Use 3 to 4 funds.

You can have a large-cap fund, mid-cap fund and a flexi-cap fund.

You may also include sectoral or thematic fund for growth.

Do not over-diversify. Too many funds will dilute returns.

Choose quality funds with consistent long-term performance.

? Monitor Performance Every Year

Review your SIPs once a year. See if the fund is doing well.

Compare with other similar funds in same category.

Replace poor performers with better ones with help of a CFP.

Do not change funds too often. Give them time to perform.

Stay patient. Equity needs time to give results.

? Keep SIPs Running Even During Market Falls

Do not stop SIP when market is low. That is when SIP works best.

You get more units at lower prices. That boosts long-term returns.

Market corrections are normal. They help in wealth building.

Never time the market. Just continue SIP without emotions.

Discipline and consistency are the real wealth builders.

? Taxation Awareness – Know Before You Sell

Equity mutual funds have new tax rules now.

If you sell after 1 year, gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

If you sell within 1 year, gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds gains are taxed as per income slab.

Always plan withdrawals to reduce tax impact.

? Use SWP in Retirement Phase – SIP for Wealth Building

SIP is used to build wealth before retirement.

After retirement, use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for income.

It gives monthly cash flow without disturbing investment.

Combine SWP with debt mutual funds for stability.

Helps in managing expenses while wealth continues to grow.

? Keep Emergency Fund Separate

Do not use SIP for emergency needs. Keep separate savings for that.

Emergency fund must be 6 to 12 months of expenses.

Use liquid mutual funds or short-term FDs for this.

This protects your SIP and long-term goal from disruptions.

Emergency fund gives peace of mind. Very important for every family.

? Stay Protected – Don’t Ignore Insurance

Buy good health insurance for all family members.

Have term insurance if you have dependents.

Do not mix insurance and investment. Avoid ULIP and endowment plans.

Surrender old LIC policies or investment-cum-insurance if returns are low.

Invest surrendered amount in mutual funds to boost growth.

? Goal-Based Planning Is Key

Your goal is not just Rs. 1 crore. It is why you want it.

Maybe for child education, retirement, or financial freedom.

Write down your goals. Link each SIP to a goal.

It keeps you focused and avoids unnecessary expenses.

Goal clarity improves savings and investment decisions.

? Avoid Emotional Investing – Trust the Process

Do not get influenced by news, friends, or market ups and downs.

Stick to your SIP. Trust the process and your planner.

Fear and greed are biggest enemies of wealth creation.

Keep SIPs boring and automatic. That is how wealth grows.

Discipline beats timing. Patience beats panic.

? Plan with a Certified Financial Planner

Certified Financial Planner helps you select the right funds.

They help create customised plan based on your goals.

They review your progress and make changes when needed.

Their guidance helps avoid costly mistakes. Very valuable support.

Choose CFPs with experience in mutual funds and retirement planning.

? Do Not Chase High Returns – Chase Consistency

Do not run behind best performing fund every year.

Past returns do not guarantee future performance.

Choose funds with consistent 5 to 10 year records.

Focus on funds with risk-adjusted returns, not just returns.

Consistency helps your SIP reach target smoothly.

? Don’t Delay – The Best Day to Start is Today

Many people wait for perfect time to invest. That never comes.

Start SIP with whatever amount you can now.

Even Rs. 1000 per month is a good start.

Increase amount later. But don’t delay the start.

Start early, stay long, and stay invested. That’s the simple formula.

? Automate Everything – Make SIP Hassle-Free

Set auto debit from your bank for SIP.

Choose date after salary credit. Never delay SIP.

Treat SIP like any other important monthly bill.

Automation ensures discipline. No temptation to spend first.

You focus on earning, SIP focuses on growing.

? Watch Out for SIP Disruptors

Avoid taking too many loans or EMIs. They reduce your SIP capacity.

Do not stop SIP to buy non-essentials. Plan purchases carefully.

Emergency, job loss or illness should not affect SIP. Plan for it.

Keep a buffer always. Avoid stress and continue investing.

Financial freedom comes with consistent behaviour.

? Finally – Your Journey to 1 Crore is a Reality

Becoming crorepati with SIP is not magic. It is method.

It needs time, planning, and belief in the process.

Avoid shortcuts. Stay away from market tips and trends.

Use SIP with right funds, right mindset, and right advisor.

This journey gives you more than money. It gives financial confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8268 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 21, 2025

Dear Sir I am around 60 yrs of age and retiring after 3 months. My monthly expenses is around 200,000 INR per month. In order to lead same lifestyle how much corpus is required. Please do advice how we need to invest in various FDs, MFs and PPFs, etc. We donot have any EMI as such. Look forward hearing from you. Deepa
Ans: You are doing the right thing by thinking ahead. Retirement is a new phase. With the right planning, it can be a peaceful one.

You are close to retirement. You wish to maintain a monthly lifestyle expense of Rs 2 lakh. That means Rs 24 lakh every year. You also have no EMIs. This is very good. Let’s plan from a 360-degree perspective.

Let’s assess your retirement lifestyle needs, required corpus, and ideal investments in simple steps.

?

Understanding Your Retirement Lifestyle

You plan to retire in 3 months. This is a critical stage to plan calmly.

?

Monthly expenses are Rs 2 lakh. This shows a dignified lifestyle with comfort.

?

No EMIs means you start with a clean slate. Very positive foundation.

?

You wish to retain the same lifestyle. That means the corpus must beat inflation.

?

Post-retirement income should be regular, low-risk, and tax-efficient.

?

Liquidity must be available. Health care needs can come up anytime.

?

You must plan for at least 25-30 years post retirement. Life expectancy is rising.

?

Expenses will rise every 5-6 years. So plan to beat inflation.

?

Your focus should be on safety, steady income, and flexibility.

?

Required Retirement Corpus: Assessment

Based on your Rs 2 lakh/month, yearly need is Rs 24 lakh.

?

If we consider 25 years of retirement, that’s Rs 6 crore in today’s money.

?

But we must consider inflation. In 5 years, Rs 2 lakh will feel like Rs 2.5–3 lakh.

?

Hence, you need a larger retirement corpus. Around Rs 7 to 8 crore would be comfortable.

?

This will help maintain your lifestyle and tackle medical or unexpected needs.

?

If corpus is less than Rs 7 crore, then we need to plan smarter.

?

Use diversification. Use multiple instruments. Create buckets based on time horizon.

?

Don’t put all in one place. You need a good balance of risk and safety.

?

Asset Allocation Strategy After Retirement

First focus is capital protection.

?

Second focus is monthly income.

?

Third focus is inflation beating growth.

?

Split your corpus into 3 parts: Short term, Medium term, and Long term buckets.

?

Bucket 1 – Short-Term (Next 3 years of expenses)

Allocate around Rs 70–75 lakh.

?

Keep in bank FDs, sweep-in FDs, and ultra-short-term mutual funds.

?

This part gives you monthly withdrawal facility. It is liquid and safe.

?

Invest in FDs with quarterly interest payouts for steady flow.

?

Choose banks with good credit ratings, preferably large private or PSU banks.

?

Ultra-short-term mutual funds offer 6-7% and are more tax efficient.

?

This bucket is not meant for growth. Only for stability and access.

?

Bucket 2 – Medium-Term (4 to 10 years)

Allocate around Rs 2.5 to 3 crore.

?

Invest in conservative hybrid mutual funds and balanced advantage funds.

?

These funds adjust equity-debt mix dynamically. Less risky than equity funds.

?

Returns can be in the 8–10% range. This beats inflation comfortably.

?

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) to take monthly amounts.

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You can take Rs 40,000 to Rs 50,000 monthly from this bucket.

?

SWP is more tax efficient than FD interest.

?

Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.

?

STCG taxed at 20%. So holding for long is better.

?

Regular plans through MFDs with CFP support give better tracking and guidance.

?

Avoid direct funds unless you can do in-depth review regularly.

?

Regular funds give access to advisor support and portfolio rebalancing.

?

Bucket 3 – Long-Term Growth (10+ years)

Allocate Rs 3 to 3.5 crore here.

?

Use well-diversified actively managed mutual funds.

?

Choose from large cap, large & mid cap, flexi cap, focused, or multi-asset.

?

These funds help grow the corpus and beat long-term inflation.

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Avoid index funds. They blindly follow the index without active stock selection.

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Actively managed funds can protect better during market falls.

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A good fund manager makes selective calls. This gives better results.

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Rebalance your portfolio every 2 years with a Certified Financial Planner.

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Use dividend reinvestment or growth option. Withdraw only when needed.

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Don’t over-withdraw. This is your retirement anchor.

?

PPF, Senior Citizen Saving Scheme, and Post Office Options

PPF is good, but has 15-year lock-in. At 60, liquidity becomes concern.

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If you already have PPF account, let it mature. Extend in blocks of 5 years only if needed.

?

SCSS is suitable. Offers attractive interest. Limit is Rs 30 lakh per individual.

?

Safe for a portion of retirement corpus. Good for capital preservation.

?

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme can be considered. But rates change.

?

Don’t lock too much in long-tenure options. You need liquidity too.

?

Tax Planning After Retirement

Plan your income smartly to stay in lower tax brackets.

?

FDs are taxed at slab rates. Plan accordingly.

?

Mutual funds offer better tax efficiency.

?

Use SWP from equity mutual funds for steady tax-friendly income.

?

For debt mutual funds, taxation is as per your slab. Use with planning.

?

Spread your withdrawals across financial years to manage tax.

?

Submit Form 15H if your taxable income is below limit.

?

Take help from your MFD or CFP for tax-efficient withdrawal plans.

?

Health Insurance and Emergency Fund

Keep Rs 20 to 25 lakh separately for emergencies.

?

Maintain health insurance even after retirement.

?

Take super top-up plans if base policy is small.

?

Don’t depend fully on employer’s insurance. It ends with retirement.

?

Medical costs can wipe out corpus if not planned.

?

Also keep Rs 3–5 lakh in savings account for minor needs.

?

Estate Planning: Important But Often Missed

Prepare a clear and updated Will.

?

Nominate family members in all financial accounts.

?

Inform spouse or children about investments and bank details.

?

Keep copies of all insurance, MF, FD and other assets safely.

?

You are planning for your family’s future. Keep them informed.

?

Investment Discipline and Annual Review

Review your plan every year. Retirement is not a one-time setup.

?

Adjust for inflation and market movements.

?

Rebalance portfolio with help of a CFP.

?

Stay invested even during market falls. Don’t panic and withdraw.

?

Withdraw only what is needed monthly.

?

Maintain some cash buffer to avoid early redemption.

?

Long-term growth needs patience and discipline.

?

Avoid These Common Retirement Investment Mistakes

Don’t invest everything in FDs. Returns won’t beat inflation.

?

Don’t put full amount in equity either. Risk is high.

?

Avoid direct mutual funds. Regular plans give guidance and support.

?

Don’t go for ULIPs, investment insurance, or traditional plans for returns.

?

Don’t fall for high-return promises from unknown agents.

?

Never lend big amounts to relatives without documentation.

?

Avoid complex structured products. Keep it simple and liquid.

?

Don’t ignore medical and long-term care planning.

?

Avoid long lock-in plans. Flexibility is more important now.

?

Don’t take new loans unless absolutely needed.

?

Finally

Deepa, you are entering a new phase in life. A well-planned one can be peaceful.

You’ve lived responsibly. Now it is time to plan your wealth for protection and income.

Start with safety. Then add income-generating instruments. Keep some for growth.

Diversify using the 3-bucket method. Review every year. Stay informed and calm.

With the right approach, you can enjoy 25+ years of peaceful retirement.

Appreciate your clarity and foresight. More power to your next chapter.

?

Best Regards,
?
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
?
Chief Financial Planner,
?
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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