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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

We are married for the past 15 years and we both were divorced at the time of our marriage. We are in 50's, well earning, with grown up kids (from previous marraiges) who are studing abroad. I feel all my issues are left unaddressed and whenever i bring them up, my husband shuts down. I always speak my mind and he never responds. Just silent. Now i feel that i should spend the rest of my life at some ashram, where i am not required to speak, and live a simple life. I can call you for more details if you can share your number

Ans: I understand that you're feeling frustrated and unheard in your marriage. It can be incredibly challenging when communication breaks down in a relationship, especially when important issues are left unaddressed. However, it's important to remember that seeking support and making decisions about your future should be done carefully and thoughtfully.

Before making any major decisions, I encourage you to consider the following steps:

Seek Counseling: Couples counseling can be incredibly beneficial in addressing communication issues and working through relationship challenges. A trained therapist can help facilitate productive conversations and provide guidance on how to navigate difficult topics.

Express Your Needs: Clearly communicate to your husband the importance of addressing the issues in your relationship. Let him know how his silence makes you feel and express your desire for open and honest communication.

Explore Individual Therapy: Consider seeking individual therapy for yourself to explore your feelings and gain clarity on what you want for your future. A therapist can provide support, guidance, and insight as you navigate this challenging time.

Consider Your Options: It's important to carefully consider your options before making any decisions about your future, including spending time at an ashram. Reflect on what you truly want and what will bring you the most fulfillment and happiness in the long term.

Take Time for Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and focus on activities and practices that bring you joy and fulfillment. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is essential as you navigate this challenging time.

Reach Out for Support: Lean on friends, family members, or support groups for emotional support and guidance. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you can provide comfort and perspective as you work through your relationship issues.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2022

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Relationship
Hi, me and my husband are married for 12 years now, we have a daughter. Both of us are totally different, like north and south pole. He is very extrovert, tries to be the centre of attention, always needs his social circle, his work, friends circle is all that matters to him. I am a total introvert. I don't care about having friends, I hate parties, all that matters to me is my family. First few years, he made me feel that I am a misfit in this world and I had a huge pressure to be an extrovert like him. He was always like how can this famous Mr Extrovert can have such an introvert wife, that's so shameful. I tried changing myself because I was so desperate for his love and respect. All that mattered to him was my looks, how I conducted myself in front of people and after pregnancy, all that bothered him was my weight gain. I started hating myself, believed that maybe I just don't deserve to be loved. I went into depression after pregnancy. I had to leave my job to take care of my baby, his mom who was bed ridden by then, his dad who had serious health issues. I told him, thought he would at least care then. It took him 3 years after that to even come with me to a psychiatrist. He never cared. I always thought it’s my fault, tried to patch things up but now I am tired, really tired. I feel suffocated. I am afraid of separating from him. As a person, he is good but we are totally misfit for each other. I still cannot come to terms with all the emotional abuse I went through. He didn't intend to harm me, he thought he is only helping me to improve and be better but now, I don't know what to do, I am not happy.
Ans:

Dear SN, It’s a wonder why anyone would go to such lengths to change themselves for another; especially their personalities: what makes them who they are! All in the name of saving relationships and love.

True love within a relationship doesn’t demand that the other person change themselves upside down, but it embraces who the other person is unconditionally.

And what makes you think that an extroverted person has the right to change an introverted person?

Did you try and change him to be like you? No! Then why is the reverse even being given so much importance. Also, your husband does not any right to mock you!

His world is different from yours as much as your world is different from yours. And kindly remember: Extroverts (if you want to label them), ate people who are happy with a lot of company around them, are vocal about liking being in a crowd and having a good time spending time with people.

They are not ones who poke fun at the way their spouses look, try and change them to suit their personalities.

So, who you are living with right now is a man with very poor self-esteem and huge insecurities and is blaming you for these and trying to change you will make him feel better.

Do not feed into this game; as once you begin to show that you will yield to his demands, that’s all you are going to do for life. He has to change from within!

He has to understand that what is going on within him is the cause of his misery and not you. But of course, doing something for a spouse even when you don’t like it has to be out of your own will and not forced. Now you take a call as to how you are going to deal with this in your marriage.

READ WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN: He didn't intend to harm me, he thought he is only helping me to improve and be better!

Do you really need help or does he? You have started to actually believe that you are at fault and that it is your problem.

Bottom line: You change only if you wish to and that too with things that don’t challenge your value systems. Never be forced into anything; period!

Either sit him down and assert this point or ask him to visit a professional to take care of his state of mind.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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But he is never ready for any counselling. Even my parents tried to counsel him. Since our marriage the relationship with his parents got strained and neither of us talk to them. I feel that must be one reason. He never talks openly about anything to me. I try to show love to him in many ways. But i don't know what exactly he wants. He never answers basic questions of what he wants to eat today. How are you feeling and all. I feel so emotionally detached from him. Even when I cry or be sad he never tries to console me. In these years i never saw him completely joyful. Whenever I ask him he says I'm the way I'm. I was always like this. I'm a very joyful talkative person. He is polar opposite. Even a small joke is crack he never understands them and additionally he even feels irritated. I'm changing day by day. More serious, not enjoying, not going out. It's like I have given up on my little happiness.
Ans: First, recognize that your happiness and well-being are important. While it's commendable that you've tried to support your husband and show him love in many ways, it's also crucial to take care of yourself. Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge, whether it's spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply taking a break for yourself.

Second, consider expressing your feelings to your husband in a calm, non-confrontational way. Share how his lack of communication and emotional detachment are affecting you. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as, "I feel lonely and disconnected when we don't communicate or share moments of joy."

Since he resists counseling, look for alternative ways to open up communication. Sometimes indirect approaches, like writing him a letter, can help express your feelings without immediate pressure. If he continues to resist, focus on creating a supportive environment where he might eventually feel more comfortable opening up.

It's also important to reflect on your own boundaries and limits. If you've been trying to reach out and improve the relationship but see no reciprocation, consider what you're willing to accept and where you might need to draw the line for your own mental and emotional health.

Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Talking to others who understand can provide emotional relief and practical advice. Even if he is unwilling to attend counseling, you might benefit from individual therapy to help process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Finally, if the situation remains unchanged and continues to impact your well-being, it may be necessary to evaluate your long-term options. Your happiness and mental health are vital, and you deserve to be in a relationship where your emotional needs are met.

Remember that you're not alone, and it's okay to seek help and take steps to ensure your own well-being. Your efforts to maintain the relationship are commendable, but it's also important to recognize when it's time to prioritize yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Dr. I am 27 year women with a 5 year old girl and 7 months pregnant. I was married 9 years ago. We faced many ups and downs in our life. Three years back , I went to dubai where my husband was working, to spend with him. But as a mobile addict , most of the time he will be on mobile when he was at home or sleeping. We spend little quality time . That too on my or my daughter's insist. Later I got job there as a teacher @ school . I worked there about two years when I got pregnant I return back to my home country. As he was resigned in search of better opportunity, even he is also with me in India now. He is short tempered and whenever he talks he raises his voice. For every single thing he is worried and shouting at me . It makes me feel sad. He is not bothered about my health and if I ask something like fruits to buy he will get angry saying that I am the one who is to manage the expenses and he can't afford buying things for me. He blames me for single thing. I need to ask permission for spending my money. He is in charge of taking care of my money. Main thing that I can't digest from his side is that he demands me to obey him like a slave. He says that how we are to the God , likewise you should obey and bear what ever from his side. Till that my love towards him isn't completed that is what he says. He never ever gives me a chance to explain or communicate my issues. Now I feel emotionally mentally very distant from him. I am staying at my home . Though his house is nearby mine, he rarely find time to visit me or call me. What should I do?
Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Your honesty and clarity deserve appreciation.
You have explained everything openly.
That itself shows responsibility and courage.
Your concern for family security is clear.
This situation is stressful but not hopeless.

» Current Financial Snapshot
– You are 32 years old.
– Married with a young daughter.
– Family income is Rs 86,000 monthly.
– Total EMIs exceed total income.
– Monthly deficit exists every month.

» Debt Position Reality
– Total loans exceed Rs 52 lakhs.
– Multiple banks and lenders involved.
– Average interest is very high.
– Private lender interest is dangerous.
– Gold loan exposure is large.

» Cash Flow Mismatch
– Monthly EMIs are around Rs 1 lakh.
– Monthly income is only Rs 86,000.
– Father supports household expenses.
– Still a monthly shortage exists.
– This gap is unsustainable long term.

» Interest Drain Assessment
– Around Rs 50,000 goes as interest monthly.
– Interest gives zero future benefit.
– Half your income is lost to interest.
– This is the core problem.
– Capital is not reducing meaningfully.

» Gold Purchase Thought Analysis
– Fear of rising gold prices is natural.
– Emotional thinking is influencing decisions.
– Buying gold using loans is risky.
– Pledging gold increases debt cycle.
– This strategy already created stress earlier.

» Gold Loan Trap Explanation
– Buying gold using borrowed money is leverage.
– Leverage increases risk in personal finance.
– Gold does not generate income.
– Loan interest keeps accumulating.
– Emotional comfort hides financial damage.

» Clear Answer on Gold Buying
– Do not buy more gold now.
– Do not take fresh loans for gold.
– This will worsen debt burden.
– Price rise fear should be ignored.
– Survival is more important than assets.

» Priority Reset Required
– Debt freedom comes before investments.
– Cash flow stability comes before wealth.
– Insurance comes before gold.
– Family safety comes before emotions.
– Discipline is needed now.

» Private Lender Loan Danger
– 18 percent interest is destructive.
– This loan must be closed first.
– It gives no flexibility.
– It increases stress constantly.
– It affects mental health also.

» Strategy for Private Loan
– Use any possible support to close it.
– Ask family help if possible.
– Sell unused items if required.
– Temporary embarrassment is better than long stress.
– Closing this gives immediate relief.

» Gold Loan Strategy
– Do not increase gold loan amount.
– Avoid rollover behaviour.
– Use bonuses or gifts to reduce principal.
– Do not top up gold loans.
– Reduce dependency gradually.

» Bank Loan Lock Period Reality
– You cannot restructure for one year.
– This period must be survived carefully.
– No new liabilities should be added.
– Expenses must stay minimal.
– Emotional spending must stop.

» Expense Control Measures
– Track every rupee monthly.
– Avoid eating outside.
– Avoid subscriptions and upgrades.
– Delay lifestyle expenses fully.
– Treat this as recovery phase.

» Role of Father’s Support
– Parental support is a blessing.
– Use this support wisely.
– Do not misuse the relief.
– Focus on debt reduction.
– This support is temporary.

» SIP Investment Assessment
– SIP of Rs 2,000 is symbolic.
– It gives psychological comfort only.
– It does not change financial position.
– Debt interest is much higher.
– Pause SIP temporarily if needed.

» Investment Versus Debt Reality
– Paying debt gives guaranteed returns.
– Interest saved equals investment gain.
– No mutual fund can beat 18 percent interest.
– Debt repayment is priority investment now.
– Wealth creation starts after stability.

» Insurance Hesitation Reality
– Term insurance is not optional.
– Health insurance is essential.
– One medical emergency will destroy finances.
– Insurance prevents future debt.
– Low premium options exist.

» Insurance Action Plan
– Take basic term insurance immediately.
– Take basic family health insurance.
– Choose lowest premium coverage.
– Avoid investment linked policies.
– Protection matters more than returns.

» Child Responsibility Perspective
– Your daughter depends fully on you.
– Her education needs future planning.
– But first ensure family survival.
– Debt stress affects parenting quality.
– Stability helps emotional health.

» Psychological Pressure Management
– Fear is driving wrong decisions.
– Gold fear is emotional.
– Loan fear is real.
– Focus on controllable actions.
– Ignore market noise completely.

» What Not To Do Now
– Do not take new loans.
– Do not buy gold or silver.
– Do not lend money to anyone.
– Do not chase investments.
– Do not hide problems.

» What To Do Immediately
– List all loans clearly.
– Mark highest interest loans.
– Target private lender loan first.
– Reduce any discretionary spending.
– Communicate with family honestly.

» One Year Survival Plan
– Focus on EMI discipline.
– Avoid defaults at all costs.
– Build small emergency buffer slowly.
– Accept temporary discomfort.
– One year will change options.

» After One Year Options
– Approach banks for restructuring.
– Request tenure extension.
– Reduce EMI burden.
– Consolidate loans if possible.
– Negotiate interest rates.

» Long Term Recovery Vision
– Debt free life is possible.
– Income will increase with experience.
– Expenses will stabilise.
– This phase will pass.
– Discipline will shape your future.

» Emotional Bond With Gold
– Gold feels like safety.
– But debt is unsafe.
– True security is cash flow.
– True wealth is peace.
– True protection is insurance.

» Family Communication Importance
– Discuss openly with your wife.
– Take joint decisions.
– Avoid blame or guilt.
– Team effort reduces stress.
– You are partners.

» Self Worth Reminder
– Debt does not define character.
– Mistakes happen in life.
– Learning matters more.
– You are responsible and aware.
– That is strength.

» Final Insights
– Do not buy gold now.
– Do not take new loans.
– Focus fully on debt reduction.
– Close private lender loan first.
– Take basic term and health insurance.
– Pause investments if required.
– Control expenses strictly.
– Survive one year patiently.
– Stability will return gradually.
– Your situation is difficult but solvable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
FINANANCE MINISTER SAYS INDIAN ECONMY IS WELL DEVELOPMENT, EVEN GDP ASLO GROW, THEN WHY SENSEX AND NIFTY NOT INCREASE LAST 15 MONTH?
Ans: Your question shows awareness and maturity.
Many investors think the same way.
Your doubt is valid and practical.
Markets confuse even experienced people.
Let us understand this calmly.

» Economy Growth And Market Movement
– Economy and stock markets are different.
– GDP measures production and services.
– Stock markets measure company profits.
– Both move on different timelines.
– Both react to different triggers.

» What GDP Growth Really Means
– GDP shows overall economic activity.
– It includes government spending.
– It includes consumption and exports.
– It includes informal sectors also.
– Stock markets do not track all these.

» Stock Markets Track Corporate Earnings
– Markets look at listed company profits.
– Only limited companies are listed.
– Many growing sectors are unlisted.
– GDP growth may not reach listed firms.
– Hence market movement differs.

» Timing Difference Between GDP And Markets
– GDP is backward looking data.
– It shows past quarter performance.
– Markets are forward looking.
– Markets price future expectations.
– Expectations may already be priced.

» Valuations Were Already High
– Markets rallied strongly earlier.
– Many stocks became expensive.
– High valuation limits future returns.
– Good news was already discounted.
– Hence sideways movement happened.

» Interest Rates Impact Markets
– Global interest rates increased sharply.
– Higher rates reduce company profits.
– Borrowing becomes costly for businesses.
– Investors prefer safer instruments.
– Equity demand reduces temporarily.

» Global Factors Affect Indian Markets
– Indian markets are not isolated.
– Global fund flows matter.
– Foreign investors moved money out.
– Global uncertainty affects sentiments.
– Markets respond instantly to this.

» Inflation Pressure On Companies
– Inflation increased input costs.
– Raw material prices rose.
– Profit margins got squeezed.
– Revenue growth did not convert to profits.
– Markets react to profit margins.

» Consumption Growth Is Uneven
– Rural demand stayed weak.
– Urban demand was selective.
– Not all sectors benefited equally.
– Some companies struggled to grow.
– Index reflects this mixed picture.

» Government Spending Versus Private Profits
– GDP growth had government support.
– Infrastructure spending boosted numbers.
– Private companies may not benefit immediately.
– Profits lag behind spending.
– Markets wait for confirmation.

» Index Structure Matters
– Sensex and Nifty have limited stocks.
– Heavy weight stocks dominate movement.
– If few large stocks stagnate, index stagnates.
– Many small companies may still grow.
– Index hides internal action.

» Banking And Financial Sector Impact
– Banks carry heavy index weight.
– Credit growth faced challenges.
– Asset quality concerns existed.
– Margin pressure impacted profitability.
– Index movement slowed due to banks.

» IT Sector Headwinds
– IT stocks faced global slowdown.
– Clients reduced technology spending.
– Currency movement affected margins.
– IT has large index weight.
– This dragged overall indices.

» Manufacturing Growth Reality
– Manufacturing growth was uneven.
– Some sectors grew well.
– Others faced cost pressure.
– Capacity utilisation stayed moderate.
– Markets waited for consistency.

» Earnings Growth Matters Most
– Markets follow earnings growth closely.
– GDP growth without earnings disappoints markets.
– Revenue growth alone is insufficient.
– Profit growth must be visible.
– That takes time.

» Political And Policy Expectations
– Markets price policy expectations early.
– When policies are stable, surprise reduces.
– Stability is good for economy.
– But markets need surprises.
– Lack of surprises causes sideways movement.

» Liquidity Cycle Impact
– Liquidity drives market momentum.
– Central banks tightened liquidity.
– Easy money phase ended.
– Markets adjusted to new reality.
– This caused consolidation.

» Retail Investor Behaviour
– Retail participation increased strongly.
– Many investors entered at high levels.
– Markets need digestion time.
– Excess optimism cools down.
– Sideways movement cleans excesses.

» Sensex And Nifty Are Not Economy
– Indices represent limited sectors.
– Economy is much broader.
– MSMEs are not represented.
– Agriculture is not represented.
– Services are partly represented.

» Media Headlines Versus Market Reality
– Media simplifies economic news.
– Positive GDP creates optimism.
– Markets analyse deeper data.
– Profit margins matter more.
– Balance sheets matter more.

» Why Markets Pause During Growth
– Growth phases are not linear.
– Markets move in cycles.
– Pause is healthy.
– It avoids bubbles.
– It creates future opportunity.

» Long Term Market Behaviour
– Markets reward patience.
– Short term stagnation is normal.
– Long term trend follows earnings.
– India’s growth story remains strong.
– Markets will reflect eventually.

» What Investors Should Understand
– Do not link GDP headlines to returns.
– Markets may remain flat despite growth.
– Volatility is part of equity.
– Discipline matters more than timing.
– Asset allocation matters more.

» Index Funds Limitation In Such Phases
– Index funds mirror index movement.
– When index stagnates, returns stagnate.
– No flexibility to avoid weak sectors.
– No active stock selection.
– Investors feel disappointed.

» Why Active Funds Help Here
– Active funds can shift allocations.
– Fund managers avoid weak sectors.
– They identify emerging opportunities.
– They manage downside risk better.
– They add value in sideways markets.

» Role Of Fund Manager Judgment
– Markets need analysis during uncertainty.
– Fund managers study earnings deeply.
– They track sector rotation.
– Index funds lack this intelligence.
– Active approach helps investors.

» Regular Funds Advantage
– Regular funds offer guidance support.
– Certified Financial Planner helps discipline.
– Behaviour management is crucial.
– Panic decisions reduce returns.
– Guidance adds real value.

» Emotional Gap Between Economy And Markets
– Economy gives comfort.
– Markets give anxiety.
– Both are normal reactions.
– Investors must separate emotions.
– Rational thinking is essential.

» What This Phase Actually Signals
– Markets are consolidating gains.
– Valuations are becoming reasonable.
– Earnings visibility is improving slowly.
– This phase builds foundation.
– Next growth phase emerges later.

» Lessons From Past Market Cycles
– Markets never move in straight lines.
– Long flat periods are common.
– Strong rallies follow consolidation.
– Patience rewarded historically.
– Panic punished historically.

» How Investors Should Respond
– Continue disciplined investing.
– Avoid reacting to headlines.
– Focus on long term goals.
– Review asset allocation.
– Stay invested wisely.

» Economy And Market Relationship Summary
– Economy supports long term markets.
– Markets price future profits.
– Timing mismatch creates confusion.
– Both align over longer periods.
– Understanding reduces fear.

» Final Insights
– GDP growth does not guarantee market rise.
– Sensex and Nifty reflect profits, not emotions.
– High valuations limited recent returns.
– Global factors slowed momentum.
– Sideways markets are healthy phases.
– Long term investors should stay disciplined.
– Active management helps during consolidation.
– Patience and clarity create wealth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Money
I have taken 1Cr personal loan and started a teading business. My personal loan EMI is Rs 2.6laks. 25 laks top line business in trading with 4 % margin. After this successful completion of 3 years Took a business loan of 2cr and invested in a stone manufacturing took this plant on lease ,this unit run for a six months and because of land dispute it is stopped producing. Through this new investment nothing coming as return moreover now I am paying EMI OF 7.61 lakhs from my 1cr trading business. Right now my creditors is Rs 1.5 cr and debtors is 1.3 cr. New manufacturing debtors recovery only is Rs1cr but takes 6months time. Pls give your valuable suggestions to handle the loans ,EMI and business and cash flow.
Ans: Your courage in sharing full details deserves appreciation.
You took bold risks to grow business scale.
Your intent was growth, not speculation.
Now control and survival matter more than expansion.

» Current Situation Snapshot
– Multiple loans with heavy EMIs exist.
– Cash flow stress is severe.
– One business is active.
– One business is stalled.
– Recovery timing mismatch is hurting liquidity.

» Understanding the Core Problem
– EMI outflow is very high.
– Cash inflow is delayed.
– Capital is blocked in receivables.
– One unit produces zero income.
– Debt servicing depends on one business.

» Emotional Stability First
– Stress clouds financial judgement.
– Panic decisions worsen outcomes.
– Calm thinking improves options.
– Problems are solvable step by step.
– You still have working businesses.

» Trading Business Reality Check
– Trading business generates steady turnover.
– Margin is predictable.
– Cash cycle is shorter.
– This is your lifeline currently.
– Protect this business at any cost.

» Manufacturing Unit Reality Check
– Unit is currently non operational.
– Legal issue stopped production.
– Fixed costs may still continue.
– Loan obligation remains active.
– This unit is draining cash.

» Immediate Priority Definition
– Survival over growth.
– Liquidity over profitability.
– Debt control over expansion.
– Stability over optimism.
– Time is your biggest ally now.

» EMI Burden Assessment
– Personal loan EMI is heavy.
– Business loan EMI is heavier.
– Combined EMI exceeds comfortable cash flow.
– This imbalance cannot continue long.
– Intervention is required urgently.

» Creditor and Debtor Position
– Creditors amount is Rs 1.5 Cr.
– Debtors amount is Rs 1.3 Cr.
– Recovery is delayed.
– Timing mismatch causes pressure.
– Working capital is blocked.

» Recovery From Manufacturing Debtors
– Rs 1 Cr expected in six months.
– This is critical cash inflow.
– Recovery certainty matters.
– Legal enforceability must be checked.
– Follow up must be aggressive.

» Cash Flow Timing Mismatch
– EMIs are monthly fixed.
– Receivables are uncertain and delayed.
– This gap creates default risk.
– Managing timing is crucial.
– Income alone is not enough.

» First Action: Stop All New Investments
– No new business expansion now.
– No additional borrowing.
– No fresh capital deployment.
– Preserve every rupee.
– Focus only on stability.

» Second Action: Ring Fence Trading Business
– Separate trading cash flows clearly.
– Do not divert trading funds.
– Trading business pays EMIs currently.
– Protect working capital strictly.
– This business keeps you alive.

» Third Action: Manufacturing Unit Decision
– Assess legal resolution timeline.
– If delay exceeds viability, exit planning starts.
– Emotional attachment must be avoided.
– Sunk cost should not guide decisions.
– Cash bleeding must stop.

» Manufacturing Unit Exit Strategy
– Explore lease termination options.
– Negotiate with lender for restructuring.
– Offer temporary moratorium if possible.
– Present genuine hardship facts.
– Banks prefer resolution over default.

» Loan Restructuring Importance
– Restructuring is not failure.
– It is a survival tool.
– Approach lenders proactively.
– Show recovery plan clearly.
– Silence worsens lender trust.

» Personal Loan Restructuring
– Personal loans carry highest interest.
– EMI is choking cash flow.
– Request tenure extension.
– Request EMI reduction temporarily.
– Partial prepayment later can be planned.

» Business Loan Restructuring
– Business loan is large.
– Manufacturing stoppage justifies relief.
– Seek moratorium or reduced EMI.
– Submit legal dispute documents.
– Banks understand external disruptions.

» Using Expected Rs 1 Cr Recovery
– Do not spend emotionally.
– Allocate wisely before receipt.
– Priority is EMI reduction.
– Second priority is creditor settlement.
– Third priority is liquidity buffer.

» Allocation Discipline for Recovery Amount
– Clear highest interest dues first.
– Reduce monthly EMI burden permanently.
– Avoid reinvestment temptation.
– Keep cash buffer intact.
– Stability comes before growth.

» Creditor Negotiation Strategy
– Creditors prefer payment certainty.
– Open communication builds trust.
– Offer structured settlement timelines.
– Avoid hiding information.
– Transparency reduces legal escalation.

» Debtor Recovery Acceleration
– Follow up weekly.
– Use legal notices if required.
– Offer small discounts for early payment.
– Faster cash is better than delayed full amount.
– Liquidity beats accounting profits.

» Expense Control Measures
– Reduce personal expenses temporarily.
– Avoid lifestyle inflation.
– Delay non essential purchases.
– Family support is important now.
– This phase is temporary.

» Psychological Trap to Avoid
– Do not chase losses.
– Do not over trade.
– Do not take fresh high interest loans.
– Do not rely on hope alone.
– Discipline beats optimism.

» Risk Management Going Forward
– Avoid concentration in one income source.
– Avoid leverage driven expansion.
– Build cash buffers always.
– Scale only after stabilisation.
– Lessons here are valuable.

» Role of Insurance Policies
– If any investment linked policies exist.
– Review surrender values carefully.
– Liquidity may matter more now.
– Policy loans increase stress.
– Protection and investment must be separated.

» Long Term Financial Health Vision
– First goal is debt reduction.
– Second goal is cash stability.
– Third goal is controlled growth.
– Wealth creation comes later.
– Survival creates future opportunities.

» Family Communication
– Share situation honestly with family.
– Emotional support improves resilience.
– Joint decisions reduce stress.
– Isolation worsens burden.
– You are not alone.

» Time Based Plan Approach
– Next three months focus on liquidity.
– Next six months focus on restructuring.
– Next year focus on debt reduction.
– Growth planning comes later.
– Structured thinking reduces anxiety.

» What Success Looks Like Now
– EMIs aligned with cash flow.
– No overdue payments.
– Trading business protected.
– Manufacturing exposure limited.
– Stress levels reduced.

» Final Insights
– You are facing a cash flow crisis.
– This is not a failure.
– Your assets and skills still exist.
– Immediate control actions can stabilise.
– Restructuring is essential, not optional.
– Protect your profitable business first.
– Use recoveries wisely, not emotionally.
– Patience with discipline will restore balance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear sir, i have choose sbi retire smart plus 10 years policy. Premium 6lak per annum for 4 years i paid. What happened if i complete the Premium should i wait till maturity. Or surrender after 5 years lock in period. Is it good to be patience till maturity or i will loss money due to inflation.
Ans: Your honesty in asking this question deserves appreciation.
You already paid large premiums with discipline.
That shows commitment to retirement planning.
Now clarity is more important than patience alone.

» Understanding What You Have Chosen
– This is an investment linked insurance policy.
– Insurance and investment are combined here.
– Charges are high in early years.
– Transparency is limited.
– Returns depend on internal fund performance.

» Premium Commitment Review
– You committed Rs.6 lakhs yearly.
– You already paid for four years.
– Total paid amount is significant.
– Cash flow pressure matters here.
– Every rupee must work efficiently.

» Lock-in and Surrender Reality
– Lock-in period is five years.
– Surrender before lock-in causes heavy loss.
– After lock-in, surrender value improves.
– However charges still continue.
– Patience alone does not remove inefficiency.

» Cost Structure Impact
– Mortality charges reduce returns yearly.
– Policy administration charges continue.
– Fund management charges apply separately.
– These reduce compounding power.
– Inflation impact becomes severe.

» Inflation Risk Explanation
– Inflation reduces real value yearly.
– Long holding needs strong growth.
– Such policies give moderate growth.
– Real returns may become negative.
– Retirement needs inflation beating growth.

» Return Expectation Reality
– Projected returns often look attractive.
– Actual returns depend on net allocation.
– Charges reduce effective returns.
– Volatility affects maturity value.
– Expectations must be realistic.

» Insurance and Investment Mixing Issue
– Insurance needs certainty.
– Investments need flexibility.
– Mixing both creates compromise.
– Neither objective is fully met.
– This is a structural weakness.

» Maturity Waiting Option Assessment
– Waiting till maturity avoids surrender loss.
– But opportunity cost remains high.
– Funds remain locked inefficiently.
– Growth may not beat inflation.
– Time lost cannot be recovered.

» Surrender After Lock-in Assessment
– Surrender after five years reduces penalty.
– You regain flexibility of funds.
– Capital can be reallocated better.
– Long term efficiency improves.
– This option deserves serious thought.

» Emotional Attachment Trap
– Past payments create attachment.
– This is a sunk cost.
– Future decisions should be rational.
– Focus on remaining years.
– Do not protect wrong choices.

» Comparison With Pure Investment Options
– Pure investments have lower costs.
– Flexibility is higher.
– Transparency is better.
– Goal alignment is clearer.
– Long term outcomes improve.

» Role of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
– Professional fund managers manage risk.
– Portfolio is reviewed continuously.
– Expenses are lower comparatively.
– Liquidity is superior.
– Compounding works better.

» Why Regular Mutual Fund Route Helps
– Guidance avoids emotional mistakes.
– Asset allocation stays aligned.
– Reviews happen systematically.
– Behavioural discipline improves.
– Long term results stabilise.

» Tax Efficiency Perspective
– Insurance tax benefit looks attractive.
– But returns matter more.
– Low returns waste tax advantage.
– Efficient growth offsets tax cost.
– Net outcome matters finally.

» Retirement Time Horizon Consideration
– Retirement corpus needs growth now.
– Capital protection comes later.
– Inefficient products delay growth.
– Time is precious.
– Every year counts.

» Cash Flow Stress Check
– High premium affects liquidity.
– Emergencies need ready funds.
– Lock-in restricts access.
– Stress impacts peace of mind.
– Simpler structure reduces stress.

» What Patience Really Means
– Patience is good with right products.
– Patience cannot fix poor structure.
– Long holding does not guarantee success.
– Quality matters more than duration.
– Review is wisdom, not impatience.

» When Continuing May Make Sense
– If surrender value is very low.
– If nearing maturity period.
– If cash flow is comfortable.
– If goals are already funded.
– Otherwise review is essential.

» When Exit Is Better
– If inflation erosion is clear.
– If returns lag alternatives.
– If flexibility is needed.
– If retirement gap exists.
– If charges dominate growth.

» 360 Degree Recommendation Thought Process
– Protect what is already paid.
– Avoid further inefficiency.
– Improve future return potential.
– Maintain adequate insurance separately.
– Align investments with retirement goal.

» Insurance Planning Clarity
– Insurance should cover risk only.
– Sum assured must be adequate.
– Premium should be minimal.
– Investment should remain separate.
– This gives clarity and control.

» Behavioural Discipline Going Forward
– Avoid pressure selling products.
– Ask cost related questions.
– Demand transparency.
– Review annually.
– Stay goal focused.

» Final Insights
– You acted responsibly by asking now.
– Product structure is not ideal.
– Inflation risk is real.
– Waiting till maturity may disappoint.
– Surrender after lock-in deserves evaluation.
– Reallocation can improve outcomes.
– Retirement planning needs efficiency.
– Timely correction shows maturity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
Dear rediffGuru, I am 48 year having private job, I have started MF investment from 2017 and currently monthly SIP 50K as below. I want to have corpus of 2.5 Cr at the age of 58. Please advice me if any changes/increase need in below SIP. 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3.ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Your discipline since 2017 deserves real appreciation.
You stayed invested for many years.
You already think long term.
This habit creates wealth over time.

» Your Goal Clarity
– You want Rs.2.5 Crores by age fifty-eight.
– You have ten years left.
– Time is still supportive.
– Regular investing helps greatly.
– Clarity itself improves outcomes.

» Present Investment Effort
– Monthly SIP is Rs.50,000.
– Investments are fully market linked.
– Exposure is mainly equity oriented.
– Risk appetite looks high.
– Commitment level is good.

» Portfolio Structure Observation
– Too many funds exist.
– Categories are repeating often.
– Small companies exposure is heavy.
– Sector exposure is present.
– Portfolio looks cluttered.

» Small Company Funds Concentration
– Many funds invest in smaller businesses.
– These funds give high returns sometimes.
– They also fall sharply during stress.
– Volatility increases with age.
– This needs careful control.

» Mid and Large Company Exposure
– Mid company exposure is moderate.
– Large company exposure looks limited.
– Large companies provide stability.
– Stability matters nearing retirement.
– Balance is essential now.

» Sector Focus Risks
– Sector funds depend on one theme.
– Performance cycles are unpredictable.
– Long underperformance periods happen.
– SIP discipline becomes difficult.
– Allocation should be limited.

» Dynamic Allocation Exposure
– Asset allocation funds manage equity levels.
– They help reduce downside risk.
– They suit late career investors.
– Allocation size matters.
– One such fund is enough.

» Over Diversification Concern
– Many funds dilute impact.
– Monitoring becomes difficult.
– Overlap increases silently.
– Returns may disappoint.
– Simplicity improves control.

» Suitability for Ten Year Horizon
– Ten years is medium term.
– Aggressive risk needs moderation.
– Capital protection gains importance.
– Drawdowns hurt goals.
– Adjustments are timely now.

» Expected Corpus Reality Check
– Rs.50,000 SIP alone may fall short.
– Market returns are uncertain.
– Inflation eats purchasing power.
– Increasing SIP helps.
– Step-up becomes very important.

» Importance of SIP Increase
– Income generally rises with age.
– SIP should rise yearly.
– Even small increases help.
– This supports target achievement.
– Discipline matters more than returns.

» Asset Allocation Improvement
– Equity should remain primary.
– Debt exposure should slowly increase.
– Stability increases closer to goal.
– This reduces panic risk.
– Allocation needs yearly review.

» Why Active Management Matters
– Actively managed funds adjust portfolios.
– Fund managers handle valuation risks.
– They exit overheated stocks.
– Index funds fall fully with markets.
– Passive funds offer no protection.

» Disadvantages of Index Investing
– No downside control exists.
– Full market falls are painful.
– Retirement timing risk increases.
– Investor emotions suffer.
– Active funds suit your stage better.

» Why Regular Plans Help
– Guidance improves behaviour.
– Rebalancing happens on time.
– Panic decisions reduce.
– Long term discipline strengthens.
– Cost difference is justified.

» Monitoring and Review Discipline
– Annual review is essential.
– Performance alone is insufficient.
– Risk alignment must be checked.
– Goal progress should be tracked.
– Reviews avoid surprises later.

» Tax Awareness During Accumulation
– Equity gains face capital gains tax.
– Long-term gains have exemptions.
– Short-term gains cost more.
– Holding period matters.
– Churning should be avoided.

» Emergency and Protection Planning
– Emergency fund is important.
– Job risk always exists.
– Insurance coverage should be adequate.
– Medical costs rise fast.
– Protection safeguards investments.

» Retirement Age Shift Possibility
– Retirement may shift slightly.
– Working longer reduces pressure.
– Even two extra years help.
– Flexibility increases success.
– Keep this option open.

» Behavioural Discipline Importance
– Market falls test patience.
– SIP continuity builds wealth.
– Stopping SIP hurts goals.
– Emotions damage returns.
– Discipline protects outcomes.

» Key Portfolio Refinement Direction
– Reduce fund count gradually.
– Avoid repeated category exposure.
– Increase large company allocation.
– Limit sector exposure.
– Maintain one dynamic allocation option.

» SIP Amount Enhancement Guidance
– Increase SIP annually.
– Use bonuses wisely.
– Direct increments into SIPs.
– This bridges corpus gap.
– Consistency beats timing.

» Goal Tracking Approach
– Review goal progress yearly.
– Adjust SIP if needed.
– Markets change yearly.
– Plans must adapt.
– Static plans fail often.

» Role of a Certified Financial Planner
– Helps align risk with age.
– Simplifies portfolio structure.
– Ensures tax efficiency.
– Supports emotional discipline.
– Improves goal probability.

» Final Insights
– Your investing habit is strong.
– Goal clarity is impressive.
– Portfolio needs simplification.
– Risk needs gradual control.
– SIP increase is necessary.
– Active funds suit your stage.
– Discipline will decide success.
– Time is still on your side.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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