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Pregnant Woman Feeling Emotionally and Mentally Distant from Husband - What to Do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi Dr. I am 27 year women with a 5 year old girl and 7 months pregnant. I was married 9 years ago. We faced many ups and downs in our life. Three years back , I went to dubai where my husband was working, to spend with him. But as a mobile addict , most of the time he will be on mobile when he was at home or sleeping. We spend little quality time . That too on my or my daughter's insist. Later I got job there as a teacher @ school . I worked there about two years when I got pregnant I return back to my home country. As he was resigned in search of better opportunity, even he is also with me in India now. He is short tempered and whenever he talks he raises his voice. For every single thing he is worried and shouting at me . It makes me feel sad. He is not bothered about my health and if I ask something like fruits to buy he will get angry saying that I am the one who is to manage the expenses and he can't afford buying things for me. He blames me for single thing. I need to ask permission for spending my money. He is in charge of taking care of my money. Main thing that I can't digest from his side is that he demands me to obey him like a slave. He says that how we are to the God , likewise you should obey and bear what ever from his side. Till that my love towards him isn't completed that is what he says. He never ever gives me a chance to explain or communicate my issues. Now I feel emotionally mentally very distant from him. I am staying at my home . Though his house is nearby mine, he rarely find time to visit me or call me. What should I do?

Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

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Hello love guru. I wanted to know if I am wrong or right. As my husband has blocked me from phone by all means and do not even talk to me, so what should I do? I am working far from my Father in laws home where he stays with his brother (divorcee). He is not working and I am working and taking care of two daughters. Whenever he comes here, he fight a lot saying insane and sarcastic words to me. Since two and half months he stayed with us and left us (though he sometimes talk to my daughters only). I feel alone and nobody is there to support me or even talk to me for my emotional support. Now somebody has started talking to me and even I started, I really do not know what to do. Kindly guide. I told this to my husband also and he says whatever you wish you do.. I do not know why he says like this..He did not even tried to search a job where I am working, but when he went to inlaws there he started searching interestingly. If we do not talk then how  our relation will continue being husband. Also I found many times that he keep on searching call girls from his mobile phone search history and even his friends at inlaws told me that they saw girl accompanying him..but even I want to forget all these things as I found my daughters feel happy to talk to him..but what about my emotions and my physical needs..who will take care of if this keep on continued...as after marriage I found no happy-happy situations for me atleast..he says he lost all his jobs because of me..But all baseless objections...and blames me, harms me by beating also some times..I some times cry alone... but  this is not the life I expected after working so hard...I also used to pay him all money whatever he and whenever he demnaded.. I paid more than 10 lakhs of savings to him till date and did not even ever counted..he also stolen all gold from home without even asking me..I want to forgive him for all but when he is not interested in talking to me and just ignores me then how and why I should continue with him..just because he is my husband..or should I remarry to someone who is really willing to marry me...knowing all these things..or should I dont? As a mother of two daughters I sometimes think..that my only responsibility is to upbring my daughters...but then I also needs someone's emotional support...though economically independent..I also said to him to give me alimony as he does not pay anything to me and also file for divorce...as even I have a right to live happily...kab tak aise hi aansu bahau uske liye jisne mujhe block hi kar rakha hai from phone? I am confused please help me out!!
Ans: You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair. He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’. Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately. Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should cut him loose immediately.   

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

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Hey Anu ji I hope you are doing well.I am a 27-year-old woman, not married but engaged. I am a doctor by profession and we met through our parents. He is a pediatrician. I’m just MBBS. He is 33 and was damn good. Since the last few months there has been a sudden change in his behaviour and we have been fighting since then. We knew each other since a year and moved in together last October. I left my government job so that I could pursue my specialisation. I couldn't score a good rank due to which I couldn’t get admission. My parents are not rich enough for me to apply in a private college. He always abuses my parents saying they are not rich enough. He compares everything and has started talking to another specialist, a single woman. I am handling all house chores -- from laundry to cleaning, even emptying dustbin and making his cup of tea. He doesn't do anything except sleep, eat and work which is not so hectic because he is at a senior position.Is it right that we are having sex 2-3 times per day from so many months? Whenever I want to talk about something he asks for sex. If I say 'I need your attention and love' he gets grumpy and says 'you are always complaining.'Since this is my first relationship, I am comprising a lot. He didn't even remember our first anniversary or the day we met. In fact he stops talking to me since a month. He doesn’t pick up my calls or sees my messages. I have to call a third person to convey my message to at least pick up a call.Please help. I’m too stressed and even thought of committing suicide because I love him. But he doesn't love me from the last 3-4 months. I never get answers to my questions. He is like ‘I don't want to talk.’ He has become so egoistic and is behaving like a male chauvinist. I have to prepare for my exam too. Because of all this stress I have started having panic attacks and anxiety. I love him a lot but I can't stay in this relationship more. I can't bear the brunt. Only one-sided efforts are there from my side. He stopped making any efforts to reconcile or talk. I am an old school person. I lost my virginity to him but now I regret. Who will marry me knowing that I’m not a virgin anymore? Plzz help me
Ans:

Dear NK,

When a partner does not validate your feelings and uses sex as a means to deflect from the problem, it’s a red flag, right?

So, what exactly do you get by being with him? Love cannot be a means to sell your very existence no matter who that is.

Call out such behaviour. Compromises do not form part of any relationship, contrary to what’s told to us.

Mutual understanding and gentle acceptance and most importantly loving compassion is what any relationship is all about.

When those efforts of yours are not being met with love and instead it has been ignored, what else are you going to do?

Not being able to respect a partner’s family and instead insulting them to feel better or prove a point, how do you think it is going to be in the future?

Do you see these red flags or are you simply choosing to close your eyes and pretend that everything is fine?

Do the right thing, for yourself and your being and welfare. Be strong like the way that you always have been.

My best wishes to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 47 years old. I have started investing in mutual fund (SIP) only since last one year due to some financial obligations. Currently I am investing Rs.33K per month in various SIPS. The details are: Kotak Mahindra Market Growth (Rs. 1500), Aditya BSL Low Duration Growth (Rs. 1400), HDFC Mid-cap Growth (Rs. 12000), Nippon India Large Cap Growth (Rs. 3000), Bandhan small cap (Rs. 5000), Motilal Oswal Flexicap Growth (Rs. 5000), ICICI Pru Flexicap growth (Rs. 5000). I have also started to invest Rs. 1,50,000 per year in PPF since last year. Can I sustain if I retire by the age of 62?
Ans: I can help you with your retirement planning.
You have given a very detailed picture of your investments.
You have also shown strong intent to build wealth at 47.
This itself is a big positive start.

Your Current Efforts

– You started late due to obligations.
– That is understandable.
– You still took charge.
– You now invest Rs.33K every month.
– You also invest Rs.1,50,000 a year in PPF.
– You follow discipline.
– You follow consistency.
– These habits matter the most.
– These habits will help your retirement.
– You deserve appreciation for this foundation.

» Your Current Investment Mix

– You invest in various equity funds.
– You also invest in one low duration debt fund.
– You invest across mid cap, large cap, flexi cap, and small cap.
– This gives you some spread.
– You also invest in PPF.
– PPF gives safety.
– PPF gives steady growth.
– This mix creates balance.

– Please note one point.
– You hold direct plans.
– Direct plans look cheaper outside.
– But they are not always helpful for long-term investors.
– Many investors pick wrong funds.
– Many investors track markets wrongly.
– Many investors redeem at wrong times.
– This affects returns more than the saved expense ratio.
– Regular plans through a MFD with CFP support give guidance.
– Regular plans also help you stay on track.
– Behaviour gap is a major cost in direct funds.
– Thus regular plans with CFP support work better for long-term investors.
– They can correct mistakes.
– They can help with asset mix.
– They can help you stay steady during market drops.
– This gives higher final wealth than direct funds in most cases.

» Your Retirement Age Goal

– You plan to retire at 62.
– You are 47 now.
– You have 15 years left.
– Fifteen years is still a strong time line.
– You can allow compounding to work well.
– Your corpus can grow meaningfully by 62.
– You can also improve your savings rate during this time.

» Assessing If Your Current Plan Supports Retirement

– There are many parts to assess.
– You need to look at your saving rate.
– You need to look at your growth rate.
– You need to look at your future lifestyle cost.
– You need to look at inflation.
– You need to look at post-retirement income need.
– You need to see if your present plan matches this.

– Right now, your total yearly investment is:
– Rs.33K per month in SIP.
– That is Rs.3,96,000 per year.
– Plus Rs.1,50,000 in PPF each year.
– So your total yearly investment is Rs.5,46,000.
– This is a good number.
– This can help your retirement journey.

» Understanding Equity Funds in Your Mix

– You invest in mid cap.
– Mid cap can give good growth.
– Mid cap also carries higher swings.
– You invest in small cap.
– Small cap is the most volatile.
– It can give high returns if held for long.
– But it needs patience.
– You invest in large cap exposure.
– Large cap gives stability.
– You invest in flexi cap.
– Flexi cap funds adjust strategy.
– Flexi cap funds give managers more control.
– Active management is useful in Indian markets.
– Fund managers can shift between market caps.
– They can pick good sectors.
– This improves return potential.
– This is a benefit that index funds do not have.
– Index funds just copy the index.
– Index funds do not avoid weak companies.
– Index funds cannot take smart calls.
– Index funds also rise in cost whenever the index churns.
– Active funds can protect downside.
– Active funds can find better opportunities.
– This is helpful for long-term wealth building.
– So your move towards active funds is fine.

» Understanding PPF in Your Mix

– Your PPF adds stability.
– It gives assured growth.
– It also gives tax benefits.
– It builds a stable part of your retirement base.
– It reduces overall risk in your portfolio.
– It works well over long years.
– You have also chosen a steady long-term asset.
– This is beneficial for retirement.

» Gaps That Need Attention

– Your funds are scattered.
– You hold too many schemes.
– Each additional scheme overlaps with others.
– This reduces impact.
– It also becomes hard to track.
– You can reduce your scheme count.
– A more focused mix can give smoother progress.
– Rebalancing becomes easier.
– You can keep fewer funds but maintain asset spread.
– You can also map each fund to a purpose.

– You also need clarity about your retirement income need.
– Many investors skip this.
– You must know how much money you need per month at 62.
– You must add inflation.
– You must add health needs.
– You must also add lifestyle goals.

» Your Future Lifestyle Cost

– Your cost will rise with inflation.
– Inflation affects food, transport, medical needs.
– Medical inflation is higher than normal inflation.
– Retirement planning must consider this.
– You also need to consider family responsibilities.
– You must consider emergencies.
– You must also consider rising cost of daily life.
– This helps estimate the required retirement corpus.

» Your Future Corpus From Current Savings

– Without giving strict numbers, you can expect growth.
– You invest steadily.
– You invest for 15 years.
– Your equity portion can grow better over long time.
– Your PPF gives predictable growth.
– Your mix can create a decent retirement base.
– But you will need to increase your SIP over time.
– You can raise your SIP by 5% to 10% each year.
– Even small increases help.
– This builds a stronger corpus.
– Your final retirement amount becomes much higher.

» Need for Periodic Review

– Markets change.
– Life situations change.
– Your goals may shift.
– Your income may rise.
– Your responsibilities may change.
– Review every year.
– Adjust as needed.
– A Certified Financial Planner can help.
– This gives clarity.
– This gives structure.
– This gives confidence.
– You can reduce mistakes.
– You can follow proper asset allocation.

» Asset Allocation Approach for Smooth Growth

– You must decide your ideal equity percentage.
– You must decide your ideal debt percentage.
– If you take too much equity, risk increases.
– If you take too little equity, growth reduces.
– You must keep balance.
– It must match your risk comfort.
– It must support your retirement goal.
– Right allocation brings discipline.
– Rebalancing once a year helps.
– Rebalancing controls emotion.
– Rebalancing increases long-term returns.
– Rebalancing keeps your portfolio healthy.

» Importance of Staying Invested During Market Swings

– Markets move up and down.
– Swings are normal.
– Equity grows over long time.
– Equity needs patience.
– People often fear drops.
– They exit at wrong time.
– This hurts long-term wealth.
– You must stay steady.
– You must trust your long-term plan.
– You must follow guidance.
– This improves retirement success.

» Avoiding Common Mistakes

– Many investors pick funds based on recent returns.
– This is risky.
– Fund selection needs deeper view.
– Fund must match your risk.
– Fund must match your time horizon.
– Fund must have consistent process.
– Fund must show reliable pattern.
– Avoid sudden changes.
– Avoid chasing trends.
– Stay with a disciplined plan.
– This ensures better results.

– You must avoid mixing too many categories.
– Focused mix works better.
– Smaller set makes control easy.
– This reduces confusion.

– Do not rely on direct funds for long-term goals.
– Direct funds lack guided support.
– Behavioral mistakes cost more than the lower expense ratio.
– Regular plans help you stay invested.
– They help avoid panic.
– They help during reviews.
– They help create proper asset allocation.
– They help you use the fund in the right way.
– Investment discipline is more important than low cost.
– Regular plans with CFP support deliver this discipline.

» Inflation Protection Through Growth Assets

– Equity protects from inflation.
– PPF adds safety.
– Balanced mix protects your purchasing power.
– Retirement needs this balance.
– Long-term equity portion helps create a healthy corpus.
– This allows you to meet rising living cost.

» How to Strengthen Your Retirement Plan From Now

– Increase SIP every year.
– Even slight hikes help.
– Be consistent.
– Avoid stopping during market drops.
– Do a yearly check-up.
– Reduce scheme count.
– Keep a clear structure.
– Assign each fund a purpose.
– Build an emergency fund.
– This will protect your SIP flow.
– Continue PPF.
– It gives stability.
– It protects your long-term needs.

» Possibility of Sustaining Life After Retirement

– Yes, you can sustain.
– But it depends on three things:
– Your future living cost.
– Your total corpus at retirement.
– Your discipline during retirement.

– If you continue your present saving, your base will grow.
– If you raise your SIP each year, your base will grow faster.
– If you keep a proper asset mix, your base will grow safely.
– If you avoid emotional mistakes, your base will stay strong.
– If you review yearly, your plan will stay on track.

– So sustaining life after retirement is possible.
– You just need stronger structure.
– You also need steady guidance.
– This ensures confidence.

» Retirement Income Planning After Age 62

– Your retirement income must come from a mix.
– Part from equity.
– Part from debt.
– Part from stable instruments.
– Do not depend on one source.
– Plan your withdrawal pattern.
– Take small and stable withdrawals.
– Keep some equity even after retirement.
– This helps your corpus last longer.
– Do not shift everything to debt at retirement.
– That reduces growth too much.
– Balanced approach keeps your money alive.
– This supports your life for long years.

» Health and Emergency Preparedness

– Health costs rise fast.
– You must plan for it.
– Keep health insurance active.
– Keep top-up if needed.
– Keep separate emergency money.
– Do not depend on your investments during emergencies.
– Emergency fund protects your retirement portfolio.
– This keeps compounding intact.
– You can handle shocks with ease.

» Tax Awareness

– Be aware of mutual fund tax rules.
– Equity long-term gains above Rs.1.25 lakh per year are taxed at 12.5%.
– Equity short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
– Debt funds are taxed as per your slab.
– Plan redemptions wisely.
– Do not redeem often.
– Keep long-term horizon.
– This reduces tax impact.
– This helps wealth building.

» Summary of Your Retirement Possibility

– You have a good start.
– You have a workable time frame.
– You have a steady contribution.
– You must refine your portfolio.
– You must increase SIP yearly.
– You must reduce scheme count.
– You must follow asset allocation.
– You must stay disciplined.
– You must get yearly review from a CFP.
– If you follow these, you can reach a healthy retirement base.

» Final Insights

– You are on the right path.
– You have taken the key step by starting.
– You can still create a strong retirement corpus even at 47.
– Fifteen years is enough if you stay consistent.
– Your mix of equity and PPF is good.
– With discipline and structure, your future can stay secure.
– With yearly guidance, you can avoid mistakes.
– With increased SIP, you can boost your corpus.
– You can aim for a peaceful and confident retirement at 62.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10878 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Money
I am 43 yrs old, have sip in Nifty 50 - 3500 Nifty next 50 - 3000 Nippon large cap - 3500 Hdfc midcap - 2500 Parag Flexicap - 3000 Tata small cap - 1300 Gold sip - 500 Hdfc debt fund - 700, lumsum of 10000 in motilal midcap and 20k in quant small cap. accumulated around 2.30 lakhs, started from June, 2024. But overall xirr is very less 3.11. Should I continue the above sips or which sips should be stopped?
Ans: You have started early in 2024, and you already built Rs 2.30 lakhs. This shows discipline. This shows patience. This gives you a good base for your future wealth.

Your XIRR looks low now. This is normal. You started only a few months back. SIPs show low return in the start. Markets move up and down. Early numbers look flat. They look small. They look discouraging. But they improve with time. They improve with longer SIP flow. So please stay calm. The start is always slow. The finish is always strong.

Your effort is strong. Your SIP list is wide. Your savings habit is good. You started at 43 years, but you still have good time to grow your wealth. Every disciplined month builds confidence. Your choices show that you want growth. You want stability. You want balance. This is a good sign.

» Current Portfolio Snapshot
You invest in many groups.

– You invest in Nifty 50.
– You invest in Nifty Next 50.
– You invest in a large cap fund.
– You invest in a midcap fund.
– You invest in a flexicap fund.
– You invest in a small cap fund.
– You invest in gold.
– You invest in a debt fund.
– You put lumpsum in a midcap and small cap fund.

This looks wide. But wide does not mean effective. You hold too many funds in similar areas. That gives duplication. That reduces clarity. That reduces control. You need sharper structure. You need cleaner lines.

» Why Your XIRR Is Low
Your XIRR is only 3.11%. This is normal. Here is why.

– SIP started in June 2024. Very new.
– SIP amount spread across many funds.
– Market volatility in 2024 made early returns look low.
– SIP returns always look weak in early days. They grow with time.

Low short-term return is not a sign of failure. It is not a sign to stop. It is only a sign of market timing. SIP is for long periods. Not for few months.

» Problem of Index Funds in Your Portfolio
You invest in Nifty 50 and Nifty Next 50. Both are index funds. Index funds follow a fixed rule. They copy the index. They do not use research. They do not use fund manager skill. They do not adjust during bad markets. They do not protect much in down cycles. They lock you into index ups and downs.

In India, active fund managers add value. They find better stocks. They exit weak stocks faster. They manage risk better. They use research teams. They use market cycles well. They often beat index returns over long periods.

Index funds look simple. But they lack decision power. They lack flexibility. They lack protection. They give average results. They track the market exactly. They cannot outperform it.

So index funds are not the best choice for your long-term goal. Active funds give more control and more upside over long years.

» Problem of Too Many Funds
You hold too many funds across the same categories. This creates overlap. Two different schemes may hold same stocks. You think you diversify. But you repeat exposure. This weakens your plan.

Too many funds also keep your attention scattered. It reduces discipline. You waste time comparing each fund. You feel lost. You feel uncertain.

Better to keep fewer funds but stronger funds.

» Problem of Direct Funds
If any of your funds are in direct plans, please take note. Direct plans look cheaper because they have lower expense ratio. But they do not give guidance. They do not give personalised strategy. They do not give support during market falls. They do not give behavioural guidance.

Many investors make wrong moves in market dips. They stop SIPs. They redeem at the wrong time. They switch funds too often. They chase returns. This reduces wealth.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner keep you disciplined. They give structure. They give long-term guidance. They reduce errors. They reduce behaviour risk. This helps more than small cost savings.

Regular plans also offer better hand-holding for asset mix, review and goal clarity. This adds real value.

» Fund-by-Fund Assessment
Let me now look at each SIP.

Nifty 50 – This is an index fund. It is passive. It is rigid. Active large-cap funds do better in many years. You may stop this over time.

Nifty Next 50 – Another index fund. Very volatile. Very narrow. You may stop this too.

Nippon large cap – This is active. This is fine. It can stay.

HDFC midcap – This is active. Good long-term category. You can keep this.

Parag flexicap – Flexicap is versatile. Useful for long-term. You can keep this.

Tata small cap – Small caps can grow well. But they need patience. They also need limited allocation. You can keep, but maintain control.

Gold SIP – Small gold SIP is okay for safety.

HDFC debt fund – Debt brings stability. Small SIP is fine.

Lumpsum in midcap and small cap – Keep these invested. They will grow with cycles.

The two index funds are the most unnecessary parts of your plan. These can be stopped. These can be replaced with good active funds already in your system.

» Suggested Structure
You need a cleaner layout.

Keep one large cap active fund.

Keep one midcap active fund.

Keep one flexicap fund.

Keep one small cap fund.

Keep one debt fund.

Keep a small gold part.

This is enough. This gives balance. It gives clarity. It gives growth. It avoids overlap. It avoids confusion.

» SIP Continuation Guidance
Here is the simple view.

Continue your large cap SIP.

Continue your midcap SIP.

Continue your flexicap SIP.

Continue your small cap SIP.

Continue gold SIP.

Continue debt SIP in small proportion.

Stop the Nifty 50 SIP.

Stop the Nifty Next 50 SIP.

Move those two SIP amounts into your existing active funds. This gives you better long-term power.

» Behaviour and Patience
Your returns will not show big numbers for now. You need time. You need patience. You need consistency. SIP is not a race. SIP is a habit. SIP grows slowly. Then it grows big.

Do not judge your plan by the first few months. Judge it after many years. That is where SIP wins. That is where compounding works. That is where discipline shines.

» What Matters More Than Fund Names
The biggest cornerstones are:

Your discipline.

Your patience.

Your time in market.

Your stable SIP flow.

Your emotional stability.

These matter more than any fund selection. You are building them well.

» Asset Mix Guidance
Your mix of equity, debt and gold is good. But you should review this once a year. As you move closer to retirement, increase debt slowly. Reduce small cap slowly. This protects you. This stabilises your progress.

A Certified Financial Planner can help align your asset mix to your goals. This adds real value. This gives stronger structure.

» Taxation View
If you redeem equity funds in future, then keep the current rule in mind. Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs per year are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, both gains are taxed as per your income slab.

This will matter only when you redeem. For now, your focus should be growth, not selling.

» Your Long-Term Wealth Path
You have good earnings years ahead. You have strong potential for growth. Your SIP habit is strong. You only need to clean your portfolio. You only need better structure. Then your money will grow well.

You can grow a meaningful corpus if you stay steady. You can even increase SIP when income grows. This gives faster results.

» Emotional Balance
Do not check returns every week. Do not check every month. Check once in six months. Check once in twelve months. SIP is a long game. Treat it like a long game.

Your small XIRR today does not decide your future. Your discipline decides it. You already have it.

» Step-by-Step Action Plan

Step 1: Stop Nifty 50 SIP.

Step 2: Stop Nifty Next 50 SIP.

Step 3: Keep all the remaining SIPs.

Step 4: Shift the stopped SIP amount into your existing large cap and flexicap funds.

Step 5: Continue gold and debt in small amounts.

Step 6: Review once a year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Step 7: Increase SIP amount slowly when income grows.

Step 8: Stay invested for long term.

Step 9: Do not judge returns too early.

Step 10: Keep your patience strong.

» Finally
Your foundation is strong. Your habit is disciplined. Your mix only needs refinement. Your returns will grow with time. Your portfolio will gain strength with consistency. Your path is steady. Your plan will reward you if you follow it with calm and clarity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |180 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi. I have been in a long distance relationship since 6 months,and i have known my boyfriend since 10 months. He is very understanding, caring,and honest person. He had already told everything about us for his parents and their parents agreed. We both are financially independent. I told my relationship to my parents and they are against it as my boyfriend is from lower caste, different region, not done his degree from a reputed college but a local engineering college, and his status. They are thinking about relatives, and society what will they say, about their pride, status, and all the respect they have earned uptill now will vanish because of my decision. My parents are very protective of me and have given me everything and like me a lot.They are saying its long distance you might have met only 15 times you don't see this person daily to judge his character. If you have known this person for atleast 2/3 years, with u meeting him daily it would be different. But the person i met is honest from the start. They are hurting daily because of my decision. I cant go against them and be happy.
Ans: 1. It is wonderful you have met someone special and in last 10 months you have met him 15 times which averages to meeting him 1.5 times a month. Is it possible to increase this and meet over every second weekend. Can you both travel once.

2. Parents are parents they worry and all parents are protective of their children as are yours. But if they are declining you because of caste etc then please question them asking them to give you an assurance that if they marry you to someone of their choice things will work - In reality there can be no assurance given for any relationship - found by you or introduced by parents as relationships need work by both...both need to grow up, both of you need to be happy individuals for relationship to work + if colleges were the deciding factor then we would not see divorces of those who married in the same caste or are from Stanford, MIT, IIT, IIMs, Inseads of the world.

Here is a suggestion/ recommendation
- meet his family
- get him to meet your parents
- let both set of parents meet

all the best

...Read more

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