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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
IK Question by IK on Jan 19, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.
There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.
The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.
We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on.
This was during the pre-social media era.
However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced.
Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.
It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.
I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me.
I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.
I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory.
I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much.
It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.
Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?

Ans:

IK 

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I am a 36 year old IT pro with a beautiful family (wife and 2 kids) 1 year back, i had a coworker (shes married but widowed with 1 kid) with whom i had to work on a project..we shared a good friendship and unfortunately on one occasion, under the influence of alcohol, i went overboard and had a deep sexual chat with her..it was mutual and the next day i really felt bad and apologized to her.she also said it was ok.. After that i avoided her but she kept on giving singals to continue the relationship, i sternly avoided her and pleaded with her in message and call to leave me..during the time of sexual chat, i never knew she was a widow else i wud not have done that..shes now harassing me and stalking me on social media..i really feel bad for what i did to her and am over ridden with guilt..she says lets be friends as she has no one to turn on to.. but i pretend to be as she still has that chat messages and if she raises an ombuds i will be out of the job..but worse of all, i do not want this to destroy my family life. I love my wife and kids and she wont take this easily if i disclose this to her .pls suggest a way out of this..i am really desperate..it was jus a chat and i am a train wreck now..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is a bit messy...It could land you into a lot of trouble and obviously you didn't know that when you were chatting with her, right?
Avoiding her hasn't worked and the best thing possibly now would be to just be polite yet firm where she feels that she is not being snubbed. Also consider taking your wife into confidence as this will eliminate the chance of ruining your peace at home. Come clean and confess to your wife and request her to support you; of course she might give you a earful, listen to all of it.
You have a price to pay for the fun that you had that one time; so take it in your stride and tread carefully...be kind to the woman and be honest with your wife. You can only pray that this can keep you out of trouble.
And the next time you drink, kindly keep your phone away...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7014 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2024Hindi
Money
I am investing 100000 every month as SIP and 50000 annually. My present SIP Corpus is nearly 2Cr. How much is expected to be the total corpus in 2030 if I manage to continue the same investment model.
Ans: I appreciate your consistent commitment to investing. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) and annual investments are powerful tools to build substantial wealth over the long term. Your current SIP portfolio is already impressive, and with continued discipline, you are well on your way to achieving significant financial goals by 2030.

Below, I will offer a detailed breakdown of your current investment strategy and provide an in-depth assessment to project where your portfolio could potentially reach by 2030. Additionally, I will share some insights on how you can maximise your investment returns while keeping your tax efficiency in mind.

Let’s explore the factors that will influence your future corpus.

1. Current Investment Strategy: A Strong Foundation
You are currently investing Rs 1,00,000 monthly through SIPs and an additional Rs 50,000 annually.

Your present SIP corpus stands at Rs 2 Crore, which shows your disciplined approach.

Continuing this strategy till 2030 will be highly beneficial, given the power of compounding over time.

The consistent monthly SIP ensures rupee cost averaging, reducing market volatility impact.

2. Estimated Growth of Your SIP Corpus by 2030
Assuming you continue with Rs 1,00,000 monthly SIP and Rs 50,000 annually, your investments will grow significantly.

The market’s historical average returns for equity mutual funds can range between 10% to 15% per annum. However, actual returns can vary due to market conditions.

Compounding will exponentially boost your returns, especially if you remain invested without withdrawals.

By 2030, your SIP portfolio can potentially cross Rs 6 Crore, given stable market conditions.

This estimate considers a conservative growth rate. However, equity markets have been known to outperform during bullish periods.

3. Active Fund Management: The Better Choice
Many investors lean towards index funds, but actively managed funds often outperform in the Indian context.

Active funds have skilled fund managers who adjust portfolios based on market dynamics.

They can exploit opportunities in specific sectors and stocks to generate alpha over benchmarks.

Index funds, while low-cost, are purely passive. They mirror indices without considering market trends.

Actively managed funds may have higher expense ratios, but the potential for superior returns justifies the cost.

Especially in volatile or uncertain markets, active fund management can make a substantial difference.

4. Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD)
Direct funds may seem cost-effective as they have lower expense ratios. However, they lack professional guidance.

Regular funds, managed through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, offer holistic support.

An MFD can help you align your investments with your financial goals, provide tax planning, and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Regular reviews by an MFD ensure your portfolio is optimised for changing market conditions.

Direct funds require you to track performance, handle documentation, and monitor taxation—all on your own.

Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner through MFDs helps you focus on strategy, not execution.

5. Tax Implications: Managing Your Gains Efficiently
The recent tax changes impact equity mutual funds’ gains. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%, while debt funds’ gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Efficient tax planning is crucial. Consult with your CFP to time redemptions and optimise tax liabilities.

Regular fund investments offer better tax management compared to direct funds, given the advisory support.

6. Market Volatility and Economic Factors
While investing in equity funds, market volatility is a reality. However, the long-term growth potential outweighs short-term fluctuations.

SIPs protect your investments from timing the market. Rupee cost averaging ensures that you buy more units when prices are low.

Focus on staying invested even during market downturns. History shows markets rebound, and long-term investors benefit the most.

With India's economic growth prospects, equity funds have the potential to deliver strong returns in the coming years.

7. Diversification and Portfolio Rebalancing
Continue diversifying within mutual funds to reduce concentration risk.

Allocate your SIPs across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for a balanced approach.

Rebalance your portfolio annually with your Certified Financial Planner to align with changing market conditions.

Consider thematic or sectoral funds cautiously, as they carry higher risks.

Reinvest dividends and gains to harness compounding benefits further.

8. Emergency Fund and Liquidity Considerations
Maintain a separate emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. This will prevent premature withdrawals from your SIPs.

Avoid liquidating your investments for short-term needs. Instead, use other sources like fixed deposits or liquid funds.

9. Aligning Investments with Financial Goals
Define clear goals, such as retirement planning, children’s education, or buying a property.

Each goal requires a tailored investment approach. For instance, retirement planning should focus on growth funds.

Engage with your Certified Financial Planner for goal-based investment planning.

Long-term SIPs work best when aligned with specific objectives, ensuring a disciplined approach.

10. Tracking and Monitoring Your Investments
Review your portfolio semi-annually to ensure it’s performing as expected.

Monitor fund performance and exit underperformers if needed, based on your Certified Financial Planner’s advice.

Keep an eye on changes in taxation rules and market regulations that could impact your returns.

Ensure your SIPs continue automatically. If cash flows change, adjust SIP amounts accordingly.

Finally: Staying Committed to Your Financial Journey
The journey to Rs 6 Crore or beyond is achievable with consistency.

Avoid impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

Keep your focus on the long-term horizon and stick to your investment plan.

Seek periodic advice from your Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

The discipline and patience you’ve shown so far are commendable. Continue this momentum.

By following these strategies, your SIP investments can help you achieve significant financial milestones by 2030 and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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