Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Ravi Mittal |536 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi

I have a dilemma where I cannot forget my ex from 15 years ago. We are both married and have supportive spouses. But somehow very hard to get her out of my head. We are in two different continents and try to avoid discussions via WhatsApp etc so it doesn’t keep dragging. No matter how much are current lives are great it always feels like I miss that first true love. I think I just need recommendations from people who might have face such a dilemma. We broke up for careers and now feel it was a great mistake. But family commitments need to keep things going. I want to be friends as that’s what we were through 2 years of online chats etc

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is normal for some people to have a soft corner for their ex-partner, but that's what it is. Just a corner; and it is barely ever romantic. It's nostalgia. But you cannot let them have your whole heart, because that isn't fair to your spouse. If you have lingering romantic feelings for your ex, it is best not to pursue a conversation with her. You have a happy married life, and so does she. Why ruin it for something that you left in the past? It might have been a mistake, but it is already done.

Plan to spend more quality time with your wife. Put in more effort to bring back the spark in your marriage. You live in the present and try to build a better future. Dwelling in the past has never gotten anyone anywhere.

Best Wishes.

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1530 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

Question by IK - Jan 19, 2022Hindi

Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on. This was during the pre-social media era. However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced. Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me. I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory. I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much. It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?

Ans:

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

Relationship

Shalini Singh |144 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 19, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2023Hindi

Hi Shalini, My case is strange. I am 54 now. But I can forget my old flame of 1991. She was my neighbor, six years younger to me. We were good friends. She would often come to my house and she had great bonding with my mother. I liked her so I confessed my feelings and she accepted it. I was a believer that I will marry the girl, I fall in love with. So, I was looking for an ideal relationship and then ending in a marriage. To my shock, I found myself that she had 2 boy friends. One of them was a notorious guy who was jailed few times. She was not able to say no to anybody. Perhaps, she liked the fact that boys fell for her. I was disturbed. I failed in my engineering year that year. Later, I couldn't finish my degree Engineering. I had Diploma Engineering so I pursued my job basis on it and then became a Director of a US company. I got married and I have a loving wife taking my good care. We have a lovely kid and everything is fine. Somehow, my missing Degree engineering is still hurting me. That girl later married and shifted to the US and she also has two kids. How can I forever bury this hurt and move on to my life?

Ans: You can move on by focusing on what is working for you vs thinking about the past and things that have not worked out in your favour, wishing you the best.

Relationship

Ravi Mittal |536 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi

i miss my ex from 15 years ago. desperately need to chat with her but she never responds back on whatsapp. we broke up for careers and ended up in different continents. but our friendship was great. how do i tell her to atleast talk this out and maybe we can be chat friends on whatsapp. i am in australia and she is in poland. both are married happily. but sometimes it feels like i am missing that old friend who i could chat with anytime and talk my heart out. its just whatsapp chat that i expect not even video calls. should i just directly ask her if we can keep in touch via whatsapp? there is pure friendship and i dont think of her in any physical way.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If your ex is not ready to be in touch with you or to be your friend, it would not be right to pursue or convince her. Moreover, even if your intentions are purely friendly, how do you think your wife will feel or react if she comes to know of this? Just in case you still want to connect with your ex, discuss the entire thing with your wife first. It shouldn't be worrisome to you since you mentioned your intentions are pure, should it? If you go behind her back, then it is time you reexamine your intentions and reconsider the entire thing.

Best Wishes.

Relationship3

Anu Krishna |1530 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi

Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Relationship

Latest Questions

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Question by Umamahesh - Feb 22, 2025Hindi

Sir, My Niece got 97.5 in Jee mains 2025, can she get CSE in which NIT , pls suggest sir.

Ans: Congratulations to your niece on securing a 97.5 percentile in JEE Main 2025.
You may get NIT Jalandhar, NIT Agartala, NIT Goa, NIT Hamirpur, NIT Meghalaya, NIT Patna etc. See previous year cut off

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Question by Anuj - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

Sir I got 96 percentile in jee mains 2025 ..I belong to jharkhand Can I get nit jamshedpur civil engineering.... Also I am a obc ncl candidate...

Ans: Congratulations on securing a 96 percentile in JEE Main 2025.
Percentile to Rank Conversion: A 96 percentile in JEE Main typically corresponds to an All India Rank (AIR) between approximately 40,000 to 50,000. For OBC-NCL candidates, this would translate to a category rank ranging from 10,000 to 12,000.
Based on the 2024 admission data, the closing ranks for the Civil Engineering program at NIT Jamshedpur under the OBC-NCL category with Home State quota were as follows:

Round 1 Closing Rank: 15,169
Last Round Closing Rank: 79,265
So, you should get it

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

I don't want to do engineering but my parents are forcing me to do so what should I do?

Ans: Do not do it. Personal passion and interest are required for success in long run.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Question by essaar - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

Sir my son got 93.1 percentile in JEE Session-1. Can he get CSE under Kashmiri Migrant quota in any NIT or IIIT

Ans: Congratulations to your son on achieving a 93.1 percentile in JEE Main Session.
The cutoffs for the KM quota can vary significantly between institutes and from year to year, depending on factors like the number of applicants under this category and seat availability. Historically, some institutes have had relatively higher closing ranks for KM candidates, increasing the chances of securing a seat.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

Hello sir.I get 92 percentile in jee mains. Can I get Cse in any Nit in sc category

Ans: Congratulations on securing a 92 percentile in JEE Main 2025.
Your case is a borderline case.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Question by mithran - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

I got 96.75 in JEE..I am OBC NCL Candidate..Whàt are the best college options irrespective of the branch..As I don't have any preference

Ans: Congratulations on securing a 96.75 percentile in JEE Main 2025 as an OBC-NCL candidate.
With your percentile and OBC-NCL status, you have a favorable position for admissions into several National Institutes of Technology (NITs), Indian Institutes of Information Technology (IIITs), and Government Funded Technical Institutions (GFTIs).

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2025

Question by yadvinder - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

My nephew has got 98.2 percentile in JEE mains 2025. Category is generally. Interested in doing CSE. Which NIT or IIIT we can expect.

Ans: Congratulations to your nephew on securing a 98.2 percentile in JEE Main 2025.
Percentile to Rank Conversion: A 98.2 percentile typically corresponds to an All India Rank (AIR) around 27,000.
Several NITs and IIITs have closing ranks for CSE that extend beyond 20,000. For instance, NIT Patna, NIT Raipur, and IIIT Nagpur have had CSE closing ranks in this range in previous years.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

Question by Pritam - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

I got 89%ile in jee mains 1st attempt 2025. I am a sc candidate. Can I get EEE in iiest shibpur?

Ans: Congratulations on securing an 89 percentile in the JEE Main 2025 first attempt.
Percentile to Rank Conversion: An 89 percentile typically corresponds to an All India Rank (AIR) of approximately 115,045. For SC candidates, this would translate to a category rank around 6,000.
Based on the 2024 admission data, the closing rank was 5,018 for the SC category in Electrical Engineering discipline.
So, chances are less.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

My son got 98.81. Percentile in JEE mains, GM category, NIT suratkal ECE can he get?

Ans: Congratulations to your son on achieving a 98.81 percentile in JEE Main.
1. Estimated Rank: A 98.81 percentile in JEE Main typically corresponds to an All India Rank (AIR) between approximately 12,000 to 18,000.
2. NIT Surathkal ECE Cutoff Ranks: The closing ranks for the ECE program at NIT Surathkal for the General category (Other State quota) in recent years have been as follows:

2024: Closing rank around 4,227.

2023: Closing rank around 5,119.
So, securing a seat in this specific program may be challenging under the General category.

Career

Dr Dipankar Dutta |805 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2025Hindi

My son got 99.531 in JEE mains Session 1 can he get CSE in top NIT category obc ncl

Ans: Congratulations to your son on achieving a 99.531 percentile in JEE Main Session.
Estimated Rank: A 99.531 percentile typically corresponds to an All India Rank (AIR) of approximately 4,500 to 5,000. For OBC-NCL candidates, this would translate to a category rank ranging between 800 and 1,000.
Below is a table summarizing the opening and closing ranks for CSE in select NITs for the OBC-NCL category:

NIT Opening Rank Closing Rank
NIT Tiruchirappalli (NIT Trichy) 963 1,501
NIT Surathkal 593 1,744
NIT Warangal 518 761
NIT Calicut 1,996 2,846
NIT Allahabad (MNNIT) 1,227 2,583
NIT Jaipur (MNIT) 1,010 1,989
NIT Rourkela 1,677 3,392
NIT Durgapur 3,463 7,131
NIT Jalandhar 4,181 10,407
NIT Kurukshetra 1,847 3,037

Career

See more questions »