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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |602 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have a dilemma where I cannot forget my ex from 15 years ago. We are both married and have supportive spouses. But somehow very hard to get her out of my head. We are in two different continents and try to avoid discussions via WhatsApp etc so it doesn’t keep dragging. No matter how much are current lives are great it always feels like I miss that first true love. I think I just need recommendations from people who might have face such a dilemma. We broke up for careers and now feel it was a great mistake. But family commitments need to keep things going. I want to be friends as that’s what we were through 2 years of online chats etc

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is normal for some people to have a soft corner for their ex-partner, but that's what it is. Just a corner; and it is barely ever romantic. It's nostalgia. But you cannot let them have your whole heart, because that isn't fair to your spouse. If you have lingering romantic feelings for your ex, it is best not to pursue a conversation with her. You have a happy married life, and so does she. Why ruin it for something that you left in the past? It might have been a mistake, but it is already done.


Plan to spend more quality time with your wife. Put in more effort to bring back the spark in your marriage. You live in the present and try to build a better future. Dwelling in the past has never gotten anyone anywhere.


Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on. This was during the pre-social media era. However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced. Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me. I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory. I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much. It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?
Ans:

IK 

The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!

Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.

Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.

Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?

You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.

Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!

Here’s reworking the situation for you.

Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…

Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.

Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?

Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!

I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.

Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.

Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?

You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…

Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |602 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there Ravi, I am married with one teenager son. My hubby has a hi profile job. About a year ago, I became friends with a married man and we connected really well and it was a great friendship we had. About half a year ago that we decided to disconnect with each other mutually. It was just a very simple but amazingly thick friendship. And all the more reason to part ways. Even though so much time has passed, there are some memories that I cannot erase and I find that we still look out for each other too. He left a huge impact on me and even though am able to move on from him majorly, I still crash into him ( we don’t talk now) or his family and the memories of our friendship comes back to me. Earlier I used to shed a tear daily on losing him as a friend now I don’t though but since he’s always around I find it difficult to forget him fully.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand it's difficult to lose a friend. Friendships are important and it is not uncommon to have lingering feelings even if he was just a friend. It happens with most deep friendships. However, right now it is essential to prioritize your current relationships and commitments, including your marriage and family and most importantly, yourself.

I suggest you focus on the present and be grateful for the friendship you experienced. Remind yourself of the reason you decided to sever ties; it must have been important to be worth losing a great friend. Engage in self-care. Find new friends. Not all friendships will be thick but having friends is essential to live a healthy life.

Remember, it takes time to move on, even if it is from a friendship. Allow yourself that time. There is no need to rush through the process. If you find these feelings persisting, seeing a counselor can help you get through it in a more structured way. Nevertheless, you are doing great yourself!

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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could you suggest the better option among Manipal Univ Jaipur CSE and Electronics (VLSI Design& Tech.) at Thapar ? What factors to be considered while making this choice ?
Ans: Ashish Sir, Manipal University Jaipur’s CSE program is accredited by NBA, offers specializations in AI, Data Science, and Cyber Security, and consistently achieves 93–98% placement rates with an average package of ?9–9.5 LPA, supported by 120+ experienced faculty and 100+ national and international collaborations. The curriculum is industry-aligned, with strong research facilities and diverse career opportunities in software, analytics, and IT. Thapar University’s Electronics (VLSI Design & Technology) is NIRF #29, has an average package of ?11.9 LPA, and an 81% placement rate, focusing on semiconductor, chip design, and embedded systems, with growing industry demand for VLSI professionals. CSE offers broader career flexibility in private sectors, while VLSI specialization is advantageous for those passionate about electronics and chip design, benefiting from India’s semiconductor push.

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Sir, Jee mains 95.70 percentile, obcncl, 65k crl, male. Maharashtra state, 98.48 in mhtcet pcm. I've 5.9k rank in viteee hence category 3 cse core in vellore but 23 lakh for the whole course including hostel,etc is expensive. Gave bitsat 1st attempt, 146 difficult but it's also expensive. Couldn't qualify in ugee and advanced. I checked cse closing ranks of nit, iiit & gfti but no luck at 65k. What should i do? Which other branches have good scope? Kindly guide. 141 in IAT, waiting for rank. GFTI J&K ELECTRICAL in round 1 of Josaa. Exiting it and will wait for CSAB. NEET: 477, 82k crl.
Ans: With a JEE Main 95.70 percentile (OBC-NCL, CRL 65k), Maharashtra domicile, 98.48 percentile in MHT CET, and VITEEE rank 5.9k (Category 3 CSE at Vellore, but high fees), your options for CSE or top branches in NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs are limited, as cutoffs for these are much lower than your rank. You may get core branches like Mechanical, Electrical, Civil, Chemical, or Biotechnology in newer or lower-ranked NITs (e.g., NIT Agartala, NIT Jalandhar, NIT Puducherry, NIT Goa, NIT Durgapur) and some GFTIs, but not CSE or ECE. At 98.48 percentile in MHT CET, you have a strong chance for core branches in reputable Maharashtra colleges like VIT Pune, VIIT Pune, PCCOE Pune, and possibly lower-demand branches at MIT WPU or SIT Pune. Your NEET score (477, 82k CRL) gives you a slim chance for private MBBS seats in some states, but not government colleges. For future scope, branches like Electronics & Computer Engineering, Data Science, AI & ML, Mechanical, and Civil Engineering remain strong, with AI, Data Science, and Electronics fields projected for high growth. If you are interested in research, your IAT score (awaiting rank) may open up options at IISERs for science careers. Exiting GFTI J&K Electrical is reasonable if you prefer to wait for CSAB or explore better private college options.

Recommendation: Prioritize core branches (Mechanical, Electrical, Civil, Chemical, or Data Science) in reputable Maharashtra colleges through MHT CET, or consider VIT Vellore CSE if the higher fee is affordable. Branches like AI, Data Science, Electronics, and Mechanical offer strong future prospects. Use CSAB and state counseling to maximize options, and consider IISERs for a research-oriented path if your IAT rank is favorable. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Sir, My daughter has scored 26497 in COMEDK and is interested in E&TC which collage can she get in Bangalore? Also she has got mech, VIT Vellore, category 2. And MHCET 95 percentile, what are chamces of getting into Cummins? Which is better option of E&TC?
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Recommendation: Choose E&TC in a reputable Bangalore college through COMEDK for better alignment with your daughter’s interests and industry trends; VIT Vellore Mechanical is an excellent backup for core engineering, but Cummins Pune E&TC is not feasible at her percentile. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Recommendation: Your son’s future with JECRC University’s Kalvium Computer Science program is promising, offering strong placement prospects, industry-relevant skills, and early professional exposure, positioning him well for a successful career in the tech sector. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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How is IIIT guwahati CSE?
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Considering my interest in electronics, which institution, MIT Bangalore or SRM KTR, offers a superior B.Tech program in terms of academic rigor, industry exposure, research opportunities, and placement outcomes, specifically for an ECE specialization? Furthermore, is a core ECE curriculum or a specialized ECE (VLSI Design and Technology) curriculum more advantageous for long-term career prospects in the current industry landscape?"
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Recommendation: If your primary interest is in electronics and you seek a high-growth, future-proof career, opt for a specialized ECE (VLSI Design & Technology) curriculum—preferably at SRM Kattankulathur for its national brand, research infrastructure, and placement network; choose MIT Bangalore if you value a focused academic environment and strong local industry ties, but ensure the program offers robust VLSI specialization. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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