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Ravi Mittal |416 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2023Hindi

I was in love with a girl, far from my place in South. She is from Rajasthan. She too liked me a lot and we were in touch through phone. Me a Hindu and she a Jain. Whenever I would tell I want to marry her, she would say get my dad married (her dad was a widower). Later I met her once when her family had come for Bangalore visit. She even took me to her relative's house and introduced her elder sister. We continued to be in touch. Few years later her sister was to be married and she invited me. I went to Jodhpur, stayed with their family during the wedding (in a separate room they had booked). Probably I got exposed to their family. I wanted to again propose to her. But through her family friends, fact that I was interested in her got to be known to her father and other family members. As per what I got to know, they even discussed our wedding but felt age gap was much (8 years). She stopped being in touch and her phone was not reachable. When I could get in touch, she told me the reason why their family disagreed. Now I am married to someone else and heard she is also settled. Problem is, I still get her dreams. Every girl I see, I relate to her. She is not out of my mind. Of course there is love deep within, but I dont know why I end up dreaming about her. How do I avoid this? She's gone into past and even now she's blocked my number or linkedin, yet I am unable to stop thinking or worse, dreaming. How do I stop this?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are in such a situation but dwelling on the past can hinder your present and future happiness. It's natural to reminisce about past relationships, but if these thoughts consume your waking hours and your dreams, it's crucial to refocus your energy. You have a loving wife who deserves your attention and efforts in building a better marriage. Instead of fixating on a relationship that didn't work out, invest your time and emotions in nurturing your marriage.

As humans, we want what we cannot have the most, more than what we have. I believe you are facing the same. But it's essential to accept that your ex has moved on, as evidenced by her decision to block you and so should you.

About your recurring dreams- if you are occupied with a certain thought the entire day, it is only normal that your dreams will reflect the same. Shift your focus to other things to break this pattern. And the more you obsess about it, the more you try to find meaning in some random dreams, the worse your situation will get. Talking about your feelings with a trusted friend can also dilute the matter and alleviate the burden. Remember, the past is behind you, and your present actions determine your future happiness.

Best Wishes!