Hi, I am 33 years old; happily married for the last 4 years and have a 3 year old kid.
There is no problem in my married life however I had a huge crush on one of my batchmates during college days.
The entire college knew about it including the girl but it never materialized further as I was never able to confess directly to her.
We parted ways after college and I accepted that this girl was not for me and moved on.
This was during the pre-social media era.
However, off late, especially during lockdown I came across her photos on FB/Insta and my old emotions resurfaced.
Now there is not a single day when I don't remember her and think about an alternate life with her.
It's not like that I don’t love my wife anymore or romance has fizzled out between us but it seems that old crush is constantly on my mind and I’m not able to get her off my mind.
I can’t tell this to that girl as she is already married and has no contact anymore with me.
I can’t tell this to my wife as well because she has absolutely no hint about it.
I am just thinking about how to get this monkey off my back and erase that girl completely out of my memory.
I tried to block her on social media, but it doesn’t help much.
It feels like some unfinished business which keeps bothering me every moment.
Can you advise me how to get out of this situation?
Ans: IK
The challenge of What IS v/s What could have been!
Our minds over time have been trained to ‘CHASE’ what we don’t have/possess and dream of what it could have been if we had it in the first place.
Indulging in this can lead you to creating an alternate rosy reality that you start to live and feel is true.
Let’s get back to the factual reality, yeah?
You are married with a 3-year-old child; happy.
Social media intervenes, throws you off balance as you reminisce and feel each emotion come alive; and well, the girl is married as well!
Here’s reworking the situation for you.
Erasing memories doesn’t happen, you can only dull them over time as the feeling diminishes. And you do seem to be willing to move on…
Yes, moving on is the answer when you know that there truly isn’t a future with the other girl.
Why would you focus on something that’s a fairy tale, why would you not focus on your romance filled marriage more?
Sometimes, boredom can lead to leaning into newness and freshness and also what could have been!
I would point you in the direction on more focus and leaning into your marriage; making it exciting, bringing in freshness and newness.
Spend more time as a couple; have someone watch over the child while you rekindle the spice in your marriage.
Instead of focusing on avoiding the other girl, do you feel that you must start to put your energies into your marriage?
You might see your wife in a new light altogether that might create room for ‘being’ with her more. Newer focus, newer perspectives, newer feelings…
Happy 2022 and wishing you the best!
