Hi Kanchan, iam 47 andmarried for 9 months. this is my first marriage, but iam facing lot of issues in my relationship. My partner is also my same age, we are from the same sector. Before marriage we knew each other for about 2.5 years. He has to travel for work and we meet once in 2 months, varying from 7-15 days. Iam financially stable but my partner is not, he says he is under stress because of his financial unstability, we do not have a good sex life, he keeps working overnight and sleeps in the morning when i have to go office, he avoids any discussion about our relationship, he is well mannered with the rest of the members in the family even with me, he never complains but doesn't want to fix all that is going wrong. He has started chewing pan masala too much and says it is becoz of stress. Iam clueless what should i do to make the relationship better. Iam very stressed and unhappy because of this. Please suggest.

 Hello dear, How you handle a relationship where both have love for each other but are not living happily? We are married for 18 years now and have two grown up children.My husband is very good. But he is not expressive. I feel he is very dry and unromantic from the beginning. There is no communication between us...Verbal or physical. I have developed a sort of aversion to him and feel suffocated. I am not able to behave normally with him. I am always upset. Though he is very patient with me. He is very good as a person and has no flaws, but he is always occupied with his work or mobile. I don't know how to handle myself. Please advise how to make the relationship happier though I have no desire to make any efforts now as I feel it's all useless. He doesn't see any problem. He feels this is very normal. The romantic relationship is not real, it's filmy. This is reality. I feel we have a very formal relation. Just for society and children's sake I am stuck to him. I don't want to leave him but I also can't live with him. What to do?

Hi Anu, Nice to contact you. I came across many of your conversations online and I would like to share my life situation. If you could help in any way it would be a great support. I am married since 4 and half years now but we have stayed together only for 1 and half years. Rest of it was purely long-distance relationship. It was an arranged marriage and I entered it with great hope and dreams. I still believe I have had only bare minimum expectations from my partner as that of any young woman. After the marriage got fixed I had to leave my job and stay at my hometown. He works in a distant state. We were all hoping that after marriage, I’d go and live with him so will search for a job later. Even during prewedding discussions the talk was that he will shift to a new home before marriage and after marriage he will take me along with him. But two weeks after our wedding he left to work leaving me at his home with his parents in our hometown. He didn’t explain or give any reasons. It broke me. Those 2 weeks were wonderful and the best time of our marriage life. He came after 2 months, rented a new house and took me with him. It was good although small and silly arguments would happen. He loved me and I stayed there for a month. We returned to hometown after a month. He left me there and returned to work in 1 week’s time. I stayed with his parents (in between his mother met with an accident and I stayed with her for like 2 months). He took me back to his place for 3 months. When financial circumstances got bad, he changed. He stopped expressing love in any form other than getting me variety of food items. There was no romance, small talks or travelling outside. He sent me back to my parents’ place for 7 months. It made me really mad and we started to fight over the phone making us more distant. He was facing financial crisis, I wanted to be supportive but he never shared his feelings or plans with me. I never felt involved. Without a job I went into depression. To sort things, I stayed with him for 9 months looking for a job. He never showed any interest. I stayed at home for all those months feeling depressive and insecure. There was no romance, emotional or physical.He is perfect in his words and promises but never in his actions. I believed and waited for 3 years. Then my in laws suggested a job but it was at my native place. As it suited my educational qualifications I showed interest and he said okay. I applied and got the job. Since then I have not visited him at his work place. It’s been 2 years now and I stay with his parents. Due to covid he didn’t come for home for a 1 and half. A few months ago he came and stayed for a week. When people see us it’s 4 and 1/2 years of marriage but for us it’s not. Since we don’t have kids people are suspecting a lot. I don’t blame them.Clearly not everything is alright.My husband is a lovely person and he cares so much but I feel he is controlling me. May be because of his lack of emotional availability. But many things have bothered me a lot since our wedding.My husband and I have never visited or travelled a place alone, ever. We never had a honeymoon.My husband has never introduced me to any of his friends.I know nothing of him through a third person, all I know is what he has told me.These days he hardly calls me. I tend to get more frustrated and cry sometimes by sharing my feelings with him if he called very late at night. So he stopped calling me. When I asked he replied “when I call at night you are complaining, fighting and crying so I don’t call” He is running away from situations. I replied to him “you know that I will cry and there is a reason for that. Instead to solving the situation and not to make me cry, you would rather prefer not to call”. He said “Yes”. So he refrains from anything that upsets him. Long time ago due to some misunderstandings I refused to be physically romantic with him and he did the same to me for months and years which is also why we don’t have kids. But I cant explain or share this with anyone. I doubt about my future as I am scared that I will never be blessed with a life with shared love and romance.I miss myself being in love and happy.I miss my own very smile.I don’t put all the blame on him because I know am not perfect. But am not that evil to be punished like this in my life. I do deserve some happiness. He hasn’t abused me but absence of abuse doesn’t mean a healthy relationship. I have always felt lonely. Rather than love I have felt more judged for my actions and thoughts.There is not a single day in life where I do not think about leaving this relationship but it has become very difficult to picture a happy healthy future with him.It has become hard to have a simple conversation with him now.I hope for a healthy relationship in which my partner and I could be vulnerable to one and other.Am I expecting too much from him? Is it that am not good enough for him?Will this too pass? I am worried.I would like to stay anonymous.

Hey Anu ji I hope you are doing well.I am a 27-year-old woman, not married but engaged. I am a doctor by profession and we met through our parents. He is a pediatrician. I’m just MBBS. He is 33 and was damn good. Since the last few months there has been a sudden change in his behaviour and we have been fighting since then. We knew each other since a year and moved in together last October. I left my government job so that I could pursue my specialisation. I couldn't score a good rank due to which I couldn’t get admission. My parents are not rich enough for me to apply in a private college. He always abuses my parents saying they are not rich enough. He compares everything and has started talking to another specialist, a single woman. I am handling all house chores -- from laundry to cleaning, even emptying dustbin and making his cup of tea. He doesn't do anything except sleep, eat and work which is not so hectic because he is at a senior position.Is it right that we are having sex 2-3 times per day from so many months? Whenever I want to talk about something he asks for sex. If I say 'I need your attention and love' he gets grumpy and says 'you are always complaining.'Since this is my first relationship, I am comprising a lot. He didn't even remember our first anniversary or the day we met. In fact he stops talking to me since a month. He doesn’t pick up my calls or sees my messages. I have to call a third person to convey my message to at least pick up a call.Please help. I’m too stressed and even thought of committing suicide because I love him. But he doesn't love me from the last 3-4 months. I never get answers to my questions. He is like ‘I don't want to talk.’ He has become so egoistic and is behaving like a male chauvinist. I have to prepare for my exam too. Because of all this stress I have started having panic attacks and anxiety. I love him a lot but I can't stay in this relationship more. I can't bear the brunt. Only one-sided efforts are there from my side. He stopped making any efforts to reconcile or talk. I am an old school person. I lost my virginity to him but now I regret. Who will marry me knowing that I’m not a virgin anymore? Plzz help me

Hi, I am 31 year old with 1.5 year old son. I am leaving in joint family. I am a working woman. The problem with me is I feel the only person giving 100% in our relationship is me. Its been 2.5 years we got married, i am handling my expenses as I am working, i am not dependent on him but he never asks for my wishes. He never bough me anything not a single gifts, cakes anything even on special days like birthdays and our anniversaries. I am helping him in his EMIs of loan payments as well but i am not getting phisical or emotional support from him. He even gets angry when i ask for hugs. Sometimes if he gives hug he behaves like he is doing favour. Sometimes i cried at night but he didn't care and goes to sleep peacefully. When my mother in law and i got in argument he supports me less and everytime supports his mom. I helped him in paying in his sister's marriag also. He never takes mr to dates. Whenever we go outside everytime he take his family with us. He never talks to me or asks mr if I need anything. Even after coming from office he spends most of time on mobilr and watching tv. He didn't even take me to small trips, in last 2.5 year we haven't done any trips. He never tries to make me feel special. The worst part was i was alone every night during my pregnancy as hi was having night shifts at that time. When i cried infront of him that i need you tonight i am not feeling well, i am pregnant please be here with me, his answer was work is more important. Who is going to make money for our future and he left me crying at that day. I am feeling like i am the only one who is trying to keep this relationship alive. I am not getting what i expects from him. What to do in this situation.

Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime