Hey Anu ji I hope you are doing well.
I am a 27-year-old woman, not married but engaged. I am a doctor by profession and we met through our parents. He is a pediatrician. I’m just MBBS. He is 33 and was damn good. Since the last few months there has been a sudden change in his behaviour and we have been fighting since then.
We knew each other since a year and moved in together last October.
I left my government job so that I could pursue my specialisation. I couldn't score a good rank due to which I couldn’t get admission.
My parents are not rich enough for me to apply in a private college. He always abuses my parents saying they are not rich enough.
He compares everything and has started talking to another specialist, a single woman.
I am handling all house chores -- from laundry to cleaning, even emptying dustbin and making his cup of tea.
He doesn't do anything except sleep, eat and work which is not so hectic because he is at a senior position.
Is it right that we are having sex 2-3 times per day from so many months?
Whenever I want to talk about something he asks for sex. If I say 'I need your attention and love' he gets grumpy and says 'you are always complaining.'
Since this is my first relationship, I am comprising a lot. He didn't even remember our first anniversary or the day we met.
In fact he stops talking to me since a month. He doesn’t pick up my calls or sees my messages.
I have to call a third person to convey my message to at least pick up a call.
Please help.
I’m too stressed and even thought of committing suicide because I love him. But he doesn't love me from the last 3-4 months.
I never get answers to my questions. He is like ‘I don't want to talk.’
He has become so egoistic and is behaving like a male chauvinist.
I have to prepare for my exam too. Because of all this stress I have started having panic attacks and anxiety.
I love him a lot but I can't stay in this relationship more. I can't bear the brunt. Only one-sided efforts are there from my side.
He stopped making any efforts to reconcile or talk.
I am an old school person. I lost my virginity to him but now I regret. Who will marry me knowing that I’m not a virgin anymore? Plzz help me
Ans: Dear NK,
When a partner does not validate your feelings and uses sex as a means to deflect from the problem, it’s a red flag, right?
So, what exactly do you get by being with him? Love cannot be a means to sell your very existence no matter who that is.
Call out such behaviour. Compromises do not form part of any relationship, contrary to what’s told to us.
Mutual understanding and gentle acceptance and most importantly loving compassion is what any relationship is all about.
When those efforts of yours are not being met with love and instead it has been ignored, what else are you going to do?
Not being able to respect a partner’s family and instead insulting them to feel better or prove a point, how do you think it is going to be in the future?
Do you see these red flags or are you simply choosing to close your eyes and pretend that everything is fine?
Do the right thing, for yourself and your being and welfare. Be strong like the way that you always have been.
My best wishes to you!
