Hello dear, How you handle a relationship where both have love for each other but are not living happily?
We are married for 18 years now and have two grown up children.
My husband is very good. But he is not expressive. I feel he is very dry and unromantic from the beginning. There is no communication between us...Verbal or physical.
I have developed a sort of aversion to him and feel suffocated. I am not able to behave normally with him. I am always upset. Though he is very patient with me.
He is very good as a person and has no flaws, but he is always occupied with his work or mobile. I don't know how to handle myself.
Please advise how to make the relationship happier though I have no desire to make any efforts now as I feel it's all useless.
He doesn't see any problem. He feels this is very normal. The romantic relationship is not real, it's filmy. This is reality.
I feel we have a very formal relation. Just for society and children's sake I am stuck to him. I don't want to leave him but I also can't live with him. What to do?
Ans: Dear SG,
This seems to be a classic case of two opposites in a relationship which is most often the truth. Sometimes it’s a little extreme like in your case.
But even relationships like these can be managed very beautifully.
You can start by
- Listing down the commonalities between the two of you
- Developing a new hobby together
- Appreciating and celebrating your differences
- Being in a space of gratitude for the silent care and love that he offers
Once he knows that you are making that effort without accusing him or making him feel inadequate, talk to him about what your feelings are how every once in a while, you can be pampered and cared for.
Show him rather than complain. Some men do find it rather difficult to express their love and being very demonstrative.
It’s just a different approach to what you want; when all else fails, you need to try something new to reach your outcome…that’s all….
Most importantly, keep playing in your mind, all the wonderful things that you have shared up until now.
What you choose to focus, grows in the mind…so, focus on what you have, guide him towards what you want and always be in gratitude.
I wish you the most beautiful journey ahead.
