Hi Anu, Nice to contact you.
I came across many of your conversations online and I would like to share my life situation. If you could help in any way it would be a great support.
I am married since 4 and half years now but we have stayed together only for 1 and half years. Rest of it was purely long-distance relationship.
It was an arranged marriage and I entered it with great hope and dreams. I still believe I have had only bare minimum expectations from my partner as that of any young woman.
After the marriage got fixed I had to leave my job and stay at my hometown. He works in a distant state. We were all hoping that after marriage, I’d go and live with him so will search for a job later. Even during prewedding discussions the talk was that he will shift to a new home before marriage and after marriage he will take me along with him.
But two weeks after our wedding he left to work leaving me at his home with his parents in our hometown. He didn’t explain or give any reasons. It broke me. Those 2 weeks were wonderful and the best time of our marriage life.
He came after 2 months, rented a new house and took me with him. It was good although small and silly arguments would happen. He loved me and I stayed there for a month. We returned to hometown after a month. He left me there and returned to work in 1 week’s time.
I stayed with his parents (in between his mother met with an accident and I stayed with her for like 2 months). He took me back to his place for 3 months. When financial circumstances got bad, he changed. He stopped expressing love in any form other than getting me variety of food items. There was no romance, small talks or travelling outside. He sent me back to my parents’ place for 7 months. It made me really mad and we started to fight over the phone making us more distant.
He was facing financial crisis, I wanted to be supportive but he never shared his feelings or plans with me. I never felt involved. Without a job I went into depression. To sort things, I stayed with him for 9 months looking for a job. He never showed any interest. I stayed at home for all those months feeling depressive and insecure. There was no romance, emotional or physical.
He is perfect in his words and promises but never in his actions.
I believed and waited for 3 years. Then my in laws suggested a job but it was at my native place. As it suited my educational qualifications I showed interest and he said okay. I applied and got the job. Since then I have not visited him at his work place. It’s been 2 years now and I stay with his parents. Due to covid he didn’t come for home for a 1 and half. A few months ago he came and stayed for a week.
When people see us it’s 4 and 1/2 years of marriage but for us it’s not. Since we don’t have kids people are suspecting a lot. I don’t blame them.
Clearly not everything is alright.
My husband is a lovely person and he cares so much but I feel he is controlling me. May be because of his lack of emotional availability. But many things have bothered me a lot since our wedding.
My husband and I have never visited or travelled a place alone, ever. We never had a honeymoon.
My husband has never introduced me to any of his friends.
I know nothing of him through a third person, all I know is what he has told me.
These days he hardly calls me. I tend to get more frustrated and cry sometimes by sharing my feelings with him if he called very late at night. So he stopped calling me. When I asked he replied “when I call at night you are complaining, fighting and crying so I don’t call”
He is running away from situations. I replied to him “you know that I will cry and there is a reason for that. Instead to solving the situation and not to make me cry, you would rather prefer not to call”. He said “Yes”. So he refrains from anything that upsets him. Long time ago due to some misunderstandings I refused to be physically romantic with him and he did the same to me for months and years which is also why we don’t have kids. But I cant explain or share this with anyone.
I doubt about my future as I am scared that I will never be blessed with a life with shared love and romance.
I miss myself being in love and happy.
I miss my own very smile.
I don’t put all the blame on him because I know am not perfect. But am not that evil to be punished like this in my life. I do deserve some happiness.
He hasn’t abused me but absence of abuse doesn’t mean a healthy relationship. I have always felt lonely.
Rather than love I have felt more judged for my actions and thoughts.
There is not a single day in life where I do not think about leaving this relationship but it has become very difficult to picture a happy healthy future with him.
It has become hard to have a simple conversation with him now.
I hope for a healthy relationship in which my partner and I could be vulnerable to one and other.
Am I expecting too much from him? Is it that am not good enough for him?
Will this too pass? I am worried.
I would like to stay anonymous.