I have been married for 9 years now with 3 kids. But my husband negates everything I say to him thinking I want to hurt him.
When he says something and I try to see it the other way, he sees it as confrontational and also flares up during the conversation. He does not allow me to talk saying he already knows what is in mind. He complaints about everything in the house. In terms of sex, he does not want to know if I am tired or sick.
Even though we usually make love at least two times in a week, he talks as if he is denied of his rights. He says any time he wants, he must have it.
The main issue now is I’ve noticed he has locked his phone. I know he has a date with someone because he told me he has a concert to attend and won't be coming home that night. When I asked if I could go with him, he said No. Now that I have also locked my phone, he's accusing me of infidelity.

I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.

Anu Krishna |1452 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

Question by XY - Sep 22, 2022Hindi

Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

Hi Anu Mam, I'm 36 yrs. old my husband is 46 now we have 2 sons. Before marriage my husband was in love with another girl. under pressure of parents that girl married to someone else and left city. later few months we got married. For few days of marriage everything was good he used to treat me nice and use to take out for shopping outing etc. i got pregnant he same year during my pregnancy he had to go to abroad for office work for 8 months, so gap came between us. he completely changed he minimized talking, chatting with family. we ignored may be due to work pressure he became like that. later i came to know he is interested in meeting new ppl especially ladies going with them for lunch dinner n all. after few years he met ex-girlfriend without our knowledge stayed with her few days. so, years passed he ignored us and always scolding getting angry with little things he started maintain distance with us. after 8 yrs. again i got pregnant. He used to go for site visits to other places he stayed back at hotels going with other Females spending time with them. through Facebook he made lot of friends always doing videocalls and chatting with them. everything i knew but i confronted him he uses to scold and flies from the spot saying if u want to stay, stay or else get lost. because of kids i had to stay. now he is renting a house in a same city where we live, (agreement was in his laptop bag) and we don't know what is going on? he never shares and opens anything with us. I asked him many times if u don't want to live with me divorce. He never liked me in this marriage he is always treating me anger. I feel loneliness in my life. Need help what should i do?

Anu Krishna |1452 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It must surely be shocking BUT over the years I am sure you would have felt it all slipping away...
He's just in the marriage with no great emotional connect with you; I don't know how he's with the children.
Knowing that over the years, he has not any great attempt to work on the marriage and bond with his family, do you feel that he is going to do that in the future?
Rather than 'BEG' for his time and attention, what if you started to focus on yourself and your children and start afresh? He's anyway living elsewhere...can you take this opportunity and actually figure out what you want from life, from your marriage?
Are you willing to be unsettled like the way you are now even 10 years from now?
A few answers will hit you hard; BUT don't waste anymore time waiting and watching for someone to accept you. It maybe an endless wait-game.
Of course, you do have an option of asking an elder member of the family to step in and intervene and hope that he will have a change of heart. But, be prepared to take a strong stance where required. He's doing this even more as he realizes that you are weak and won't object and 'anything goes' with you.
NO, it doesn't, right? Then buck up and speak for yourself. Whatever it is, come from a place of strength. Try the route of familial intervention first and then a lot will be clear as the way forward for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Hi Dr. I am 27 year women with a 5 year old girl and 7 months pregnant. I was married 9 years ago. We faced many ups and downs in our life. Three years back , I went to dubai where my husband was working, to spend with him. But as a mobile addict , most of the time he will be on mobile when he was at home or sleeping. We spend little quality time . That too on my or my daughter's insist. Later I got job there as a teacher @ school . I worked there about two years when I got pregnant I return back to my home country. As he was resigned in search of better opportunity, even he is also with me in India now. He is short tempered and whenever he talks he raises his voice. For every single thing he is worried and shouting at me . It makes me feel sad. He is not bothered about my health and if I ask something like fruits to buy he will get angry saying that I am the one who is to manage the expenses and he can't afford buying things for me. He blames me for single thing. I need to ask permission for spending my money. He is in charge of taking care of my money. Main thing that I can't digest from his side is that he demands me to obey him like a slave. He says that how we are to the God , likewise you should obey and bear what ever from his side. Till that my love towards him isn't completed that is what he says. He never ever gives me a chance to explain or communicate my issues. Now I feel emotionally mentally very distant from him. I am staying at my home . Though his house is nearby mine, he rarely find time to visit me or call me. What should I do?

Kanchan Rai |502 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi

Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

Hello, I want a monthly withdrawal of 2lakh through SWP. Give me the amounts and expect ROI for various instruments that I should use. Also what factor to consider as I would be able to invest those amount lets say after a year.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan |7628 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Question by Darshan - Dec 04, 2024Hindi

Ans: To achieve a sustainable monthly withdrawal of Rs. 2 lakh (Rs. 24 lakh annually), we need to identify the right mix of investments and expected returns. Let us create a detailed framework.

1. Factors to Consider Before Investing
Time Horizon: You plan to start investing after a year. This delay impacts your compounding benefit, but planning ahead mitigates it.

Expected Rate of Return (ROI): Different instruments offer varied returns. Diversification ensures both growth and stability.

Withdrawal Feasibility: Sustainable withdrawals depend on balancing withdrawals with corpus growth.

Inflation Impact: Investments must generate returns above inflation to preserve corpus value.

Risk Appetite: Choose instruments aligning with your comfort towards volatility.

Tax Efficiency: Optimise your withdrawals and investments for better post-tax returns.

2. Expected ROI for Investment Options
Here is the expected ROI and rationale for different asset classes:

Actively Managed Equity Mutual Funds

Allocation: 50% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 12% annually
Rationale: These funds provide high returns and help beat inflation over the long term.
Debt Mutual Funds

Allocation: 30% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 7% annually
Rationale: These offer stability with moderate returns and are suitable for regular withdrawals.
Fixed-Income Instruments (e.g., FDs, SGBs)

Allocation: 15% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 6-7.5% annually
Rationale: Secure returns with no market risk. Ideal for stability.
Liquid Mutual Funds

Allocation: 5% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 4-5% annually
Rationale: Quick access for emergencies or interim cash flow needs.
3. Corpus Required for Rs. 2 Lakh Monthly Withdrawal
Corpus Based on ROI
At 8% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 3 crore is required.
At 9% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 2.66 crore is required.
At 10% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 2.4 crore is required.
The corpus requirement reduces with higher returns but increases risk exposure.

Building the Corpus Over One Year
If the funds are idle for a year, invest them in liquid mutual funds temporarily. These yield 4-5% with low risk.
Use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) to gradually move funds into equity and debt over 12-18 months.
4. Investment Plan for SWP
Equity Mutual Funds (50% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 1.5 crore to equity funds.
Delay SWP for at least three years to allow growth.
Equity funds ensure high long-term returns, reducing inflation's impact.
Debt Mutual Funds (30% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 90 lakh to debt funds.
Start SWP immediately from this portion.
These funds provide stable returns and low volatility.
Fixed-Income Instruments (15% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 45 lakh to secure instruments like FDs or Sovereign Gold Bonds.
Use these funds for stability and emergencies.
Liquid Mutual Funds (5% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 15 lakh to liquid funds.
Use these funds for interim liquidity needs and to manage cash flow gaps.
5. Steps for Efficient Withdrawal
Start withdrawals from debt and liquid funds first. Let equity funds grow for 3-5 years.
Monitor returns annually to adjust the withdrawal rate or asset allocation.
Keep a buffer of 1-2 years' expenses in liquid funds for emergencies.
Review the tax efficiency of your withdrawals and rebalance your portfolio every year.
Final Insights
A well-diversified portfolio ensures stable withdrawals of Rs. 2 lakh monthly. Focus on equity for growth, debt for stability, and liquid funds for emergencies. Starting the plan early and monitoring it regularly will ensure financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Money

Mihir Tanna |992 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi

Dear sir, Iam an indian, currently working in maldives and my salary is 12lacks per year. Last year may i started f&O trading in groww app and i lost almost 12 lacks till jan 2025. Now do i need to file ITR or no. All my salary money iam sending to my indian bank account from that money i trade. Kindly help me for this. Thank you.

Ans: Yes, loss from F&O trading is required to be disclosed as business loss in Income tax return (ITR 3)

Money

Dr Rajiv Kovil |30 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi

Hello Doctor, My father is 74Yrs.diabetic since last 20 years .suddenly his creatinine increased to 1.8 and after consultation with Nephro we came to know CKD 4th Stage.Now plz suggest at any how condn can we bring it to lower stage?or any other option we can keep him healthy

Ans: It's a complex problem.
One needs to do a lot of tests to see if it can be controlled.
Consult a nephrologist for this

Hi, am 55 years old type 2 diabetic from past 22 year. Am not taking any medicine for diabetes just controlling through diet and excersis my Aic is 6.9.please advice

Dr Rajiv Kovil |30 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi

Ans: You need to check for any complications morbidity..if none A1c of 6.9 is good

My fasting blood sugar for 2023 and 2024 were 110 and 99 and HbA1c was 6.0 each respectively. Kindly advise.

Dr Rajiv Kovil |30 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Question by K - Jan 03, 2025Hindi

Ans: If you have remained a pre diabetic the us need to take a consult from. A d9ctor

My Age is 58 Years Male. Weight - 74 Kgs & Height 5.7 Ft. According to my Latest Lipid Profile Tests, Reading are HDL - 37, VLDL 48, Triglycerides - 240 Chol/HDL Ratio - 5.51, LDL Cholesterol/HDL Ration - 3.22, Non HDL Cholesterol - 167 and Glouse Fasting - 103 & Glouse Post Prandial - 88. As per my LFT Reading are Gamma GT - 9 an AST/ALT Ratio - 1.33. Should I be concerned about my Cholesterol and Glouse levels. Please advise.

Dr Rajiv Kovil |30 Answers |Ask -Follow

Diabetologist - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Question by Narsing - Jan 08, 2025Hindi

Ans: You seem to be fine
Check hba1c and waist circumference and be active physically

I'm 23 years old I'm about to graduate with BCA degree working in real estate as pre-sales executive per month earning 32000 as well sole earner of my family so have to look towards my and my family expenses but want to pursue my degree in MBA in marketing and I did searched a lot of top colleges fees but it's more then 15 lakhs which I can't afford kindly guide me how can I pursue my MBA degree with best college in an affordable range.

Patrick Dsouza |947 Answers |Ask -Follow

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Question by Magar - Jan 20, 2025Hindi

Ans: If you get admission to top B schools like the top IIMs, then banks will readily give you loan and you will earn enough to repay in short duration of time after your graduation. Also these colleges may have scholarships. You will come under EWS candidate (if you have the required certificate) and that could help you get admission to a good college.

I am a foreign medical graduate. I graduated 6 months ago. I would like to know about the scope of doing mba after mbbs. Is it something you would suggest. Can a person who hasnt passed fmge get admission in mba in india?

Patrick Dsouza |947 Answers |Ask -Follow

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi

Ans: If you are interested in Management then you can do MBA. FMGE is not required as long as you have the degree. There are MBBS students who have done MBA and moved to industries like Healthcare consulting, Pharma, Hospital Management, etc and there are others who have moved outside the industry to work in Investment Banking, Consulting and other roles. You can choose the career based on your interest.

Good morning sir ... Is Bits pilani good for mba Please suggest some tier 1 mba colleges with solid education and placement background

Patrick Dsouza |947 Answers |Ask -Follow

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi

Ans: IIMs, XLRI, FMS, SPJIMR, JBIMS, IITs, MDI, IIFT, NMIMS Mumbai, SIBM Pune are some of the good B schools in India. Bits Pilani is more known for its engineering.

Hello, I am currently 29 years old, 2 years work experience, 2 years gap due to an accident, now want to move on in life and pursue MBA. Would it be a good idea to take on CAT 2025 and other MBA related exams

Patrick Dsouza |947 Answers |Ask -Follow

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi

Ans: Can take up CAT, but I would recommend you to do so along with a full time job else the gap would be bigger which is not recommended. Can look at doing 1 year MBA from Great Lakes or similar colleges where you need 2 years work experience.