I have been married for 9 years now with 3 kids. But my husband negates everything I say to him thinking I want to hurt him.
When he says something and I try to see it the other way, he sees it as confrontational and also flares up during the conversation. He does not allow me to talk saying he already knows what is in mind. He complaints about everything in the house. In terms of sex, he does not want to know if I am tired or sick.
Even though we usually make love at least two times in a week, he talks as if he is denied of his rights. He says any time he wants, he must have it.
The main issue now is I’ve noticed he has locked his phone. I know he has a date with someone because he told me he has a concert to attend and won't be coming home that night. When I asked if I could go with him, he said No. Now that I have also locked my phone, he's accusing me of infidelity.
Ans: Dear RT,
He’s playing the cool guy who wants it all and when doesn’t get it wants to act all hurt and instead of taking responsibility of his emotions finds it convenient to blame you and make you feel guilty for not fulfilling his emotional and physical needs.
How do you solve something like this? Kindly ask him to speak to someone who can make him see sense else all you will do is clean up the mess caused by his baseless emotions.
This will be the constant pattern until he realises that his self-esteem and self-worth are not something that others can create for him.
If he refuses external help, do ask a person close to him to drive some sense into his thoughts where he sees an alternate perspective.
To keep your sanity intact, dissociate from his emotions and start behaving like they don’t impact you; over time you will realise that he is just trying to be a child asking for your attention in an inappropriate way.
Take time our for yourself to indulge in a lot of self-care and self-love that will go a long way in managing your emotions and self-worth as well.
Depending on him for your sanity at this point in time is like hitting your head against the wall.
So, be right to yourself from this moment on and make sure that you spend a lot of time nurturing the children as much as you nurture yourself.
All the best!
