Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022
Straight and upfront; how much do you want to make this marriage work?
Do you feel he wants to be in this marriage as well?
Are you being a convenient façade for him to be the loving married husband with a child and then go behind your back to another woman?
Are you allowing yourself to be blackmailed into suppressing your doubts about him so that he will still be in the marriage?
What you can do further is bring in a neutral person to bring his ‘floating on the sky party’ to the ground.
His immaturity at not being able to be a father to his child at the time when his wife needs his emotional support needs to be addressed.
Ask an elder member to step in and bring some much needed sense into him so that there is an effort put into bringing you and him on the talk table for a much needed conversation to set things right.
You can do this, remember, you are a woman and now a mother who is strong and knows what she wants.
Step in and take charge and never allow yourself to be cowed down by anyone.
Be YOU and all the best!
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Thank you for sharing so clearly; it certainly helps me guide in the best possible manner.
If you feel that he is infidel, the there is no necessity to go around looking for proof.
What will proving that give you?
Even if you showed it all to his parents what is the guarantee that they will not turn it around and blame you for it?
That you should not have moved out and that’s why he needed the comfort of other women.
Quit focusing on proving his infidelity and focus on more what you want at this point in time.
Do you want to continue in this marriage?
If NO, exit in the most graceful manner because the stress from all the pulling down or Win that you are looking for is strenuous and of no use. It will only appease your EGO which anyway is short-lived.
But of course, if you are in the process of negotiating terms during divorce proceedings; this proof maybe valuable to have a better WIN. I hope I have succeeded in differentiating both types of WINs so you get a clearer picture.
Now coming to how you must deal with your mind space is as simple as listing down what is important to you.
Is it dwelling on what he does or emphasizing more on what you can do?
When it’s the latter, you will think and act in a manner that looks out for you and how you can keep yourself in an optimum mind space.
So, start focusing on what makes you happy and stick to that.
When you are ready to move on, make it graceful and if there seems to be a problem with negotiation, the proof that you have collected with a sane sense of mind will come in handy.
I assume that there are no children involved but if there are, take into consideration how they will cope with any decision of yours.
Bottom Line: Learn to live your life and focus on what’s important. I am confident that you can do this NOW.
All the best for a beautiful mind space!
He is reluctant to have a physical relationship because deep down he has issues that he does not want to confront.
It could be emotional or physical issues that he is embarrassed to share as it might challenge his ‘manhood’.
Most people like to life in that false pride rather than solve the issue at hand.
So, he absolutely needs to go to a doctor or a therapist who can help him out of this issue and hence the two of you can begin to bond. Else today he accuses of cheating, tomorrow it will something else and then something else.
This issue is being beautifully masked by your in-laws who also possibly don’t know that their son needs HELP. So, it’s easy to blame it on you.
Staying with him or not is a personal decision that you must make. Ask yourself:
What is it that I am getting from being in this marriage?
What will I lose by walking out?
How will walking out impact the baby?
Do I have a support system that will stand by me as I choose to leave the marriage?
Evaluate your state of mind and focus on getting better by being happy and cheerful and reaching to those who can keep you in that state.
Whatever you choose to do, do not waste another moment here on wasteful situations and do what’s best for you and your baby which I am suer you can.
And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?
Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?
How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?
This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.
What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?
Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!
Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.
Can you do this?
Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.
Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.
Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.
Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.