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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SR Question by SR on Apr 13, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

 Hi I’m 24 years old and have been married for 3 years now.
My husband and I thought we had plenty of fights we did made it up and moving on as we love each other a lot.
But last year after we had our first child, (even before that) I could see that he has changed a lot.
Because of my delivery I came to my parents’ house in my 5th month and till today I’m still here .
In this new year I found out that he is talking to the same girl about whom we had a fight when I was 3 months pregnant.
He said 'Nothing is going on between us. Please trust me and all' because he claims her to be his friend.
This year around New Year when he visited me I got to see the same girl and him taking selfies standing close to each other. And in one pic he also kissed her on her cheeks.
My heart broke when I saw that pic.
When I confronted him he said that nothing wrong had happened, ‘we are just friends.’ He said ‘It will never happen again I swear on my child.’

But he never answered my question on why he had to take such a pic with her that day and that too it was pic taken after my delivery when he left home saying he had some important office work .
He loves me with his words. But I’m not able to make out in some situations if it’s true or not.
Nowadays he insists that I shouldn’t call him on purpose to ask idiotic questions about my lunch or my health and even to show our baby on call.
He said I should call only if there is something important. Even if he calls me, he says he wants to see the baby. He said he wanted some peace from me cause I am torturing him. He said this after we quarelled about that girl.

Please help me with what I should do further. I am not able to figure it out. Thanks in advance.

Ans:

Dear SR,

Straight and upfront; how much do you want to make this marriage work?

Do you feel he wants to be in this marriage as well?

Are you being a convenient façade for him to be the loving married husband with a child and then go behind your back to another woman?

Are you allowing yourself to be blackmailed into suppressing your doubts about him so that he will still be in the marriage?

What you can do further is bring in a neutral person to bring his ‘floating on the sky party’ to the ground.

His immaturity at not being able to be a father to his child at the time when his wife needs his emotional support needs to be addressed.

Ask an elder member to step in and bring some much needed sense into him so that there is an effort put into bringing you and him on the talk table for a much needed conversation to set things right.

You can do this, remember, you are a woman and now a mother who is strong and knows what she wants.

Step in and take charge and never allow yourself to be cowed down by anyone.

Be YOU and all the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a 33 year old woman and my relationship wth my husband was not so good from the beginning. He used to love me but he put his mom and dad first. He used to get angry if my inlaws complaint about me. He had gfs in his past and he did not care to talk to me to build a trust worthy relationship after our wedding. I barely know anything . I had to ask him to know things about him . So I feel a but lonely and depressed. Meanwhile, I had a baby and while spending time with the baby in the park. I met a guy. He had a son and he was also playing with his son like me. He kicked football and it started coming towards my baby. I kicked the ball back in order to protect my baby. Then he came towards us to make us feel safe n he would not let the ball come to us. I was okay with all that. He left after sometime. I also went home. Afterwards, i noticed that he used to look into my eyes for a long time whenever he is around. He would check whetehr im there or not. He plays with his son on regular basis. His wife too come to park with her son. Whenver his wife is there , he would just keave the place and go somewhere else. Lastly, one day he was interacting with me , giving me advice that i should take my baby to doc also. I also replied amd we chatted a bit then he got busy in playing football. I dont know whether im overthinking or he is just being friendly. I just dont know why he is staring and looking profoundly intonmy eyes. He makes eye contact with me quite often. I know nothing about him. I just see him in the park thats all. Pls I need help as im feeling nervous about this whole thing because of lack of clearity and also want advice how to deal with such things .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is easy to feel a sense of connection with someone who shows you a little attention especially since you don't get any attention at home. But is this worth your time and energy? NO!
The other guy at the park is most likely just being a casual friendly stranger and you are taking a meaning out of it which will fill your vacuum at this moment. Trust me, you don't want to enter this unfamiliar territory which you will start getting used to and slowly outside attention is what you will begin to crave for at any cost.
No point messing up things further. See, if it's possible to rebuild your relationship with your husband. Initially, it may seem too much BUT hey, it takes two people to make a marriage...start first and see what happens even if your in-laws keep interfering, it's about being persistent...Make that attempt...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
Relationship
How can an elder man attract young women
Ans: Attracting someone, regardless of age, begins with authenticity and mutual respect. If an older man is interested in forming a connection with a younger woman, it’s important to focus on qualities that foster meaningful relationships. Younger women are often drawn to the stability, confidence, and life experience that an older man can bring to the table, but the key lies in presenting these qualities without pretense or arrogance.

Confidence rooted in self-awareness and emotional maturity can be particularly appealing. This doesn’t mean showing off achievements or wealth, but rather displaying a genuine sense of self and clarity about what you want in life. Emotional maturity—expressed through kindness, patience, and good communication—creates a safe and engaging space for meaningful interactions.

Equally important is the ability to connect on a deeper level. Shared interests, respect for her individuality, and a willingness to engage with her worldview go a long way. Relationships thrive when both individuals feel valued and heard. An older man should approach a younger woman with curiosity about her experiences and aspirations, while also offering his perspective in a way that enriches the connection rather than dominating it.

It’s also crucial to approach such a dynamic with an understanding of potential societal perceptions. While age-gap relationships are increasingly accepted, they often come with assumptions or judgments. The foundation of a strong relationship in this context lies in ensuring that the connection feels equal, mutually respectful, and free of power imbalances.

Finally, maintaining physical and emotional health contributes to overall attractiveness. When a man prioritizes his wellbeing, it not only enhances his confidence but also signals that he values himself and his relationships. Attraction in any relationship is multifaceted, involving both external qualities and the inner richness of character.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024
Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , He had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, He told me that I have kept ur pics and videos So that I cannot complain against him in future. so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: At this point, it’s essential to protect your emotional and mental health while addressing this issue. You might consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to share this burden. Talking to someone who knows you and your situation can provide comfort and practical guidance.

If he continues to refuse, you may need to explore your legal options. Many countries have laws that protect individuals from having private photos or videos kept or shared without their consent. Taking this step might feel daunting, but it could give you a sense of empowerment and security. It’s not about revenge or escalation; it’s about protecting yourself and asserting your right to move forward without this hanging over you.

On an emotional level, remind yourself that you are not defined by this relationship or the choices you made while in it. You trusted someone who didn’t honor that trust, but this doesn’t diminish your value or strength. It’s natural to feel regret, but you deserve compassion from yourself as you work through this.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s legal advice, emotional support from loved ones, or even professional counseling to navigate the stress and anxiety this situation might be causing. The most important thing now is to take steps that protect your peace of mind and ensure your future isn’t weighed down by his actions.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |687 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Team, Hi Dev Sir, I am 43 years old employed. Here are my financial stats: Loan - 35 lacs Saving- 27 lacs 1 house bought in 2009 at rent (14000/month) and valued at 60 lacs Another house which I live is valued at 90 lacs Monthly income after tax - 2.5 lac Monthly expenses- 1 lac PF/gratuity - 16 lacs MF - 2 lacs NPS - 4 lacs What are my options to retire after 5 yrs with good corpus?
Ans: Hello;

What is your monthly contribution to EPF, NPS and MFs?

Please clarify so as to advise you suitably.

Thanks;

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3918 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

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Career
Sir i am currently in class 11 th and i just want to prepare for jee mains and advanced 2026 exam so give me some roadmap to achieve and also guide me for computer science
Ans: Shreya, I trust that you have already enrolled in a coaching center, whether it be online or in person, and have finished your eleventh syllabus. (1) If you have not yet created your own short-notes for the 11th syllabus that has been completed, prepare it and continue to revise them every three days until 2026, even after you have commenced studying the 12th syllabus in December 2024. (2) Review the questions that you have incorrectly answered or skipped in mock tests conducted by your Coaching Center and/or practiced independently. (3) In order to increase your rank/percentile by targeting computer science at a reputable college/institute, prioritize mathematics (although all three subjects are equally important). (4) You should be thorough with NCERT books, particularly those pertaining to chemistry, in conjunction with the materials provided by your coaching institute. (5) Have 1-2 reference books for each subject. Not exceeding two. (6) Review the questions that were incorrectly answered or skipped in your mock and practice exams and retake the test. It is advisable to maintain a distinct note-book for these types of questions, which should include answers and elucidating notes, in order to review them repeatedly for all three subjects. (7) Download the SYLLABUS of JEE Main 2025 (available on Google by searching for "JEE Main Information Bulletin") and print it out, as there will be no significant changes to the syllabus in 2026. Maintain it on your study table and continue to update the 11th syllabus chapters and concepts that you have covered to date by marking them with a checkmark. This will boost your confidence if you continue to update the same till November 2025. (8) A slight difference in Syllabus might be visible when you acquire the 2026 JEE Main / JEE Advanced Syllabus. The same can be resolved within 15 days to one month in 2025-26. (9) Increase your productivity by studying for 45 minutes to 1 hour, taking a 10-minute break, and then continuing for 45 minutes. (10) Take a 2-3 minute break every 45 minutes while practicing questions, whether offline or online. This break should consist of closing your eyes and taking long breaths to enhance your concentration and mental capacity. (11) Additionally, it is recommended that you acquire the 20-40 PREVIOUS years question paper book of JEE (Main & Advanced) from Amazon. Arihant's, Disha's, or MTG's publications are recommended. Once you have finished reading a chapter, practice and complete it to determine the extent to which you have comprehended the concepts and to identify areas that require improvement. (12) By October 2025, ensure that you have reviewed significantly more than 90% of the previous years questions. Your confidence will be further bolstered by this. (13) After the mock test is completed at your coaching center, clarify all incorrectly answered or ignored questions and continue to revise and practice them, as these types of questions will significantly disrupt your performance in the actual JEE. (14) If you are a regular school student, inquire with your class teacher about the minimum attendance requirement as outlined in the Board's regulations (State, CBSE, ICSE, etc.). Utilize the remaining 15% by taking time off and preparing for your JEE, if only 85% attendance is required. (15) THE MOST IMPORTANT Value Added Suggestion: Rather than solely relying on JEE, please participate in 5-7 entrance exams/counseling process with a JEE score for getting admission into any one of the private engineering colleges to have a variety of options to select the most suitable one. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1062 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Career
My son graduated BE CSC with 8.9 CGP was offered a job as system engineer inTCS in April when he was in his 8th semister. Till November 23 he didn't get the on boarding letter, in the meantime whe appeared in two' exams under same offer. Advice what has been going on.
Ans: Hello.
Whatever you are saying is just shocking. The track record of TCS is not like that, as you described in your question. It would be better to contact TCS again and ask them when they will give on boarding letter. It is not clear from your query whether your son had done some correspondence with TCS or not related to the job offered. It is also not clear which two exams he appeared in. If not selected in a campus interview, searching for a job might be tedious but not so difficult. Ask your son to post a strong resume on the LinkedIn portal and remain in touch with his seniors. Please visit the websites of renowned companies daily to search for vacancies. There are many job-offering portals where he can register his name. Please ask the college placement division for any placement opportunities.
Wishing the best of luck for his bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |197 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Can you please suggest on capital gains as per Indian taxation laws arising in the below two queries : 1) property purchased with joint ownership, me and my wife’s name in 2015 at a cost of 64,80,000, housing improvements done for the cost of 1000000 and brokerages of 200000 paid and sold the same property at 10000000 in Dec 2023? 2) 87% of the proceeds got from the deal i.e 8700000, have been reinvested to pay 25% amount in purchasing another joint ownership property in Dec 2023, 3) I have invested in another under construction property in Nov 2023 by taking housing loan, which is on me and my wife’s name worth 1.4 cr, here the primary applicant is me only while wife is just made a Co applicant in the builder buyer agreement and also on the housing loan . So what are the LTCG tax liabilities arising from the above 3 scenarios for FY 2023-2024 and FY 2024-2025. I intend to sale off the property acquired in (2) by Dec 2024 and use that proceeds to close the housing loan for the property acquired in (3), will this sale of property be inviting any tax liabilities if the complete proceeds received from the sale of the property in (2) would be utilised to close the housing loan taken in Nov 2023 for the property in (3) ? Since in FY 23-24, I would be claiming the LTCG from the sale proceeds of 1) invested in the purchase of property in 2), and I intend to sale off this property in Dec 2024, will the LTCG claim be forfeited on the property sale in (1), should I hold this property at least for further 1 year so that sale of this property in 2) will not invite STCG?
Ans: (A). Let's first talk about F/Y 2023-24 :
You jointly sold a Property during the year for Rs.76.80 lakhs (64.80+10.00+2.00), & sold the same for Rs.100.00 lakhs.
You have jointly also purchased Property No.3 (I suppose it is Residential only), for Rs.140.00 lakhs.
You should avail exemption u/s-54 & file your ITR accordingly. Please disclose all details about sale & purchase in your ITR.
02. Now coming to the F/Y 2024-25 :
You intend to Sell Property No.2, which was acquired in 2023-24. Any Gain on Sale of it would be Short Term capital Gains & taxed accordingly.
Alternatively, you may hold this sale of property no.2 (for 2 years from its purchase) & avoid STCG
You are free to utilize the sale proceeds in a way you like, including paying off your housing Loan.
Please note to avail exemption u/s 54 only from investment in property no.3 & not 2.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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